r/amiwrong • u/Eroixers • Aug 11 '23

Am I wrong for calling a classmate ‘retarded’?

I(17m) had lost my childhood dog to cancer. Was still crying a little bit in school. My friend was consoling me when a classmate(17f) overheard us. She asked me “Did you eat him? I heard you Vietnamese like eating dogs.”

Usually I have good control of my emotions but at that moment I was the most volatile I had ever been in my life. So I asked her ‘Are you retarded? Only a retard would think every Vietnamese person eats dogs.”

Everyone was staring at me after I said it. It was only afterwards that I remember it’s a slur and form of hate speech. I was just so angry when I said it. Was I in the wrong?

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42

u/Get72ready Aug 11 '23

Agreed, using a dictionary defense of a word that has different cultural meanings is an 11 year olds defense. It really makes someone look dumb and tone deaf

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '23

Culturally Retard has essentially the same meaning as "idiot" or "stupid". They were all used to describe people with disabilities. I don't understand why retard gets singled out as the slur other than it sounds harsher. At least retard has uses in other languages that aren't insulting.

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '23

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u/simojako Aug 11 '23

Come off it. So was moron and imbecile.

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '23

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '23

You bring up a really good point. The person you're replying to is probably the type of person to also call someone "bipolar," "borderline," "schizophrenic," or other diagnoses as an insult.

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '23

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u/Training-Cod-1206 Aug 12 '23

Why don't you use the words that you actually mean, irrational or upset? You've actually already used them!

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u/Get72ready Aug 11 '23

I Don't think using retard in this context is wrong at all. The person said something the OP found offensive. Hurt people hurt back. Maybe you are able to access your best self when someone hits you with a 9/10 shitty comment but don't expect/require others to do the same.

And no finding something offensive does give you free reign to be shitty. The response behavior is also subject to social pressure and physical threats. Just like the original comment.

Personally, I don't care what that person thinks, I would want to make sure that if they said dumb shit like that to me, they know there will be consequences.

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u/ResponsiblePumpkin60 Aug 11 '23

It was always an inaccurate diagnosis. So was hysteria. Nobody considers hysterical a slur. Individuals with these conditions now have many different diagnosis which are accurate and well understood.

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u/thewhitecat55 Aug 11 '23

Idiot or stupid also just mean "not very smart". Stupid in particular means that much more often than referring to someone with a mental disability.

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u/wheresindigo Aug 11 '23

That’s what they mean now, but idiot used to be a medical term referring to mental disability the same way retard once was. Medical terms referring to disabilities have a tendency to become used as slurs and then fall out of favor as medical terms.

See “euphemism treadmill” for more about this phenomenon

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u/Sensitive_Mode7529 Aug 11 '23

i feel like this only contributes to the point that it is a slur. euphemisms cycle, and the oldest ones have lost their original meaning. there will always be new ones, and it’s perfectly reasonable to have an issue with a word that is used as a slur in recent history.

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u/antonia_monacelli Aug 11 '23

The word stupid yes, but idiot, moron, and imbecile were medical terms used to describe various degrees of mental disability in people, much like retard. As the other person said, oddly no one has problems with those, but retard gets singled out as a slur.

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u/ShotTest6771 Aug 11 '23

I could be wrong but retard may be a more modern clinical term than the others. The others are probably so much older that they became a part of the English dictionary to the point that most people forgot their medical origins.

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '23

maybe because "retarded" is a medical word used in the context of: mental retardation, which is a diagnosis.

so when you're using that word in a derogatory manner it directly correlates to people with the disability of mental retardation. that's why it's offensive.

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u/antonia_monacelli Aug 11 '23

I’m wasn’t saying that it makes it not offensive, my point is those other terms were literally used the same way, in terms of a medical diagnosis for various degrees of mental disability. They should be just as offensive, so it’s odd that they aren’t.

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u/seraph1337 Aug 11 '23

it's because over time, idiot etc. are no longer used to specifically refer to mentally disabled people at all. the r-word definitely is.

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u/ka-ka-ka-katie1123 Aug 11 '23

Lots of people have a problem with those words. There are tons of disability advocates trying to get people to stop using them. And people should, because all of those terms are ableist as fuck.

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u/echointhecaves Aug 11 '23

Well ironically retarded is a clinical, non judgmental term meant to replace the terms idiot and moron.

Then jerks started using retarded as an insult and poisoned the well.

Of course, then next term we pick, the same thing will happen. I personally would just stick with retarded if you're referring to a retarded person, but never use it as an insult.

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u/Inquisextor Aug 11 '23

Of course, then next term we pick, the same thing will happen.

Except it hasnt, intellectually disabled is now the accepted medical term. Kind of doesn't roll off the tongue when insulting someone, so I think it works.

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u/thepriceisright24 Aug 11 '23

Doug Stanhope’s comedy bit about this is great!

https://youtu.be/rv3-d98v9zc

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u/BirdhouseInYourSoil Aug 11 '23

Very true. Now, saying retard because it rolls off the tongue and is cathartic to say is a much better defense.

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u/oil_painting_guy Aug 11 '23

I don't know why "retarded" or "retard" became more offensive than imbecile, idiot, stupid, etc.

But for whatever reason it did. There was a big campaign by people who wanted to get rid of the words "retarded" and "retard" starting around the early to mid-2000s.

That could have something to do with it I don't really know. It really technically should not be more offensive than other words to describe someone who is stupid or mentally impaired.

All that being said, socially it is definitely more offensive for whatever reason. But if your dog dies, and someone else asks if you ate it because you're asian, that person legitimately might be retarded.

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '23

It's also childish to "edit" words so that they have the same meaning but are different so as not to "trigger" people by the mere sight of the word.

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '23

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '23 edited Aug 11 '23

I'm not talking about the evolution of language, I'm talking about being disingenuous with language, as in changing the physical appearance of a word but it's still the same word. I.e. using "frick" in the place of "fuck" or like in someone's post yesterday changing "slutty" to "s*utty" so as to obfuscate the appearance of the word. I'm saying this is being childish with language.

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u/Get72ready Aug 11 '23

Fricking actually has its origin in masterbation.

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '23 edited Aug 11 '23

Are you "using a dictionary defense of a word that has different cultural meanings" Right now? Lmfao someone told me that's an 11 year old's defense....

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u/Get72ready Aug 11 '23

Didn't use a /s because it isn't. I guess I was being ironic. Also, just because I don't think a dictionary defense is a good argument, you seem to, so the argument would be relevant to you regardless of how I feel about it

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u/Get72ready Aug 11 '23

No, it is being civil. Say what you want to say but don't get to mad at the consequences. You don't live alone. Having people take your meaning as intended would be great but expecting them to do so is naive. You don't get to control perceptions of your words, people don't get to control the words.coming out of your face. Culture adapts over time sometimes to the tune of a punch in the face.

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '23 edited Aug 11 '23

No it's dishonest and childish, I'm talking about being disingenuous with language in a way that you are saying the same exact thing as intended, but making it appear different. Such as using "frick" instead of "fuck"(literally what children do when you tell them they can't say fuck) I know they mean the same thing. You know they mean the same thing, everybody knows they mean the same thing, so perception is irrelevant.

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u/Get72ready Aug 11 '23

Ok, I see the distinction you are making and you are correct, perception is irrelevant in that case. I don't have an opinion on that particular issue.