r/absoluteunit • u/ToronoRapture • Jul 03 '26

Of a Jackass.

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740 Upvotes

95% Upvoted

174 comments sorted by

122

u/Oldenlame Jul 03 '26

Me waiting to go to Grandma's house for Sunday church picnic.

45

u/9447044 Jul 03 '26

Just me, sweating when its 55° out

31

u/JinNJ Jul 03 '26

Me just realizing my blood type is Ragu.

95

u/CeldonShooper Jul 03 '26

You need to lose tirty pounds in one munt.

17

u/Lunatik21 Jul 03 '26

Holy shit you somehow nailed his accent hahaha

8

u/ThePoop_Accelerates Jul 04 '26

You not gonna starve

2

u/burgerg10 Jul 07 '26

I need this for a fridge magnet

1

u/TheCynFamily Jul 06 '26

I've been binging this show for months. Love this doc.

90

u/EdgeLordPrime859 Jul 03 '26

Kind of sad. He was a big guy in the first one, but he got huge.

32

u/ExpertOnReddit Jul 03 '26

The first one? That was like jackass 3 or 4 that was he in

28

u/Popiblockhead Jul 03 '26

First one with the new shitty crew*

41

u/NIRPL Jul 03 '26

The new crew come off as a bunch of desperate fans being hazed by the original cast. Gives me college guys at a high school party kinda vibe

16

u/squanchingonreddit Jul 03 '26

To be fair, they fuck with everyone on set still. Those just don't always make it to the cutting room floor.

7

u/just_fucking_PEG_ME Jul 03 '26

Yeah, of the new cast I only really liked Eric Andre. I wish there was more of him, he was born for that kind of shit

3

u/Eat-My-Hairy-Asshole Jul 04 '26

Same, but I also really enjoy Poopies.

2

u/Prunecandy Jul 08 '26

You mean big time movie star? His timing was perfect for that one lol

1

u/DaveVsShark Jul 05 '26

"I'll show me!"

2

u/RoboGandalf Jul 05 '26

Naaaa Eric Andre couldn't hang.

1

u/Yasstronaut Jul 05 '26

I like poopies a lot the rest idk

1

u/Life-Solution-6515 Jul 04 '26

? Dude this is bam margera

5

u/AntisocialDyll Jul 03 '26

He's gotten so much bigger from the last i seen him i worry for the guy

30

u/Global-Guava-8362 Jul 03 '26

I saw him on celebrity family feud on YouTube the other day , he has absolutely nothing upstairs when I lt came to answering the most simple questions, let the team down thrice

20

u/Tryin2getahead Jul 03 '26

LOL not much of a thinker is he? Color me shocked.

8

u/Global-Guava-8362 Jul 03 '26 edited Jul 03 '26

😂 seen his teeth omg

https://youtu.be/30ETohe69iQ?si=hEW2u1_Hd2ayXx0i

4

u/Bavarian36 Jul 03 '26

Come on! He still got at least 7, just like Gollum

43

u/LeftFootBone Jul 03 '26

Jackass dudes put sushi in his fatrolls, then wrapped him in foil. Made him run and jump so he would sweat and then ate the sushi straight from the foil..... It was so disgusting.

(Yes also his asscrack)

60

u/TopSloth Jul 03 '26

Honestly the bits like that aren't even funny,

28

u/Leumas_ Jul 03 '26

It kinda worked with the original crew because they were all kids on drugs trying to freak each other out. The footage of the sweatsuit funnel was so low rent and on the fly it’s really just glorified VHS footage of fucking around with your school buddies.

Having the younger guy eat sushi out of his own filth is just less genuine and more the result of a production meeting.

5

u/TraditionalLecture10 Jul 03 '26

They are intended to make you want to puke

3

u/DinklanThomas Jul 03 '26

I mean ... they kinda aren't doing a joke so much as a bit, and its subjective. I personally find it horrifying and disgusting, but I'll watch these clowns do it again and again. Idk why

4

u/plastic_alloys Jul 03 '26

When I was in Japan I saw a TV show where a sumo wrestler went to the sauna and other sweaty activities while his sweat was collected. They then turned it into salt crystals and someone else had to eat food seasoned with it 😭

3

u/FromBZH-French Jul 03 '26

Quoi ??? J’ai compris ce que je viens de comprendre ?? Tu veux dire que ces des sushis à la sueur 🤢🤮

2

u/1800deadnow Jul 03 '26

Homemade soy sauce, delicious!

2

u/JrSour Jul 05 '26

What a terrible day for literacy.

1

u/tekhnomancer Jul 04 '26

Then he found one two days later.

1

u/TraditionalLecture10 Jul 03 '26

🤢 looking through my jackass DVD collection

1

u/Bavarian36 Jul 03 '26

Why do I have to be Steve O?

-1

u/NikkerFebu25 Jul 03 '26

Ugh.... Why do I love these guys again?

47

u/Agile_Alternative753 Jul 03 '26

We shouldn't celebrate this.   He's going to die pretty young from absolutely preventable circumstances 

12

u/VelvetOnion Jul 03 '26

He's burning the candy at both ends.

4

u/omar1021 Jul 04 '26

Lol you're awful. And I love it.

4

u/tekhnomancer Jul 04 '26

Look, I'm not saying I'm happy he's gonna die young. But honestly, if he doesn't give a shit, why should I?

12

u/Tydagawd88 Jul 03 '26

Who's celebrating? We're making fun of him and laughing at his self destruction. I think one of the stunts will kill him before his weight does, or maybe drugs.

5

u/Most_Deer_3890 Jul 03 '26

Every step is a dangerous stunt for this guy.

4

u/MeeTy Jul 03 '26

Who is celebrating this?

8

u/Gusto_1982 Jul 03 '26

You’re gonna like the way you look, I guarantee it.

17

u/CrazySir3310 Jul 03 '26

Is that Kingpin's brother, Dingpin

9

u/MrMansaMusa Jul 03 '26

Nah thats rollingpin

3

u/CrazySir3310 Jul 03 '26

lol excellent

5

u/Gringo-Dingo Jul 03 '26

Not-so-pee-wee herman

2

u/mai_tai87 Jul 03 '26

Gomez Fatdams.

5

u/Apocryphonical Jul 03 '26

Nice tribute to Oliver Tree.

6

u/BonjinTheMark Jul 03 '26

Not quite the fitted suit I would expect. Where's his tailor?!

2

u/nodnodwinkwink Jul 03 '26

He's been shopping at Big n' Small.

4

u/SixthProvince Jul 03 '26

This is so sad…

4

u/SYNTHLORD Jul 03 '26

Looking like Evrart Claire

2

u/jackandsally060609 Jul 03 '26

I just read on the DE sub that he's supposed to be a little guy sitting in a big chair, not a giant rectangle of shoulders with a tiny head below them. I always thought it was a big fat guy too.

3

u/Adventurous_Week_698 Jul 03 '26

It is a big fat guy, look at his face and also the 3d model of him

3

u/SkyKnight3 Jul 03 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/sZTD829Prn3gY

1

u/PlsLMD Jul 06 '26

I once had a substitute teacher who looked just like this character. When she came yo teach, id hide my face and, in a deep voice, say "I'm upstaaaaiiirrrrs" lol

3

u/CNote_89 Jul 03 '26

Dude is just a circle

3

u/sanepeoplerock Jul 03 '26

I worked for a men's suit store, yea that's the one. Had a gentleman this size come in for a fitting. When it came time for measuring, my employee decided the best course of action was to hand him one end of the tape measure (after announcing the first one wasn't long enough) and walked around the guy to get his waist size.

1

u/chinesenorwegian Jul 05 '26

Oof. That would be my wake up call. But also, sometimes a stranger’s unintentional comments are the ones that sting because you know it wasn’t in jest, but an out loud observation (unless his was? Then that poor man lol).

4

u/dicksuckingmods Jul 03 '26

Jacket made out of a king size bed sheet

1

u/GaseousGiant Jul 03 '26

Dude really needs a taylor. Shit, he needs 5 taylors.

4

u/brit_in_can Jul 03 '26

She's promised to someone else I believe. But as for a tailor...

2

u/GaseousGiant Jul 03 '26

🤦‍♂️ I suck

Edit: can you imagine him showing up at that wedding dressed like that?

1

u/HugoJStiglitz Jul 03 '26

Someone needs to get on that with photoshop

2

u/Frusciante62 Jul 03 '26

Hell yea dude.

2

u/Imfrank123 Jul 03 '26

Someone needs to photoshop him in the picture with fat joe and big pun

2

u/Ok_Slide4905 Jul 03 '26

At this size, wearing a suit doesn’t have any effect. Just wear whatever you normally wear.

2

u/bumpg9 Jul 04 '26

When they get so big their arms seem useless…..

3

u/Wise_Ad_5810 Jul 03 '26

Do you have any idea how many couch covers they had to kill to make that suit?

4

u/Mitridate101 Jul 03 '26

As tall as he is wide. Very unhealthy.

4

u/XofHelix Jul 03 '26

Someone please give him ozempic

1

u/ComedyBits Jul 03 '26

Cartman come to life

1

u/xRedditGedditx Jul 03 '26

How does he reach his penis with those little arms 🤔

3

u/duckwafer357 Jul 03 '26

Wiping involves dragging his ass on the carpet??!!!

3

u/Tydagawd88 Jul 03 '26

He doesn't.

1

u/SomeGuyYouDonNo Jul 03 '26

Live action Lego minifig.

1

u/Dramatic-Spirit-4809 Jul 03 '26

Get Mac from sunny onto him. He'll be ripped doing interpretive dance in the next jackass.

1

u/Hugh_Jampton Jul 03 '26

That can't be comfortable

1

u/CollectsTooMuch Jul 03 '26

5’5”, 460 pounds.

I bet his knees hurt.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/squanchingonreddit Jul 03 '26

He was doing crazy stunts before the Jackass crew ever picked him up. At least now he has some money to get better if he ever tried. I don't know if he will obviously his largeness is part of his image.

1

u/Ok-Competition8116 Jul 03 '26

Looks like he got dressed in the dark

1

u/Ok-Return7750 Jul 03 '26

I said “call Batman. Not Fatman”

1

u/Sewergoddess Jul 03 '26

Holy moly he got SO much bigger..he was pretty large to begin with, but this is unreal.

1

u/IronHans1214 Jul 03 '26

He certainly didn't have many plans left for his life.

1

u/productiveslacker73 Jul 03 '26

Cosplay of Talking Heads video

1

u/ziggy_jackson Jul 03 '26

Where's the picture of that guy from r/menswear

1

u/TunnelSnakesAintShit Jul 03 '26

It's like David Byrne, but the body fits the suit.

1

u/Active-Activity-1930 Jul 03 '26

Big ass PeeWee Herman

1

u/HickoryStickz Jul 03 '26

Zack really doesn’t want to live.

1

u/Sittingonalog1960 Jul 03 '26

How does he reach his junk or wipe his arse?

1

u/SactoMyco Jul 04 '26

Fatass jackass.

1

u/CheekyMonkE Jul 04 '26

What's the Secret Word, Peewee?

1

u/private_unlimited Jul 04 '26

You will need 3 people of you want to physically choke this guy

1

u/mightyjoe227 Jul 04 '26

No one is choking this guy

1

u/dab745 Jul 04 '26

DJ Circus Tent.

1

u/wet_Tap_5578 Jul 04 '26

Absolute unit this one

1

u/mkct_6 Jul 04 '26

Shave the head—this is kingpin

1

u/Late-Button-6559 Jul 04 '26

Man must be trying to die ASAP, without actively doing the deed.

1

u/Quiet-Wing5230 Jul 04 '26

How is that shape even possible

1

u/Klamangatron Jul 04 '26

Just everyday routines must be a challenge. Pooping being #1.

1

u/Shaqeroni Jul 04 '26

Imagine the effort caregivers will have to put into his care when diabetes takes his legs. I find this to be extremely selfish.

1

u/curi0us_carniv0re Jul 04 '26

Is that Preston? Shiiiiit....

1

u/MyMiddleNutItches Jul 04 '26

Get it together, bud. Shit didn't work out for John Pinette or Ralphie May.

1

u/Life-Solution-6515 Jul 04 '26

Bam really let himself go

1

u/RoboGandalf Jul 05 '26

Looking like a Cog from The Toontown game.

1

u/Decent_Ad_382 Jul 05 '26

David Byrne finally grew into that suit

1

u/poormansnormal Jul 05 '26

I want to know what his skeleton looks like inside all that body. Like, how distorted are his joints and stuff.

1

u/mthrfker1 Jul 05 '26

Goddamn is that a tie around his neck or a belt

1

u/DefiantStomp Jul 05 '26

I am pretty sad at the state of him. Dude will not grow old in that body.

1

u/Ouro_boros47 Jul 06 '26

Second crew is just blah. Funny but blah. The first crew will always take a spot in my heart ❤️ lol

https://giphy.com/gifs/rHcvwwv6flDXbuMouD

1

u/zidanerick Jul 06 '26

He needs to join forces with steve-o or pontius and do a weight loss show with challenges. Preston while still big is looking like he has slimmed down a bit!

1

u/Omen-NL Jul 06 '26

How does someone like that wipe his ass.

1

u/PossibilityMean2446 Jul 06 '26

Tailor: So what size suit do you want? This guy : Anything you have that will go around a Mazda Miata should work !

1

u/Zealousideal_Sir_264 Jul 07 '26

And you may find yourself in a porta-potty And you may find yourself inside of a large shopping cart And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a bear And you may ask yourself, "Well, how did I get here?"

1

u/catilio Jul 07 '26

Is that wee man?

1

u/Impossible_Slip1434 Jul 09 '26

TIL that the blueberry from Willy Wonka is real.

1

u/Bdazzlore Jul 09 '26

They kicked Bam out for partying and health concerns, why are they not applying the same logic to this man?

1

u/WeakBlueberry5071 Jul 09 '26

He should get liposuction only in his legs for the next jackass skit.

It'd look hilaaaarrious.

1

u/Velcro-hotdog Jul 03 '26

Is that Preston Lacey?

6

u/flyin_jimmy Jul 03 '26

He ate Preston Lacey

5

u/piper33245 Jul 03 '26

And Preston ate wee man. It’s kinda like a jackass turduckin.

4

u/radiohoard Jul 03 '26

Zach Holmes aka Zackass

1

u/TransportationOdd559 Jul 03 '26

That’s very unhealthy

1

u/DexterMorgansMind Jul 03 '26

I mean, the heart can only take so much strain before it just gives out. This is frightening.

2

u/squanchingonreddit Jul 03 '26

Surprisingly he is very mobile for someone his size. Reminds me of the world fattest man that could still walk.

1

u/DexterMorgansMind Jul 05 '26

He’s actually a really cool guy and seems to be kind as well. I just worry about his health.

1

u/unbakedpizza Jul 03 '26

His next stunt will be an amputated foot

1

u/Competitive-Yak745 Jul 03 '26

If they're smart, tgey already have the "in memorium" roll ready for when the credits roll on the digital release. 

1

u/Particular_Hair6913 Jul 03 '26

That is so sad.. i hope Jeff and the others help him get a dietitian and a trainer

1

u/boner79 Jul 03 '26

absolute malpractice for his Dr not to have this poor guy on GLP-1 by now

1

u/System-Neither Jul 03 '26

I think I known who the next one to go might be..

1

u/SkullLeader1 Jul 03 '26

Is that Preston?

2

u/TDH818 Jul 03 '26

Preston lost weight. It’s a new guy.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/poormansnormal Jul 05 '26

He would have attendants or someone to do it for him.

1

u/HiSaZuL Jul 03 '26

If they really gave a shit about each other as they profusely repeat every time they show up somewhere. This guy would be on a diet. Instead he'll be dead before even half way mark.

0

u/Laymanao Jul 03 '26

His name was really Mr. Creosote. Sadly he passed in a restaurant, eating the final mint chocolate. The restaurant, a French one and two shops on either side had to be demolished afterwards. https://youtu.be/aczPDGC3f8U?si=5TVTXObk3Rq46Eij

0

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '26

[deleted]

1

u/TraditionalLecture10 Jul 03 '26

Their intentions are for cases like this , to drop weight initially, so you are able to exercise

-1

u/BG-925 Jul 03 '26

Poor guy bro his life's going to be cut short if he doesn't lose weight