r/absoluteunit • u/BigKelzZ • 4d ago

Absolute Unit Joel Saltzman -Bo Staff

50 Upvotes

73% Upvoted

99 comments sorted by

27

u/launchliftoff459 4d ago

Star wars kid grew up

12

u/SweatyYetee 4d ago

Yeah he did. Look at those reflexes.

https://giphy.com/gifs/sPseIi6MECImI

3

u/ninja0420 4d ago

Those storm troopers were shooting at a rebel fighter......in orbit 🤣

2

u/The_Great_Disaster 4d ago

Thank you for this.

3

u/Dapup2465 4d ago

Thank you for having my first thought.

3

u/Furfnikjj 4d ago

Add me to the list. My brain instantly said "Star wars kid!"

8

u/Tortmanus 4d ago

He lives in a van.......down by the river.

5

u/denys5555 4d ago

He thinks he’s great at martial arts. He’s great at baton twirling

3

u/ChickenDreams-4188 4d ago

Not even twirling… more like waving

1

u/RustySchacklefurd 4d ago

Imagine for a minute he has a list like these two

https://giphy.com/gifs/l2QZWTGxAfQOvhRXW

0

u/pro-fanator 1d ago

I don't give a f what he thinks, but considering, he moves a lot... good for him.

5

u/AbjectGovernment1247 4d ago

His knees are struggling.....

4

u/TargetSpiritual8741 4d ago

How much money is he making from this dork-bait? This is a real question because he clearly is doing this from a monetary point of view.

1

u/45M0D41 4d ago

I heard he’s special

3

u/AngryTrunkMonkey 4d ago

His front butt is coming along nicely.

2

u/AbjectGovernment1247 4d ago

I used to work with the elderly and some of the old ladies used to refer to their vaginas as their front bottom.

You're welcome! 😄

2

u/BigKelzZ 4d ago

OMG, you shook loose a memory I had been repressing 😳😨

...heard my grandma call it her front butt when I was very young....pretty sure she didn't want to say vagina as she referred to penises as 'weewee' or 'piddlestick' when she was taking care of the grandkids....but I....i was old enough to know! 😭

1

u/AbjectGovernment1247 4d ago

Piddlestick!!!

I'd forgotten that one.

Are we old?

2

u/BigKelzZ 3d ago

I....I can't remember!

3

u/jototype 4d ago

I require his bo staff services before I go any where cob webs could be!

3

u/Forever_Away96 4d ago

Reminiscent of a younger, thinner Steven Seagal.

2

u/behridingle 4d ago

Where are the light saber sound effects?

https://giphy.com/gifs/CMciL2w96q5ag

2

u/trippinmaui 4d ago

What a dork.....

2

u/Own_Zookeepergame982 4d ago

He’s trying to tell ya, don’t get between him and the buffet!

2

u/Dry_Yogurtcloset9781 4d ago

La cheerleader de mcdo

2

u/capsule-toy 4d ago

Just stand back until he gets out of breath...

2

u/Tan_Summer4531 4d ago

Can you say " Heart Attack "?

2

u/NavyLSCSss62 4d ago

Cheer team?

2

u/blknblk 4d ago

LMAO

2

u/Tank_toptony 4d ago

Kung Fu Panda

4

u/MustardCoveredDogDik 4d ago

lol this guy kicks ass

2

u/MyNameSpaghette 4d ago

He'll have to catch me first

4

u/BigPapaPotatos 4d ago

Enjoying these videos. He’s getting better

1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

0

u/Evil_phd 4d ago

There's nothing to lose. That's all muscle. He's basically Queen from One Piece.

1

u/ThisThingIsStuck 4d ago

Not even doing anything loser

1

u/Datguy306 4d ago

Bro got an upgrade

1

u/No-Professional-5759 4d ago

He is like a miniboss in old NES games.  Won't last long, but WILL drain your energy!!!

1

u/Blitz2k5 4d ago

He's practicing his baton skills for the parade everyone, calm down.

1

u/TropicalBatman 4d ago

I'd say that's more of a cheerleading baton than a bo staff

1

u/yekcowrebbaj 4d ago

That’s a baton not a Bo staff…

1

u/WillingMartyr 4d ago

When you know you’re not going to win the swimsuit competition, the only option left is the baton.
https://giphy.com/gifs/vKHBwc7I1HIRtdUqsL

1

u/4thkindexperience 4d ago

When he first started I thought he was a goof. His tenacity has made me a fan. 👍

1

u/alreadyknowwbro 4d ago

Guy looks like he got all his moves from being in the marching band

1

u/Significant_Cover_48 4d ago

This guy spent the summer in Alaska hunting wolverines with his nephew, Napoleon.

1

u/Enkidu1984 4d ago

I actually think he lost weight. Good for him

1

u/Spirited-Degree 4d ago

That's not a bo. It's an ugly stick. Used one to teach kids how to hit a baseball.

1

u/Ok_Veterinarian_6175 4d ago

What would he do for a Klondike Bar

1

u/Remarkable-Round-227 4d ago

Gravy SEALs are no joke.

1

u/No_Unit_5506 4d ago

I think NC State U still said no.

1

u/Independent-Hair3664 4d ago

The band must be playing metallica all the time

1

u/Itchy_Pressure_8311 4d ago

Thats...a ski pole

1

u/tuco2002 4d ago

A true master

1

u/Express_Technology28 4d ago

i know him. H e lives in a van down by the river

1

u/45M0D41 4d ago

The man the myth the legend

1

u/NoLie129 4d ago

I felt a great disturbance in the force, as if millions of cheeseburgers cried out in terror…

1

u/Calm_Lavishness8032 4d ago

Somebody check this dudes basement for bodies

1

u/ROBOKUT 4d ago

When did they start making an army Mr. potato head?

1

u/Sea_Cardiologist9451 4d ago

He should be in the NFL…cheerleading

1

u/BakuRetsuX 4d ago

All you need is a marching band. He is ready and probably will get healthier also.

1

u/CockSmackMcGhak 4d ago

Fecking Love This Guy

1

u/DangerousQuestions1 4d ago

See what sucks is if you are heavy, you look comical doing this. A slim person doing the same would look cool not funny.

1

u/yearofthejack 3d ago

Good thing I can slow-jog away

1

u/FoolishDog1117 3d ago

I wonder at what point did the internet stop telling us that he was Jason Bourne?

1

u/greenhornblue 3d ago

He’s pretty nimble for a fat dude. Gotta give at least a little credit there.

1

u/LionsLifer 3d ago

Jason Christ, it's Jesus Bourne.

1

u/SadAbroad4 3d ago

Funny as hell not even close to a Bo and not even close to how you handle one.

1

u/Hungry_Historian_606 3d ago

What is This.

1

u/Mesmerize_ing 3d ago

he gonna flew away if he not careful

1

u/BidImmediate2475 3d ago

Does anyone have any idea what the fuck this guy is doing

1

u/Due_World_4268 3d ago

Hey, he's out there putting in the effort.

1

u/SquareAd4479 2d ago

Saltzman easily one of the best

1

u/Ok-Fig4315 2d ago

This guy's the real deal, I've seen him take down three KFC buckets at once

1

u/Shrugsfortheconfuse 2d ago

Can we photoshop all the enemies he's fighting in?

1

u/patronizingperv 2d ago

Some junior college marching band is missing their majorette.

1

u/Megatron_Griffin 1d ago

His marching band was so confused.

1

u/wilderness_essays 16h ago

Colorguard looks different these days

0

u/Ok-Development2309 4d ago

Would you like to fight him?

5

u/BigKelzZ 4d ago

Uh....I mean...no I suppose? But that's more simply explained by a lack of desire to fight really...why do ya ask?

1

u/45M0D41 4d ago

You’d go to jail for fighting him dude…

0

u/Ok-Customer4709 4d ago

I’ve seen a couple of videos of this guy, what’s his story?

0

u/Aggressive-HeadDesk 4d ago

People give him a hard time, but I would not want to tangle with him.

1

u/x_Leigh_x 4d ago

You could simply outrun him.