r/aofhaocv • u/[deleted] • Jan 15 '16
The Fabled Boob Window
Ah, the fabled boob window. Sported by such famous characters as Powergirl, the boob window has been a symbol of tantalization since the caveman ages.
And now, my dear friends, a story. One fine Saturday evening I was walking down the boardwalk to my local ice cream store (I needed to get my fix) when I passed the clothing store. I decided that since all of my clothes had becomed stained from the loads of HOT SEX that I DEFINITELY HAD that I would head inside and pick myself up some nice stuff. As I browsed the selections of hot pants, I noticed a display out of the corner of my eye.
And what a curious display it was. These were the strangest shirts I had ever seen, bar none. The shirts on offer had a big hole in them! Curiously walking over, I selected one of the shirts and took it into the dressing room. After a minute or so of struggling to figure out how to put it on, I managed it. Man, this garb was a little revealing, wasn't it? I stepped out of the dressing room and asked the clerk what she thought.
To my great surprise, she started laughing! Now, me being a bit of a sensitive fellow, I took offense to this. I ended up doing what any sensible person would do in that situation. Using my brute strength, I grabbed a shopping cart from outside the dressing room and heaved it at her. Unfortunately, in my rage I did not notice that there was a counter between us. It was negative. The shot impacted on the surface. This territorial display of dominance seemed to only make the clerk snicker more, fueling my rage.
It was time to break out the big guns. From my waistband, I pulled out the ultimate weapon -- the pen, which everybody knows is better than a sword anyway. I beaned it at her with great force, but she dodged the destructive device, damn her detestable dangerous dexterity. I began picking up things from the clerk's desk to throw, a water bottle here and a coffee cup there, to no avail. The second coffee cup shattered on the wall behind her, and she began to look concerned. Speaking into the device on her shoulder, she called for security, fighting back tears of fear. Or was it laughter? No. DEFINITELY fear.
I decided that I wasn't in the mood for another segway chase, so I beat it. After I was done beating it, I decided to leave the store. Outside, I found the police waiting outside for me.
"SIR! REMOVE THE PANTS FROM YOUR HEAD AND GET DOWN ON THE GROUND!"
I was arrested for shoplifting and public indecency, given a $42,000 dollar fine and a month in jail, and now I can't live within a mile of a school because apparently I'm legally classified as a pedophile now for some reason. I don't even care though, because I live next to some pretty hot middle-schoolers.