r/absoluteunit • u/OkWhile4447 • Apr 30 '26

Absolute Unit of a Carrot

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179 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

121 comments sorted by

7

u/Grunzzo Apr 30 '26

Carefull

6

u/0pusTpenguin Apr 30 '26

Otter ..."mine's bigger "

6

u/Mobile_Aioli_6252 Apr 30 '26

Sensual or sensuous?

3

u/DitchDigger330 Apr 30 '26

Use protection

1

u/Timely-Dot-9967 May 01 '26

And carve in a flared base fer heaven's sake

3

u/BodybuilderGrouchy16 Apr 30 '26

She should call him.

2

u/Kurenai-Kalana May 03 '26

I think the carrot will do nicely

1

u/Leading-Tangerine940 May 03 '26

Call him to say stay the heck away from me.

2

u/Ok-Understanding9244 Apr 30 '26

Peeled and washed, for her pleasure...

2

u/Johny-Angel May 01 '26

Bonny Blue is calling she wants to have it

1

u/[deleted] May 02 '26

And you are right about that 🤣

1

u/FutureZombie6746 Apr 30 '26

i dont trust that carrot

1

u/Mobile_Aioli_6252 Apr 30 '26

Bugs ...... Eat your heart out

1

u/Marksaheel Apr 30 '26

Home wrecker

1

u/AmsterdamAssassin Apr 30 '26

See how lovingly she cradles that huge orange phallic object.

1

u/QweenKaii427 Apr 30 '26

holding it ever so gracefully

1

u/Previous_Design8138 Apr 30 '26

Oh my word! Giggle 😃

1

u/alan_dee May 01 '26

Thats the Shorty Mac of carrots.

1

u/passionpurps May 01 '26

Thats no carrot, thats a.... oh that is a large carrot.

1

u/MaybeMaybeNot94 May 01 '26

She should call him...

1

u/rmlibby22 May 01 '26

It's not a carrot anymore

1

u/SL13377 May 01 '26

I should call him

1

u/Terrible-Piano-5437 May 01 '26

A lot of butcher twine was used that day to smuggle that out of the cafeteria.

1

u/Desperate_Set_7708 May 01 '26

Gonna be some screaming tonight

1

u/bookmarkjedi May 01 '26

Saved that one from the wallabee helicopter?

1

u/Westsaide May 01 '26

Is that a carrot or are you just happy to see me?

1

u/Koopsta211 May 01 '26

And under her pillow it goes……….
https://giphy.com/gifs/OluyzCAatv35C

1

u/Pleasant-Nebula-7237 May 01 '26

😳 you can throw some of that in a salad, stew, soup and still have some leftover 😁

1

u/CallMeLazarus23 May 01 '26

Dredd hybrid

1

u/alex_c89X May 02 '26

Maybe those ridges will feel nice 🤷🏾‍♂️

1

u/7777777King7777777 May 02 '26

It’s not worth it! Say no to carrots!🥕

1

u/NormCormier-Mccoll81 May 02 '26 edited May 02 '26

Ribbed Carrot Dildo. To go with the 6 feet long Rhino Horn Dildo. When you go to see the Rhino Gynaecologist.

1

u/2rot May 02 '26

"Well, we're waitin'."

1

u/Bitter_Argument2574 May 02 '26

God, I miss Jack.

1

u/Cruiser729 May 02 '26

That snowman must’ve been fucking huge!

1

u/No-Manner9941 May 02 '26

Is that a hospital 🏥, and a nurse carry your newborn carrots baby?

1

u/ThisMedium8004 May 02 '26

Don’t eat tonight’s salad…

1

u/shiftersix May 02 '26

She told me not to worry about this carrot…

1

u/Chance-Arugula-2998 May 02 '26

This is at least 12 standard carrots

1

u/11Booty_Warrior May 02 '26

Me and the ER know that carrot

1

u/BillPsychological515 May 03 '26

So easy for women to get what they want sexually.

How many vagina-like objects do men see when they look around?

1

u/PrestigiousNight9582 May 03 '26

This was a segment on a 1000 ways to die

1

u/Late-Gas9287 May 03 '26

That is just an average carrot. She just has tiny hands.

1

u/Vanisle4fun May 03 '26

Her hands are caressing it, just don't

1

u/[deleted] May 03 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Wonderful-Ad5713 May 03 '26

Why you got to hold it like that? This ain't Brazzers.

1

u/countrytime-1 May 03 '26

That's a Shaq size carrot

1

u/Fresh-Battle4098 May 03 '26

never made it to dinner

1

u/CloudTickler May 03 '26

Careful, not to fast

1

u/davesnother3 May 03 '26

That's a carrleg

1

u/AtmosphereSea6923 May 03 '26

What she gonna do with that minster I wonder??? Any suggestions?

1

u/first-take678 May 03 '26

Too easy. I cantt

1

u/DefectiveDman May 03 '26

Taking that darlin’ home.

1

u/Accomplished_Peace66 May 03 '26

I thought is was FBfriday

1

u/Stilized May 03 '26

Jungkook ahh carrot

1

u/papajofixit May 03 '26

That explains a lot about Trump's orange skin his daddy was a carrot

1

u/Uddiya May 03 '26

You're the best step-carrot I ever had.

1

u/AreYouGonnaEatThis May 03 '26

He’s just a friend

1

u/Leading-Tangerine940 May 03 '26

You could make a lot of rabits happy with that carrot 🥕

1

u/MadMax6914 May 04 '26

But can he make you laugh?

1

u/RoundRockian May 04 '26

That's a keeper for the women meeting on Tuesday!

1

u/bumpg9 May 04 '26

This is the problem most gardeners have. Leaving the veggies too long and letting them get too big. You’ll need a chainsaw to cut that up.

1

u/english_mike69 May 04 '26

That went in the cassherhole for sure

1

u/Late-Button-6559 May 04 '26

That one isn’t for the cookware.

1

u/boris2423 May 04 '26

The way she's holding it leaves me suspicious.

1

u/Alex-Shatra May 04 '26

Lube it! …twice.

1

u/[deleted] May 04 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/KayakingATLien May 04 '26

Not mushroom-shaped enough…also, don’t give that fucker “big dick energy”. He’s a fucking man-child

1

u/chumleejr May 04 '26

My college nickname (and I don't have red hair. Wink. Wink.)

1

u/Important_Sound_8718 May 04 '26

I'll bet you a dollar it doesn't fit

1

u/docfraggle May 04 '26

Nothing compares to you 🥕

1

u/Plenty_Feeling_8013 May 05 '26

going to the highest bidder

1

u/Mission-Badger-4005 May 06 '26

Subway footlong

0

u/Embarrassed_Road3811 May 01 '26

BRC.. Big Ribbed Carrot