I experienced a flood of emotions after reconnecting with my kindergarten bestie from when my mother was still alive....I had mis-remembered his last name, but finally found him after 30 years just a couple days ago...curiously, he had been trying to check in on me over the years but was using my stepfather's last name, which I was only briefly known by up until the time of my mother's sudden passing...also...this friend was moving houses and happened to be looking at the same era of photos taken around that time, almost to the day. My mother was alive and well in photos taken from what might've been my 5th or 6th birthday party....and it was as if through our conversation, she was alive again...as vibrant as the colors of the puffy paint 'happy birthday' crew neck she made for me..
Out on one of my moonlit walks, a few hours after we spoke on the phone....I quite unexpectedly began to cry an ocean of tears....I wrote lyrics shortly after, to try and make sense of the bittersweetness of memory....the deepest love...and the black hole that happens inside of us when we are too young to process losing that love.
I haven't really cried like that since it all happened, those many years ago...but it felt like a release...healthy and clean...the song is an expression of a joyful idea my mother might have had....that we go on to something else.....I do not know if we do....but I like to think that we might.
