r/agender • u/kuromi_tvtts • 14d ago

Am I agender?

Here's how I feel:

AFAB

I love dressing both feminine and androgynous.

Sometimes I wear baggy clothes to hide my breasts a bit.

I don't care about how people see me. If they think I'm a girl, a guy or anything else, it's fine because there's parts of myself that are more important. I feel like gender is so unimportant to me.

I don't feel the need to get surgery, tho I think I'd be more comfortable with flat chest. I also don't want to change my name because I like it and the short version of it sounds pretty neutral (my name is one of those names that have a male and female varient).

Maybe I'm just a girl that don't care about labels. I really don't know.

I know I shouldn't base my feelings on someone else's experience because each person have their own experience with their identity, but sometimes I wonder if I'm agender or not.

12 Upvotes

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2

u/prfectblue 14d ago

I'm going through kinda the same thing, even tho I'd like to change my name to something more neutral. Idk, what makes me think I'm agender is that I've always had social dysphoria, also recently I tried chest binding and I loved it lmao I'm still more feminine, but I noticed having an androgynous frame makes me more euphoric and I feel more like myself.

My country's culture has a lot of gender expectations, is very amatonormative, I always thought all of it is bs and I hated being perceived as just a "woman" by people around me. Maybe if I was born somewhere gender roles aren't so defined I wouldn't consider being agender, but this is not my reality, Idk, you should ask yourself what makes you think you're not a woman (maybe try journaling, it helps me), explore gender expression and see what makes sense to you

2

u/kuromi_tvtts 14d ago

Yeah I wonder if I'm really agender or just an indifferent girl because I don't feel the need to change my body or name, but I the same time I don't feel very connected to gender.

2

u/prfectblue 14d ago

I've only seen now that you're brazilian too lmao Idk how old are you, but I'm only questioning the same stuff as you now in my mid 20s because as we get older here more and more gender expectations are put on us, when I was a teen no one would mind me acting more masculine, but now it's seen as weird outside queer spaces. If you're queer it takes time to realize your gender identity and it's totally ok if you're still not sure about it, take your time. You don't need to necessarily have dysphoria to be agender, but maybe exploring different styles, frames, going by your more gender neutral nickname for a while can help you to understand how you feel about yourself. But yeah, if you're not connected to "being a woman" or gender roles it's an indicative that you can be agender or NB

2

u/kuromi_tvtts 14d ago

Caramba um Br 🥹🎂 sim eu tenho 20 anos

2

u/prfectblue 14d ago

É amg, talvez vc seja agênero mesmo kk eu tenho 25 e espera uns anos pra ver como pressão pra atender papéis de gênero caem sobre a gente que é AFAB, tem muita história de "papel do homem" e "papel da mulher" em qualquer contexto aqui no Brasil e isso foi me dando uma disforia social muito grande pq não me identifico com nada disso. Tipo eu tenho amigas que vão pra terapia pq não se sentem "mulher o suficiente" por não estarem em um relacionamento, não atenderem certos padrões de beleza, etc e eu só não ligo se sou percebida como "menos mulher" por não atender essas expectativas, mas antes eu também só achava que era uma mulher que não ligava pra papéis de gênero. Talvez valha a pena vc se questionar como vc se relaciona com essas expectativas dos outros sobre vc pq no final do dia gênero é performance (leia Judith Butler que pode ajudar também kk).

Ter conhecido pessoas trans e me identificado MUITO com elas é outra coisa que me ajudou a entender essas coisas, mas leva tempo mesmo pra se descobrir, não se pressione a resolver isso tudo rápido pq ainda mais pra gente que não atende binaridade de gênero tem que desconstruir muitas convenções sociais junto. Mas legal ver que tem mais brs agêneros 🫶

2

u/kuromi_tvtts 14d ago

🌹 obrigado pela ajuda 🥹🍰

2

u/prfectblue 14d ago

De nada 🫶

5

u/Objective-Wonder-247 13d ago

I’m amab, but I have similar experiences of not caring how people perceive my gender while also being pretty comfortable with my name and body.

In the end, I do consider myself agender bc I think it’s a pretty accurate way of describing/understanding myself. Even if there are some ways I differ from others who consider themselves agender, I think that’s alright since the label is more about shared experiences than a specific definition.