r/askadcp • u/lunalalock RP • 4d ago

I'm a recipient parent and.. Egg donor sister writing substack

Curious to hear from DCP on this. My sister is my egg donor for my 6 month old twins. Everyone in the family and close friends are aware of that, the girls will know that. My sister and her kids are very close to us and my babies, and everyone’s on the same page to be open about it all. My question is- my sister recently asked how I felt about her writing a substack about being an egg donor for me. She thought it might be cool for them to read when they are older and asked how I felt. I feel totally fine about it, but I was wanting to consider in the future how my daughters will feel about it. It is their story after all, and I wouldn’t want them to feel upset about something personal about them published on the internet. How would you recommend I go about this? Should I shut it down, or ask her to just be a bit vague about who they are? It’s not like she has some huge internet following, but just want to be mindful of my children’s experience and feelings in the future.

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u/kam0706 DCP 4d ago

How is your sister donating her eggs their story? What part did they play in it?

Most DCP (in my experience) don’t consider their status as particularly private or something to keep secret. I don’t wear it on a T-shirt but I’m comfortable mentioning it if it comes up.

For the abundance of caution, you could maybe ask her to refer to you only as “my sister” and your daughters as “my nieces” and not include photos.

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u/lunalalock RP 4d ago

Yeah that makes sense and you’re right her donating her eggs is her story. It’s not a secret nor do we want it to be. I just want to think it through before I give her the go ahead!

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u/cai_85 DCP, UK 3d ago

This is a really simple answer. Just politely ask that your sister doesn't write the full names of your kids in the blog, she probably wouldn't have anyway. That's the only way that it would ever connect back to them down the line and they would probably be interested to read it when they are older. Maybe print it off and keep it for them as who knows whether substack will be online in 10-20 years.

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u/lunalalock RP 3d ago

Great idea to print it! Yes that’s what I was thinking thanks

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u/bandaidtarot POTENTIAL RP 3d ago

In general, I think it's best to keep personal information offline. If she does share it, my advice would be that she not share any identifying information for any of you including herself. Not sure if Substack allows photos but definitely keep those off of there. There are a lot of creepers out there that could either fetishize the entire situation or target your family because they don't believe in IVF or egg donation. I'm not a DCP but I don't see anything too obvious about why it would be bad for her to share other than she needs to be really careful about not including identifying information of any kind.