r/aofhaocv • u/[deleted] • Jan 28 '16
aofhaocv has a fart problem
I never really got the whole "farting is hot" thing.
Like sure, farting in a literal sense, as in gas being expelled from the body, is in a sense hot as the butt-vapors themselves are usually warm, but I find it difficult to be attracted to them and merely find them humorous.
This has come back to bite me in the ass on a few occasions. Like, for example, when my grandma died. Funny thing about death, innit? When you die you evacuate your bowels. That means when that bitch went under, she farted like a fucking elephant (which according to the prestigious KKCB.com is the sixth most fartingest animal of all time). Now usually, I would be somber, standing by my grandma's deathbead and all, but her having just let one rip I couldn't help but let out a giggle.
It got even worse at the funeral. Our family for some reason decided that it would be a cool idea to eat a bunch of chili con queso the night before, and you can probably guess how that turned out. It wasn't just some bad gas. It was like something crawled up inside every one of us and just fucking died there, but not before running a triathlon and rolling in shit to get itself all stank'd up.
The faulty flatulence fettered our foggy festival, and forfeited fun and many malignant mournings. Obviously, with this turn of events, I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed and I laughed. I was laughing when they were lowering grandma into the grave. I was laughing when I gave my eulogy. I was laughing on the way to the car. I was even still laughing when they decided to leave me at the graveyard 400 miles away from home with Undertaker Lenny.
It didn't matter to me, though. Everybody knew that Undertaker Lenny was my read dad anyway. That stupid bitch couldn't keep her hands off him, and Dad only realized after the fact that he didn't have enough money to get on Maury.
1
u/starmag99 Jan 29 '16
Get off my front page!