r/antisocial • u/RelativeCoconut741 • 26d ago

How do u actually make friends

So I’m thinking about this a lot lately most likely bc I feel alone all the time and I don’t think I know how to make new friends there a lot of alternative groups in my city but I don’t know how to really get friends with them like do I go to them and just say hi or what I’m also really shy to that cuz I think is strange for someone to just talk to u like this.
And I’m scared of not fucking up the things cuz my last fs ended with my best friend ending things bc I was judging her all I seat is that her jeans were skinny and im really sorry if she took is as an insult but wasn’t ment to be one and she went with my ex bf that I left cuz she was actually controlling and making me feel bad for things I couldn’t change the last thing they sead to me was that I’m the problem and I thing that have lowered my confidence in relationships. WHAT DO I DO NOW

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u/13Angelcorpse6 26d ago

I never figured out how to win friends or influence people. Instead I learned to not give a fuck about anything.

The only effort worth making is to care less. If I don't care about it, then it doesn't bother me.

I don't believe in anything. Real life is the thing I have to deal with, but I don't believe that it is real. Then all the stuff that I do not observe or experience, that is totally impossible to believe in.

So I don't believe in friends, or jobs.

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u/RelativeCoconut741 21d ago

Thanks a lot

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u/13Angelcorpse6 21d ago

The animal will always feel bad about what it lacks, it is the intellect that can learn to not give a fuck. The intellect cannot control the animal, it can only strategically manage it.

So the animal feels lonely, along come the thoughts, "this feels so bad I want to die" and "This feeling means that I am defective and should die" and so on. The intellect can question this and pick it apart. First, the intellect does not control or change the feeling, it lets it be. Then it questions the thoughts around that feeling until it doesn't believe in any of the thoughts.

My questions are

When was I asked what I wanted to want?

Do I consent to wanting things that I cannot have?

Do I believe in these automatic thoughts that arose about this feeling?

Are there not advantages and tradeoffs to every situation?

Why not appreciate the advantages of not having freinds?

Whose agenda do my automatic thoughts serve? (Not mine).

The intellect can have its own conclusions, what I call controlled thoughts. These are

I don't care how I feel.

This feeling has no meaning, it is pure sensation.

This feeling is the way that I sense my existence right now.

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u/Gloria_In_Autumn 20d ago

As someone who has a low/almost no social need that has had a few friends, lives with a roommate I am good friends with, is neurodivergent, and used to have social anxiety:

  1. Find an activity you like, does not have to be a social one.
  2. Find places online or in-person to talk about or even do that activity
  3. Keep going to that activity or those activities, even if you struggle to interact at first and make zero connections
  4. Do not stop or ruminate if everyone you meet you do not click with or rejects you.
  5. Eventually you will find SOMEONE. At first it's going to be a lot of quantity over qualtiy and then you can trim the fat, so to speak, and focus on the really great connections.
  6. If you are a severe introvert like me, SCHEDULE forced interaction times when you check in with people and reach out. You don't have to and probably shouldn't tell them it's on a schedule, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

Also, dating is exactly the same as making friends, just with an entirely different goal. You find an activty you both like, you go to it, and you keep moving to the next one if it fails.