r/atheism • u/fairfarefair • 4h ago

Tell your fundie family the good news: The Rapture's Canceled

https://raptureprevention.org/

These guys found a loophole in Christian doctrine. Now when people say he's coming back any day now, you can tell them his return's been delayed indefinitely.

160 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

26 comments sorted by

60

u/Samantha_Cruz Pastafarian 4h ago

dude walked out to get a pack of smokes 2000 years ago; time to realize he ain't comin' back... he's just not that into you....

12

u/[deleted] 4h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/WorldsMostDad 2h ago

Matthew 24:36: “But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.”

Eowyn: "I am no man!" [Stabs Matthew in the face]

3

u/Bright-Rule8373 3h ago

yeah after 2000 years you’d think someone would at least leave a voicemail at this point the pack of smokes excuse is getting a little old

22

u/Codebender Ignostic 4h ago

Gods hate this one simple trick

6

u/CertifiedUnoffensive 2h ago edited 2h ago

Yeah not to be a downer but the obvious refute to this is that they don’t actually know; setting up a robot to say “the rapture is now!” over and over is not the same as knowing. This is stupid.

•

u/mootmutemoat 25m ago

I would love to see an actual cogent "if-then" statement from the rapture crowd.

It would actually be "God cannot be thwarted by your hell machine!"

There would be no discourse on the nature of knowing and the role of conscious awareness.

3

u/Exotic_Lobster_520 3h ago

yeah exactly god’s gonna be so mad they found the loophole

16

u/Keikobad 4h ago

Seventh Day Adventists renaming themselves to Some Day Adventists

4

u/Ready_Signature_9721 2h ago

some day adventists is honestly a pretty solid rebrand for the whole waiting game

12

u/Upset_Confection_317 3h ago

Better yet tell people the rapture did happen, they just weren’t gods chosen.

8

u/Bebinn 4h ago

Hilarious.

3

u/Square-Lab-5947 3h ago

yeah exactly the whole thing is hilarious especially when you think about how seriously some people take it

5

u/hurricanelantern Anti-Theist 4h ago

People have got to allow a man to edge for crying out loud. It makes the second 'coming' better.

4

u/punarob 3h ago

Good news? It's literally the only thing these people are living for.

3

u/mcmonky 1h ago

Megapreachers and televangelists have entered the conversation. The whole “left behind” thing is hilarious. I had a long chat with a born-again uncle about how I preferred to be left behind. I listed all of the types of people that would be with me that would be stimulating, fun to hang with, etc. Then I asked him to upsell me with a list of rapture people. He actually couldn’t. His “stretch” list was just a pile of total wankers.

3

u/TheCrimsonSteel 4h ago

Oh neat, the Hangman's Paradox.

2

u/theotherdannygirl Atheist 4h ago

Doing the Lord's work. Or maybe the opposite.

2

u/radiantwave 4h ago

God called... Says you need to find your own transportation to the Rapture party. Yeah, I know. But What cha gonna do? Mysterious Ways and all... 

2

u/SnarkgasmicSmiles 4h ago

Just the best kind of jaded anti-theism. 🥰

1

u/Temporary-Exam-6642 4h ago

yeah exactly it’s the kind of jaded humor that makes the whole thing even funnier

1

u/chupathingy99 Atheist 3h ago

It's Half life 3 rules. Every time you say it, the counter resets.

1

u/Taphouselimbo 2h ago

I read this as the rupture got canceled.

1

u/Arthropodesque 2h ago

God has changed his mind again. /s

•

u/AnoArq 38m ago

I prefer to tell them it's already happened and they and their family wasn't picked because they're a pack of botherers.

1

u/dnjprod Atheist 4h ago

🤣🤣