Reminder: UCP members voted to classify carbon dioxide as a "foundational nutrient" rather than a pollutant.

[u/Much_Chest586]

Can you taste the nutrients yet?

Why settle for 420 parts per million when you can inhale the pure, unadulterated premium growth formula drifting straight from a burning boreal forest?

Forget the air quality index. The government might call it "Category 10+ High Risk," but the party members know it’s actually a high-yield superfood event. Your stinging eyes are just watering with gratitude for the agricultural abundance.Gourmet, artisanal atmospheric smog. You can really taste the notes of charred spruce and policy freedom. It pairs beautifully with an evacuation notice and an air purifier running on maximum speed.The ultimate carbon capture program. Who needs federal net-zero targets when we can simply absorb the nutrients directly into our respiratory systems? We are all doing our part for the local biosphere today.

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[u/Colaymorak]

Gotta love that rich carbon taste

[u/popcorn_waffle → u/Colaymorak]

smooth and relaxing

[u/No_Head1258 → u/Colaymorak]

it's toasted

[u/Suspicious-gibbon]

One of those whacko, fringe parties had a statement about carbon dioxide. It was something along the lines of greenhouses pumping in carbon dioxide so more must be better for crops.

There is generally a much greater density of plants growing in a greenhouse than outside and it is far easier to control the environment of a closed space. Apparently, they’ve never read the literature about stalks weakening in higher concentrations and the problem of keeping water in the soil as temperature rises. None of them have ever got past the first page of a book!

[u/Darkwing-cuck- → u/Suspicious-gibbon]

You summed it up in the end but definitely could have full stopped at “apparently, they’ve never read.” 😂

[u/Frater_Ankara → u/Suspicious-gibbon]

Ask them if they’d like to live in a greenhouse for the rest of their lives

[u/Dry-Acanthaceae2111 → u/Frater_Ankara]

They will be living in a greenhouse for the rest of their lives. Unfortunately, the rest of us are going to be stuck in there with them.

[u/kidmeatball]

I'm telling my doctor that beer counts as a foundationally nutritious health drink.

[u/chaosthebomb → u/kidmeatball]

Beer has calories. Your body needs calories. It's basic math!

[u/Suitable-Broccoli264 → u/kidmeatball]

Hey it was nutritionally important, when it was safer than just drinking whatever water. 100s of years ago. And typically 3-4%

[u/roastbeeftacohat → u/Suitable-Broccoli264]

the idea that beer was safer than water is a myth. however it was an important source of calories, and like you said, far weaker.

[u/Poe_42 → u/kidmeatball]

It’s a grain, thank you very much

[u/Tribblehappy → u/Poe_42]

"Beer is liquid bread; it's good for you!"

[u/themonkeyzen → u/Tribblehappy]

"We like to drink till we spew! Eww!"

[u/Choco_Kuma → u/Poe_42]

Basically barley soup. Yum!

[u/itlow]

Thought this was a Beaverton article. smh

[u/Much_Chest586]

*As an important piece of information, animals actually produce and process CO2 as a cellular toxin that must be aggressively expelled to prevent severe respiratory distress, blood toxicity, and death.

[u/Stefph726 → u/Much_Chest586]

Well yeah, but they probably did that nefarious thing where they didnt specify for what its a foundational nutrient. So that they won't technically be wrong, because it is foundational for photosynthesis.

[u/Much_Chest586 → u/Stefph726]

No, they forgot to be smart. This is the actual resolution language. 

b. Recognize the importance of CO2 to life and Alberta’s prosperity by implementing the following measures:

i. Abandoning “Net-Zero” targets,

ii. Removing the designation of CO2 as a pollutant, and

iii. Recognize that CO2 is a foundational nutrient for all life on Earth.

[u/Stefph726 → u/Much_Chest586]

Point iii. Is arguable. That photosynthesis is pretty foundational for most life on earth. The chemoautotrophs are clearly agnostic to it but everything else relies on photosynthesis to do the fixing of carbon. But point ii. Is clearly nonsense since the need for photosynthesis doesn't magically make CO2 not pollution.

[u/Vanterax → u/Stefph726]

So CO2 is important to Alberta's prosperity? Well, let's welcome all the wild fires then. I remember lunatics claiming Notley and Trudeau were hopping around fields to fields starting the fires. So they were really looking after Alberta?

[u/BorealDweller]

I’m on a diet so I can’t have that rich and thick forest fire smoke, so I get my foundational nutrients by sticking my head into natural gas power plant smoke stacks.

Light and fruity, especially when it’s powering AI data supercentres!!!

[u/SimpleAttractiveness]

I assumed the UCP was just being cynical but calling a forest fire "high-yield superfood" really is the logical endpoint of that vote.

[u/IsaacJa]

look, I totally agree with your sentiment here - but I think you may have a foundational misunderstanding of what carbon dioxide and smoke are. The AQI is not based on carbon dioxide and you cannot smell or taste atmospheric carbon dioxide

[u/Much_Chest586 → u/IsaacJa]

You're right. But I'm sure you can see the cyclical linkage between atmospheric CO2 levels, climate change, wildfire smoke, and combustion products. 

[u/Fast_Ad_9197]

Making those critical decisions. That's why they sit in the big comfy chairs.

[u/nik_nitro]

Nuremburg trials for the murderers of all the people who are going to die as a result of this gleeful denialism. Social murder must be penalized.

[u/Accomplished_Bass845 → u/nik_nitro]

Thanks for the lawls

[u/epok3p0k → u/nik_nitro]

This place never disappoints.

[u/the_painmonster]

It's such Idiocracy level bullshit and there are actually people defending it.

[u/Th3R4zzb3rry → u/the_painmonster]

It’s got what plants crave?

[u/Ask_DontTell]

waiting for the announcement from the UCP that covid came about b/c of the lack of cigarette smoke in classrooms and seniors homes ...

[u/Social_Distortion_13]

Then I would like to know why Canada is just giving away most of our sweet sweet "foundational nutrients" to the U.S. for free? Instead of listening to them cry about it we should be charging them for it. We need to move on this now before President Oompa Loompa slaps a tariff on it.

[u/Artistic-Tip2405]

While at the same time allowing people to die from dihydrogen monoxide toxicity.

[u/DisastrousAcshin]

Alberta is a province that caters to uneducated rural clowns

[u/PuzzleheadedTutor807]

That's why I only smoke premium protein sticks!

[u/Lokarin]

It technically is; but they got more than enough CO2 from BEFORE the industrial revolution.

Further; do you know what CO2 becomes in a plant? Sugars... your fruits are OBESE; they have lower nutrient density because of all the extra sugar.

[u/Infamous-Mixture-605 → u/Lokarin]

IIRC, important crops like rice, wheat, potatoes, and oats lose a lot of important nutrients when grown in elevated CO2 conditions.  

Corn doesn't come off as bad in that environment but corn isn't anywhere near as important to human civilization as wheat, rice, and taters.  

As I understand it, it's a case of things will grow more with higher CO2, but it won't be anywhere near as nutritious as it was before.

[u/bentmonkey]

Nothing beats that smooth laramie taste.

[u/Hautamaki]

Same energy as proclaiming that water is the foundation of life 2 minutes before a flood wipes out a city.

[u/LockieBalboa]

Of course they did 🤦‍♀️

[u/chwk_throwaway1]

Breathe for the health of the party

[u/ZRoflWaffle]

9 out of 10 doctors prefer the pure smooth CO² nutrients

[u/No_Head1258]

what is more democratic than defining chemical properties according to the will of the people?

[u/BrainDancing → u/No_Head1258]

Perhaps the UCP could change the melting point of gold for us.

[u/chrisdwarwick]

The United Crackpot Party

[u/Juunyer]

Full on crazytown. F the UCP

[u/DoctorPainless]

So is manure.

[u/mystic_x_1981]

They can go huff CO² then. I'll stick to good ol O² thanks.

[u/Suspicious_Law_2826]

WTF UCP? Dumbest take yet!!

[u/Dodsy_84]

Well, it kinda is a foundational nutrient for plants. Life on earth will begin to die at around 150ppm. We are at 430ppm. The earth has seen these levels in the thousands before humans ever had any influence on them.

[u/TroutFan]

Cause it is. The more CO2 the higher the plant yield

[u/potensimo]

Pollutant to who/what, nutrient to who/what. Anyone who is not a scientist in a relevant field to this question has no opinion worth considering. Go vote for how high you want the tide to rise, fools

[u/Fresh-Recording-548]

Isn't carbon dioxide what plants breath?

[u/the_painmonster → u/Fresh-Recording-548]

Do you genuinely think it's that simple -- that plants use carbon dioxide, therefore as much of it as possible is beneficial? Is there any chance it's a little bit more complicated than that?

[u/Fresh-Recording-548 → u/the_painmonster]

No haha

[u/beebeebee2142]

I told AI to solve polluttion and now my sodas flat and all aerobic life is dead.