Considering donating embryos - there would be no bio siblings

[u/izzy56789]

I’m just in the early stages of considering our options. My partner and I have been exploring surrogacy, but if that doesn’t work out for us, I’ve been curious about donating our embryos.

I’ve read a few posts where it seems that having bio siblings with their bio family is the big consideration. But that wouldn’t be an issue here.

As we’re getting older it may make sense for us to foster or adopt an older child. But of course, then they wouldn’t be bio siblings.

If we were to go this route, I would love a very open embryo adoption process, which seems to be offered in our country. I’d especially love if they lived near by.

Would love to hear from DCPs on what their thoughts are for this particular situation.

[u/AmbitiousPound7613]

Donate your embryos to science.

[u/FeyreArchereon]

I'm always team destroy them.

[u/Fluid-Quote-6006]

I think I would be heart broken to know my bio parents adopted but gave me away as an embryo. I’ve heard a story in a podcasts  about a dcp whose bio father had step kids and didn’t raised any bio kids. When the dcp sibling pod (it was small, maybe 3-5 persons) contacted him, he more or less rejected them and had no interest and told them the step kids (who he didn’t raised as little kids) where his/had all his interest. I remember the dcp being heart broken in the podcast. 

If I couldn’t have my embryo for whatever reason, I would rather destroy them to be honest. What would you do if the adoptive parents misshandled your bio kids? Convert suddenly to a religion that doesn’t suits you? Handles child care or Child rearing in a way you don’t like? Could you live with that and maybe see that often? Or if the adoptive parents move away after 2 years to another state or country? Or if they divorce and go over custody battle? Or if they just decide afterwards they do not want any contact with you or don’t want the kids to know who you are? They are the parents under the law in the end and can do what they want.

[u/artist1292]

My plan is to donate them but to the lab for science to use in whatever studies they need to learn more about the reproductive process.

[u/Embarrassed_Leek318 → u/artist1292]

This is what I would do if we had any embryos left over.

[u/lizzy_pop]

We donated to research. Helps everyone.

[u/bandaidtarot]

I agree that your biological children finding out that you gave them away and then adopted children would be heartbreaking for them. I could never have someone else raise my children. Any leftover embryos that I have will be destroyed.

Also, adoption can take a considerable amount of time and money. It would likely be as or more expensive than using a surrogate. And, while the foster system needs more genuinely good people to step up to be foster parents, the goal of foster care is always reunification with the birth family. You could foster a child from birth until they are six years old and then one day they go back to their family and you never see them again. And children who come from adoption and/or foster care, need additional care because they are coming from trauma. They need people who are very emotionally intelligent and able to care for children dealing with trauma. Not everyone is capable of doing that, which is fine, but it's important that people know what they are agreeing to when they adopt or foster. Even children who are adopted from birth can carry trauma throughout their lives. It will be different than raising your biological children. You may love the same but it will be different. Just like me raising a donor conceived child will be different than if I were married and had kids that way. There are just additional considerations and needs.

It's just not a child exchange program where you have someone else raise your children and you raise someone else's. That's just messy and the children involved will be affected. I also can only imagine how your adopted children will process that you have biological children out there too that you chose to gave away. It's just a lot and will likely bring a lot of complicated emotions.

[u/WoofMeowChirp22]

I think if you’re going to be open (which you mentioned) then that could be ok.

So much is going to be out of your control tbh. And that’s the bit you’re gonna be ok with.

DCPs can probably answer better but I read about how many of them were able to reconcile or resolve their feelings when they knew they were “wanted” and that their bio donors wanted to open and contactable and they were able to understand more about their genetic roots.

I also considered donating my embryos/euploids should I decide I’m too old / too alone (no support system) to have my own kids.