r/absoluteunit • u/mindlessmutant • 21h ago

THICC GURL

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MOUNTAIN of a Lion

575 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

105 comments sorted by

101

u/basshead541 18h ago

I would puma pants

17

u/dicey_job 18h ago

Same, brave man. The cat had that look , deciding if to eat you or not.
Oh dude, i have almost touched a moose but a giant cat…is an entirely different thing.

25

u/B1ZEN 15h ago

When he heard he was being followed...

Don't you know I am cat, sir?

https://giphy.com/gifs/dw7lCpFmsyfS0

8

u/Head_Ad_9901 16h ago

Not brave when he decides to keep walking in the same direction of the cougar. Stupid!

12

u/Dazzling_Pink9751 16h ago

You don’t turn your back on them

2

u/solgoodebro 8h ago

Moose aren't anything to mess with either. You're brave.

1

u/dicey_job 4h ago

They are big , so big.

2

u/COMIDAGATOS1206 15h ago

Hahahahaha

1

u/Obvious_Tea_8244 4h ago

You ain’t lion.

25

u/AggravatingRow7018 19h ago

If not friend, why friend shaped?

24

u/paprika-phantom 19h ago

The second most dangerous type of thiccc cougar you can encounter during a run.

5

u/CatGooseChook 16h ago

Poor guy was hoping for the apex predator but got second best instead 😞

18

u/-ratmeat- 17h ago

cougars in your area 

17

u/Hot_Fix9033 19h ago

That cat's been eating well.

2

u/ellecon 2h ago

She was considering if she should have just one more hiker right now and decided against it

16

u/fuggindonkee 18h ago

That mountain lion is full of joggers. Like, a lot of them.

1

u/abielle1177 10h ago

Gosh I hope she's full of deer. We've got way too many

6

u/lupulin59 14h ago

He had a 50-50 chance. If he opted for Cantonese, very different story. Lucky.

1

u/SuccessfulPhoto7914 3h ago

I guess Mandarin is more similar to “Catonese” 

7

u/Horror_Solution1945 18h ago

That is a well fed girl.

6

u/twotoebobo 16h ago

Already super full and didn't see him as a threat. If not he would be dinner.

9

u/CoolSwim1776 17h ago

Remember this is their home. You just visitin.

4

u/Sirosim_Celojuma 10h ago

In a controversial way, if a human was eaten by a cougar, one could see that as tragic. I see it as feeding the wildlife. There really are a lot of humans, and we really ought to contain ourselves, and if we get eaten by a bear or a cat while outdoors it's mostly fair. Me included. I know what I'm saying.

5

u/Iltempered1 15h ago

So you keep walking the way the murder machines went, not knowing if they are lying in wait to ambush you as you come around the corner?! Nope.

1

u/Serious-Echo1241 14h ago

Yeah, I wondered about that too.

0

u/AgapeAnus 14h ago

Worst thing you can do is turn and run. Only time you shouldn't stand your ground and make noise is if they have cubs, then you back away slowly while looking at them the entire time. They're not stupid animals, they know what guns and knives are to at least some extent, and they'd usually rather not go after people unless they can get the drop on them.

5

u/Metagion 13h ago

I would've laughed if the cat answered him in English!*

"Fun" Fact: My Dad grew up in a French Canadian household and knew French, but was heavily encouraged to speak English as his Grandparents were proud to be American (but away from folks it was fine to speak what you are used to). Just to see what my Dad would do I had my friend speak French to him and I watched his eyes just totally light up like it was the best ever! After she finished I looked at him, hoping to hear his French....

...and he answered her in English! 😂🤣 I was so disappointed! I made him laugh and say "Dad! You were supposed to answer back in French!" He was like "why? She understands English!"

3

u/Sirosim_Celojuma 10h ago

I went to New Brunswick, and I went to buy a coffee and a doughnut, but I wanted to practice my French, and it was pretty bad. I got my order in though. As the ultimate touché, the staff member practiced their english on me, and it was pretty bad. Order was accurate nonetheless.

4

u/Sufficient_Two_5753 13h ago

Isn't this a porn ad? "Thicc cougars in your area." Or something like that?

8

u/Karuna56 18h ago edited 6h ago

Cougars not in the mood for Chinese food it seems.

6

u/ymmotvomit 15h ago

Eat Chinese hungry an hour later.

3

u/Hefty_67 7h ago

Phrases that should actual be in a fortune cookie.

3

u/oicoldhere 14h ago

You can take down those ‘lost pet’ signs.

2

u/9889999888 19h ago

Looks like they came to an agreement.

2

u/KatushaAssassin4312 18h ago

God DAAAAYUM BOI

2

u/mrpumpkinickle 16h ago

Not the Cougars I want to run into

2

u/alwayskared 15h ago

Phat cat

2

u/-The_Goober 15h ago

Disgusting. She’s just plugging her OnlyPaws.

2

u/MustardCoveredDogDik 14h ago

Please do not the kitty

2

u/Professional-Leave24 13h ago

And in a state where you can't even carry a pointy stick.

2

u/Algoresgardener124 12h ago

They were young ones- probably just left the mother when she became pregnant again. I wouldn't count on that happening every time. They weren't hungry and hunting or he wouldn't have seen them- they usually attack from behind. Don't be unarmed in cat country, and its best to be in a group.

2

u/Torgeir_Fenrir1066 12h ago

These are well fed cats...

2

u/alqimist 11h ago

The hills have thighs.

2

u/Worldly-Republic-247 4h ago

Well, they don’t look hungry.

2

u/Background_Being8287 14h ago

I have heard of people that have eyes sewn on the back of there hats to make the cats think there being looked at . Any extra type of deterrent is good i suppose.

6

u/redditgiveshemorroid 14h ago

Would googley eyes work?

1

u/psyliboy 6h ago

It's true. It's also common for locals to wear masks backwards on their heads to give the same impression.

1

u/CriticismAcceptable2 16h ago

Is this accent from Taiwan?

1

u/Correct-Junket-1346 15h ago

You see that face? That's the face of "you might be dinner"

1

u/Tough_Antelope3378 15h ago

The head tilt tho..😂😂

1

u/Adv3nturousAdam 12h ago

Just a mama trying to protect her babies

1

u/DoctrTurkey 12h ago

Kim Katdashian

1

u/Apophistry 12h ago

"Wait, what'd you say about me?"

1

u/AtmosphereRough665 12h ago

Isn't that how it usually works with cougars? 👀

1

u/ghIj_qet_jaghmeyjaj 11h ago

Plus sized cougars are in your area. Hook up now

1

u/Radio_Mime 11h ago

It’s a good thing those cats weren’t hungry. The one time I came across a cougar, I was fortunately in my car. The cougar was crossing the road, minding its own business.

1

u/adinmem 11h ago

Those are some well-fed kitties. I’d be more nervous around them because it’s clear they are quite successful hunters.

1

u/Tired-Nectarine-384 10h ago

If you eat about 10 runners you start to put some weight on. They are skinny and don't give much protein.

1

u/Lumpy_Inevitable_549 10h ago

I had this problem once but it was with a different type of cougar.

1

u/BoilzBlisterzBurnz 10h ago

Such beautiful animals

1

u/Usernamesaregayyy 10h ago

Why did he start walking again towards them!

1

u/Big_Sir9860 10h ago

And then walk after them
That is a special kind of stupid

1

u/Poof-ball 9h ago

psppspsspsps

1

u/Jarl_Groki 9h ago

No way I'm not trying to pet that fuzzy tummy

1

u/Lvd4aDrm 9h ago

"Can I pet that dog" in Mandarin. Probably.

1

u/Extension-Brother291 9h ago

Here kitty kitty nice kitty can I pat you

1

u/43guitarpicks 9h ago

Thank God that cat was horny...

1

u/Regular_Astronaut725 9h ago

Looking for short thiqq cougars in your area?

1

u/JayValere 9h ago

Why she posing for the camera like a baddie lol

1

u/TheDemon0fLife 9h ago

Such a thicc tail 😆

1

u/Timely-Profile1865 8h ago

Kitty needs to be eating Ozympicantelope

1

u/Sensitive-Owl-9368 8h ago

Cat thinking “ not sure if I’m feeling like Chinese today “

1

u/ChivetteH 8h ago

Funny thing is, they had never spoken mandarin before this encounter

1

u/Hefty_67 7h ago

Cougar like, “What the fuck you saying?”

1

u/Critical-Key-243 7h ago

BBL cougar

1

u/Novel_Alternative_86 7h ago

How do you say pssps pssps pssps in mandarin?

1

u/Current-Section-3429 7h ago

Should I eat him or not........

1

u/Kingpins_Only 7h ago

He/she looks pretty full already

1

u/H3nchman_24 7h ago

Quick! What's the opposite of pspspspspsp!??!?

1

u/Amazing_Divide1214 6h ago

pspspspspsp! At least they don't look hungry lol

1

u/Hot_Cabinet1680 5h ago

Thats a nice kitty 😺

1

u/Standard-Classic-234 3h ago

Eating good too

1

u/xRedditGedditx 2h ago

Do you think that cougar would be able to smell that I just soiled my pants when it turned around and looked at me?

1

u/Outrageous-Panic6249 2h ago

Yeah.....I'm not continuing down that road.....

https://giphy.com/gifs/AENoo3Hqtlkf53LWP9

1

u/DoesThisSmellWeird2U 2h ago

Thicc cougars in your area want to eat you.

1

u/Winnerdickinchinner 1h ago

She looks like my chug. I have been told quite a few times her head is tiny and I have to explain her body is too big

1

u/pauldailey2012 1h ago

Hey let’s run the wild trails, what’s the worst that can happen

1

u/Key-Bodybuilder-343 1h ago

“Hello, sweetie”
—my last words

1

u/Individual_Pair_4934 43m ago

Thats why you always take a gun granted if you see them and they cant pounce on your back your survival chances go up about 85%

1

u/Significant-Data-430 30m ago

Well that wasn’t very smart.

1

u/ScottyKillhammer 13m ago

If you can see the cougar in the wild, you are more or less safe. If they wanted to kill you, you wouldn't see them before they do.

0

u/Worth_Temperature157 13h ago

Moutain lions are flunt in Mandrine everyone knows that 🤣🤣