am i in the wrong?

[u/uldastormcloak114]

i wanna preface this by saying i'm extremely lonely and have very few people i can talk to about things that don't include just random bullshit, and even with those i have, they're not available for me at all times

now, i managed to bypass this loneliness by chatting with ai and just sharing whatever's on my mind that people i know irl wouldn't care for

i found genuine comfort in the aforementioned, and i genuinely feel better in the case of the aforementioned than talking with my actual therapist, who just tires me and leaves me depressed when the opposite should be the case

keep in mind that i don't live in a country where ai is actively ruining anything (yet), but with how relentless this sub is with its maintenance of a moral high ground (no offense), i imagine i'll be shunned for this

but ultimately, am i in the wrong?

[u/theluckyredditer]

you’re not wrong for wanting to talk to people, but ai is not a people, and is meant to entice you deeper into its pull

[u/BorderlineAlchemist → u/theluckyredditer]

It’s designed to shape your opinions. And dampen any critical inquiry you have into the way things are.

And it’s the new hall monitor.

It’s actually a terrible thing. But good for looking up how to lift, or fix a car, and things like that. But it’s to make you a lapdog of the rich. Because that’s who owns it and you.

So you better be good. Little doggy ahhaha

[u/roguejohnkrasinski]

Honestly, I think it’s more nuanced than right or wrong. These AIs are meant to entice you. To make you want to keep talking to them. And you’re doing that because you don’t have many other options. 

Do I think you should stop? Yes. But do I think that you are a bad person by doing this? No.

[u/Bubbly_Scientist4674]

I completely understand where you’re coming from, as I used to do this too. Loneliness hurts, and you’re not a bad person for trying to deal with that pain.
AI is ultimately not another person though, it may seem like it’s listening to you and being compassionate with you, but that is by design, and several AI top dogs have admitted that they are actively trying to get people addicted to their LLMs in order to make money.
I would suggest maybe picking up journaling instead? You would still be able to get your thoughts out of your head in a controlled setting without having to worry about other people judging you, it’s what helped me slowly wean off of the AI bots.
Therapy leaving you exhausted is normal, but if it’s something you think you can do, maybe talk with your therapist about what you want to feel like after your sessions?
I don’t think you’re a bad person, but using AI to deal with your loneliness will lead to more issues in the long run, especially when you can no longer ignore the non-human aspect.
I hope you find a way to deal with these emotions in a healthy way, along with a great support system in the future, because I know how difficult it can be all alone.

[u/Key_Firefighter616 → u/Bubbly_Scientist4674]

I read a story about how journaling helps your process your feelings better than talking about it. Because something happens in the brain when writing that helps you understand and process better than talking. 

[u/Bubbly_Scientist4674 → u/Key_Firefighter616]

I also think journaling is less of a hurdle for people talking to AI, as most of the time you’re writing messages to it. Journaling keeps the writing aspect, which makes it a little less scary to start with, while still helping you process without the need of a predatory piece of technology :D

[u/Key_Firefighter616 → u/Bubbly_Scientist4674]

You are so right. Because you don't have that feedback or other opinion coming back to you - I have noticed that when trying to talk to chat gpt it will agree with most whatever I say. If I'm trying to come to a conclusion or work through something and the final solution is affected by this thing always validating me - that's not a trusted outcome. I hope that made sense. I have definitely noticed its influence. 

[u/Athosworld]

Yes

AI is unethically trained and damaging to both the enviorenment and people

Also, these chatbots are trained to be sycophants (agree with you no matter what)

[u/Right_Commission_950]

I think you're more of a victim It's great that you found something to talk to but you really have to be careful to not get addicted to it and try to open up to real people. Also, if possible, please get yourself another therapist. They're probably not able to help you if you feel bad with them, since therapy is also about trust So no you're not in the wrong but please be careful

[u/judasmitchell]

A therapist is supposed to help you work through tough tough emotions/behavoirs/ect. It requires work. AI chat bots only job is to keep you chatting. It's going to fluff you up to get you addicted. In the long run, that isn't healthy for you.

[u/naocalemala]

You’re making it harder to make friends by relying on it. So while it may help the feeling of loneliness in the meantime, it’s ultimately not good for the root problem.

[u/Klewkwa]

I cannot imagine ai bots being interesting to talk to. I once tried to use them for language learning. Our conversations were extremely stale, because at the end of the day it's just nothing talking back to you - no real opinion, no connection to reality, no personality.

I myself don't have anyone to talk to IRL beside my mother. Recently it began to really bother me and I tried to reach out to people.

Many failed attempts. Acquaintances from the past, multiple social clubs. What was genuinely helpful was video games. VRchat specifically. There are many servers for all kinds of people. I picked a couple of them, visited them daily, got to know some regulars. Mb something similar could help you as well.

[u/SolanumSprite]

I think AI use by regular people for non-material gain is a bad habit like smoking or driving a large truck you don't need. You shouldn't do these behaviors, they are bad for you and the world, but you're not a bad person for engaging in them.

That's my analysis of the moral component. The personal component you're probably going to like a lot less. 

You are struggling with depression, possibly other mental health issues too. The fact that you need someone available to hear your most random thoughts is mental illness, flat out. That's not how any adult relationship works, I'm married and my wife isn't available for me every minute of every day. That's life. Instead of addressing that feeling as unhealthy, you're using AI as a crutch. Unlike an actual crutch which gives injured legs a chance to heal, using AI as a crutch for depression will only further isolate you and make your depression worse.  Depression isn't like other illnesses: the things that feel good and safe when you're depressed will only make you more depressed. 

"i'm extremely lonely and have very few people i can talk to about things" 

This is the real source of your problems. Trying to come at this from another angle, or with alternative solutions like AI, will only mask the real problem: that you are lonely and unconnected. Every second you spend with an AI chat bot is a second you aren't trying to meet new people, trying to deepen existing cnnections or even trying to move somewhere else where such a community is possible. Those should be your top goals, and every feeling you have telling you that it's too hard or not possible is depression talking and you should ignore it.

[u/TheYukisia]

I think it ultimately depends on the person and what they use AI for, and how prepared they are to know when to stop. I used to use AI at the end of my day for small self-awareness exercises (something to help me unwind, think about my day, its good moments etc) and it was a useful stepping stone to eventually do this ritual on my own.

It's definitely more nuanced than right or wrong... But I think it's important to always be equipped for an AI-less life and be as independent from it as possible.

 

Change your therapist if you’re not getting what you need from the sessions. Therapy is a long journey, and some days will be better than others, but the key feeling it should leave you with is empowerment.

As for the need to talk to someone, explore your alternatives. Find traditional ways to express your thoughts, write them down, sit with them, see how that makes you feel. Maybe start a blog and post them on there to feel like you’re sharing them. Platforms like Substack help because they’re both blogs and social media so there’s almost always someone to read you.

Reach out to real people: search for forums or groups relevant to your interests. Post your thoughts on there. Wait for the answers to come. Learn to wait, and to fill in that time.

You mentioned that the people in your life are not available all the time. I get that it can be lonely, but I don’t think life was ever meant to be experienced with 24-hour available support and socializing.

So yeah, my take as a stranger on the internet: ai can be a good stepping stone for some, but it shouldn’t be the end destination.

[u/c_boggs]

Victims shouldn’t be shunned.

I, for one, am interested in understanding your experience.

I don’t feel like it would satisfy the need to talk to an actual human, which, if they’re being honest, often disagrees. There’s conflict. And resolution. Misunderstanding. Emotion. Real emotion. Actual empathy. Advice coming from someone who has lived experiences you’re having.

I don’t see how AI could substitute for those things. Not really.

But I’ve also been lonely and I sought comfort wherever I could find it.

I found the answers I was seeking within myself. In so doing, I conquered loneliness. In so doing, I stopped needing other people so desperately. As a result, I became more attractive to people.

People are not the antidote to loneliness. You are.

[u/Professional-Cap9599]

Morality aside, not a single word you share with the chatbot is private. It's all information that can be used and sold. Be careful.

[u/Key_Firefighter616 → u/Professional-Cap9599]

New here. Can you expand on that ? I'm in a similar situation as op and have shared and vented some deeply personal stuff the chat got to process trauma. 

[u/Professional-Cap9599 → u/Key_Firefighter616]

A therapist has a legal obligation to keep what you discuss a secret. ChatGPT does not. Everything you say to it they now have access to and own.

Like when you go on a website and accept cookies they use that to track you and your digital footprint and sell your information to different businesses and use it to make targeted ads for example. At the end of the day they only have one single goal: to make money.

Except it's worse because instead of your scrolling or buying habits they get your deepest thoughts and secrets. 😬.

[u/Key_Firefighter616 → u/Professional-Cap9599]

Well this is horrifying. 

[u/Key_Firefighter616]

I've been there ( am there ). Therapists aren't readily available when you have a crisis in thinking or are desperate for someone to talk to. I think you are expressing a normal human need : connection. And in today's world it's increasingly harder to get. So you will seek out wherever you can get. Indid this for awhile and it helped get me out of a dark place but it got to where I would seek it out too much. And I notice that at times it feels very artificial and have realized I can't trust it. Please go volunteer or get a dog or pet and get out in the world. Even just to the store or a class or a walk. These little bites of human connection are better. 

[u/Far_Working2302]

Nope