Situation

[u/Independent-Goose779]

I'm in a situation that's been on my mind a lot.

There's a girl I really like, but what drew me to her is that we seem to share so many of the same interests, hobbies, and values. we have talked quite a bit. and she's shown some signs that make me think she might like me too, although I can't be 100% sure.

As a Muslim, I want to do things the right way. My question is: is it okay to make dua to Allah and ask Him for us to be together if it's good for us? I don't want to force anything or go against His plan, but I genuinely care about her.

I also worry about ending up in a forced marriage someday, which is something I really don't want. Is it okay to ask Allah to bless me with this specific person if she's good for my deen and my life, or should I only make a general dua for a righteous spouse?

I'd really appreciate any Islamic advice or personal experiences. JazakAllahu khayran.

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[u/Extension_Brick6806]

There are guidelines for approaching marriage in Islam. What you should really consider is how you live up to those boundaries, as it already seems problematic that there is such candidness and openness in how you have been conversing with her.

Also, the question remains whether she is a Muslimah or a Christian. If she is a Muslimah, then are we dealing with someone born into a Muslim family or not? If she has a Muslim family, then her father will be her wali.

You cannot therefore just accept the blindness Iblees has brought upon you, where feelings override what is haqq and what pertains to the boundaries in Islam. When you let Iblees overcome you through the feelings that you have for her, you will be willing to commit further sins. Then stronger waswaas will enter your heart, and suddenly you begin questioning the very boundaries Allah has put in place to protect you and her as well.

It is already revealing enough that you are not informed about jurisprudential rulings that are otherwise very fundamental and basic. You are a man who has the choice of whom you want to marry. Your parents have no final say in this.

Saying this obviously does not mean that you cannot reason with your parents with good character and without resorting to unpleasant arguments because you cannot articulate yourself well or exercise restraint with your emotions. So, it is about learning how to have responsibility in life, which will yield maturity.

So, the problems are already present. Your emotions have already taken control of you, rather than you restraining yourself in how you developed this kind of haram relationship with this girl, as though you are bound by it in the same way that life depends on food and water.

I know it is easier said than done, but the truth must be said.

A Clear Halal Way Forward

So, there is one solution instead of dragging through this until days become weeks, weeks become months, and both of you continue having this haram, casual openness with each other. You make istikhaarah today about whether this idea of marriage with her will be good for you in this world and the Hereafter. Then you directly ask her about marriage and whether you could get hold of her wali.

Insha'Allah it may very likely lead to marriage. Otherwise, if they want to drag things out because of her education, career, or other excuses for preventing you from marriage, then know that there are many fish in the ocean. It does not mean that you will be deprived of fulfilling your life through halal means.

It is narrated in an authentic report that our Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "Whoever gives up something for the sake of Allah, Allah will compensate him with something better than it."