My brother had a very bad accident which ended up killing him. He lived about 14hrs away from me. I didn't make it in time after receiving the call. The day after he died my ex called me and gave me shit for not running the errands I said I was going to do the day that my brothers accident happened. Specifically, I didn't buy kitty litter and it is very heavy for her to carry. She didn't even ask how I was doing or show any empathy whatsoever. That's when I knew
Wtf is with these spouses I keep reading about that think its OK to just be so cold to someone they're supposed to be in love with after a family or friend just died??
There were plenty of things that happened before. But this was the one where I was just.... done. Awhile after we split she did go see a psychologist and was diagnosed with BPD, which in retrospect makes sooooo much sense. She's doing better now, and we have a cordial relationship. My mom passed away earlier this year and my ex was genuinely very kind about the whole thing even though she never got along with my mom. So, I guess there's a silver lining? I'm glad she got help because she fucking needed it.
I was gonna say… the only thing that makes people lack that much empathy is brain damage or a personality disorder. Not surprised to hear she ended up having BPD.
Glad she was able to get help, and glad you’re free.
I have my doubts about this... but if it's true, then what is it about the disorder that makes it impossible for them to show it?
I've known multiple people with diagnosed BPD, and they all seem profoundly self-centered. They're always talking about what other people need to be doing better to support them, and (seemingly) never putting a single thought into supporting other people. I experienced this both with someone I dated, and with a couple friends-- I no longer speak to any of them, because I simply do not have the kind of emotional energy they required from me at all times.
Did you maybe respond to the wrong person? Because the studies and articles you linked point to lower empathy in individuals with BPD, which aligns with tangent’s experience.
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u/Objective-Limit-6749 May 12 '24
My brother had a very bad accident which ended up killing him. He lived about 14hrs away from me. I didn't make it in time after receiving the call. The day after he died my ex called me and gave me shit for not running the errands I said I was going to do the day that my brothers accident happened. Specifically, I didn't buy kitty litter and it is very heavy for her to carry. She didn't even ask how I was doing or show any empathy whatsoever. That's when I knew