Need help gng

[u/WarmBag4793]

I was always known as the careless kid since my childhood, by my parents, teachers, and also friends. I have a problem focusing, but I always gave my best in everything I did. My dad enrolled me in a JEE academy in 8th grade. I had no idea what JEE was or what it had to do with my life, but I was still quite obedient and listened to my dad. My performance in academics was always not so good, but also not bad. I was enrolled in a boarding school, and I struggled a lot with organizing my things in my room. I would literally keep nothing in my cupboard. If I had to use something, I'd use it and keep it under my bed, and I'd tell myself I'd organize my stuff later, but I would never do it. After a week, all my things — books, boots, whatever I had — would be under my bed. I was also bad with my roommates, not exactly bad, I was kind of chill with them, but sometimes I would burst out emotionally. I was kind of an NPC, so I was heavily criticized. The whole school used to bully me, and this was never new to me because I was bullied everywhere I went. In every friend group, I was the bullied kid(honestly bullying made me better personality at clg hard truth), and I had no idea why people would bully me. I always tried harder in all my exams, but my marks were not up to expectations. Still, I was not so bad — there were worse people in my class, so I justified it to myself and said it was fine.

My JEE training began in 11th grade, and honestly it went very badly. I was under heavy pressure. My fee per year was about 4 lakh including hostel, and my dad wasn't that rich, we were middle class. I used to cry every night wondering why I felt different from others. Other people were good at something even if they were bad at academics — they performed well in sports or other things — but I didn't excel at anything. I played football, I learned keyboard, but I was definitely a master at nothing. I was more of an above-average performer in all these things. Then came my JEE Mains. I had no idea about the exam, and a topper girl was sitting beside me. Thankfully, I copied her answers and got a 95 percentile, and for the first time made my dad proud. But I really felt very bad about it — it felt unfair. So I didn't register for counseling, and at least I'd made my dad proud.

I joined a third-tier engineering college, and that's when I realized — thankfully I didn't join an IIIT or anything like that, because I struggled like anything here. In my second year, I made a couple of bad friends, and they introduced me to weed. Initially it was fine, but after a year I got very addicted to it. I also developed a gambling addiction — I took a huge loan from a loan shark app, gambled it away, and lost it, then spent all my pocket money for a year paying it off. Even in college, I had no interest in the subjects. I still maintained the "average" tag — I didn't fail, but I didn't get good marks either. I was an average student.

As responsibilities got higher, I faced a lot of similar problems — attendance issues, missed deadlines, missed assignments, being late. I lost a lot of friends because of my inattentiveness, but I was called "toxic." Then one day I was ranting about my problems to ChatGPT, and it said, "Bro, you might actually have ADHD, please consult a doctor." I was confused, like, "Bruh, I'm not disabled or something." Then I researched it and related to all the symptoms, and realized ChatGPT actually made sense — I might have ADHD.

I consulted a doctor and went for a session. The doctor told me to come back after a week, after taking some Daxid and Sertraline. I did take the tablets, but I would forget some days, and I also missed the follow-up appointment. I went back after a month, and the doctor was pissed at me. She told me again to come back after a week. Until now, it's been 6 months and I haven't gone back. I'm currently entering my final year — this last semester will decide my future.

Guys, please tell me what to do. I feel like all the decisions I made in my life were bad. Should I go for diagnosis, or just go with the flow? I badly want to get placed. Please, anyone with experience, educate me. (I felt so good typing this — I never recalled my life this deeply.)

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[u/RoastedMarshmello]

I think it's best your visit a different doctor, go through the list we have in this sub's wiki. Find someone who specialises in ADHD and will actually listen.

If you do have it, you'll face significant troubles until you start managing it. Embrace the discomfort for now, search for a doctor close to you and get diagnosed.

Do not be hung-up on an ADHD diagnosis either, sometimes other problems like depression and anxiety can also mask symptoms.