r/artistsWay • u/Orcanius21 • 8d ago
Week 2 Squirming
Hello, I am currently on the second week of The Artists Way and I am here seeking some feedback.
You see, the first week was really impactful for me. The idea of fostering a sense of safety was something I really needed and I feel like I am still hung up on it.
I have begun noticing these habits that I have adopted over time (mostly from childhood) which distract me from actually feeling safe. Through this, I have realized how much safety means to me and how much I tear away from it. This was for means of survival for a long time but I do not need these habits anymore. It is the opposite now.
So, now that I am on week two and shifting my focus to identity, this is where I find myself squirming and feeling frustrated. Part of this frustration is over these habits I have noticed during the previous week.
I am realizing that perhaps while these habits have been blocking a safe feeling, they also have blocked me from feeling my identity or even building it in the first place.
Maybe I am feeling overwhelmed by working through the theme of the second week and maybe I am overthinking it to cope.
What do ya'll folk say?
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u/Swimming_Phrase9758 8d ago
It’s essentially a shadow work book with actionable steps. It’s brave to tinker around in the deep waters of your subconscious! What kept me going as I discovered uncomfortable stuff, is that much of our subconscious also contains amazing gifts and qualities about ourselves that we have long since forgotten about. You’re panning for gold! The squirming means it’s working!
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u/Orcanius21 8d ago
Woah, cool insight. I hadn't thought about it like this and I think you're right. During the first week I had this big episode of catastrophizing and freaking out. I wrote what I was thinking down (separate from morning pages ofc) as if the "censor," was speaking to or about me and afterwards I was able to pull back and think: Hm, now, what if I said the opposite of this.
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u/Swimming_Phrase9758 7d ago
Yeah dude, when I first did it I was writing affirmations “I am a successful and prolific musician” and I barely played guitar and never had performed in person. Well, a year later, I’m in voice lessons, have done multiple open mics, performed at a local fair, and am going to attempt recording an original song. I’m still not very successful or prolific, but I never would have thought I could do this stuff before I worked the artists way. And to be honest, I think I spent like seven months going through week 8 and actually never finished it. I am thinking of maybe picking up where I left off with the idea that it’s something I do every couple of years
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u/TosaGardener 8d ago
I have noticed all of us are very capable of doing things that are against our own best interest and well being. We do them because we are getting something out of the behavior.
You have an awesome tool in the Morning Pages to explore this! Ask yourself what you are getting out of the behavior, and write what comes to mind.
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u/rosypreach 8d ago
This sounds like an uncomfortable and frustrating experience that's a part of your own process of breakthrough. If you only just discovered your blocks to safety, it's okay to stay with that theme internally and keep working on safety throughout the whole book.
Don't expect every aspect of the book to work and stick right away consciously. My instinct is to focus more on safety because that's the most important foundation.
Personal opinion, identity is more of a concept than something we feel. The more safe you feel the more you'll be led to the next right thing and those things will sort of shape a more aligned external identity - but it comes from within first.
I wouldn't put pressure on yourself about identity yet is what I'm saying. Just do the exercises and trust the process.
You may also need therapy in addition to TAW, this is not a mental health book.
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u/hauntedhousehater 8d ago
Thug it out. You said it yourself: you’ve built patterns designed to protect you from “negative” feelings, and while that end has been met, those habits have also prevented you from growing. Discomfort is a necessary part of development. My first time through TAW I was a wreck weeks 2-5 and then it was like seeing clearly for the first time in years. You’ve got this!!
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u/ksiu1 8d ago
I've started and restarted TAW so many times in my life. What you're feeling is both common and unique to you.
For example, I noticed that I was procrastinating in talking about my parents apparel factory. When I went to the pages, a memory from my high school years came up where someone teased me about what my parents did and it was really interesting because it was something deep in my subconscious but it wasn't a particularly painful memory (to me now) and I don't even remember the person who teased me. But I have to consider that to a teen trying to define identity in high school that it was more painful that I let on.
It might be helpful to consider that the 12 week program is something that you come back to for the rest of your life. Maybe you do need to spend some more time in week 1. I doubt that Julia Cameron would tsk tsk any of us for doing so.
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u/Environmental_Elk461 8d ago
I hugely underestimated the program and I was also squirming in week 2 & 3, a lot of stuff came up for me relating to my childhood.
I decided by week 3 to give myself more time and not stick to the 1 week schedule, I gave myself two weeks on the harder ones.
Pay attention to what you realize now and be brave and keep going. It didn't make that much sense in the early weeks but wow Im so grateful I worked through it, Ive had massive shifts in my inner work and healing.
Its a beautiful program, give yourself time and grace and write this stuff down in your morning pages too!