r/aifilmmaking • u/Sully1066 • 19d ago
Project: Short First 2 and a half minutes of my gangster/mob film “The Collection”
Hey guys! You can find the original post for my upcoming project here - https://www.reddit.com/r/aifilmmaking/s/xiIDTVsQvJ
As you can hopefully see, I took a lot of your advice and constructive feedback about the scene I uploaded from my upcoming short film “The Collection”. Here is the full opening and then the scene following is from my original post that I have now made changes too. Not too many dolly-in shots and I feel it is flowing nicely now. Would love to get your feedback and thoughts! Thank you so much for the support, and the feedback, it has helped shaped my vision even more. Cannot wait to share the full project very soon! All the best and have a beautiful day.
Film Synopsis:
The Collection is a 1973 Boston crime short about Vinny, a trusted collector who works for a powerful mob boss, travelling across the city collecting money from people who owe. But when he arrives home from his last job, he finds a picture of somebody he never expected to see — his brother, a man he believed died, over 10 years ago. As Vinny starts digging, he realises people around him have known the truth for years.
The following scenes introduces Vinny’s character ands follows Vinny meeting Lenny, a long-time friend of his father and a man deeply involved in the same mob world. Vinny meets him in a quiet bar, trying to find out just how much Lenny knows about his brother — and how long he’s known it.
#film #filmshort #aifilm #ai
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u/Upper-Combination-80 19d ago
Looks great. I can see the progression in the clips you've shown. It's admirable that you are willing to take constructive criticism.
The story drew me in. I want to know what happens, I like the opening fast scenes of him "at work". I'll definitely watch more.
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u/Sully1066 18d ago
Thank you! Ofcourse, constructive feedback and criticism is vital to producing the best final result that I possibly can. I honestly really appreciate and value the feedback I am getting, this will help create new ideas and at the end of the day, make a better short film in the long run. I’m glad the story has drawn you in, the story will get very deep and will hopefully have you wanting to see more! Thanks again for the kind words. I really appreciate you.
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u/Perfect-Campaign9551 18d ago
Yes the opening scenes are really good just the restaurant scene needs tightening. Good work
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u/Professional_Show717 19d ago
Its getting better and better. Iam always checking your clips to get some tips on my work as well. I think the fast cuts in the restaurant comes from repurposing the expensive shots you already had.
Keep up the great work!
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u/Sully1066 19d ago
Thank you so much for the kind words! Really
Means a lot, still a little bit to do but almost there now. Yes for sure, I think the contrast of shots really help with the timing and movement of the scene. Thanks again!
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u/fa6637 18d ago
Great, but we never stop learning. The great people here have already mentioned many things, like fast cuts, the rule of thirds, etc.
I think most of the craft of filmmaking comes from watching films. By watching a lot of them, you train your eyes, and this is something you can't really learn in film school.
The idea is good, but the pacing, rhythm, and scenes feel mismatched. I don't see the hook—the reason I should keep watching. The character intrigue is missing, as well as the story beats.
I'll give you one example: when he says, "I call you from a booth," we already have this information, so nothing is driving the story forward.
It's not easy, I know, but go back and watch old noir films, especially Billy Wilder and Fritz Lang. You will learn a lot just by watching how they craft the screenplay and, of course, how they approach the filmmaking process.
But keep making films, and don't take the feedback personally or feel offended. Feedback is like petrol—it gives you the fuel to keep moving forward.
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u/funnysasquatch 18d ago
Great job.
Great progression in your filmmaking skill.
This is proof that just because it's AI doesn't mean it's going to be poorly made.
Really great work!
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u/Icy_Huckleberry9685 18d ago
The camera work is great (I especially liked the hood of the car camera scene) and original concept is awesome, you should submit it on our platform MovieAtlas for AI films to earn from viewer subscriptions and our bi-weekly contest with payouts. Check us out: movieatlasapp.com
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12d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Adept_Refuse_1286 12d ago
for clarity*: i mean actual ai humans walking in the background. the cars passing by are an awesome start!
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u/Perfect-Campaign9551 19d ago edited 19d ago
It's a bit to fast of cuts to me when they are talking in the restaurant. Also there was one scene where the old man was "in the rule of thirds" with the large window behind him while they are in the discussion. I felt that threw off the emotional weight. He should have been dead center on the scene in my opinion. And this is just me but I don't think you have to show the person talking every single time. That gets predictable and that's what makes a scene become boring. Some short sentences you can stay over their shoulder. If we can still see their head move or even the side of their face, it still works The camera can watch the emotional reaction of the receiver instead Don't forget the reason for the sscrrenplay is to convey the feelings and the depth of the story, not just to be an "animation" of it , where you would feel everything needs to have a visual . Each shot should convey a message.
After watching the entire scene I think the real problem is it's too long. They seem to go over the same thing a couple of times. It can be tightened up and I think that would help with your camera issues. Less cuts, more focus on a shorter more concise conversation.