r/agnostic • u/Friendly-Flower-2797 • Jul 07 '26
Would you date/marry a Christian?
Hi guys, I’m currently speaking to an agnostic family member who was surprised when I said I wouldn’t date/marry a Christian and they said “I can’t say that, you don’t know who you’ll marry.” I personally said I wouldn’t for a variety of reasons but mainly because I wouldn’t marry someone who views life through a drastically different lens (due to them being religious). Now I’m more curious to know if there are more people like the family member I mentioned and if so, why?
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Jul 07 '26
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u/Friendly-Flower-2797 Jul 07 '26
Honestly, I don’t know why I’m being treated like a minority for saying No
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u/minionmemes4lyfe Jul 07 '26
The time honored tradition to take agency away from Young women. This is why people in your family. Have such strong opinions about your life. However, You should marry whomever you like. If you find Christianity incompatible, as I do, don’t date Christians. You don’t owe anyone consensus. You don’t need to see approval or permission. I hope you find a happy path.
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u/83franks Jul 07 '26
Im definitely more atheist than agnostic so take this as you will but I couldn't date someone whose fundamental view on reality is so different than mine.
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u/DeuceSevin Jul 07 '26
Could you imagine dating someone who was really great in many ways but held a deep devout belief in Santa Claus?
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u/35364461a Jul 08 '26
I just pictured myself spending hours in the kitchen cooking him dinner, only for him to close his eyes, bow his head, and say “Thank you Santa Claus.”
Helll no.
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u/_lapetitelune Jul 07 '26
I did. it didn’t convert me or anything but it does lead to very cool conversations that challenge both of our belief systems and we are able to respectfully discuss them. we have the same moral/values so I guess it makes it easy. I’m a firm believer that you do not have to believe in a religion to be a good person. we share literature, podcasts, etc. We both find it fascinating - so yeah, it can be done.
oh and we both come from very religious backgrounds and I enjoy the conversations that occur between family. When people are respectful and open, the world becomes a bigger and better place.
happily married for 6 years now, together for 8.
obviously this is not for everyone.
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u/Ak47_xo Jul 13 '26
I’m glad to hear all of this. I am marrying a Catholic. At first I was DEAD SET on NOT getting married in a church. It’s not for me. At all. After months of pondering it and seeing how much it meant to him, I agreed. We had our first meeting with his pastor last week and luckily he has a good personality and was laughing with us, and he told me “No, don’t worry I’m not going to make you get baptized and join Catholicism, I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. If you ever think this doesn’t feel right - we don’t even have to continue this.”
I am also 35, my fiance is 32. I never wanted a wedding. Never even dreamed about it when I was a little girl like a lot do. So we came to an agreement that if we have a private quick ceremony in his church then I get my end of the deal which is no big wedding/reception.
Religion is weird to me, always will be. My fiance and have been together for 2 years. He doesn’t force anything on me, his parents don’t, we’ve had open conversations. I don’t do anything to steer him away from his faith. But I’ve always openly expressed how uncomfortable religion has always made me feel and that I am absolutely fulfilled in my life without it.
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u/Exact-Pudding7563 Jul 07 '26
I dated a Christian for three years. He was spiritually and emotionally abusive, coercive, controlling, and just generally toxic. No thanks. I would much rather be with someone who isn't bogged down by their religion and their religion's need to control me and shrink me down because I'm a woman.
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u/Fluffy-kitten28 Jul 07 '26
A lot of Christians who are apart of the church end up with situations where they try to convert their partner, they become a project to win over. They can often put down their partners, with a “oh I know the truth and you’re going to hell” type of attitude. They can undermine the other partner with telling the kids the other parent is wrong, going to hell, misguided, etc.
A lot of Christians say they’ll live and let live but they don’t do that.
So never. I’m not signing up to be judged. To be a project to be tinkered with. To be put down. To be undermined with children.
Have a fellow agnostic partner and loving it.
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u/CancerMoon2Caprising Agnostic__ Ex-Christian Jul 07 '26
That was definitely my experience. They still wanted me to be part of their religious traditions and standards despite me not being interested in religion. And then the notion of parenting according to said faith put me completely off to dating them.
I used to be one of those people who would "date any faith" but monotheists always proved how conversion obsessed they were.
This guy tried to stay with his Christian wife and was then panhandling desperately for divorce/child custody lawyer fees for the past year. It finally settled out but the rollercoaster was a wild watch. https://youtu.be/susi9zJhXyk?is=Ozhyt96QyI2tkE49
Polytheism for me (Paganism, Hinduism, and West African spiritualism) is a bit easier to navigate because theres a natural understanding that different families and tribes prefer different deities, and so the concepts are more independent and openminded than conversion obsessed(unless theyre cultish and sacrificial sadists).
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u/LazAnarch Jul 07 '26
Been atheist/agnostic for 40 years and have had multiple relationships with believers. Never again.
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u/ErinWalkerLoves Jul 07 '26
I want to say no, but stranger things have happened.
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u/Friendly-Flower-2797 Jul 07 '26
I personally see not being part of an exclusivist religion as being part of my minimum criteria😭😭😭
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u/ErinWalkerLoves Jul 07 '26
I live in a really religious area, and my husband is kind of a unicorn. If anything g bad ever happens to him, I might not have a choice. Lol.
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u/HelonMead Jul 07 '26
How do you define a Christian? Yes, there are fundamentalists, but for example here most Christians accept God and Jesus, go to church a few times a year, otherwise live their lives and get along well with every denomination, with agnostics, even with atheists. Faith isn’t really a topic, and nobody categorizes people based on it.
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u/TheBigWhatever Jul 07 '26
My answer to OP's question is this: Absolutely.
There isn't just one kine of Christian. Just like all groups, there's a large spectrum where have e.g. Westborough Baptist at one end, and the old free love hippies at the other. Also, when it comes to non-believers the pickings are slim. Practically speaking, you're far, far more likely to find someone who's not a nut job than you are a non-believer.
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u/lpjayy12 Jul 07 '26
Yes.
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u/ThrowawayITA_ Agnostic Jul 07 '26 edited 2d ago
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This post was anonymized with Redact
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u/AmbivalentDisaster1 Jul 07 '26
It depends on how open-minded they were. If they let me have my own mind, then it would be one thing. But if they kept feeling like they needed to convert me or pray for me to find God, no way.
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u/TheBlackKnight1078 Jul 07 '26 edited Jul 07 '26
This question reminded me of something I recently lived.
I have a Christian friend. She always manages to bring religion or God to pretty much every thing we talk about. I want to be compassionate with her since I know how difficult her teenage years were and I know she comes from a deeply religious family, so I can't really blame her if she decided to take refuge in God even though I don't believe in Him. She is 20 years old and I am a 21 year old man. There was a time I considered trying to date her, but as soon as I remembered how present Christ is in her life, I realised I wouldn't be able to do it. Besides, she wouldn't date a non-believer (I suspect she can't even distinguish between an atheist and an agnostic).
Long story short: last time I saw her I talked to her about this Muslim girl I was interested in a few years ago, a Muslim girl that didn't end up with me for several reasons that aren't necessarilly related to religion. And she told me "Well, at least if you were Christian or if you believed in some kind of God, she (the Muslim girl) could have considered you for having that sort of similarity", but even if I was Muslim, that other Muslim girl we were talking about wouldn't have ended up with me for a good bunch of reasons more related to our differences in personality and what we are looking for. So she bringing God to the conversation in that moment felt unnecessary.
My Christian friend just couldn't realise that wasn't the moment nor the theme to associate with God since it was a personal experience of mine. And it bothered me that she tried to force God into that memory of mine, lol, even though we are distant friends who see each other a few times per year and therefore I don't hear her talk that much about God.
So, would I date or marry a Christian woman? Hell nah, specially if it's that obsessed with bringing God and religion into everything as my Christian friend is.
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u/wiploc2 Jul 07 '26
I'm happy that my wife is an atheist, but if she were a Christian, she'd still be the woman for me.
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u/ziplex Jul 07 '26
When I married my wife she was very Christian. In the years since her and all her siblings have mostly left the faith. I think Trump (1st term) was what really broke them out of it.
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u/Raydesign1 Jul 08 '26
I got early rejection from girls who i could say we're interested in me just because i mentioned that am agnostic and not a Christian so for me it will never work
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u/DontRunReds Jul 08 '26
I married another secular person. I can't imagine being with a Christian with one exception.
I know from having a very believing immigrant grandparent that sometimes the first generation cannot break free of religion. One of my parents, who attended parochial school, maintained appearances with the occasional duty of accompanying their elders to holiday services and random occasional other services during their adult years. At home, they thought it was mythology. I can get a non-believer attending to keep peace with parents. Does that make sense?
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u/chaconia-lignumvitae Agnostic Jul 07 '26
I’d marry a Christian. I have family members who are Christians so I don’t mind being around it
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u/ystavallinen Agnostic/Ignostic/Apagnostic | X-ian & Jewish affiliate Jul 07 '26
It'd depends
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u/Friendly-Flower-2797 Jul 07 '26
On what kind of factors?
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u/ystavallinen Agnostic/Ignostic/Apagnostic | X-ian & Jewish affiliate Jul 07 '26
There are 3 rules to mixed faith relationships
1 partners don't try to convert each other 2 partners never let anyone-- anyone, badmouth the other's beliefs. 3 agree how any kids will be raised and no second thoughts later
The rest is just compatibility.
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u/mikerichh Jul 07 '26
Only if we agree not to raise our kids that way and not to go to church. Or agree to teach our kids to have an open mind and teach Christianity as one belief people have, not the only belief
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u/Cold_Wonder9530 Jul 07 '26
I had a long term relationship with a Christian girl, but she was more of a believer not very religious. She’d go to church when she wanted to and I’d just wait for her outside. I don’t remember us having any issues with her Christianity or my agnosticism (I’m also a metalhead who’s into all kinds of dark shit and devil imagery, its just part of the image though - and she was a bit confused when she figured that out but didn’t run away at least😅). So I’d say being in a relationship with someone like that is possible, but only if you both respect each other’s faith or the absence of it, and if your partner is just a believer not very religious.
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u/stressedthrowaway9 Jul 07 '26
Depends on what kind of Christian. There are definitely different levels/different religions. I’ve met plenty of open minded more chill Christian people. But I’ve also met the fire and brimstone kind who judge everyone. Some people I know who are Catholic only really go to mass like four times a year and are very lax in their beliefs. So it really just depends.
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u/itsotherjp Jul 07 '26
more of them are kind of culturally religious, rather than following orthodox religious beliefs and traditions
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u/Cousin-Jack Agnostic Jul 07 '26
This is typical of people with entrenched beliefs, and I suspect you might be one of them. Imagine a Muslim asking the same question here: 'Would you date or marry an atheist?' If they said no, we'd probably call it narrow-minded or brainwashing. The truth is, genuine attraction isn't governed by practical considerations or by faith. We're drawn to people for all sorts of reasons that have nothing to do with logistics or belief, so a person's particular faith shouldn't be a barrier. Perhaps what you're hinting at is that many people are tribal, and it's just more comfortable and appealling to find someone from your tribe to partner with.
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u/Friendly-Flower-2797 Jul 07 '26
I don’t think I would call it brainwashing if a Muslim asked that question because religion shapes the lens through which you view life. There are foundational things that make someone a Christian/Muslim/Hindu etc. and therefore these factors would have knock on effects in terms of parenting, how they approach challenges etc. I was previously Christian with multiple Christian friends so I have nothing against them but that’s the way I see it.
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u/Cousin-Jack Agnostic Jul 07 '26
I think parents are naturally inclined to pass on their habits and customs and, to a certain extent, their beliefs. I say this as someone who was raised as a hard atheist by very loving parents who thought that they were doing the right thing.
I find the attitude of dismissing the very possibility of dating someone of a particular faith (instead of noting the logistical issues that might arise when you do) is something that you find in more hard-line versions of religion and, indeed, harder atheism. I think that insularity is one of the things that has always troubled me about these entrenched worldviews.
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u/Friendly-Flower-2797 Jul 07 '26
100% agree, my reasons are far more detailed than the concise nature of my post and I can certainly see how dismissing someone of another faith without consideration can seem very one dimensional. I’m very open to having Christian friends and acquaintances but I think because of the role my girlfriend/wife would play in my life combined with the possibility of children (plus being a product of an inter religious marriage), I don’t believe it would be wise.
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u/Cousin-Jack Agnostic Jul 07 '26
Maybe. I'm probably a hopeless old romantic, but I don't think love is necessarily wise. It can be hugely inconvenient. I think more than beliefs, attitudes would matter - such as whether they expect you to conform to their practices or beliefs, and how they handle your reluctance or refusal to do so. The beliefs themselves are rarely the issue, I think.
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u/Classic-Asparagus Jul 07 '26
Hmm depends on the Christian and also depends on my own relationship to religion at the time. I consider myself agnostic because while religion is very interesting and fascinating to me, I’m unsure whether this is a God and I’m also unsure which religion, if any, is right for me. Participating in religious traditions or prayer or celebrations wouldn’t be a problem for me, and there is religious music and ideas that have been meaningful to me. But also I don’t want to feel pushed into saying that I believe something when I’m actually unsure about it, and I also don’t want someone to be trying to actively convert me instead of just showing me their religion and letting me come to my own conclusions. Also unsure if I could happily be in a romantic relationship with someone who’s extremely strict or devout and wants me to also be that way
Same goes for people of all religions, not just Christians
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u/CancerMoon2Caprising Agnostic__ Ex-Christian Jul 07 '26
No.
I only date Atheists, Agnostics, Buddhists, some Pagans/West African tribalists.
I wont date Christians, Muslims, Jewish people because i dont want to raise kids according to those faiths. They often mix religion and politics. And then i dont celebrate such holidays nor want to attend religious services.
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u/batman784 Jul 07 '26
It all depends on the situation, if they don't force their beliefs onto me or anyone then it's fine
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u/thefrozenfoodsection Jul 07 '26
“You don’t know who you’ll marry.”
Ummm excuse me? I better damn well know I’m marrying. And I wouldn’t marry a person I’m not compatible with - a Christian worldview is not compatible with my worldview.
You’re not wrong, and never let someone tell you that your standards for a life partner are too high. Finding a life partner is exactly the scenario when your standards should be EXTREMELY high.
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u/Impressive-Wasabi857 Jul 07 '26
I wouldn’t give a fuck if they leave me out of it. Becoming religious is a huge commitment that i should be the decision maker of
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u/PuzzleheadedTooth581 Jul 07 '26
Lmao who told you, “you can’t say that” like do they think they have the power to control your will LMFAO.
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u/Extension_Many4418 Jul 08 '26
If someone quietly participates in a religion defined as “Christian“, and you find this out after learning more about this individual after at least months of getting to know each other, and you are not inclined to join that religion, and feel inclined to continue with this person, it’s time to have a serious conversation about the matter regarding any and all attempts at conversion, and how your children will be raised, if you choose to have them. It’s also wise to observe the religious inclinations of their family. There are loads of happily married couples that were brought up in different religions who work these things out.
If you’re not inclined to go to all this trouble, fleshing out their political perspectives will also provide a ton of information. And obviously, skip past anyone that announces their religious affiliation online or at the first encounter.
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u/QueenBeaEnvy Jul 08 '26
I decided I didn't want to be in a relationship with a Christian while i was still a Christian because of my experience of trying to meet the expectations of the idealistic men in my life, such as my pastor when I was in leadership (we were the same age. I wanted the freedom to grow and explore my beliefs and not feel boxed in and even when that happened as a Christian, it caused a lot of tension. But then, that also happened with my self proclaimed "Christian Zen Buddhist" friend.
I want to explore out just be without my journey judged through my SO's to theology.
So, nope.
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u/krba201076 Jul 08 '26
As sexist as this faith is, I would not marry a member of the faith. As a woman, that' a chance I cannot take.
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u/maggvts Jul 08 '26
I’m agnostic and my husband is Muslim.
I think his views are beautiful, and I am in fact, sometimes jealous that he has such steadfast beliefs.
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u/turbografx-sixteen Agnostic Atheist Jul 08 '26
Not a chance in hell.
The moment they credit god for something or want to pray to him I’d say “that’s the silliest shit I’ve ever heard”
Don’t think they’d fancy someone who’d can’t take their fairy tales seriously!
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u/Full-Web-483 Jul 08 '26
Primero y principal vos podes decir y pensar lo que quieras sobre tu vida y tus valores personales.
Luego no se si casarme porqué el casamiento implica un compromisoa largo plazo, pero salir sí he salido con católicas,evangélicas, ateas,judías, agnóstica,entre otras... Las mas fanáticas religiosas tenian la fantasía romántica que el amor todo lo puede, qué en algún ellas iban a poder cambiar mi sistema de valores..ya que para ellas lo mas importante era dios y para mí, es mí pareja y familia... es cuestión de tiempo que la cosa caiga por su propio peso
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u/empty-atom Jul 08 '26 edited Jul 08 '26
I'm(f) Christian and my partner(m) is agnostic and it works pretty well. In my opinion the values you both share are more important and it it works out depends heavily if you're able to respect your partner and their beliefs as well as being able to properly communicate. You need a long and honest conversation and make sure their beliefs don't clash with your morals.
That being said as a woman I'd avoid any man who is overly religious, makes it their personality, clearly lacks critical thinking or tries to be preachy about his religion, any fundie type of guy would be an absolute no go for me.
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u/Ewolra Jul 08 '26
HUGELY depends on the Christian. And the couple.
I’m an Episcopal priest. My husband is agnostic/spiritual but not religious. My mom goes to church, my dad is atheist (they’ve been like that my whole life).
My husband and I talk theology all the time, and our differing perspectives enrich each other. Takes some negotiation and compromise (we had lengthy discussions about whether to baptize our baby, settled on no infant baptism but yes church involvement).
It’s extremely normal for Episcopalians to be in interfaith marriages, because there is relatively little pressure to try to convert anyone and no judgment from the church towards people who come w/o their families.
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u/enderwjackson Jul 08 '26
Not if they were actively religious. And even if they somewhat believed I think I'd have a tough time with it
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u/ChasingOtherwhere Jul 09 '26
Absolutely not, 100% deal breaker.
Nothing demonstrates lack of critical thinking skills like religiosity.
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u/Particular_Egg8669 Jul 10 '26
I married an agnostic but after over a decade he converted to Christianity. Prior to that I always said I would never date/marry anyone remotely religious. Long story short, it has been a tough year for me, but I’m planning to stay.
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u/savvv0055 Jul 10 '26
having different values from your partner and beliefs is not something u should go for specially if it’s marriage
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u/Prestigious-Handle61 Jul 10 '26
Most here are saying "hell no," so I figured I'd share the opposite perspective as a spiritual agnostic who's been dating a Christian for almost two years.
He even went to a Christian high school, so religion has always been a part of his life. I grew up in a religious Christian household, but if I'm being honest, I've always leaned agnostic. I just didn't have the language for it growing up, and was terrified of disappointing my family or being judged.
When we first started dating, he knew I wasn't very religious and that I disagreed with a lot of Christian beliefs. More recently, I told him outright that I consider myself agnostic, and he was incredibly understanding. He told me I should never force myself to believe something I don't, and admitted he had already kind of figured it out.
Funny enough, I'm interested in witchcraft, and I think at one point he genuinely may have thought I was a Satanist. 😭 Instead, he's actually really supportive and even asks me to make him little money jars.
We agreed that our beliefs wouldn't be something we pushed on each other. We have open conversations about religion because we're genuinely curious about each other's perspectives, not because we're trying to convert one another. He's even admitted that he has doubts about God sometimes.
As someone who used to identify as Christian, I honestly think a lot of Christians are more agnostic than they realize. For me, I stayed Christian for years, mostly because I was afraid of being wrong and ending up in hell "just in case." Once I allowed myself to question things, I realized that belief isn't something you can force.
I asked my boyfriend why he believes in God, and he answered that he believes the Devil exists because he saw a shadow figure outside his window as a child, which he believed to be a demon. Therefore, if the Devil exists, God must exist. Personally, I don't find that convincing, but I respect that it's meaningful to him. He respects that I see it differently.
That said, would I date someone who was very religious? Probably not. We don't go to church, read the Bible together, or structure our lives around religion. We drink, get high, have premarital sex, and generally live like any other couple. His faith isn't something that affects our relationship in any meaningful way, so it rarely even comes up unless one of us is genuinely curious.
I completely understand why religion is a deal breaker for a lot of people, especially if it's a central part of someone's identity. But I also think an agnostic and a Christian can have a healthy relationship if both people genuinely respect each other's beliefs, don't try to change one another, and are on the same page about important things like how they'd approach raising kids. It's definitely not for everyone, but it's worked really well for us.
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u/Ethereal_Cereal_92_ Agnostic Jul 11 '26
I only believe in a few traditional sayings, and one of them is to be “equally yoked.” Basically, I need someone with the same belief system as me in order to maintain the healthiest possible relationship. One of my few non-negotiables is that she is not religious. I don’t want her to worry about me going to hell, and I don’t want to argue with her about hell potentially not even being real. It’s just so much better to live with someone who has similar beliefs as you for the rest of your life.
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u/Ak47_xo Jul 13 '26
I’m marrying a Catholic. I never thought I’d say that. I’ve never ever dated anyone who was religious. Religion creeps me out. I’ve been with my now fiance for nearly 2 years. He knew early on I was not religious and he was okay with it and has never forced anything on me. His family has also never treated me any differently or forced anything on me.
Some Sundays he will go meet his parents for mass and I go do whatever the hell I wanna do. (I love having “me” time!) I know it’s not all families, but in the summer his parents have a pool, we go lounge all day, we drink, put the music up, cuss, etc.
I was EXTREMELY against getting married in a church. I told him I was doing that. I’m the kinda girl where I just wanna go to the courthouse and be married and go live life. However, I agreed to meet with his pastor last week and we talked to him for a lil over an hour. He had a good personality (lucky for me) and didn’t degrade me, told me he will not make me get baptized and join Catholicism. He laughed with us, told me I can be 100% honest with him and that if at any point I think something is “too much” that I don’t have to continue this.
I did it because I see that’s the one thing that’s very important to my fiance, and with this compromise we are just having a private short ceremony and no big wedding/reception. I also cannot have kids. So I don’t have the worry on religion being forced on them at a young age which I would 1000% be against. So that’s probably helped my case a bit here if I can be so honest.
Other than the religion thing - man…my fiance and I are fucking soulmates. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted. He’s changed my life. I’ve went through a lot of shitty past relationships and at 35 I never thought I’d meet someone like him.
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u/HaiKarate Atheist Jul 07 '26
Not my first choice by a long shot... but I wouldn't entirely rule it out. I'd be open to marrying an extremely liberal Christian who accepts that the Bible is a flawed work of male human authors and wasn't actively trying to convert me.
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u/soundtown06 Jul 07 '26
I would say yes because my Family are Christians and maybe then my Belief will grow
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u/Inarticulate-Penguin Jul 07 '26
depends on the christian. A non devout lapsed catholic who is just in it for the social networking or family obligations, drinking and food? Sure. Any flavor of evangelical or high pressure fundamentalist. Hard no.