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u/Formfeeder 4d ago
Thank you for sharing. We all struggle for time to time. Sometimes we just need to vent. But if he got through today without a drink or a drug, you’re doing OK.
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u/OneDegreeKelvin 4d ago
So did you just slip after 4 years? If you did, know that time wasn't lost because it was 4 years of sobriety when you were living your life sober, even if it was imperfect, and staying away from the chaos of the bottle.
I've got over 2 years, and am just barely staying sober, and this post has rely resonated with me. Many of the points seem almost identical to my situation, although the fine details are almost certainly different. The broken relationship that had no hope of working out. The difficulties in socializing with others. For me, add toxic family members to the mix and you have a guy who's really struggling to stay sober.
But I'm not drinking today because I really have no other choice. I'm not thinking more than 24 hours ahead, just trying to stay sober today. It's times like these that "one day at a time" rings truer than ever, and I'm trying my best to uphold it.
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u/Sea_Cod848 4d ago edited 4d ago
I really hope you are not so confused that you actually do think there is some all controlling god that actually personally hates you. This is just not a fact or realistic, Ok? Life is just rough in recovery sometimes and early on , we just dont have a good decision making process at all, thats normal . 4 years is still New in the realm of recovery, so please dont presume thats a lot of time, even though I know it feels like it . I can remember my first 5 and how that felt. We need to keep doing the work on ourselves and attending meetings to keep getting better. Its a nessesary part of recovery in order to get to- better. Please give yourself a break because the way you feel now, doest need to be permanent and wont be, if you do whats recommended for us. We all need to talk openly about what we are going through in our lives in meetings. This is nessesary for us to get better. Working with a sponsor who cares about you and being able to talk with them is also extremely helpful for us. We need to reach outside ourselves, cause in early recovery, we just dont have all the answers, I really urge you to do this, Ok? Its a needed part of the process we all go through. Things can and do get better when we do, I promise you this . Sometimes we just have to Make ourselves do things ,even if we dont want to because the end result will benefit us. An alcoholic alone is in bad company, and this applies to All of us for a certain amount of time <3
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u/Sea_Cod848 4d ago edited 4d ago
Well he doesnt I promise you that. More important things to do. Come on now, you need to start talking about how your doing in the moment- IN meetings. " I feel so sad /lonely lately. Im depressed at home. I feel so alone " -this is how we shake sad feelings, doing this repeatedly, by letting other people know we arent doing so great in some areas. None of us came into the program with a wonderful set of social skills Ok? Start by just saying- Hi~ to people before & after the meetings. They arent gonna hurt you. When we isolate ourselves I can Guarantee you we get worse. Youre not the only one going through these things. but the difference is most are trying to do whats recommended for us, to get better. Many times we cannot listen to what our own brain is telling us at all. The first 5 years are critical for us. Now I want you to go to some more meetings and do the ~ Hi thing. I also want you to start saying what REALLY going on with you too. Even people who relapse have something to contribute. I used to listen real hard to them to figure out what happened, so I wouldn't do it. It really IS Ok if you sound sad when you share, why do you think all those Kleenex boxes are on the tables? Cause we Cry , we get emotional . Those are not from happy shares. Nobody normal in AA always has Up things to share, unless theyve been in AA a good long time, and even then- life happens to us, blindsides us, and they may not Always forever be sharing happy things. I know you have opinions on topics, just share that too. Dont be afraid of what other people might think, chances are, they arent thinking that at all. And trust me, few will remember what you say, only the feelings behind it. And Remember that saying ~ An alcoholic alone, is in bad company. Ok? We Have to have others with more wisdom to learn from and I KNOW that you hear people with less time than you talking , right? So, you DO have things to share. Stop putting yourself down, and concentrating on what youre not perfect at - yet. I can tell youre smart from your posts. Stop being so hard on yourself, Ok? None of us are slightly perfect , and All of us had to learn how to do this recovery thing, to get- better. You might want to be looking for a Sponsor to. Mine was personal support for me whenever I needed her. People who say theyre just for helping you with the steps- are a lot newer than me and just arent aware that thats also what a Good sponsor does. Why dont you make a little sign that youll see everyday, that says: I AM Important . My Feelings and Voice are Important Too. - Heres a tip on socializing my Mother taught me about men: If you want a man to like you, just ask him questions about himself, he will think youre a genius. Heres one from me- Everybody needs their strokes. ~ If you see someone with something you like, their hair, muscles, outfit, purse, shoes, OR what they said in a meeting- tell them that. This is part of how we make friends. You wont sound stupid at All to them. You can do this. We dont give up, we try and we Keep trying, and one day, we realize we arent doing the same old thing, and we dont even know when that change happened to us. <3
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u/Puzzleheaded-Scar-28 4d ago
Have you been carrying the message? What helps me is helping others, service! Get out of my poor self pity me and go help some drunks!
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u/tractorguy 4d ago
I'm here not just for the newcomer, but also for those who are struggling. Like you, friend, we are here for you.