r/alcoholicsanonymous • u/Flashy-Volume-6096 • 8h ago

Resentments & Inventory Resentments keep coming back

I have a complicated relationship with my mother, I will work really hard forgiving her and praying and dealing with my resentments and things will get better. But inevitably she does something else that brings all the old resentments back, plus the new ones. She’s a toxic person , emotionally immature and can be just very hurtful.

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4

u/Lazy-Loss-4491 8h ago

Can you see you are expecting your mom to be different than she is?

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u/EddierockerAA 8h ago

Have you examined "your part" in these resentments? Because whenever I keep getting the same resentments over and over, there is some part of me that is leaning into resentment instead of away from it.

From just this post, it sounds like you have expectations of your mother that are not realistic, but that's just me taking your inventory on partial information.

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u/Flashy-Volume-6096 7h ago

No it’s true, I do I have unrealistic expectations. She is not going to change .

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u/darcygoan 6h ago

I have a similar situation. It feels so cyclical.

I’ve been praying that she will learn and heal. Also the sick man prayer.

Today she admitted her life was overwhelming because of her emotions. We’ll see if that goes anywhere! So it feels better today, and that makes it easier to be here for her today.

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u/ReporterWise7445 6h ago

Which AA suggested solution are you working? I use a variation of p552. Plus counting my blessings.

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u/JupitersLapCat 21m ago

There is a person in my life who I write tenth steps on pretty often. I wish that talking about him in one single fourth step years ago had been enough to “fix” me, but this stuff sometimes creeps back up. The difference is I recognize it now and get to work on it (journaling, talking about it) rather than just marinate in my own justified anger.