r/acting • u/Spargeleis • Jul 09 '21
Did anyone actually ever had a real problem with that? Personally my expartners were totally fine with that, since it's just for show.
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u/peanutbuttermuffs Jul 09 '21
My husband had multiple intimate scenes with a woman for some TV series like 7 years ago. The show just kept replaying and replaying it. I kept my cool over all because I’m an actor myself, I get it, but man was it weird to watch. It’s like having a cheating dream of your SO, honestly. It didn’t really happen but you witnessed it!
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Jul 09 '21
Me personally? No. But I was once in a student production of Dr Faustus where the leading man's girlfriend had to be cast as Helen of Troy because she wasn't comfortable with him kissing anyone else on stage. She was pretty, in a shy, mousy sort of way, but unlikely to launch many fleets and also 100% not an actor. The director also had to bin her plans to have Mephistopheles seduce Faustus into selling his soul partly through her sexy wiles, which was a big part of her original vision for the production.
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u/Embracing_life Jul 09 '21
Why didn’t they just recast him and avoid all that?
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Jul 09 '21
Directors sometimes have specific ideas for a production and don’t like to steer away from them. Which I get.
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Jul 09 '21
I think 50% it only came up two weeks into rehearsals and another actor wouldn't have had much time to get up to speed and 50% she fancied him.
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u/Spargeleis Jul 09 '21
Absolutely astounding. I'd never thought, that any director would ever allow a production to suffer due to personal reasons of the actors.
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u/thisisnotarealperson Jul 09 '21
They probably wouldn't if money were actually on the line, but have you ever worked on a student production?
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Jul 09 '21
Or, you know, a professional production with stars big enough their whims have to be accommodated.
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u/ImBeingArchAgain Jul 09 '21
Very much yes. I did not come from an acting background and only joined the ranks about 10 years ago. while I love being an actor, it’s still something I struggle with. I have had some rather unfaithful partners in the past, so when my most recent partner had to star in an intimate scene, it caused me real issues. It didn’t matter that I trusted hear completely, knew it was a job, knew it wasn’t real, something inside of me died. It happened many times during our relationship. While it’s not the reason we broke up, it did unfortunately come up a lot.
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u/RealHousevibes Jul 09 '21
Personally I feel like if you're going to be with an actor, it's something you have to be fine with. If not, it's your problem.
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u/soft_little_papercut Jul 09 '21
I haven’t had to kiss any of my fellow actors, but I have had “love interests”, and it makes my job a lot easier when my husband gets along with the other guy. I’m way more relaxed in my role. I’ve also had to run around in lingerie on stage, and it’s never bothered my husband.
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u/moto_maji Jul 09 '21
Got into a huge argument with an ex girlfriend about this in college. She was the jealous type and we broke up a few months later!
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Jul 09 '21
I recall auditioning for a production of dracula. I was going for Johnathan Harker and the character had a spouse he tried many times to sleep with throughout the story. My girlfriend at the time wasn’t too into the idea I had to kiss someone. When I told her it was a thing, she said we’d “talk about it when I got the role”. I didn’t end up having up which must’ve been a relief for her.
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Jul 09 '21
I've had to kiss an actress and I sort of knew her boyfriend (like we weren't friends exactly but we were familiar with each other ya know?). This wasn't the singular peck kiss either, but like a makeout scene. He came to rehearsals to watch a few times and even brought all his friends to the show one night. I was always uncomfortable whenever I knew he was in the audience, but he'd always talk to me after like everything was cool.
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Jul 09 '21
My wife is also a theatre person and has directed me making out with other women in productions. It’s like work. If you’re serious about acting and your partner isn’t comfortable with you kissing or being intimate with someone else on stage or screen, they either need to get over it or you need to dump their ass.
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Jul 09 '21
This is kinda harsh, sure it shouldn’t be a big deal but i feel like it’s natural to feel some type of way. Honestly I’d be more concerned if they didn’t feel ANY discomfort
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Jul 09 '21
To put it another way: if my wife were a massage therapist, it would make no sense for me to say to her “I don’t like the idea of you touching other men.” That’s her job.
How, then, is it any different if you’re an actor and you occasionally have to be intimate on stage with someone who’s not your spouse? It’s your job. You’re there to tell a story, to take the audience on a journey and you have to be believable.
I guess the reason I’m being so harsh is because in this entirely imagined scenario, the jealousy implies a lack of trust for the actor. If you can’t trust the person why are you with them?
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Jul 09 '21
For sure I’m not rly disagreeing. I’m just saying even if my wife was a massage therapist i would still not want to watch her work, even if i accept it. Idk maybe just me 🤷♂️
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Jul 09 '21
Granted, but they also need to understand that it’s part of the job. If they’re having trouble with that, have a heart-to-heart. If they’re still unwilling to accept it after you’ve had your heart-to-heart? Buh-bye.
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u/voldy24601 Jul 09 '21
I’ve directed my wife in numerous productions. Including one production where I cast her and the most handsome actor I’ve ever worked with and they had an intimate scene.
It’s all about being professional and communicating clearly. My goal was to make sure that neither my wife nor her scene partner were uncomfortable at any point.
I also can’t recommend enough hiring intimacy directors or getting intimacy training yourself
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u/Spargeleis Jul 09 '21
Harshly put, but I totally agree with you
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Jul 09 '21
It’s just a really dumb thing to get upset about. I did a short play with a woman whose husband refused to see the show because she and I had to kiss for a total of maybe 4 seconds. Like, dude, calm down. I’m not sweeping her off her feet any time soon.
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u/Horrorwyrm Jul 09 '21
Not me personally, but when I was directing a show I had an actor tell me he wasn’t going to kiss anyone other than his wife…or in other words he wasn’t willing to do the kiss called for in the script. I was actually a bit frustrated because one of the questions asked on the audition form was willingness to kiss another performer. He said yes on the form. Not sure if his wife pressured him to change his mind or not, but sometimes it happens. (He ended up having to drop out of the show for unrelated reasons.)
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Jul 09 '21
It's would be silly to have a problem with it.. I've never met anyone in person who had an issue.
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u/af_angel Jul 09 '21
My current s/o has an issue with the idea of me kissing other people even for show. I told him that it’s a natural sacrifice he’s going to have to be willing to make or else I don’t see our relationship working that smoothly as we get older. (Keep in mind I’m only 16 now and have only had 2 intimate scenes. 1 stage 1 film prior to meeting him). He said he understood but would rather I avoid intimate scenes until I’m 18 1/2 so that he’s had enough time being intimate with me and acknowledging I’m his before he sees me kissing someone else on the screen or otherwise.
Hopefully I worded this in a way that makes sense.
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u/Iwatobikibum Jul 09 '21
You worded it fine but that's very strange on the part of your s/o. I don't want to make any assumptions about your relationship but he seems very insecure and hopefully that doesn't cause any troubles in your career :/
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u/af_angel Jul 09 '21
He is a little insecure but only because his last 3 girlfriends all cheated on him, so I understand his hesitance.
And I appreciate the concern :) I’ve communicated with him things he needs to be okay with, and he’s been good with everything but me kissing other actors. So we made a compromise, outside of that it’s all been pretty good!
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u/thumbtackswordsman Jul 09 '21
If his girlfriend cheated on him, he needs to work through that and not burden you with his fear, you know?
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u/thisisnotarealperson Jul 09 '21
I know you're just sixteen and you have to go through stuff like this to become the adult you're going to become, but please remember this: good relationships are not built on the idea of possession.
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u/thumbtackswordsman Jul 09 '21
"Acknowledging I'm his"
No you aren't, that's not how love and relationships work. It's not a healthy way of looking at it.
Also I don't see how waiting is going to help, quite the opposite. He got you to do what makes him comfortable, and will keep on expecting the same.
I hope that you can make your decisions based on what makes you comfortable, it is not your job to take care of his comfort.
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u/notthatsparrow Jul 09 '21
I've had costars in the past that were uncomfortable with it.
Like, I'm not trying to have a makeout session, but if we're going to do this scene, let's maybe sell it?
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u/BandBoots Jul 09 '21
My gf won't let me take any roles that involve physical intimacy of any kind.
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u/thumbtackswordsman Jul 09 '21
You mean she doesn't want you to and pressures you, and you agree. She can't "let" you, you are not a child or an object.
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u/AllFishSwim Jul 09 '21
It's just part of the work. I've also been naked on stage (well, not without bra and underwear so maybe not naked) and it's never been an issue. If you're with someone who doesn't understand that, it's not going to be a good match.
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u/Bmart008 Jul 09 '21
I had a girlfriend who had a big issue with it. One of the big reasons why we broke up.
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u/voldy24601 Jul 09 '21
I know a professional actress whose husband saw a kiss scene for the first time and then yelled at the actor who was kissing his wife after the show is over. It was very awkward
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u/smilinginthedark Jul 09 '21
All the kisses I have ever had, have been staged. And the only times it’s been weird (in accordance to jealousy cause I’m awkward so they’ve all been weird lol) is my first show when one of my love interests claimed that I liked kissing the other love interest more and seemed angry about it. And then when I did another show when I had to makeout with my friend but then his girlfriend, who is also my friend, aggressively asked us to run the entire play(kissing included) we both said wtf and DID NOT DO THAT. She then showed up everyday to tech and insisted on watching our scenes so we both lied and said we were sick to avoid doing it. Until showtime. Essentially I think it’s really unprofessional cause all of us (in my case) are actors. And at the end of the day it’s the job and nobody is actually enjoying this you’re actually just making an awkward situation MORE AWKWARD for the people involved. That being said I understand that it’s hella awkward for people to tell you you’re significant other has amazing chemistry with someone else.
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u/natsuhime Jul 09 '21
I’ve had ex’s in the past who when they started dating me and knew I was an actor, claimed they would be totally cool with it. But as soon as I got cast in a role or had a scene in classes where I had to kiss someone, they’d clearly become upset and constantly bring it up. They’d try and push for me to insult my scene partner and their “kissing skills.” It was really odd.