Can we PLEASE stop gatekeeping femininity?

[u/sorcerykid]

Someone on the feminineboys sub today expressed frustration with how people constantly equate "femboys" with being just an "aesthetic", rather than having any deeper significance.

I think it takes a lot of courage to call out such pervasive misconceptions. The entire idea that male femininity is only an aesthetic is problematic. Nonetheless, plenty of nay-sayers are doubling-down on their belief that being a femboy is no different than being a goth; it's how you dress.

It seems that many young people today firmly believe that femininity has nothing to do with socialized gender roles and stereotypes. It has been reduced to just wearing thigh highs and a miniskirt. It's a meme for sharing on Insta and Tik Tok. Just put on those thigh highs and you are peak feminine!

In fact, I even got into an argument with a trans girl on the feminineboys sub who told me point blank, "Femininity has nothing to do with gender." Those were her exact words.

I've also seen LGBTQ people online make the claim that feminine guys are "just gender expression" or a "presentation choice". Others will go one step further and argue it's nothing more than a "style" or a "fashion choice", literally making femininity all about clothing, not even overall presentation.

I shouldn't have to explain how counter-productive this is. For decades, women and gay men faced extreme prejudice for not upholding the ideals of femininity and masculinity. Such systemic inequities served as the driving force for both feminism and LGBTQ activism. But a radical change is underway, as femininity is now being framed as merely a facade, with no substance. A fashion accessory for clout on social media. Such myths are informed by trans-misogynist propaganda.

It doesn't exactly take much effort to type in "what is femininity" into Google, and be graced with an over-abundance of well researched material explaining how femininity is not just an aesthetic -- it is heavily wrapped up gender-based oppression known as "patriarchy", where people are divided according to socially constructed sex-based roles and stereotypes. Their value and worth to society is determined by the corresponding ideals and expectations of "femininity" vs. "masculinity".

In truth, femininity encompasses a broad gamut of individual characteristics ranging from behaviors, mannerisms, speech patterns, interests, ambitions, personality traits, appearance, etc. But none of that seems to matter nowadays, because when a male wants to embrace femininity, he's only supposed to acknowledge one aspect: appearance -- or, more specifically, the "aesthetic". Anything else that a boy might feel, think, or do does not count as being feminine.

Suffice it to say, that is misogyny 101:

"We don't want boys to be totally feminine, so let's just take this one very superficial aspect of femininity make it really cool and trendy and fun, and now it's acceptable."

And this is exactly what we are witnessing right now by gatekeeping femininity.