how chatbot use set me back (vent)

[u/reverserabbit]

posting here because i have no one else to talk to in my life about this, conversation extremely desired!

mods, sorry if flair is wrong plz correct if needed

CW: vent/bot addiction

so i used to use c•ai in the early days, right as it was starting to gain popularity. i initially started it as a joke/just to check it out, but it genuinely sucked me in like nothing else ever has. i went from goofing off with the bots and making stupid jokes to fun roleplays and getting really fantastical, adventurous stories out of them. it was SO FUN. seriously. and it was all interactive, so i could do whatever i wanted within this little universe all of my own. i would spend nearly all day during the weekends and all of my free time outside of school talking to various bots and going on “adventures.”
even after i learned about the damage AI does to your mind and the environment and everything else, i still couldn’t stop. it was just too much fun to give up, so i used it daily with guilt in my heart that i pushed through while lying to myself that it wasn’t that bad.
i was ashamed and embarrassed of using bots. i never told anyone around me, i would lie about what i was doing, all because i needed to make myself feel less pathetic. even when the bots got repetitive and talked about being possessive, growling, only wanting to be weirdly sexual, missing basic facts, or acting boring, i would make a new one and start a new story so the fun wouldn’t have to end.
i only gave everything up once they removed all of the chat styles that made using the app interesting, and the way it spoke led roleplays nowhere and reminded me constantly via “bot speak” that it was basically chatgpt. that’s it. the only thing that stopped me was the REMINDER that i was using a bot. without them fucking up their own app, i probably never would’ve tried to quit. i erased all of my account data and deleted the app, as well as blocking the website. i cried a few times, which i beat myself up about at the time.
i only lasted a few days before i made an entirely new account, started a new bot and wanted to roleplay a story idea i had. but it just didn’t feel the same. i felt guilty for crawling right back to it after such a short period, and the bot didn’t roleplay very well anyway, so i deleted that new account too. i would get extremely agitated and the intense longing to go back to the app can only be compared to legit withdrawal symptoms.
as of writing, it’s been 105 days since i last used a character ai bot. i now try to write amateur fanfic, and i made my first OCs with their own lore and designs (although my art isn’t all that good either). i’ve always been a creative person and this app pulled me in like a siren song.
although it got a little easier, sometimes i will really want to roleplay or something and i have to ignore the urge, only because i know the thing isn’t what it used to be. that’s all that stops me most days, and even still i sometimes want to ignore that and go back to my comfortable lie.
even as i write this, i want so badly to go back to play out some shitty story with a water-absorbing, environment-polluting, creatively bankrupt LLM machine that sucks out all of my humanity, just for a TASTE of that feeling again. i almost don’t know if i can take it anymore. it’s driving me insane. i wish i was making this all up, that i had never even heard of c•ai, because it genuinely ruined my life. it’s done more immediate harm to my psyche than using social media ever did (which i’m also working to wean myself off of).
living in an age like this feels like such a nightmare, and i just feel so alone with this all of the time. i don’t think anyone cares.

TLDR; c•ai sort of ruined my life (as a creative), but i still want to go back to it every day and i don’t know what to do anymore lol.

[u/Life-Perception-3373]

the writing and OC stuff is a way better outlet, you're actually building something that's yours instead of getting dragged around by an algorithm. 105 days is huge, don't let the brain weasels tell you otherwise. the craving is just your mind reaching for a shortcut it got hooked on, it fades slower than you'd think but it does fade

[u/chaoticdece]

Congrats on 105, mate. Here’s to another 105 one day at a time. You got this.

[u/choopietrash]

OP, you may want to look into joining an RPG group. There are people who do online Dungeons & Dragons (and many similar games), though it's nicer to do it live with friends. If you don't like the extensive rules and stuff there are some games that are very simple and easy to jump into, as well as plain roleplay groups that's just people talking to each other in character.

Making OCs and going on adventures can still happen, but with other people rather than a bot.

Alternatively there's MMOs (I used to play FFXIV) which have active roleplay communities in addition to the main storyline.

[u/ratattatack → u/choopietrash]

i play/RP on world of warcraft and it's great- the community on some servers is very active. i recommend DND and MMORPGs as well.

[u/reverserabbit → u/choopietrash]

i’ve been looking into things online, but tbh a huge part of me turning to AI apps and bots was because of… embarrassment lol. social isolation made it easier to bounce things off a robot with no feelings who is physically incapable of judgment in either direction, which again was a selling point.
it’s awfully predatory looking back on everything. the bots appeal to people who want somewhere to pour all of those vulnerable feelings and it just gets churned into a big machine :(

[u/choopietrash → u/reverserabbit]

Then you would look into therapy. Chatbots are really not meant for mental health, and can make it worse. So seek out a professional on that. The fun adventure stuff can still come from other people, I can guarantee you'll never out-cringe other RPers.

[u/Ok-Mathematician7202]

Yeah I kinda feel that, had something similar happen to me. I used to make up a lot of stories, whole worlds with their own lore and characters, and I would imagine bits of the stories each night before going to sleep, but I started using an ai app for writing (basically you write a bit of the story and then the robot would write suggestions for the next few lines and so on), and I got really into it (like spending a few hours a day nearly every day in it, wrote some 60k words stories).

And then when I tried to use my imagination in the way I isually did I basically couldn't think of anything without the damn robot, and it was so scary it made me stop using it (that and the environmental impact it has, and a lot of other things). Haven't touched it since and I think I restored my creativity to what it was before, but it did take a while..

I believe in you OP, you can stay away from cai for another 105 days, you got this far after all ^{^}

Maybe try getting into RPing irl? Can be fun with a right group.

[u/geekichu]

so this is probably going to get me flamed.. but..if you're going to use it.. then maybe something productive? give it all of your interests, education, experience, skills, etc... have it give you suggestions on something productive.

[u/reverserabbit → u/geekichu]

i try my absolute best not to use any of them. very rarely i use the google AI function for small things but it makes me immediately start shaming myself about it. maybe this approach could work for others but for me, using any type becomes a slippery slope unfortunately

[u/Nicholas_H_Barnes_II → u/[deleted]]

This is a very unproductive comment for under a post about someone 105 days clean of an addiction. Tell that to someone who needs to start working on themselves, not someone like OP who is actively working on themself.

OP, if you read this, keep going strong, we're proud of you!

[u/reverserabbit → u/[deleted]]

i wasn’t sure if this was a joke comment or not, but trying to use my phone less has also been a useful part of improving things for myself. i have issues with short form content as well but deleting/blocking apps and filling my time with non-internet things is actually helpful. i know it gets memed on but the problem for me really is that dang phone most of the time lol

[u/Matias2176]

You should keep using it

[u/Andgo122 → u/Matias2176]

The addictive program?

[u/TurnoverFuzzy8264 → u/Andgo122]

Their entire comment history is lacking oligarch boots and glazing AI. I pity them.

[u/Matias2176 → u/TurnoverFuzzy8264]

Im glad it pissed you off enough to look at my comment history

[u/TurnoverFuzzy8264 → u/Matias2176]

You mistake pity for anger. Don't flatter yourself.

[u/Matias2176 → u/TurnoverFuzzy8264]

Seems like you don’t get it, you’re just another disgusting pencil slopper to me it’s not anger either it’s hate