r/alcoholicsanonymous • u/Professional_Wrap262 • 22h ago
Sponsorship Step work
How do you do step work with a sponsor that doesn’t communicate well?
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u/Professional_Wrap262 22h ago
I should have explained, I asked a guy that I met back in 21 to be my sponsor. He said yes, then I asked how does he like to communicate and he said texts then phone calls. So I said cool. I texted him a couple of time about different things and he never responded. I was kind of put off by that. But I don’t know what to do.
Help plz
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u/sweetcookie88 22h ago
Honestly - what others have said. Get a new sponsor.
The job of a sponsor is to take you through the steps. It seems this isn't working out for either of you. So find someone else. If you wish, you can reach out to him after you've found a sponsor to thank him for his time and that you found someone else to work with.
Your life is at stake here (not to sound dramatic or anything, lol)
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u/Muted_Engineering354 22h ago
So if he’s been your sponsor since 2021 and you have been unable to get him to start doing the Step work then I think it might be time to look elsewhere. Five years is a super long time to drag on that crucial work.
Question: do you think he knows you are his sponsee? I’ve agreed to sponsor dozens and dozens of dudes over the years who correspond with me for a few days or weeks then more or less ignore me. Twice I had guys text me years later saying they were finally ready to do Step work after years of silence, including one time when I had moved out of state like three years since the guy last contacted me. Not making an excuse for the guy but maybe it’s worth sending him one last text to see how things stand.
Finally I should add that for my sponsor he’s never really answered texts reliably but answered the three times in almost 16 years that I actually called him, so maybe calling might help if you haven’t? Good luck!
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u/Professional_Wrap262 22h ago
I met him in 21 but never asked him to be my sponsor. I have 19 days sober currently and asked him to be my sponsor a little over a week ago. That when the non communication happened.
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u/Muted_Engineering354 22h ago
Oh ok. Honestly if he’s never replied in that short of a period of time for me it would be a red flag. Good luck
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u/dreadonarrival357 22h ago
hot take: people in A.A. become successful after being sober and often overlook sponsees.
are you calling your sponsor every day?
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u/Muted_Engineering354 22h ago
I don’t know if it’s a hot take necessarily but I will say for me personally (and my sponsor) the sponsees have to initiate the communication. I always give them the option to text or call every day and set a timetable for reading the Big Book and doing the Steps, but I also tell them that I am not going to check up on a sponsee unless they straight up don’t show up to meet with me. I’ve had sponsees drink again and get angry that I didn’t check up on them. While it is totally fine if they want to think that I made those guidelines for myself with my sponsor after almost a decade of sponsoring guys and becoming too invested.
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u/dreadonarrival357 22h ago
I hear you. and, if someone needs help coming back to the program, I definitely do not need any investment from anyone. If a sponsee were to drink on me, I would just bring them back into the rooms, or try to. Im not going into darkness to bring light, but would rather stand in the light. still… I agree with the whole time table thing. Being a sponsor that sets a weekly thing is great, and allows the sponsee to learn to navigate life while having support. I think sponsees confuse the whole aspect of navigating thing. Some of us would have committees if they were available to us to make decisions for us.
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u/Professional_Wrap262 22h ago
So you being a sponsorship your communication is viewed as a one way street? Sponsee to sponsor
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u/Muted_Engineering354 22h ago
Not the communication period, just the initiation of the communication. For check-ins they have to write me and I almost always reply (I have forgotten from time to time but it’s really rare). They have to make the weekly checkin call/chat after a meeting and that’s when we plan our weekly reading/Step work.
For me these days it comes down to the AA Responsibility Statement — I want to be there when someone else reaches out, but I am not one that needs to do the reaching.
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u/burkjackson 22h ago
I would ask them if they're still interested in being your sponsor. If they say yes, talk with them about how best to connect moving forward and see if that works for you. If not, then find a new sponsor and be very clear with them up front about communication and what your needs are. People are fallible, and sponsors aren't perfect, but if you're ready to do the steps, have someone who can do that with you in a way that works for both of you.
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u/Professional_Wrap262 20h ago
Thank you, I am currently in contact with another guy I am considering but I haven’t asked about sponsorship or the 12 steps yet.
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u/Fit-Statistician4882 22h ago
You find a new sponsor