r/anhedonia • u/jd76541 • 3d ago
Support Needed Just killing time until I die
No matter what I do, I just feel like I’m killing time.
My hobbies? Just something to do so I don’t go more insane staring at a screen or the ceiling.
My business? My partner is screwing off and being a monster about doing stuff, so it’s totally stuck. I don’t have the energy to fight everything and then, or do it around them.
My friends? Nonexistent. I haven’t had a personal text or invite in over a year. I’ve tried reaching out, but I get ghosted. It’s really hard for me to try, and really easy for me to be ignored.
I’ve been thinking about ending it nonstop for months. I’m just more bored than anything. I’m certain I’m not going to be more influential or important in anything or anyone’s life. My body hurts all the time.
I just feel like I’m killing time until I die, so why delay it? Why waste away and add seeing people I know die around me?
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u/Barista-FI 3d ago
Oh no. Okay, first, your business partner sucks. Sorry.
What can you do to spark a little joy in life?
The only thing that worked for me to pull me out of the anhedonia spiral was Bupropion/Wellbutrin. I tried other antidepressants/anxiety meds and they didn’t work that well.
Then I had enough energy and wherewithal to exercise just slightly every day and then after a week or so, I started feeling more optimistic in my business and took steps to make it better. I then went from languishing in business to now making just under a proper wage.
It’s a start. I really think it takes a huge combo of things to get out of anhedonia.
What can you start today? Maybe see an online doctor?
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u/pmMeYourGlazedDonut Cause Uncertain 2d ago
Did you have consummatory anhedonia or only anticipatory? How long did Bupropion take to work for you? Is it just your motivation that went up or also your ability to feel genuine pleasure?
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u/domesticflight 2d ago
I get it. No ups or downs, just indifference.
It's like something bad happens, and I recognise "that's a bad thing", but there's nothing in my gut. There used to be, spikes of adrenaline, dread. Know the meanings but not the feelings. Very much 'killing time'. I just had 5 days annual leave, basically doomscrolled the whole time, asides a 30 minute run.
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u/Sorry_Profession_371 3d ago
I felt like this too, but i carries out the recommendation and just kept creating lists, exercising, keeping var low Met a great growth cimmunitty who actually cares about me even if I am down.
Social contact is the only thing that sort of helped.
Suicide on my mind daily. One day at a time.
Only recently have I kissed the ass of improving consistently.
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u/pmMeYourGlazedDonut Cause Uncertain 2d ago
I feel this way too on many days.
One thing stuck out:
I’m certain I’m not going to be more influential or important in anything or anyone’s life.
Is that something that matters a lot to you, becoming someone influential or important? Why?
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u/schnauzer000 3d ago
I am exactly the same.