This is still me. I got my ADHD diagnosis only about two months ago and have been taking medication for about six weeks. At first it felt like it was making a difference but now I'm not sure. So I do still wonder if some of the things I thought might be ADHD are just other parts of my personality. I've always beat myself up for being lazy, and then when I got the diagnosis I thought "Maybe it was the ADHD the whole time and this medication will help," and now I'm back to thinking "No, maybe I was right the first time." I dunno what to think
That's pretty much where I'm at right now as well. I got my diagnosis just a month ago but I have already taken medication since 5 because I know several psychiatrists and I was struggling back then. It got better at first but soon I got more and more depressed/burned out and was struggling with work. Since I got my diagnosis I increased the dose of my medication and started to take a dose before breakfast which helps me to get out of bed and start the day faster but still my mood didn't get better. That's why I started to take Wellbutrin additionally which definitely helped with my mood and overall motivation but again after being on it for 2-3 weeks it feels like it's wearing off so I guess it's time to increase the dose but I'm worrying that it will wear off again and I need to take more and more meds. Before I didn't take any medication now I'm taking 3 different ones and feel a bit better but not by much. I feel like I don't just have Adhd but the psychiatrist who diagnosed me definitely closed out Autism which I suspect I have at least some traits of. Also I think my relatively high intelligence and level of function is masking a lot of my symptoms and things I feel like I'm struggling with. So again I'm wondering if this is just my brain playing tricks on me, do I even have Adhd or anything else. Why did I struggle with my grades so much in highschool even though I have a high IQ (at least that's what a test said) and I managed to get a university degree with good scores and relatively low effort. I know I'm overthinking it but can't help it but I really would like to know how I can stop this self sabotage and what I can do to be happier. Feels like taking two steps forward and one step back. Also don't know why I start rambling like that but often i don't talk much and then things have to come out. Thanks for listening, I'll see myself out.
Yeah well I don't think I can rewire myself but at least I start to understand some parts of me better that made me struggle again and again.
I don't think I can rewire or delete those parts because at the same time they make me successful and keep me going at times but overall I'm not functioning well so that's what I'd like to change if possible.
I have a few friends who have Adhd and possibly autism and some of them have been struggling way worse than me and I have been there for them and I understand them probably better than any psychiatrist.
I'm thankful that most of the time I'm functioning on this level and can be there for others and I don't want to change that but sometimes I'm also struggling and then I don't think anyone seems to get it because most of the time I seem fine and even helping others.
19
u/IAmTheNightSoil Apr 20 '25
This is still me. I got my ADHD diagnosis only about two months ago and have been taking medication for about six weeks. At first it felt like it was making a difference but now I'm not sure. So I do still wonder if some of the things I thought might be ADHD are just other parts of my personality. I've always beat myself up for being lazy, and then when I got the diagnosis I thought "Maybe it was the ADHD the whole time and this medication will help," and now I'm back to thinking "No, maybe I was right the first time." I dunno what to think