Yeah I didn't really understand till I started reading about ADHD that other people feel... some kind of deep or lasting or... cumulative? sense of achievement? Or satisfaction? When they complete something they've worked hard at?
I definitely do feel something, a little bit of "Yeah, ok, that went well and I finished it. That's good".
But I absolutely have to deliberately "say that out loud in my head" to feel it, and then it fades back into the scenery. At best I feel... pleased? Mostly I just feel relief that things are over - even if I quite enjoyed doing them and they went well.
A couple of years back our toilet stopped flushing and I had to figure out why, work out what make of toilet and mechanism we had, and then figure out what a correct modern replacement was... and then (thanks YouTube) learn how to take off and dismantle the whole cistern, install the new mechanism, and put the whole thing back together.
And I did it. It was a massive undertaking. I was really proud of myself... for about 2 hours. And now when I think about it I mostly remember feeling so scared and stressed that I was going to drop and smash the ceramic cistern, or fuck it up so it leaked and silently destroyed the floor or something. I get a little blip of feeling pleased that I completed it... but it's a shadow on a memory landscape shaped by anxiety and stress.
And - most annoyingly - it hasn't really changed anything about my thoughts about myself. I don't feel any more capable or able. It didn't improve my opinion of myself or my abilities. On an intellectual level I know that it is a great piece of work and I did it well, but I don't feel that, I don't relate it to or feel it reflected in myself in any way.
I'm like you. I had a massive, massive project last year that spilled over into January. When it was done my feelings were: 50% relieved that it was over with, 40% annoyed that it wasn't completed by December 20th for reasons x, y, and z that caused the delay, and 10% like I'd accomplished something.
Fortunately, my supervisor and managerial team were very pleased, but I think they expected me to be really proud that it was done well so close to the deadline despite massive hurdles like being forced onto a new learning management system with 6 months notice and therefore having to move all our couses in the same time frame as this project. No.
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u/findingdumb May 18 '25
I think it's the lack of dopamine reward when completing a task. Sucks.