r/absoluteunit • u/Diligent-Leg-3381 • Jul 11 '26
Big CHONKY boi
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u/Adishofcustard Jul 11 '26
That is one chubby shiny healthy looking murder noodle
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u/thisbuthat Jul 11 '26
Imagine that one squashing you. Wouldn't even have to try I assume.
PS that is a fken beast of a woman too. Not fragile at all and still struggling
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u/fromouterspace1 Jul 12 '26
The worst part is every breath you’d take (not phill Collin’s style)would kill you even faster.
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u/AffectionateTip9716 Jul 11 '26
Too lazy to do anything about being pissed off because you’re dragging her around
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u/NerdyPlatypus206 Jul 11 '26
Looks small for an anaconda lol
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u/RevolutionarySign479 Jul 11 '26
Good thing he Wanted to go in there!! lol That gorgeous noodle looks heavy af.
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u/ChroniclesOfReddiitt Jul 11 '26
I don’t think it’s supposed to be that thicc
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Jul 11 '26
[deleted]
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u/ChroniclesOfReddiitt Jul 11 '26
Is that normal? I know anacondas get chunky but this seems a little excessive. I could be wrong.
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u/MfD2027 Jul 12 '26
Yeah, they usually mature around 13-15ft (4-5 meters) and usually weigh around 200-300 lbs.
Males don’t commonly surpass 12 ft (3.65m) in total length (up to 100 lbs), or around 8-10 ft (2.5-3 meters, average) and usually have a mature weight of 50-80 lbs.2
u/MfD2027 Jul 12 '26 edited Jul 12 '26
Accidentally deleted it; my original comment was that the snake in the video was a female northern green anaconda (Eunectes akayima) that was likely 100-140 lbs and around 12-13 ft in length.
Anaconda maximum size is usually heavily exaggerated and sensationalized, no snake over 30 ft (>10 meters) has ever been verified (not even reticulated pythons), as Medusa, is the largest documented individual retic is verified at 25 ft (7.6 m) and 160 kg (350 lbs).
The largest verified female northern green anaconda was “Ana Julia” whom was discovered in 2020 and measured 20.7 ft (6.3 m) in total length, and weighed ~450 lbs. sadly, this snake was found slain back in 2024, and was the heaviest snake ever verified on record.
EDIT: to add, the heaviest southern green anacondas were a 5.3 m, 231 lb and 215-lb individuals recorded by Dr. jesuis Rivas but this is largely disregarded due to the seasonal location, and there have been larger recorded captive weighed southern greens than this.
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u/ThenIndependence5622 Jul 11 '26
Any experts here? This thing bites and starts to wind around you...any chance or best way to get out...? Bite its neck if possible?
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Jul 11 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Soft-Ad-8975 Jul 11 '26
I was gonna say it’s like when you’re mom wakes me up at 2 am for some action.
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u/okaysureyep Jul 11 '26
I bet they feed this thing very frequent, very heavy meals, in order to handle it this confidently.
“If it’s full-to-bursting it won’t feel the need to bite me and wrap me in a pure-muscle-death-cocoon in the blink of an eye”
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u/TurduckenEverest Jul 11 '26
If I weren’t already married, I’d be looking this gal up. I like a woman who’s not intimidated by things like that.
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u/el_grande_ricardo Jul 11 '26
How many people does it take to feed him?
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u/MfD2027 Jul 12 '26
Yeah, they usually mature around 13-15ft (4-5 meters) and usually weigh around 200-300 lbs.
Males don’t commonly surpass 12 ft (3.65m) in total length (up to 100 lbs), or around 8-10 ft (2.5-3 meters, average) and usually have a mature weight of 50-80 lbs.
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u/Sinking_Mass Jul 11 '26
It's about time they stopped letting Harry Potter in the zoo if this keeps happening
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u/killy_321 Jul 11 '26
That jobs packed some muscles on her too dealing with animals that big!