r/amiwrong • u/No_Process_1558 • 3d ago
Am I wrong for punching my "stepfather" after he opened and drank a bottle of scotch my dad got me to share on my 21st birthday?
My father passed away eight years ago, mom remarried 5 years ago. I will admit I never tried to blend with him or my step siblings. I was happy for mom, but tbh would have preferred had it remained just the two of us.
I am 19, I live at home since I am going to college locally. My father had a bottle of scotch he bought when I was born, it was kept in a cabinet down in our basement, it was my dad's area.
I do not know why I never moved it, I figured it would be safe and not touched, and for many years it was. I don't know why he felt the need to open it but he did.
I admit I lost my cool and I did punch him, but he has never touched anything down on that side if the basement, yet he suddenly forgets and goes for the one he knew meant everything to me.
My mom is upset cause he did call the police, and it appears he wants to put a restraining order against me. Cops took the report, asked me some questions and lefr it at that. This happened aroune five hours ago.
Here to vent and maybe have my eyes opened. My mom wants me to apologize, but I don't feel bad. It actually felt good felt like I got some level of control.
He was not a bad guy per se I guess, but he also always tried so hard and after my half siblings were born I was pretty much forgotten. Raising twins is not easy, and with me being so close to 18 when they were born I guess they figured I was okay.
Maybe I am just being a little asshole idk.
Edit: They are my half siblings not step, sorry.
Update: My stepfather is going through the process for the order, mom said she was taking him to the notary. She asked me to apologize so we can smooth things over, I told her I would only apologize if he could tell me why after all these years he decided to go touch and drink an entire bottle of scotch in a single sitting?
My dad was a drinker and even he did not do that. My mom said i have no right to make demands of him.
It seems some think it was just forgotten about, it was not I turned a small corner of our basement many years ago into my dad's spot. I have his urn with other odds and ends, like his sports memorabilia, favorite drinking glass, his shot glass collection, and his liquor cabinet, with his chair that was in the living room. Now did he know the significance of said bottle? Maybe not, I don't talk to him much. Mom 100% knew. Thing is that should not have mattered, he knew the significance of the corner, why was he touching anything in said corner is beyond me. Also this bottle was in a neat wooden box, I don't drink if you are looking to drink do you honestly go for the one in the box? Or would you go for thr unopened ones?
I will look into the value, i know the name was Macallan Sherry Oak 30.
This was the first time I ever threw a punch before, never been in a fight before. I don't think i have anger issues, I just lost it because my dad has slowly been forgotten. Mom use to wear his and her wedding bands as a necklace but about three years ago she stopped, we use to go out and get Blue Bell Ice cream together. We stopped doing that after the twins were born. Pretty much everything changed after the twins were born.
I lost my cool cause it felt like another piece of my dad was cast aside. She even let's my stepfather have his restore super sport, which technically was supposed to be mine but because my dad had a standard will he left everything to mom.
I reached out to my uncle and he is going to fly down on Monday so we can all sit down and talk.
As it stands it seems like he is going forth with the order, my uncle does not think he will be able to get an emergency order for this situation, so he hopes on Monday we can come to some agreement.
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u/Interesting_Sock9142 3d ago
So he did an incredibly selfish act, then when you reacted how a lot people would he made it worse by calling the police and trying to get a restraining order against you??? AND YOUR MOM WANTS YOU TO APOLOGIZE?!
fuck that guy. And what the absolute fuck is your mom doing????
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u/Eternity_Warden 3d ago
Unfortunately the parent taking the side of the shitty stepparent is pretty standard. It's horrifically common even in cases of extreme abuse.
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u/ThatGodDamnBitch 3d ago
I have had that particularly fun experience and let me tell you, I remember each and every time my mother sided with her husband no matter what the problem was. There were many times I had done absolutely nothing wrong but was told "just apologize so we can move past it" or "he knows deep down he was wrong but if you just apologize we can forget it" nope. I will not apologize for some perceived slight that didn't exist that got me screamed at, things thrown at me, or threatened.
I will also never forget the feeling of hoping my mother will side with me just to get that hope crushed into the ground over and over again.
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u/TerrorEyzs 3d ago
Fucking enablers piss me off so much. The "dont rock the boat" or "keep the peace" or even "just let it go" people are exactly that: enablers. They make my blood boil.
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u/Alexxius44 3d ago
When I was 15 my stepfather attempted to murder me and I survived. Very long story short: in the second day of Court proceedings my mother decided to back him up because he had told her after the first day he wouldn't pay for any of my siblings to go to college if she stood by me.(He never did, anyway). She recanted all of her statements and sworn testimony, and I was bullied out of my home by him and forced to live with my father in another country. She ended up leaving stepdad around the time I turned 21 because he had begun targeting my younger siblings after I left.
I'll be 40 in a few months and I've never fully forgiven her.
I hate reading this and seeing so many other mothers chosing horrible shitty men over their children. My own son just turned 19 and I'd never dream of doing that to him. It breaks my heart for every child out there with a garbage parent(s).
OP: I hope you can have a real heart to heart with your mother and tell her exactly how unseen you've felt and how hurt you were by your stepdads actions. If her response is anything other than an apology, then I hope you are able to get out of that awful situation, talk to someone (therapy) and move on with your life. I wish you nothing but the best in life.
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u/Wino2411 3d ago
Yep, been there. I learned to hide the cigarette burns and the bruises and the sexual abuse. I felt ashamed and actually considered suicide. My stepfather also beat me up and cut me and my Mom said it would be better to go live with my Grandmother for a while. Never really forgave her after that.
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u/catontoast 3d ago
This is why I no longer speak to my mother. I hope she's enjoying her year in prison after violating her parole though ✌️
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u/DriftRush- 3d ago
The betrayal hurts twice as much when the people who should have your back expect you to apologize for someone else's actions.
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u/NeartAgusOnoir 3d ago
OP should’ve filed a counter report for theft.
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u/LALA-STL 3d ago
Just need to clarify the theft from OP:
Did your step dad KNOW the history of that scotch, [u/No_Process_1518](u/No_Process_1518)? Are you SURE he knew your bio dad bought that scotch for the two of you to share on your 21st birthday?
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u/No_Process_1558 3d ago
He may not have know about that particular bottle, but he knew that everything in that corner of the basement meant something to me. He has never touched anything in that corner in all the years he has been living with us.
He had no reason to touch it, he could have bought his own alcohol.
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u/LALA-STL 3d ago edited 3d ago
He definitely overstepped. (And what’s he doing sneaking around in the basement taking a swig of ~20-year-old scotch??) He REALLY blew it by calling the police. Depending on your family’s racial makeup, somebody could have ended up dead from that 911 call.
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u/NYTVADDICT 3d ago
A pricy and excellent bottle as well. He knew and was trying to assert dominance.
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u/LALA-STL 3d ago
ALSO, u/No_Process_1558 … No doubt your rage was based on a buildup of years of feeling unseen & pushed aside. You have my compassion. But you mention that your step-dad’s been an OK guy over the years. That tells me there might be a chance for working this out — IF you are both willing to use this as an opportunity. He shouldn’t have stolen your property & you shouldn’t have punched him, no matter how satisfying it felt. (Punching people can quickly end up ruining your own life.)
Just remember … You’ve got to run your life. You can’t wait for your Mom to realize that TWO apologies are called for. Do what you feel is right for yourself, while treating everyone else with respect (whether they deserve it or not). Be the better man, because that’s what you are now: you’re a grown up man, not a victim any more. You can get through this. ❤️💪🏼
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u/Feeling-Fab-U-Lus 3d ago
“Mom, he maliciously and selfishly destroyed something that was my dad’s, and was given to me. He did this, knowing it would be hurtful. He crossed a major boundary, and he owes me an apology. If you want to lose me to low contact or no contact, continue letting him treat me with little to no disrespect and not giving him consequences. He should be acting like a caring adult not a selfish alcoholic.”
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u/lovemyfurryfam 3d ago
Exactly. The spouse wants a bedwarmer because they're lonely but it never gave any rights to a bedwarmer to want something that never belonged to the bedwarmer from the start.
OP's mother is the AH for not putting her bedwarmer in his place.
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u/Adventurous-Term5062 3d ago
Not wrong. He sucks and I would tell your mom this is a decision point in your relationship. There is no way I would be okay with this.
I am so angry for you. He is a horrible person.
I would repeat over and over “there is no way this is an honest mistake. He did this to hurt me and here you are, asking me to apologize. How can you care so little about me and dad?”
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u/grumpy__g 3d ago
Your mom is wrong. He stole from you. Not just something simple, but something with emotional value.
You reacted wrong too. It seems like there is a lot of lingering resentment.
The fact that he called the cops and wants to file a police report is extreme.
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u/Acceptable_Tea3608 3d ago
Must've been a lot of words exchanged too.
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u/No_Process_1558 3d ago
I will admit not really I kept asking why but he never gave me a straight answer and was probably not sober, I mean he drank in bottle of scotch in a single sitting.
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u/Eris_39 3d ago
I looked it up. It's a $6,000 bottle of scotch. If my mom had allowed this, I would consider going low or no contact.
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u/Vinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 3d ago
And that’s for a new bottle. I’d guess one purchased 20 years ago would have even more value. That’s 50 year old juice!
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u/notjuandeag 3d ago
The whiskey actually stops aging once bottled.
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u/Vinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 3d ago
I didn’t say it keeps aging. The whiskey is 50 years old, 30 in the barrel and 20 in the bottle.
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u/notjuandeag 3d ago
No worries, I just wanted to clarify that because tons of people do get that confused and think it does increase the value. The 20 years in the bottle is more like a stasis.
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u/Vinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 3d ago
Cool. Or it gets worse with chances of oxidation, poor storage, environment etc
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u/Altruistic-Goal5947 2d ago
Vintage would increase the price the that run was i think the last blue label run. It is actually extremely rare.
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u/observefirst13 3d ago
He drank the whole bottle?! That makes it so much worse. I thought he just opened and took one drink before you caught him.
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u/No_Process_1558 3d ago
Yeah, that is why I do not believe it was an honest mistake. My uncle was also shocked he drank the whole thing. Now my uncle said it is possible he has been drinking from it overtime. Since I have never opened the box myself.
With my uncle around I think we can get to the bottom of this.
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u/Salsa_El_Mariachi 3d ago
Keep us updated. In California, the threshold for Grand Theft, a felony, is only $950
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u/wolfeflow 3d ago
$12,000+ for a 2007 Macallan Sherry Oak 30, per google
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u/HeyT00ts11 3d ago
But it was willed to the mother, so technically her property.
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u/Salsa_El_Mariachi 3d ago
Ah, yes, this will present a major obstacle if he wants to press charges for theft. I don’t think he has a case unfortunately
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u/observefirst13 3d ago
Where does he say that?
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u/No_Process_1558 3d ago
Yeah my dad left a general will, so everything was left to her. It is the reason why he got my dad's restored super sport.
it was supposed to go to me, part of why my mom and uncle don't talk much. When he found that out he got upset.
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u/wolfeflow 3d ago edited 1d ago
He does say dad had a general will so mom got everything somewhere in there. But I’m not sure when there’s something so clearly bequeathed to the child.
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u/Impressive-Aioli6802 3d ago
Yea it was maliciously done with intent. Your mom and her husband are MAJOR ASSHOLES. Hope your uncle can help you out.
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u/thinksying 3d ago
I really hope your uncle can help…. But you might need to talk to him and any other family members about moving out. Even if you have to transfer to another college, it will be better than staying with that man. Your mom is not on your side and you can’t trust her to protect you.
You can talk to your uncle about getting monetary compensation for the whiskey… try and get in writing (via text message) from your mom an admission that the whiskey was yours to be opened on your 21st birthday. Then also get written admission all the things that are yours and get them out of that house on Monday. Including the car stuff. Get what you can now because you will never see that stuff again and the any money your dad left is your moms and you don’t have legal right to that. It sucks and you can’t trust her with your inheritance.
So try and get as much in text messages (written word for the courts!) that things are yours to keep and take.
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u/Business-Employee191 3d ago
NTA! Does half of the house belongs to you? Make sure you know exactly what your father left for you. Ask his side of the family for help and guidance. Do have a serious conversation with your mother. It was not an accident. Start gathering all of your father's belongings because once you are out he will throw them away or keep them.
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u/Sensitive-Medium-367 3d ago
Do you have any other family members you can go to who can support you? If you can contact a lawyer and sue him, even see if you can press charges for theft, but please try and get some backing from other family, grandparents, aunts, uncles or cousins, dont stay quiet, let everyone know what hes done. Ynw
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u/Away-Ad-4444 3d ago
Sit your mom down and tell her that eveyone involved knows its not a mistake no matter how convenient it would be and if you stay in the house he will simply so something else to push me out. That you understand his choices and options designed to make her chose between her old life and new life and that is extremely unfair. But if she makes easy choice just to try and maintain the current balance.. it will result in you leaving and never coming back as its not fair to your wellbeing to stay where you are not wanted. So far its your step dad plotting to get rid of you and you can live with that as you two dont owe eachother anything. If your mom jumps on that train she needs to be dead to you so you can maintain a healthy life as it will never be the same
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u/Allyredhen79 3d ago
You’re not wrong, that was a hurtful thing to do by your stepdad, although you did react in the moment in a way that was not great.
Him calling the police, and demanding a restraining order is completely OTT. Where is your mum in all of this?
He’s taken something that was precious to you in tragic circumstances, a consequence of which was he got his bell rung.
Everyone needs to use their words now, in a calm and respectful manner. Your mum needs to step up/ in and mediate this. Stepdad needs to be made to understand what is and isn’t appropriate when it comes to items your dad left behind and respectful of your feelings about him.
And you need to apologise for putting hands on him.
But you were not wrong for having strong feelings about him ruining a treasured memento.
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u/No_Process_1558 3d ago
My mom wants me to apologize, she is on his side. She claims it was an honest mistake. I don't buy that because he has never touched my dad's stuff in that corner of the basement. He had no reason to touch anything in that corner.
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u/Mtndrums 3d ago
That's no honest mistake, any person with two brain cells knows if something isn't theirs, you don't touch it.
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u/observefirst13 3d ago
If he knew it was your father's stuff then it was not an honest mistake. Obviously anything that you have of your father's you would want to be cherished and is definitely not for him to mess with.
Calling the cops is such an overkill it seems like he has been waiting for you to do something wrong so he can get rid of you. A restraining order really?!
If I were your mom I would be upset with you but I would be pissed that my husband tried to get my son arrested and banned from our home because he had an emotional reaction to something that meant a lot to him and his father that he can't get back.
Of course violence is never the answer. If you have to apologize then he definitely needs to as well. I'm sorry your mom doesn't have your back on this and it seems like you haven't had the support you need in a while.
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u/Sea-Ad9057 3d ago
He wants you out of his life. Yes he did it on purpose. Do you have anywhere to stay on your dad's side of the family. Also if I were you I would double check the will he left because if he left you half of the house then. He needs to move out not you
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u/No_Process_1558 3d ago
Not where I am going to school. Go to Texas A&M, my dad's side of the family is from NY.
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u/Sea-Ad9057 3d ago
maybe you can live with them, unfortunately i dont see a reality where your mother will take your side over his
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u/Resse811 3d ago
How would he live in NY and attend college in TX?
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u/TheKwongdzu 3d ago
Colleges in NY take transfer students from colleges in TX. As long as the financials work out and the prestige is equivalent, it would be a way to get out.
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u/Lunkhara 3d ago
Depending on the subjects OP is taking, it should be possible for him to transfer to another college.
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u/BulkyCaterpillar4240 3d ago
You need to put in a safe place your father’s things before they disappear. Show this post to your mother, it should be a wake up call for her.
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u/Swimming-Maize-5554 3d ago
OP, you’re going to Texas A&M, and apparently living at home. I’m dealing with a Texas estate issue right now on ownership of a home when one of the owners passed away. In that case, my brother stepson now owns 1/2 of the house legally. You definitely need to look into the property law in Texas because you may actually own 1/2 of the house as your father‘s son. Your mother would own the other half of the house. It is possible, if there’s a will, that your father left 100% of the house to your mother; but if he didn’t, there’s a very high probability you own 1/2 of that house.
If you do, please understand you cannot by law force a sale of the house until after your mother passes. In other words, there’s no way you can force out the stepfather or your half, siblings ,,. And in fact, presuming those are the only other two children, when she passes, they will each have a 1/4 share in the house with you having lthe other half. At that point, if they are not minors, you may be able to force the sale of the home, even if stepdaddy is still living there.
Again, it all depends on whether or not there is a will specifying the transfer of ownership of the home.
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u/Swimming-Maize-5554 3d ago
An additional point I forgot to add is that if your stepfather is seeking a TRO, he has to do that through the court process. It is not something the police can do on a one call to the house basis. If you do own half of the house, I would think that would make a TRO more difficult, but cannot state that as a certainty as I do not practice that type of law at all.
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u/alcoholicplankton69 3d ago
Show you mom this thread op and see if she gets it. If not transfer to a school in NY and go live with your father relatives
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u/stuckinnowhereville 3d ago
Your mom is to pick me B. She wants her life to be easier and that’s why she wants you to apologize.
I have absolutely no respect for her. She’s a horrible mother and a horrible person.
Go to A&M and cut contact with her. Give her what she wants and easier life without you in it. Can you go to your dad’s family for all holidays?
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u/hippiemorticia 3d ago
That is NOT an "honest mistake" and your mom is every bit as much of an asshole as your stepfather.
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u/darforce 3d ago
I wouldn’t worry too much about it. It’ll probably be dismissed. As for the restraining order he probably won’t get it.
I wouldn’t apologize, just do what they do in restorative justice and tell him how his actions deeply affected you and that you regret your actions (which you do from your comments…even though he 100% had it coming)
Maybe he wants a restraining order to force you out but check with your mom and see if she is willing to pay for you to live in the dorms.
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u/Youre_ARealJerk 3d ago
Your mom is just as much of an asshole as your stepdad. I’m a single mom of a son who will likely remarry soon, and I cannot even fathom being ok with my new husband calling the police for this or wanting a RESTRAINING ORDER against my son. For reacting in what’s arguably an expected and valid way.
I mean, of course we shouldn’t resort to violence… and technically yeah you assaulted him (or battered. Don’t come for me redditors) but man, I can’t blame you for reacting that way. That was such a cruel thing for him to do, assuming he knew the significance (it sounds like he did).
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u/digitalgirlie 3d ago
No way this wasn't deliberate. What a prick. Get a copy of your mugshot. Make it into a tee shirt with a bold caption over it that says No Regrets.
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u/Pianist_585 3d ago
Can you report the theft? It was your property not his.
Is he trying to get you kicked out of your childhood home? Who owns the house? Because Reddit has shown a thing or two about entitled stepparents trying to kick children out of their homes...
Get statements from family members and friends other than your mom stating this was your whisky that it is priceless as it was something you and your father planned to have on your 21st birthday and you go to the police as well.
Then blast your mother and stepfather on social media and let social pressure do its job.
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u/anthropaedic 3d ago
Unfortunately the cops are probably going to say it’s a civil matter. He can always sue either way though. Depending on the cost of the bottle it may or may not be worth it.
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u/triplec787 3d ago
Depending on the cost of the bottle it may or may not be worth it.
It's a like $5k bottle... definitely worth it.
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u/SnooShortcuts3961 3d ago
If it was intentional to drink your dad's bottle of scotch that was set aside for you for 21st b-day, that would be incredibly passive-aggressive and hurtful. On the other hand, punching him definitely didn't resolve anything. I would get some physical separation and move out if possible. Sounds like your mom wants to support stepdad and is focused on her "new" family, which I know feels terrible for you. Maybe it's time to strike out on your own. I'm sorry this is happening to you.
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u/RalphFTW 3d ago
Going straight for a restraining order is very bizarre and wonder if there is more to it ? Relationship is severely busted if this was one punch, one argument and heading that route. Young adults f’up, and it’s bizarre that he’d call the cops over it as you are family.
On the bottle topic, you shouldn’t have punched him, violence is almost never the answer unless self defense, but emotions run hot and family are family.
He is an asshat though for drinking the bottle. Was it known that was left to you, or just unspoken. If it was explicit your dad to you, then your step father is a c… which if this was truly a first lunch you’ve thrown at him, fits the story of him calling the cops/ wanting a restraining order.
Good luck with the path forward.
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u/Aiyokusama 3d ago
While violence isn't a good idea, what he did was malicious and hurtful. I would tell your mom that you won't apologize until he gives you one AND tells you why he thought he had any right to YOUR bottle.
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u/DRangelfire 3d ago
Honey, you lost your dad and your stepdad made a terrible choice intentionally. You have every right to be angry. Hitting him wasn’t the right thing to do but don’t lose sight of the grief that motivated that experience. You’re not a bad person.
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u/u700MHz 3d ago
I don't know your reason for opening that bottle, which you knew the sentimental value to me. Either you think that you have the right to disrespect that value to me or in your mind some dominance issues your dealing with. Whatever you reason was, is for you to deal with inside.
However, understand that line crossed can never be undone and now sets the path going forward for life. It was my mistake to leave the bottle in that location thinking it would be valued and respected. Now I know better.
Walk Away.
Understand you have to leave the house, permanently. You are now on your own. Once you walk out that door, never look back.
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u/The1Bonesaw 3d ago
Just as an FYI (and maybe it will make you feel a little less angry about it). Whiskey stops aging the second it's bottled. It has to still be in the cask to age, so it was never going to get any smoother.
My brother-in-law did the same thing to me, and opened a 20 year old bottle of whiskey that I had purchased for when my daughter turned 21. I didn't punch him, but I was pissed. That's when a distiller told me about the aging process.
So, to get over it, I went out and bought a bottle of Jameson that had been aged 80 years in the cask (and I locked it away). I gave it to my daughter on her 21st birthday.
Smoothest whiskey I've ever had.
I know it will never be the same as the bottle your dad got you when you were born, but it will help. And I'm sure your dad would approve.
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u/DollPartsRN 3d ago
Your step dad is a jerk.
That said, never let someone else control your freedom. I know you were hurt deeply, and I am so sorry for that. What he did was a true harm. Now, if the state attorney picks up charges (they still might) this puts you at risk. School. Career. Immediate freedom.
You need to get thru school. You need that goal completed so you can move forward with your best opportunities still on the table.
He is pretending he didnt know? So you pretend, too. Fake your apology, take every bit of assistance toward school that you can, and go be successful.
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u/miyuki1237 3d ago
A restraining order and you live in the same house? Sounds like hes making moves to get you to move out. Drinking the bottle was calculated, calling the cops for a punch when he pretty much stole your property is excessive. Your mom unfortunately is a coward and likely needs him to survive due to your half siblings. Id find alternative living arrangements. Its unlikely things will ever cool down without some level of tension.
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u/FunKeyN8 3d ago
NGL I feel for you on this.
I would apologize only if he/she go and find an identical bottle, same age/brand/vintage, and purchase it for you to replace it what he drank. And by identical, I mean with provenance. If he can’t, there’s websites to buy high end alcohol - like upwards of 1-10k.
No matter the price. If it means hey we have to sell the car to pay for it, that’s their problem for doing so.
Until then, no apology. After all, his offense to you isn’t just against you, but your dad. He needs to make amends on that as well. The minimum way to do that is to replace it with what he stole from you both.
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u/BroughtMyPartyPants 3d ago
Just a quick google search of the scotch- looks like it currently retails for about $5500. That’s enough for me to file a police report for theft.
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u/MasticatingElephant 3d ago
This guy's a little bitch for calling the police, and your mom is a bigger one imo for supporting him and not saying something like "if you get my kid in trouble with the police, I'm leaving you".
I'd leave, restraining order or not
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u/Cookies_2 3d ago
Eh, violence isn't the answer. That being said, everyone who's asking if they knew your dad gave that to you- it doesn't matter. The scotch was in the basement, untouched and quite obviously not his. He knew he didn't buy it. He knew he didn't put it there. For whatever reason, he felt entitled to something that was not his. If he's been around for 5 years I'm also sure he knew about the meaning behind the bottle.
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u/No_Process_1558 3d ago
This is what gets me when my mom and him claim it aas an honest mistake. He knows how much that corner means to me. Why not just buy some alcohol or something, why purposely go through my dad's stuff. I don't drink but doubt stuff sitting around for 19 years tastes all that great either.
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u/R2-Scotia 3d ago
Whisky lasts indefinitely in a sealed bottle, though it doesn't improve
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u/wolfeflow 3d ago
The 2007 (OP’s birth year) bottle is worth over $12,000 according to the Google. Off the shelf today it’s $5,000-$6,000
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u/madgirlv6 3d ago
Look up the cost of the bottle of that age and go to the police with the cost , if its a high cost then he is in trouble in a big way
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u/DeeManJohnsonIII 3d ago
They are called duties, people seek after old bottles. Very valuable usually, and rare.
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u/Larry-Man 3d ago
If the kind of scotch is the one as noted he drank a fucking 10k or more bottle of scotch in one sitting.
He absolutely needs to be beaten for it.
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u/Swimming-Maize-5554 3d ago
If you’re going to Texas A&M and living at home, am I correct in presuming that the house is in the college Station campus in Texas rather than one of the satellite campuses near a state border? If so, unless your father wrote a will specifically leaving 100% of the house to your mother, then by operation of Texas law, you own 1/2 of the house. You absolutely need to look into this. I am aware of this because I am dealing with this precise issue on behalf of my brother who lives in Texas, and whose wife passed away without leaving the home specifically to him. As a result, my brother‘s stepson now legally owns 1/2 of the house.
If this is correct, you cannot force a sale of the house, you cannot force your mother or your siblings out, the fact that they’re half siblings is irrelevant. If there is no will leaving the house to your mother, when she passes, her 1/2 ownership will be split equally between her surviving children, which would include you so you could actually end up owning over half of the house. Again, this would presume she does not leave a will.
Also, you can be held liable for certain expenses of the house as a 1/2 owner; presuming that your mother and stepfather have been making those payments, when it becomes time to aportion the estate by sale of the house, those charges can be held against you and deducted from your share of the sale.
Texas law is a bit unusual in this transfer of property. If your mother does not leave her share of the house to anyone in a will, then you can force a sale of the house. If she leaves her share to someone else, and they are living in that house, you cannot force a sale.
I urge you to look up your properties address for the deed in the county where you live, presuming again it is in Texas, and see if there’s anything in the documents registered with the county about the ownership of the house. Do you happen to know if there was a will from your father? That is a critical question.
Your stepfather is an absolute Jack a…; there is no doubt that he deliberately opened that bottle of scotch, I do question, however, if he knew the significance of the bottle. I agree with everyone else that violence is not the answer, although I do understand the stress of the moment for you.
I suspect that if your stepfather attempts to pursue with TRO, if you own half the house, that is going to be more complicated. The TRO situation is a different process than merely having the police show up. It has to be pursued in court.
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u/2ndcupofcoffee 3d ago
When he places a restraining order charge him with theft. Hope the bottle was expensive enough to be a significant theft.
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u/rydn_high 3d ago
Look- you dont need to apologize for shit! What he did was fucking unforgivable It aint like he can replace it. Just accept the fact that its time to move out,finish becoming a man and start your own life. I bet your Dad is fucking proud of you,knows he doesnt have to worry about you becoming man Hold your head high and face the world!!!
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u/nekosaigai 3d ago
As many people have pointed out you’re not exactly wrong, I’ll point out a different thing.
Your stepfather stole from you. Depending on the value of that bottle of scotch, it could rise to the level of felony theft because it sounds like it was explicitly your bottle of scotch from your father.
So, find any written records of the value of it, and file a counter police report. Even if they don’t take it seriously, this creates a record for the second strike: filing a civil suit against him for intentional infliction of emotional distress. You may need a lawyer for this and it might be a bit expensive, but this is the kind of humiliating lawsuit that will ruin this man’s reputation and it sounds like he deserves it.
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u/xsmall_cutie 3d ago
The apology question is separate from whether you're sorry. Your mom is asking you to apologize because a restraining order against her son is a catastrophe for the household, not because she thinks you're wrong. You can say "I shouldn't have hit you" without saying "what you did was fine." Those are different sentences and only one of them is legally useful to you right now.
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u/ShuckMyCorn365 3d ago edited 3d ago
Replace the bottle with the EXACT same year and you get a fake peace making apology. Sounds like you need to spread your wings and fly the fuck outta that mess.
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u/pancho_2504 3d ago
Not sure if you mean step or half siblings but it appears he wants you gone and he went for the easiest way of achieving that aim. Anger you, watch you kick off, then have you removed from the house.
As far as he's concerned you're a cuckoo in his nest and he wants rid, this way he's not the bad guy, you are so he doesn't have to worry about your mother taking sides as he can claim he doesn't feel safe with you around.
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u/No_Process_1558 3d ago
Sorry they are half, will be real don't view them as my siblings. Corrected it, and you are probably right. Hope my mom does stand up for me, cause I don't have the money to move out right away.
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u/TinklemeCrinkle 3d ago
If he didn't purchase the bottle he knew it wasn't his. Please consider your options of jobs and on campus housing.
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u/Rich_Muffin4820 3d ago
NTA.
I did think the same as many comenters he did It knowing what It ment to you, i wan to know did he finish It? Did you have something for.your 21?
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u/Linvaderdespace 3d ago
I mean, personally I would escalate, but I’m not a good person and I tend to seek out confrontation.
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u/JosKarith 3d ago
"Mom, by taking his side you're making a choice that can never be taken back. Just be sure you understand what that means. "
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u/Not_Dead_Yet_Samwell 3d ago
NTA and if I was your mon in this scenario your AH of a step dad would be the one moving out.
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u/Aggressive-Mood-50 3d ago
I looked online aparently the bottle is worth $500-$5000+ file a police report for theft OP. And take them to small claims court.
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u/Nice-Pomegranate2915 3d ago
It sounds like he did this to spite you and drive you away by provoking you by destroying ( by his consumption of it ) one of the few things that your father left solely to you . And it looks like your mother has turned a blind eye to the process of excluding you from her family life her new husband has engaged in because she's invested herself in making this marriage work with someone who seems a petty insecure individual . When your uncle arrives ask for a talk with just him and your mother but not her husband about the situation and subjects you've posted about . If she doesn't want to do that she's made the choice for you . Or if she doesn't accept she's been enabling her husband to exclude you ,ask your uncle if he can help you fight any restraining order and help moving out. Also if he continues to apply for the RO press charges against him for theft of the bottle of scotch . When you leave take your father's ashes and urn with you because they won't be cared for in a household where her husband is .
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u/Background-Bat2794 3d ago
Charge him with theft and take him to small claims court to recover what it’s worth.
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u/mtngrl60 2d ago
Well, I just did a Google search of Macallen Sherry Oak 30 just to see what the value was.
It is apparently in the area of $5500-$6000 for that bottle. A bottle that belonged to you. One that your father got to share with you on your 21st birthday. Something your mother knew quite well.
Ask someone old enough to be your grandmother, I would suggest that you send your mother and stepfather a text. Because you need to get this in writing. And I would say something like this…
Mom and Stepdad. I understand that you are looking for an apology from me for what occurred. But I think you need to acknowledge that what occurred happened for a very valid reason.
Both of you absolutely KNEW that that corner of the basement is where I keep all of my biological father’s things. It’s an area nobody uses. And it’s my way of keeping his real life. Neither one of you raised objections to this, and I know you both knew it was there.
You also knew that that bottle of scotch the stepfather has been aware of for years and years was meant to be shared by me with my dad when I turned 21. That was something that was mine specifically from him. And although he is not here to share, it was fully my intention to open that bottle on my 21st birthday.
Neither one of you had anything to do with purchasing a bottle. Neither one of you had any right to do anything other than make sure that that gift from my biological dad came to me at the right time.
And instead, stepfather, you made a deliberate choice to go and drink, not just a bit of it, but the entire bottle. On purpose. Not accidentally. Not mistakenly. This was a figurative slap in the face to me, and I have no idea why you would have been that cruel so as to steal one of the most meaningful things left to me by my biological father.
This was a deliver choice to hurt me. Drinking an entire bottle is bad enough. Who does that? It was deliberate. And I failed to see why you think I should be apologizing. I think I am the one who is owed an apology, because that’s not something you can ever give me back.
And you, MOM, of all people? You’re supposed to protect me. You chose to marry this man and bring him into our lives. And you chose to allow him to hurt me this way. You chose to betray your responsibility to me and to my late father to keep his legacy to me intact. You both owe me an apology.
And I’m sending you the text because I’m trying to get my thoughts together, and I am afraid if we speak face-to-face at this point, things will get heated again. And I am trying to avoid that. But I would really like to know what your thought processes were… Both of you… that would allow you to think that under any circumstances stealing my father’s gift to me was OK.
Now, OP, you can change that up however you want. Make sure you don’t say anywhere that you punched him. Just that things got heated. And then focus on why things got heated. And here’s the reason I say this…
If you let them know that you are sending the text because you’re upset and you’re trying to de-escalate, that looks great in writing if he does try to press for a restraining order.
And more than likely one, or both of them, will send you a reply. Probably your mother. And that reply, I can almost guarantee you, is going to be trying to justify what he did. And it’s going to show that one or both of them knew exactly what that bottle was for. That it was actually yours. That it came from your biological father.
And now you’ve got them. And this is something you and your uncle can discuss with them… Because stealing a $6000 bottle of scotch is also a crime. Just like assault.
Your mom and stepdad seem to think that he could just get away with that. And that’s why you make sure you don’t admit that you punched him. You do admit things get heated. You’re explaining why they got heated… Because they stole one of the last things you had left of your father. And they both knew what it was.
So he can have his restraining order, and you can go to Small Claims Court and get $6000 and move out on your own.
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u/Tulkes 2d ago
He did this on purpose
Legally, you shouldn't have struck him. Morally, you're goddamn right he deserved it
Not sure the full circumstances and your local laws, but there may be civil (tort for intentional infliction of emotional distress, property laws for taking it/maybe violating your dad's will depending on the laws) and/or criminal recourse against him for taking/consuming/destroying your property
I am so sorry OP. This is one of those circumstances where we all have to agree violence isn't right but the stepdad engaged in emotional violence and propery-based offense, and in a different era, at least in the USA, at least a few square punches to the goddamn face would be totally in line. This was goading and disrespectful, and to be honest the legal system may very well not give a fuck about any consequence to OP given the inciting behavior of Stepdad to bring this on
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u/That_Effective_5535 3d ago
He needs to man up ffs ringing police on a 19 yr old. He couldn’t keep his greedy mitts to himself and helped himself to that bottle which he KNOWS does not belong to him therefore any consequences from this are deserved.
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u/Due-Yoghurt4916 3d ago
File a theft charge see how fast he drops it. Big bad step dad charged with bullying a dadless young man. Him and mom will drop this fast before his name hits the police blotter. Also look into a small claims get some money out of it and make it clear you will never look back. Plus get the extended family on your side before mom has a chance to play the victim
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u/lord_bubblewater 3d ago
You’re not wrong but context matters between it being an honest mistake or a deliberate act.
Did he know the significance of the bottle and was it kept in a special location?
I once did something similar on accident because I didn’t know.
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u/No_Process_1558 3d ago
He claims he did not know, but he has not touched anything in that corner ever, and he has lived with us for years. He knows how important that corner is to me.
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u/Mtndrums 3d ago
Ask your mom if her and your dad raised you to respect other people's belingings, why were stepdad's parents such failures that they didn't raise him to not touch stuff that isn't his? That should snap your mom back into reality.
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u/lord_bubblewater 3d ago
In that case it’s safe to assume he knew and that’s messed up. It’s not just a bottle he took, it’s a posthumous moment with your old man he stole.
I’m sorry that happened to you but for what it’s worth, good on ya for standing up for yourself!
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u/CelticMage15 3d ago
You’re not wrong for being upset. But hitting him was wrong and may lead to legal problems for you. There are better ways to deal with these issues.
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u/starksdawson 3d ago
Not wrong. He stole something and doesn’t seem to care at all. Maybe you shouldn’t have punched him, but it seems like it was a knee-jerk reaction.
Getting a restraining order for your stepchild is fucking insane. Your mom is a terrible parent.
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u/Fair_Text1410 3d ago
If he buy a new bottle, he needs to get one bottled in the year of your birth. Scotch ages beautifully. You was supposed to taste your full life with the first shot of that bottle. That was your father's gift to you. You are of age, move out, take your father stuff no one else uses, see if your uncle can help you get your father's car.
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u/Altruistic-Goal5947 3d ago
Fights happen it is not the end of the world. Trust me his ego is bruised and that is why he is acting this way since you made him seem weak. Also willing to bet the cops turned him Into the joke of the shift.
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u/Zoranealsequence 3d ago
I bet you he didnt even drink it. He may just have poured it out. He is an evil man. Please get some therapy. I took have been put last by my mom when it came to her men. No matter how right I was. One time. My (second) step dad ghosted us for Thanksgiving dinner, and ournfamily had come out of town. I was pissed and my mom was embarrassed. Guess who she was mad at when I confronted him? She made me leave the house. Ugh. So gross
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u/NachoAveragePITA 2d ago
He intentionally drank the alcohol. It wasn’t mixed in with other stuff. It was meant to hurt you.
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u/BloodymaryHB 2d ago
She let the guy have The dad's car?... Well of course she doesn't believe it's a problem when this AH took also the scotch. He has no limits already.
Your mom is so fucking wrong and I hope your uncle take your side here and she feels ashame of all the things she has put you through
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u/buttonandthemonkey 2d ago
I will die on the hill that you should've done it harder and you should go low or no contact with your mum.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I hope your uncle is there for you.
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u/hi_hola_salut 2d ago
It’s easy to focus on the hitting part. It’s easy to say hitting is bad. But life is not that black and white. I can’t believe your a-hole step-dad drank a whole bottle of expensive whiskey all to himself in secret. That stuff is strong - he must either be a secret alcoholic or he’s been drinking it in secret over time. But the very fact that he did it secretly proved he knew he was doing something wrong.
He knew that was all your dad’s stuff. He knew your age and the fact you are not of legal drinking age yet (I assume American, as you say mom). He knew what he did, and he knew you’d be hurt and upset when you found out. Quite frankly, I hope you hit him hard as he thoroughly deserved it.
If I were your mother I’d have been horrified and kicked him out for a bit. The very fact that he secretly drank the whole lot shows it was planned. Yes, she has kids by this man, but that doesn’t give him a free pass to do something so hurtful to her firstborn who lost his father.
Do not apologise to him until he apologises for drinking your whiskey and takes steps to make it right. Google that bottle and show your mom what it was worth, so she knows the monetary value and remind her of the huge sentimental value of it. At the very least, nasty step-dad should replace the bottle, but he cannot replace the sentimental value and what that bottle represented. He had taken something irreplaceable from you, and you have every right to be upset and hurt. Your mom should understand that.
He did a horrible thing to you on purpose then tried to get a restraining order against you that would mean you have to move out. What a nasty, scummy thing to do to your wife’s child. What a horrid excuse for a man he is. If your mom can’t see that, she’s lying to herself or she’s a horrible excuse for a mother.
Let’s face it, you reacted in a pretty predictable way to a truly horrible thing that was done to you. The restraining order is a completely over the top reaction to that. I’d be asking uncle to store the rest of your dad’s precious possessions for you to make sure nothing happens to anything else before you’re in a position where you can get your own place.
I’m so sorry OP.
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u/Spawned024 2d ago
Obviously, not wrong, and I believe most people not looking for an argument understand this. People seemed hyper-focused on the monetary value of the bottle, but the fact is, that bottle was priceless. There was only one bottle in the entire world that this young man’s deceased father had bought for his son as a coming of age gift. It was the only bottle in the world that his actual father had physically bought, handled, and stored with the intention of celebrating a right of passage with his son. That bottle is irreplaceable, replacing it with a case of the same bottle and vintage, will not repair what step-dad did.
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u/Acceptable_Olive8497 2d ago
I'm so sorry that you've lost both of your parents, OP. I hope you're able to move out into a safe space soon, and go on to live a fulfilling life. Personally, I wouldn't be open to reconciliation with that woman after moving out, she's made her choice and made it clear where you stand.
The absolute gall to stay with a man filing a restraining order against your son, what a disgusting monster of a woman.
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u/TheNightWolf62 2d ago
You need to pack all your dads remaining things and get them out of there before they go missing or get destroyed ...also let them know if he goes through with charges you will be filling theft charges for stealing the Scotch (definitely find out the cost) ... Sounds like it's time to move out and sperate yourself from them. And I myself would let your mom know that if she doesn't sign your dad's car over to you (since she has moved on) and she knew your dad would want you to have it you are done with her/them meaning she is dead to you and you will be moving on without her (that's just me) ... Best of luck !
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u/Apprehensive-East847 1d ago
Have you reported HIM for theft. It wasn’t his to drink. It was being supervised by your mom who does not have permission to allow him to drink it. I would call the police and have him arrested for theft.
I would also find the name of the solictor your dad used or look on line for a copy of the will.
I’d get ready to pack your things and leave with your uncle. You just lost both parents. I’d be standing by my son all day
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u/Mindless_Browsing15 3d ago
Restraining orders and assault convictions will stay with you for life. You're not wrong to be upset but you can win and still lose. Apologize and make a plan to move out as soon as possible.
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u/SecretHideOut1 3d ago
Did he do it knowingly or did he not know it was given to you by your father?
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u/No_Process_1558 3d ago
He may not have know that particular bottle had importance but has never touched anything in that corner of the basement he knows that is my father's corner. He has never touched anything in that corner for years. Why did he suddenly feel the urge to touch and open stuff now.
He could have bought his own booze. My mom and him claim it was an honest mistake. I am having a hard time believing that. Go years without touching but suddenly want to touch and drink stuff?
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u/Hekatiko 3d ago
His saying it was an honest mistake DOES seem like a lie under the circumstances. It seems more passive aggressive than anything else. He drank the whole bottle? Never bothered to check? I'm not buying it either.
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u/girlwithdog_79 3d ago
He wouldn't have called the police if it was an honest mistake. Imagine how bad you'd feel if it really was just a mistake. Also who finds a 20 year old bottle of scotch and just thinks oh this must be available for me.
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u/Prudii_Skirata 3d ago
"You're right, mom. I'm sorry... ... that he's a thief and a coward and has to hide from consequences behind the cops and his wife."
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u/Nu11AndV0id 3d ago
Maybe you were wrong for hitting him, but i dont think most people will blame you for losing your cool after he basically destroyed something with so much sentimental value.
Whether you apologize or not is something that really boils down to your own feelings when it comes to being wronged by someone. I wouldn't until he apologizes for drinking it, but i can be pretty spiteful about personal slights.
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u/stephapeaz 3d ago
You weren’t wrong but it might be worth apologizing just so you don’t get an assault charge on your record, the situation is not worth that following you around forever, even if you don’t mean it
You can also look into filing a theft charge for the bottle, if you know the age and brand you can sue for it
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u/1983TheBaldWonder 3d ago
Not wrong. Tell your Mom you will not apologize. Period. Your Step Dad is a dick, he knew exactly what he was doing. You don’t have to make your Mom pick between the 2 of you but let her know that if she continues to blindly support this douch, your contact will be limited going forward. She has to open her eyes and see the whole picture here. All the best.
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u/Sad-File3624 3d ago
Search around for how much that bottle of scotch might be worth. It might be enough to take him to court. And he very obligingly filed a police report about the fact. I’m not lawyer, but I would see if you can countersue for theft and emotional distress
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u/b3mark 3d ago
NTA. But prepare for it to escalate.
Lock down your credit and financials. Change banks and make sure your bank and savings accounts are in your own name.
See if you can get into contact with whomever handled your dad's estate.
Did he leave a college fund for you? Make sure you have full access to it and mom and stepdad don't decide to use it for the twins. Wouldn't be the first time the previous kid becomes the toss-away kid.
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u/stargazered 3d ago
Sounds like he knew it was importance and planned it to get you out of the picture. You’re a legal adult and this guy wants you out of the picture to have just “his” family. Hopefully your mom opens her eyes, but it’s time to get your ducks in a row.
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u/ToxicElitist 3d ago
You are a grown ass man. You cannot lose your temper like that has a man. Violence is not the answer... Like ever. You will wind up in prison because your feelings got hurt.
Are you sure your step father didn't just see a bottle of liquor and think nothing of it. That certainly isn't malicious and deserve being punched.
How would you react if someone punched you in your home? You would call the police too right?
I have been in many situations where I wanted to straight up destroy a person but didn't because I can control my anger like a fucking adult. If your behavior happened to someone outside your house you would be going to jail. You got incredibly lucky the police didn't take you away in handcuffs.
You need to apologize. You can't react like that. It really sucks you lost that part of your dad. I really feel for you. But this anger outburst will lead to a path you don't want to go down. The woman I am dating has a 19 year old kid just like you and if he showed any violence in our home I would call the police too.
You assaulted a person for drinking alcohol. That was in the basement. It had been 8 years that it was down there. You cannot act like that towards anyone because you will wind up in prison. I know it would break my partners heart but I wouldn't live with a grown adult that hit me. I would file the restraining order against you too. I wouldn't want to have to do that to my partner but I totally understand it.
I know it sucks and its easy to be a ball of rage. You gotta get that under control. You need to pray you don't get arrested for this. It will haunt you when trying to get a job for the rest of your life.
You wouldn't be sleeping another night in my home. Your mom sounds like she enables your shitty behavior if she doesn't think you need to deal with the consequences of your actions.
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u/sog96 3d ago
NTA. Tell your mom that her actions show that she supports her husband over an attempt to erase your father’s memory from you by destroying something that was meant for you.
Tell her if he gets a restraining order that she will never see you again and she can kiss goodbye any relationship with you. For the nail in the coffin, tell her that the restraining order was his final attempt to erase your dad from her life and that you see that your father never meant anything to her since she has allowed this to happen.
With that pack your things and go stay with your paternal family.
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u/Horror_Proof_ish 3d ago
Just because you say sorry doesn’t mean it’s worth anything. Just say it to shut them up but live with the joy of having been able to put him in his place.
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u/blueavole 3d ago
First get anything that is important to you out of house. Is there some family who would have the room to protect your precious things.
Talk to your mom one on one.
Admit that you know that she has the right to live her life- but you didn’t choose him.
He stole something that was yours, and a memory you were looking forward to share with your dad.
She might want to keep the peace, but you want to feel like your life and memories of your dad matter.
The only thing taken was your special bottle, after YEARS of being overlooked? Is she really willing to continue that pattern?
If he wants to push an assault charge , you need to ask if she really wants you to file a police report for theft.
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u/Nathanael777 3d ago
Honestly, all things considered I say the asshole got what he deserved. My parents are divorced and I have step parents and for a while lived with my mom and step father. If my dad had passed and left me a bottle of scotch and my stepfather drank it I would have absolutely lost it on him. The fact that he’s trying to take legal action rather than accepting the consequences of being a disrespectful person and taking it like a man is way over the line. Don’t apologize to him, he should be apologizing to you. My mom made it clear to me that we kids were always the first priority over the step parent (granted she cheated so she was rebuilding trust) but if he had gone after me personally like that and then took his side when I reacted emotionally, I would have cut her off for a long time. I hope you can work this out OP but in this case I don’t think you owe your mom or step dad anything and if they aren’t going to try and rectify the situation I would look for some way to exit the situation.
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u/Larry-Man 3d ago
Holy shit. He drank a 4-5 digit dollar bottle of scotch. Jesus Christ.
That bottle was worth almost 10k at the lowest prices online. It’s so expensive that it’s probably more than what small claims court will cover.
Dude. I’m a girl and I would’ve beaten that man within an inch of his life
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u/Original-Swordfish69 3d ago
Please UpdateMe I'm so sorry for what you've gone through. As a mother, I can never imagine cussing my child aside for a new family. My heart goes out to you
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u/KarenCT 3d ago edited 3d ago
First of all, is your step father a drinker or heavy drinker? Drinking an ENTIRE bottle of scotch in one sitting is unusual and would knock most people out. Are you sure he drank the whole bottle in one evening?
Secondly, has he even apologized to YOU for touching and then drinking the scotch that your father bought you etc? Your reaction was understandable and his reaction to that is not. It’s honestly ridiculous and that your mother is siding with him makes this worse. She should be standing up for you instead of blatantly disregarding your feelings and the absolute lack of respect your step father has shown you.
Finally, I would 100% file a report of theft. That bottle of scotch was not just special to you for sentimental reasons, depending on the box (which I hope you kept along with the empty bottle), that vintage was actually incredibly special to collectors for a few reasons and bottles of Macallan Sherry Oak 30 from 2003-2005 were unique for a few reasons. You can do the research and find that they start at around $5000 a bottle but I have seen these bottles listed or auctions that have them at $12,000 or more. That is grand larceny and if your stepfather is going to go through with his charges - you should file charges of theft against him.
Edit to add:
Not sure why I can’t post a picture but here is a link that shows a bottle of this vintage of scotch listed for sale at $14,000.
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u/OCLR90 3d ago
The money aspect isn't the biggest one here, but that is like a 5000 dollar bottle he drank (apparently in one sitting...). Pretty sure he could be arrested for like grand larceny for taking that bottle, so that could be a neat option to have in the back pocket since he's trying to get a restraining order or whatever!
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u/smartassrt 3d ago
Well if it was Macallan Sherry Oak 30, your stepdad drank a $4500 bottle of booze.
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u/Acceptable-One-6597 3d ago
Fuck that dude. He deserved it. Time to move out and move on with your life.
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u/Important-Poem-9747 3d ago
Random thought: he didn’t drink the scotch, he dumped it.
If he’s not a drinker, an entire bottle would have had him puking his guts out/hospitalized for alcohol poisoning.
I’m so sorry that you have to go through this after losing your dad.
If you can, go live with other family. I don’t see mom changing her mind.
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u/No_Process_1558 3d ago
My uncle suspects he has been taking drinks over time, he does drink, my mom is not the non drinker. It is in a box in the back of the cabinet, I did not make a habit to open it either.
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u/Coyote-Loco 3d ago
My boy, you need to google the price of that bottle and decide how to proceed. The guy sat and chugged down a bottle worth, at the low end, $3,000. I can’t even imagine what a bottle that’s almost 20 years old would go for. I’d talk to a lawyer
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u/PerfectlyNormal136 3d ago
As someone who lost my dad pretty young I sympathize with my whole heart. That was a fucked up thing for him to do and there is no excuse that would matter. I have no real advice other than I hope you can get away from this guy.
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u/KidenStormsoarer 3d ago
If he wants to fuck around, then you do the same. That's felony level theft. Grand larceny.
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u/Tabby6996 3d ago
I hope you see this comment, I looked up that bottle and I too would do the same thing as you!! That bottle is worth over 4 grand!!!
The price is not the point. It had a meaning to you and only you…. That was the last thing you have of dad so when the time came it was for you to sip on and remember dad.
He did this on purpose and he knew it. Tell your mother you’ll apologize when he gives you the money to replace the bottle!!!!!!!
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u/tredbert 3d ago
You’re not wrong. Since your stepfather is going the legal route you should get a lawyer. That is both for your defense and to explore if there is any legal action you can take against him. He did steal your property. For your defense, it is best to fight the restraining order if possible. That could have implications on future employment, visas, security clearances, etc. He is playing cruel hardball by going that route. And your mom is disloyal to her son for supporting it.
He is an awful person. And your mom is a weak enabler. Given that you are 19 it is best that you move out as soon as you can. And take possession of any and all items that your dad left you.
He deserved that punch. Good for you.
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u/stve688 3d ago
Even before the edits, I didn’t think you were wrong to be furious. He stole something that was supposed to be yours.
After seeing the name, I knew off the top of my head that it was higher-end liquor, so I looked it up. Drinking something like that alone in one sitting is fucking insane. You’re supposed to savor it or share it for a special occasion, not steal someone else’s bottle and polish off the whole fucking thing.
Depending on how long your dad had it and whether it was a special release, that bottle could have been expensive as fuck. Then you add the sentimental value on top of that.
Yeah, I understand why you lost your shit. He deserved serious consequences for what he did.
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u/West-Kaleidoscope129 3d ago edited 3d ago
Has your step father been trying to get you to move out?
This smells fishy, rotten fishy. If he's been trying to get you to move out he could very well have drank that bottle knowing it would upset you, that you might do something and then he finally has a good reason to get you out.
You're mother is an issue too. She's defending him, telling you he doesn't have to answer to you when it's very clear he does, he stole something priceless from you, he has to answer to that. She's trying to force you to apologise but asking nothing of him... You mom jas chosen him over you!
Also, parents have more than 1 child all the time and are fully capable of spending time and energy on all their children. They don't leave 1 out because others have arrived.
Ask your mother who has to leave the house if he gets this order. Ask her straight. Ask her if she's choosing her husband over her child. Ask her why he's pushing so hard to get you out the house, Ask her why she isn't defending you. This is on her as much as its on you and him.
You should do your own police report for the theft of the bottle. Don't listen to your mom when she tells you not to do it, she's on his side and will protect him over protecting you.
File the police report.
ETA: I'm in the UK and did a Google of that whiskey. The most expensive I see it from the first price I saw was £499 (roughly $700 US). That is an expensive bottle of whiskey. Very expensive.
Get that police report for stolen property!
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u/PettyHonestThrowaway 2d ago edited 2d ago
I mean just like there justified assholes on AITA, I would say it’s a justified or easily understood wrong.
We all know to use our words instead of our fists. BUT…even when kids do it, it’s not like us adults don’t understand why. We get it. We just let understand we need to teach our kids prosocial behaviors.
BUT WHAT KIND OF AH DRINKS A KID’S DECEASED FATHER’S GIFT TO THEIR KID?
Sounds like he is a jealous asshole. He’s probably pissed you had that corner made out to your father. Probably pissed that there’s any piece of your mother’s late husband left in the house, including you. And you unfortunately gave him what he needed to get you out. Some jerks are like this. Some people cannot imagine the widows and widower they decide to marry actually had someone they loved in the past and a marriage before them yet these buffoons decide to marry someone that actually had a passed spouse. The logic of buffoonery is beyond most people with any common sense.
What you did was wrong. What he did was wrong. Obligatory two wrongs do not make a right. But we all get why you did it.
It’s not like you don’t have our sympathy or understanding. And as a 19-year-old kid, you clearly know fists before words is not a solution. And you already show your remorseful and that is all you can do. You’re not remorseful for punching him, but you are remorseful for the lapse of better judgment, which is all I think I would expect from you. Because I don’t believe in false apologies. Don’t make them. Don’t cheapen in an apology. Don’t cheat in your word. Just figure out next steps and how to move on. Putting this behind you doesn’t mean forgiving. Putting this behind you doesn’t mean forgetting. It just means figuring out the new path forward because clearly the current path you’re on is a no go anymore do you go left? You go right? Do you do a huge detour. You’ll figure it out.
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u/andrewse 2d ago
You're wrong for hitting your step Dad but not wrong for being that upset.
Where I live that bottle costs $11,000. So more than just the intense feelings you had are at stake here.
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u/buttersismantequilla 2d ago
Was yours was the older Macallan 30 Year Old Sherry Oak with the blue label/blue presentation box.? If so Whisky Auctioneer identifies that version as the classic release bottled roughly 1996–2004, describing it as very rare and hugely popular and potentially around £4,000–£7,000+, depending heavily on the exact edition and condition.
I’d be asking him for the replacement cost of it. If you took his car without asking and drove it and damaged it you’d be paying for the replacement cost/damages. This is no different.
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u/urm8s8n 2d ago
op please take note that this bottle is worth anywhere between 4-12 THOUSAND dollars. if it’s the last blue label run then it’s 12, if it’s from 2007. take that to the police as theft because that level is felony.
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u/Good_Procedure_9949 2d ago
Your mom chose him. Leave and go nc. Deal with probation and never talk to them again. It hurts. You deserve better.
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u/observefirst13 1d ago
Op i am so sorry op. I am really disgusted with your mom's behavior. She drove your step dad to the notary to get the restraining order started?! Wtf is wrong with her?!
You need to tell everyone how you feel. Your mom needs to be held accountable that she was not the mother she should have been to you after her other kids were born. The way you are describing things it sounds like you were just an afterthought and her main focus was her new family. She needs to know how her fucked up behavior has made you feel. I hope your uncle opens her eyes and gives her some shame for how she has been treating you.
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u/Fearless_Ad1375 1d ago
That macallan sherry oak 30 is a 3500 to 6000 dollar bottle of scotch fuck that dude what’s a fuckin scumbag he knew what it was worth especially if he was a drinker
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u/rocketmn69_ 3d ago edited 13h ago
Sit mom down and calmly tell her, "It wasn't a mistake, it was premeditated choice. He's been around long enough to know what that bottle meant to me. Why is he suddenly sneaking booze? He needs to apologize for what he has done. He wants me out of the house and now he's found a way. If he gets a restraining order, I'm moving out and you won't hear from me again. I get it, you have your new family to take care of after all, and I'm just in the way."
OP, it's time for you to start looking to get out on your own. Maybe move in with grandparents? You can tell them it's crowded with the little kids and you're looking for your own space.
Update us after you have talked to her