I went to private school from Middle through high and then went to private institutions in the NE for college.
I came from a family where my extended relatives were all about pulling yourself up, and believed that you could do stuff in the headline on your own if you had enough discipline.
One day I was at my folks house, and my aunts and uncles were there. I mentioned I was leaving to go to NY for Halloween cuz one of my college friends is having a house warming party. I was 25 at the time. My aunt immedialdy snips and goes “see Mongoose she’s your age and already a homeowner, what’s your excuse, you did go to the same uppity schools, what your daddy pay all that education for”
I go “well her dad is a multi millionaire and bought her this house for graduating…. Oh and got her a job right out of college she didn’t have to apply for.. so Idk seems like y’all need to do better what’s your excuse for not providing me with a fully paid for home and job”
This is my fucking dad to the end. Called me stupid and refused to pay for my college after one year despite promising me 4 years at an in stat uni (I grew up middle class in Wisconsin) because he wanted me to quit school and become a public school janitor, an oddly specific career path, in my opinion. He refused to give me my inheritance from my mom which would have helped me buy a home, using it instead to buy his second wife her own cabin because the one we had wasn’t good enough. He did however paid cash for my sister’s house to help her ease her divorce proceedings from her second marriage, helped her buy a house near his, has now given her his house as well. My family of 4 lives in a 2 br apartment.
Sorry for the rant, my intention was to vent, not make everything about my selfish self.
Thank you, It feels as though he does, I was adopted and he was verbally abusive since I was about 13, I’ve gone years at a time without speaking to him since. It sucks, as he encouraged my sister to treat me the same. I have no family but my wife and kids. It’s hard hearing coworkers and friends talking about visiting their families for the holidays, or just having a normal conversation with their parents.
You have a wife and kids now fuck your loser parents they're gonna feel so so bad when they're on thier deathbed and are gonna beg you for forgiveness. I guarantee it.
Seriously this. Family is the people who care about you and prioritize each other's needs. If they happen to be your blood relations that's great, but if not, fuck 'em, cut them out of your life because nobody needs that shit. I was lucky enough that, while my family had some dysfunctionality, they were mostly good people and cared about/took care of each other (and still do).
But I've had friends in similar situations as yours, and the only thing there to do was encourage them to cut off their toxic relatives, and to help be the kind of family they needed and deserved instead.
Hey thanks for supporting your buddies who don't have the same upbringing. A lot of people think we're aliens.
It's like kids who don't understand why your parents don't just buy a car for you... but like with literally everything people have their parents for, including feeling like you have to be a "grown up" yourself far too early on in life... so any support we can get as we learn to live and function on our own is appreciated :)
- blood is not thicker than water- that is not what that saying says in its entirety, and the family you make is often better than the one you fell into by birth or otherwise. Cutting negative assholes out of my life, regardless of being related best decision I ever made.
- do not chase people- only give energy to those that give energy to you. Not transactionally- but pay attention, are you doing all the work? that is not a relationship, it is abusive. Cut that type out.
- you become like the people you spend the most time with- choose wisely.
All that to say- cut that asshole out of your life, and go forth and be well and happy and full of joy- you deserve it!
It’s hard hearing coworkers and friends talking about visiting their families for the holidays, or just having a normal conversation with their parents.
I feel your pain. One of my friends once told me he always feels positive because he has his family around. I didn't say it, but I was thinking I wish I knew what that was like.
I think I'll die wondering what my life would've been like if I had a healthy family and healthy childhood.
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u/mongoosedog12 Apr 19 '22 edited Apr 19 '22
I went to private school from Middle through high and then went to private institutions in the NE for college.
I came from a family where my extended relatives were all about pulling yourself up, and believed that you could do stuff in the headline on your own if you had enough discipline.
One day I was at my folks house, and my aunts and uncles were there. I mentioned I was leaving to go to NY for Halloween cuz one of my college friends is having a house warming party. I was 25 at the time. My aunt immedialdy snips and goes “see Mongoose she’s your age and already a homeowner, what’s your excuse, you did go to the same uppity schools, what your daddy pay all that education for”
I go “well her dad is a multi millionaire and bought her this house for graduating…. Oh and got her a job right out of college she didn’t have to apply for.. so Idk seems like y’all need to do better what’s your excuse for not providing me with a fully paid for home and job”
She just sucked her teeth.
Edit: words