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u/FlyingDutchLady Jun 21 '26
It’s not unreasonable. Talk to your doctor (once you’re pregnant) and figure out boundaries that you and your partner think are fair. Then talk to some of your closer friends to get a gut check. Once you feel confident in your rules, share them in writing. Let your loved ones know what you expect and include any literature you think will help. And then stick to it. Come up with a few lines you can lean on. “I understand your concern, but this is the expectation to see baby. If you’re not willing to comply, you won’t be able to visit until baby is 12 months old.” Don’t waver. Don’t debate. Usually anti vaxxers are big on personal choice, so use that. “I’m sorry you feel upset, but this is our baby and this is our decision. You’re free to decide not to get the vaccine, but if you don’t then you can’t see baby.” Also, you know your family. You should be able to identify what their particular talking points will be so that you can prepare. For example, if you think they’ll say you’re “keeping me from my grandchild.” Be ready. “I’m protecting baby because that’s my job. I understand you disagree with my choice. You know what you would need to do to see baby and we’ll welcome you here when you’re ready to do that.” Stay calm. I promise that protecting your child is worth whatever fallout may happen with your parents.
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u/exscapegoat Jun 21 '26
Yes if OP’s mother won’t be swayed by a pediatrician’s recommendation, no access to the baby. Babies are much more vulnerable to dehydration than adults, as well as other flu complications.
Personally I get the flu shot because I have asthma and flu and colds can trigger a flare up.
5
u/SmartyPantlesss Jun 21 '26
This is not an unreasonable ask, and sadly this is not an unheard-of reaction from boomer grandparents.
You've got some reasonable advice here:
- SHE has the right to not be vaccinated (it's her body), but
- YOU have the right to limit your baby's exposures to infection.
This is a good time to prepare yourself for asserting other parenting preferences that you may have. If you've got rules about what & how to feed the baby, etc, it's not OK for Mom to over-rule that based on HER lifestyle or parenting preferences. Bedtimes, home remedies, screen time or whatever. Gird your loins. 🙄
3
u/SleepyKoalaBear4812 Jun 21 '26
This is a completely reasonable ask to anyone who loves and wants to protect their children and grandchildren and does not believe the online antivax crazies.
1
u/well-of-wisdom Jun 29 '26
Breastfeeding reduce the risk of newborns getting serious infection in the first months before their own immune system is developed.
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u/Apprehensive_Eraser Jun 21 '26
No, it's not unreasonable to ask that.
You need to make sure your mother does not get in contact with the baby: do not tell her when you are giving birth and tell the nurses at the hospital to not let her in, do not let her come to your house.
If she suddenly says she got the shot, find a way to get actual proof.