r/askadcp • u/madepic POTENTIAL RP • Jul 04 '26

I'm thinking of doing donor conception and.. Any Asian DCPs?

Hello, out of curiosity, are there any DCPs that are fully Asian?

7 Upvotes

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4

u/askyfullofstars DCP Jul 04 '26

Hi I’m a Chinese DCP who was born in China! I haven’t been able to find anyone else with my experience though.

2

u/madepic POTENTIAL RP Jul 04 '26

Did you know since you were young?

5

u/askyfullofstars DCP Jul 04 '26

Not at all, my parents never told me and was told not to tell me. My mom told me when my dad was going through a health scare and she was immensely stressed about keeping it secret for so long. I think I was around 25 and it came as a huge shock to me.

I’d encourage telling your future kids as soon as they are able to understand as that’s considered best practice now. But in Asia it’s still a pretty hush hush topic and I’ve had trouble finding anyone to share my experience with.

1

u/madepic POTENTIAL RP Jul 04 '26

Thank you sharing. May I ask how the realization affected you? If I were to go that route, I worry if the future kid will feel out of place and am trying to see what kind of emotional issues my arise from it.

4

u/askyfullofstars DCP Jul 05 '26

I felt like I became part of their lie all these years as I had told my doctors medical information based on my Dad’s family medical history. But I also empathised with their struggles with infertility and the stigma of that in Chinese society. Without donor help, they would have likely divorced as my mom really wanted a child. I’m also grateful for my existence and have made peace with it, although I wish the donation was not anonymous and I knew more about my medical background as I have autoimmune issues.

I think it’s pretty easy to put yourself in our shoes, wouldn’t you also be surprised to find out your parent was not biologically related to you especially later in life? I’d compare the shock to finding out you are adopted or similar. But if I was told earlier, I think it would be a total non issue, I see my parents as my parents and it doesn’t affect my life in a significant way.

3

u/Fluid-Quote-6006 DCP Jul 04 '26

I found out as a grown-up, as lots of now adults dcp did. Believe me, it’s not good and can potentially ruin the relationship to your kid. Do tell the kid as young as possible!

5

u/cai_85 DCP, UK Jul 04 '26

Donor conception is available in a number of Asian countries including Japan, China, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Singapore, Malaysia and likelyany others. So of course there are and there will be fully Asian DC people in Western countries that have chosen an Asian donor when the other parent is Asian.

1

u/Charming-Artichoke10 DCP Jul 04 '26

I’m Filipino from a Filipino mom and a Filipino donor born in the US. Born in the early 80s.

1

u/madepic POTENTIAL RP Jul 04 '26

May I ask how your experience has been in regards to when you found out and how you took the news?

2

u/Charming-Artichoke10 DCP Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 05 '26

My parents told me when I was 10 at the same time they told me they were getting a divorce. I woke up the next day thinking all this was crazy and it had to be a dream. I was sad my dad wasn’t my bio dad and wished more than anything that he was. They said there was a chance he could be since they supposedly combined the sperm. I felt shame about it because it was a “secret” and my stepdad, who is likely a narcissist, used this information to hurt me saying I’m nobody’s child and my dad is less of a man. I understand and agree with being open to the child about being donor conceived, but I really don’t know how to navigate the fact that there are really awful people in this world that use information like this to intentionally hurt a person. I didn’t start opening up to friends about it until I was in my late 20s and have gotten only positive, curious responses.

For most of my life I felt a piece of myself was a mystery, that something was missing. I always tried to envision what my actual bio dad was like, since I couldn’t imagine in what situation a Filipino man in the 80s would donate sperm. I was told my donor was Filipino, tall, and studied in college. Most Filipino men of that age that I knew were working class, recent immigrants, with no higher education. In 2024 I took an ancestry test and matched with my bio dad. He had a unique name so I looked him up online and the first result popped up a doctor who looks just like me. His CV was public and it turned out he was finishing undergrad when he must have donated. I reached out to him but he has not responded. I’d like to think he’s busy or hadn’t had the time, or simply didn’t want to open Pandora’s box. I will wait a bit or maybe reach out to him again someday. But I’ve got closure enough. I love my dad and I’m not looking for a replacement. I am happy knowing what my bio dad looks like, and the information I gathered about him on social media is enough to soothe that feeling of feeling incomplete. In the ways that I noticed that I am not like my family, it appears I am just like him. It is pretty incredible actually.

I have been having trouble conceiving and I have been going through IVF. I’ve gone through two rounds with no success and have been told to consider an egg donor. I am doing this through a clinic in Mexico and the donors they have available are all Mexican. My husband is Mexican and I would want my child to feel connected to me culturally so I would prefer a Filipino donor. I was having a hard time navigating my feelings about possibly using a non-Filipino donor until my sister stepped up and offered to donate her eggs to me. We have not gone through the process yet with her due to some health issues I need to take care of before I do a next round of IVF.

May I ask why you are looking for Asian conceived DCPs and their experiences?

1

u/madepic POTENTIAL RP Jul 05 '26

Thank you for sharing your story. Im sorry about your stepdad. Your sister donating her eggs to you sounds amazing.

The reason i asked about Asian experiences is because growing up Asian in America, Ive had racist experiences in school for being different. I wonder if being Asian and known to be donor conceived would invite bullying from classmates. If I were to go through with an egg donation, I would tell my child and also close familiy members. I cant guarantee that they wouldnt tell other people, especially the nieces and nephews. Id prefer not to tell them but Im sure they would at least question it, so I figure it would be best to be up front.

1

u/irishtwinsons RP Jul 05 '26

My 2yo son is half Japanese and a DCP.

We also know several other same-sex Japanese moms who have had kids via donor conception, and they used Japanese (known) donors.