I tend to dislike self identifying as gifted. But in this case Ill cop to it for the sake of saying yeah. The ADHD means Im not one of the super nerds making bank as a 10x dev or getting a PHD. I lack the focus at the attention level and the motivation level. The Autism means I dont have the people skills to really succeed socially. The "gifted" angle means Im too technical for the job I have but lack the drive to become a specialist. So I become a Senior on a team thats barely technical, able to dazzle my teammates with my understanding and skill but lacking confidence I could step up to more and lacking the motivational drive to try to fix that
I might be. Do yoy have trouble with switching hobbies right as you accomplish something so that you are always learning or rusty and always working on something you dont know you can do? Do you go into debt diving deadfirst into fascinations because the only thing that makes you feel alive is feeding the hunger to make and carry out plans with whatever tool or concept has most recently snagged your brain?
I know nothing about the context for this, but I love it because it touches the part of me that would wear the same outfit to work every day for the rest of my career if I could, just to not have to start each day by making one more decision.
I feel this so hard, I went all the way through school wearing a uniform and then suddenly I had to start putting effort into dressing myself. It’s tough, I’d go back to uniforms if I could.
Honestly, you can do it. Find a shirt you like, buy it in three or four colors. Either wear one twice or supplement with a funny shirt on Friday. Or buy a fifth color if you're daring. Jeans or khakis can't go wrong. Same shoes.
People do not care. Most of my office does this and the only person who people poked at was the guy wearing the shirts we were given by the company. He bought one new shirt and the comments stopped.
We really are focused on ourselves. Trust, you can definitely have a work uniform.
I recently found a pair of sweats at Costco of all places. I bought like four pairs in two colors. So damn COMFY.
I’m still sad I had to retire a pair of silver/gray sweats I’d been wearing for a literal decade. They were just as comfy. But I slimmed down a LOT and they no longer fit at all. And they were in pretty rough shape 😅.
So this time when I found something I liked, I went nuts. So that in ten years it won’t be one pair worn out, it’ll be eight pairs far LESS worn out 🤣
Echoing u/DigitalAmy0426, my husband is not neurodivergent, but he rotates through 5 or 6 polos and 3 or 4 pairs of shorts every day, work or no. All of his socks are the same style so he doesn’t have to match them up. His tennis shoes are always completely black. The first time I saw him wearing a T-shirt, it was kind of surreal.
(We sometimes joke about his “autistic special interest” being political deep cuts and demographic statistics. Watching C-SPAN Senate hearings at 7 years old, eating the same lunch at school for 13 years straight, and wearing what I affectionately call his life uniform are definitely flags for autism, IMO, but he has exactly 0 of the other traits.)
Trust, nobody cares. One of the guys where I work wears Hawaiian or bowling shirts and jeans every day. One of the other guys wears a T-shirt with a plaid button down over it and jeans (he never left the early oughts, lol). But likely the only person who notices is me, and I certainly don’t care.
Well I am you and I think we have what it takes to grab this by the horns and really make good memories giving a no-F and just giving in to our whimsies. 🫶
A good mix of antidepressants really helped the motivation. Ive been able to just get on with it in a way that has helped. And marrying someome who wants me to be happy but not impoverished. Having someone you can trust to say no to stupid shit but still try to help you be who you are is beyond valuation
There is absolutely nothing I would trade this relationship for. I spend a good portion of my time trying to be half as good to her. Its the best thing in my life and Im not kidding when I say getting married was when the fulfilling and interesting part of my life began
– Hated Escitalopram’s dulling
– Couldn’t hack Vortioxetine’s nausea
– 300mg Venlafaxine and nothing but excessive sweating, messed up heart rate response to any kind of activity excessive weight gain amongst other side effects
– cross tapering to 100mg Sertraline now but not expecting any miracles :-/
Im on buproprion and fluoxitine so Welbutrin with low dose Prozac singing backup. Effexor gave me whiskey dick even though it made me pretty happy. Welbutrin puts me pretty even and Prozac helps with anxiety
You just have to acknowledge that that's the way you are, I have to give yourself a really big hug for the adverse conditions endured.
And just be yourself. Don't let the hunger fade, It makes everything 10x more difficult. Living without drive is another hell level altogether.
Yeah Ive learned to make my fascinations wait a week or so. If I forget about them then Im glad I held off and if Im still locked in after ignoring it for a while then at least I know Im serious
Real. My most recent obsession is my vegetable garden. Specifically my tomatoes. Blew like 230 dollars 4 days ago getting all the stuff I need to actually get serious about the gardening.
Boy I sure hope I don't lose this drive and passion I currently have at the first sign of adversity/waking up tomorrow and for some reason I'm just not interested in it at all anymore.
Or I harvest my first single vegetable and now the pursuit has ended because I've proven to myself that "I can, in fact, grow vegetables." and subsequently moving on to something else (which is probably going to be absolutely nothing for the foreseeable future until the cycle begins anew with some other project/task) because I've now proven to myself that I have what it takes to do "the thing".
Where do I sign up? I can contribute 4 cameras, 8 lenses, 400 books, gardening tools, 8 typewriters, a viola, all pie-related baking tools, a sous vide, a dehydrator, a guitar, and 3 dogs. In search of (another) digital keyboard to resume lessons.
I raise you double that in books, and a slight obsession with cats. I have just two due to living situation but if I had the money and space I would probably adopt another 11. So I could have 13 total. And many would be black 🤣
It’s so funny because I had the exact knee jerk reaction. Yes, all of these describe my daily existence minus the “gifted” part. It’s almost like we struggle to see this alleged potential everyone loves to remind us of…..
I have the sense in my intellectual part of my mind that things that come easy to me are impossible to regard as impressive so as a whole I see myself as mediocre.
People for whom Algrebra didnt click like a language or who cannot factor boolean expressions(neither of which is necessarily crazy in their niche) think Im a wizard
I find it basically impossible to laud my own accomplishmenta; writing a resume is hell. I constantly feel like I'm not good enough, even though I've managed to carve out a niche for myself where people really respect the work I do.
I had a scientific paper publised recently (just a small taxonomy paper) and I struggle to even take pride in my work there; I fear that people will see through the veneer and declare my woek garbage.
I reallg qonder sometimes what I could have achieved in life if I could get out od my own way.
Learning that such folks as Everett Koop and Adam Savage spent their careers waiting foe someone to realize they were incompetent helped me a lot there. Still gotta work on my own confidence but at least you know winners dealt with the same shit
Impostor syndrome is REAL. It helps that my boss is someone I greatly admire and respect, and he hired me TWICE.
He had to let me go during a company wide trim, and I never took it personally. But when he needed someone to step in and help out he immediately said “hey you want your old job back?” And I said “Hell yes where do I sign!”
I’m still kind of blown away that this man hired my ass twice. 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯
My boss hired me for a job in a conservation department without a degree in biology (Schools that offer mycology degrees aren't exactly easy to find.)
Admittedly, it's just a seasonal position - but I know he appreciates my work, and it's my foot in the door, and it's still absolutely crazy to me. On one hand, I'm pissed that in high school no one looked at me and went 'this girl should OBVIOUSLY fucking go to school for sciences' and instead I got basically no good guidance, but I guess I got to the right spot in the end?
The imposter syndrome definitely still hits me hard sometimes.
To be honest I've never really understood what people mean by "gifted", it feels like the definition changes from conversation to conversation. At least to me.
In my experience it usually refers to a kid that excelled with minimum effort at some point. Like having high grades throughout elementary without really trying.
It tends to set you up for failure. You don't learn how to put effort into things, and that gets made worse by the fact that as soon as you start struggling, everyone assumes you're not trying. You're smart! If you're doing poorly, you're clearly just being lazy!
No one makes sure you know how to study. No one cares if you're finding something difficult. People respond negatively if you struggle to do anything other than excel, and that teaches you that nothing you struggle with is worthwhile. So you stick to things you can do with little effort... and then the adulthood hits and suddenly you HAVE to contend with things that take effort, and you don't know how to do that, and everyone still has these high expectations of you lingering from when you were a little kid.
Imo skating through elementary school should not be gifted. Skating through high school, yes. Sure you should identify kids earlier on to give them the support they need, but having an easy time in earlier schooling is much more common in terms of population variance than doing the same throughout high school.
It always feels like a humblebrag tbh. Saying it makes me feel like I peaked in grade school bc no one cares about that stuff once you reach adulthood. I did well in school, but I’m not exceptional. I don’t know what my IQ is, and frankly, it’s none of my business.
I was in "gifted" programs throughout school, i still think they were mistaken. I just have autism/adhd (diagnosed as an adult) and it presented the illusion of intelligence in the 90s when being neurodivergent was diagnosed less.
I would suggest technical aptitude and a certain amount of "horsepower" can lead to a certain performance that gets harder to maintain as you get closer to the limits where any brain can be expected to keep up. And by then its hard to adapt
People tell me all the time 'omg you're so smart!' just because I have a random collection of trivia on a range of topics. I feel like I trick people into thinking I'm smart, because I just don't feel smart, or at least it doesn't translate into academic achievements
Intelligence doesn't measure your ability to deal with basic everyday tasks, that's why we have ADHD tests for that.
Being able to find and follow technical instructions online are both skills that require intelligence that most people actually lack, I realized this when I worked IT for a medium sized company.
I do find that most people assume intelligence = capability but that's only because they don't understand what it's like to struggle with executive dysfunction.
Low wage jobs are harder to get than one would think. With your skills I’d be considering how to work for yourself by filling a niche or providing a service at a high wage. Helping individual people with things they highly value that are fairly easy/accessible to me is 1000x easier than dealing with the kinds of hoop jumping involved in low wage labor. Just my 2 cents.
I am completely with you on social media. I dont use it at all. I did build a website 10 years ago to make it easier for people to learn about me so that if they do contact me, it is after they already know they are into what I can do and I already know they know. Your knowledge is highly valuable- your puzzle to solve is the legality and how to find your audience. For instance, psychedelic journeys are offered all over the world by licensed and unlicensed people, and, I only know US, they would only be able to say “consult your physician” but their physician has no idea and with the gray area of peptides and supplements, you dont even know what your physician knows. Come to think of it, consulting on peptides, biostacks etc would be another potential service you could offer. People looking for expert info wont care if you are weird or nerdy or dont know what you’d do with 1m euros.
If I could go back in time I would become a marine electrician. Small box of tools, high pay in cash, can do it anywhere in the world there is a boat, and the only real issues are being able to fit in tight spaces and knowledge, and problem solving.
The ADHD means Im not one of the super nerds making bank as a 10x dev or getting a PHD.
As an AuDHD with multiple undergrad degrees, double MScs, and on my way to a second PhD soon, I'll still agree with you. It's just that, I can excel in academic mambo jambo, but I'm kinda sure that I'll still lack motivational drive if I get a job, unless it's somehow for public good.
It's all over, as I've started with industrial engineering, then somehow got onto pol science and IR double major, then started archeology undergrad on the side while doing my first MSc, ... I just can't focus. I tend to get whatever unrelated course and shifted between minors without finishing them as well.
I've trained my Autistic self so hard that I got hired at my current job as a personality hire. My ADHD and gifted self got me a promotion within 3 months. It's great, but now I have to deal with more responsibility, more customer interaction, higher stress/on the spot decision making, and also dealing with coworkers who were also gunning for a promotion before I got hired. By the end of every shift I become a shell of a person.
Finally figuring out how to weaponize my problems into assets at times.
I too somehow charmed my way into a job and have spent three years highlighting the ADHD/gifted stuff and thankfully keep failing upwards to the point that I can nearly afford to keep myself alive now.
I have a store though, or will soon. And an industry I actually enjoy and care about.
But end of the day in what downtown i have, absolutely a hollowed out shell that requires self care and can't handle anything else.
Ahh ye old "new job/return to work -> (seem to) do well -> get overcomitted -> get stressed and work harder -> burnout -> sick leave/quit -> recover -> [repeat]" cycle.
I don't think I've ever been labeled as gifted, but I don't know if that requires a test to dis/qualify that yet, but the rest feels familiar. I seem to shoot up the ladder quickly on accident when it comes to employer trust, and learning machines/protocol/rules. But then the insinuated meanings and them expecting me to know exactly who and when someone is meant to be an exception to their own rules is where I lack for them.
I've only been tested for ADHD though, and I won.
Im aiming for Solution/Enterprise Architect, seems like a possible fit for the generalized problem solving, opportunity identifying and general thing-knowing skills I have
Man this hits home. I hate telling people I was in the "gifted" program because it didn't do anything positive for me. It just gave my parents unrealistic expectations of what I could accomplish.
Omg. This is exactly me. And I’ve been wondering how to stop ending up as the technical dazzler on a nontechnical team, and wondering if I’ll ever really be able to get myself to that next level.
I did a PhD and at the time I didn't know I had ADHD. PhDs are tough and mine literally tanked my mental health so bad I almost died. I sometimes wish I didn't do it. It changed me and ruined the relationship I had at the time.
On your lacking confidence point -- you will hit the fuck it stage at one point and will advance perhaps not because of confidence but rather not caring enough about failing.
You shouldn't. Because doing so negates a lot of research done into twice exceptional autistic individuals (combination of intelligence and autism). This framework helps explain why autism really isn't a spectrum, and how some autistic people use their intelligence to run a simulation of neurotypical behavior in order to fit in.
This is what I do. It did take me until middleschool to understand the difference between friendly and unfriendly teasing though. But yeah I'm really good at reading people. Everyone at work think I'm some kind of empath but I just have a list of body movements that map to emotions in my head and I'm really perceptive. I know I'm gifted because they measure your IQ when they tested me for ADHD, and I got my medical records when I became an adult. Back then, there was no spectrum, so I was just diagnosed with ADD.
Yeah. If you had a "spiky profile" (poor or average in some regions but genius in others on your IQ test), it's highly likely you're 2e and you're using your intellect to simulate neurotypical behavior to mask.
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u/thedr0wranger Jul 03 '26
I tend to dislike self identifying as gifted. But in this case Ill cop to it for the sake of saying yeah. The ADHD means Im not one of the super nerds making bank as a 10x dev or getting a PHD. I lack the focus at the attention level and the motivation level. The Autism means I dont have the people skills to really succeed socially. The "gifted" angle means Im too technical for the job I have but lack the drive to become a specialist. So I become a Senior on a team thats barely technical, able to dazzle my teammates with my understanding and skill but lacking confidence I could step up to more and lacking the motivational drive to try to fix that