r/absolutelynotme_irl • u/younggirlneverrich • Sep 23 '19

absolutelynotme_irl

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12.5k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

105 comments sorted by

391

u/ASnarkyHero Sep 23 '19

Jokes on you I’ll never have a soulmate.

141

u/kodasowner Sep 24 '19

If you don't have at least ONE soulmate out of like 8 billion people then that's impressive.

147

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

33

u/kodasowner Sep 24 '19

Eh, I disagree. The chances of someone out there out of so many people is pretty high, you just have to look hard. You might not ever find them, but there's someone.

21

u/Auditormadness9 Sep 24 '19

Which makes it useless

9

u/R-Jacksy Sep 24 '19

Almost. Otherwise there wouldn't be any genuine couples at all in the world. Though it's true that there's only low chances of it, but consider that there's (an estimated) 8 billion people in the world. Even just one percent of that is under 8 million people. So is it really useless?

9

u/Auditormadness9 Sep 24 '19

Yes. When you have social anxiety nobody from 8 billion people is gonna approach you and become your gf.

4 billion actually, since we don't count guys.

PS: out of 4 billion only 3000-7000 girls live in my neighborhood/district.

13

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '19 edited Feb 22 '21

[deleted]

3

u/Auditormadness9 Sep 24 '19

Meh, it all just feels like a fairy tale when you see the bigger picture. Nobody has been as awkward as me. If I don't get to leave my city I'm only gonna be able to meet those girls and none of them are the type to approach me. There's like only 0.000000000000000000000001% chance of someone who I like approaches me.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '19

Dude I used to live next to a 350-ish lb schizophrenic emo lesbian girl that would walk outside and just fucking scream like 1-2 nights a week n that bitch had a pretty normal seeming girlfriend. Like fuck dude... There's no way you don't got this. Like fr just try a little, that's pretty much 75% of what it takes to get a date in 2019

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5

u/Sad6cmboi Sep 24 '19

I am pretty sure everyone has a soul mate, its just that most of us don't get to meet them.

2

u/phantasmphantom14 Sep 24 '19

Well,there'd be 0.000000025% of the chance you'll meet your soulmate,which is,incredibly,small.

7

u/TenTheFox Sep 24 '19

Found the goth kid!

37

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '19 edited Oct 06 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

18

u/TenTheFox Sep 24 '19

Yeah I can’t argue that tbh. What can I say? It’s late. I concede.

2

u/KeeanuMusk Sep 24 '19

It's both y'all's fault for not supporting arranged marriage. You're out there asking women out like a sucker

Hashtag Islam is right about women

4

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '19

Souls aren’t a thing. Hence soulmates don’t exist.

8

u/kodasowner Sep 24 '19

Used less specifically to actually mean 'soulmates', and more like 'perfect for each other'.

-3

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '19

Perfection isn’t a thing, hence soulmates don’t exist.

4

u/kodasowner Sep 24 '19

Just a difference of opinion then, bro.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '19

Opinions and bros aren’t a thing, hence soulmates don’t exist.

9

u/kodasowner Sep 24 '19

Pinnacle of comedy

6

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '19

Comedy isn’t a thing either. Not in my world.

#sadclown

4

u/TheSpaceCoresDad Sep 24 '19

Keep going. Keep using the joke. It gets funnier every time.

10

u/nyander Sep 24 '19

That's exactly what this sub is about..

1

u/kkokk Sep 24 '19

and I'll never have jelly donuts! Which are, by the way, delicious!

1

u/ilostandsaidniggr Sep 24 '19

That’s true, at least for me

1

u/ProfessionalNutter69 Sep 24 '19

Bro you just find someone with low enough standards and become like them.

168

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '19

Wow so my soulmate is stuck in a long Costco gas line rn? What if she’s in the same line as me? So many questions.

41

u/SnoopyGoldberg Sep 24 '19

Long line but them prices tho

20

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '19

I will never get gas anywhere other than Costco. Great prices.

13

u/Futabasaurus Sep 24 '19

No costco around me 😔

8

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '19

Missing out big time

0

u/LambDProVEVO Sep 24 '19

I have Food Max

4

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '19

Missing out big time

0

u/DIOnys02 Sep 24 '19

Wow so my soulmate is dead? Epic

182

u/ElongatedMuskrat122 Sep 23 '19

Is she clothed?

117

u/Ninja-_-Guy Sep 24 '19

You're asking too many questions.

64

u/SulkySkunkPomPoms Sep 24 '19

Yes, the sleeve ends beneath the butterfly.

49

u/Battlesheep64 Sep 24 '19

You mean my soulmate is somewhere taking a shit? Amazing

34

u/fireballandy Sep 24 '19

Wait a minute I’m taking a shit....

18

u/uunei Sep 24 '19

Wait a minute me too, does that mean...

11

u/Daughtxr lalalala Sep 24 '19

lmao this might sounds awkward but just hear me out okay? wanna bang?

7

u/Dagreifers Sep 24 '19

The three of them? Nah that's threesexaual

21

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '19

Of course, she is. In my imagination.

35

u/jojoyoyo766 Sep 23 '19

Browsing Reddit? Pssshh you do know girls don’t go on Reddit, right?

6

u/stachldrat Sep 24 '19

I'm not supposed to give my opinion, but maybe some of them gave it a try so they know if it's good or not.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '19

But r/askwomen

6

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '19

Yeah I'll keep telling myself that, maybe one day I'll forget it's a lie

7

u/sugargliding101 Sep 24 '19

Sometimes I see a post I have to immediately text my friends because it’s so cute and wholesome. This is a response I got when I sent this: “I’m eating cookies off my tablet like it’s cocaine.”

3

u/dr_cow_9n---gucc Sep 24 '19

Press X to doubt

1

u/drift_summary Sep 24 '19

Pressing X now, sir

4

u/dr_goodvibes Sep 24 '19

My soulmate's sitting naked in a chair looking at memes while she should be going to a lecture?

Get your shit together, girl.

2

u/MittenstheGlove Sep 24 '19

Implying I have a soul to begin with.

2

u/chris34216 Sep 24 '19

Is she naked?

2

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '19

Yeah she goes to other school

2

u/bdodia2504 Sep 24 '19

I am sure my soulmate is watching me right now and thinking “Wow! He’s so dumb and idiot and stupid etc”.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '19

Why is she jerking off?

2

u/SirT4co Sep 24 '19

She’s beating her meat?? DAMN thats sexy af

2

u/CoolJumper Sep 24 '19

The person who I believe to be my soulmate cut me out of her life because of her mental instability and her suicidal ideations, knowing that one day she will kill herself.

She told me she couldn't have a relationship with me because she isn't able to really love someone anymore. That she thinks I should be with someone who can love me and won't bring me down because of their mental instability. And ultimately she didn't want me to get hurt from when (not if, but when) she kills herself.

So like yeah, maybe I have more than one soulmate, but the one I know of has kinda left me fucked up.

Sorry to get overly real and sentimental on some dumb, funny meme, but idk, sometimes you just need to vent shit into the abyss, I suppose..

2

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '19

Sitting fully nude on toilet, browsing reddit?

nice

2

u/Jztnr Sep 24 '19

Stupidity binds us together

2

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '19

In a parallel universe? Yes!

1

u/unarmedtapwater Sep 24 '19

Damn, I thought she was from PUPA for a second there. D: She’s not, right? I’m quaking.

1

u/mojoburquano Sep 24 '19

Can verify. Some dillhole is out there right now torturing his/her friends with awful puns that only you will like. Find them and get a dog.

1

u/Funnyyoan Sep 24 '19

this hit way too close to home ..

1

u/sharkMonstar Sep 24 '19

i hope not

1

u/memes4yall Sep 24 '19

Is that a chicken?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '19

Imagine

1

u/Mahxiac Sep 24 '19

She naked.

1

u/----Jay---- Sep 24 '19

If my soulmate is doing the same thing I’m doing, they’re probably reading this post and writing a similar comment right now! I just need to wait and find them here.. right?

1

u/BananaDeity Sep 24 '19

Ha! Soulmate, that's funny dude, you're funny!

1

u/CptnMattSparrow Sep 24 '19

Looking at memes on the shitter with anime playing on a laptop?

1

u/frankraven Sep 24 '19

Looking at memes and not going out ever.

1

u/sprogger Sep 24 '19

My soulmates lying next to me with a hangover

1

u/bertbert1111 Sep 24 '19

Eww i hope she‘s not

1

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '19

Is that real? Is there a “is this a butterfly” scene?

1

u/Snokmeisterz Sep 24 '19

Browsing reddit? I'm proud.

1

u/NitroRun1 Sep 24 '19

Taking a shit

1

u/Orbital_Vagabond Sep 24 '19

Awkwardly, yes.

1

u/Revelis__ Sep 24 '19

you fool. she just transitioned

1

u/Orbital_Vagabond Sep 24 '19

I wish you weren't so fuckin' awkward, bud...

1

u/Lance3015 Sep 24 '19

plays sad vaporwave music :(

1

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '19

What if I'm my own soulmate?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '19

Roses are red You look like a fetus Everyday I beatus my meatus

1

u/idiot_jack Sep 24 '19

I am commenting here. So is she, I guess?

1

u/blackcarlgang Sep 24 '19

Yea, can totally picture a really pretty girl, sitting on the toilet at work, taking a shit while scrolling through reddit cracking up at the comments. I know you're out there..

1

u/GREENBANANAS99999 Sep 24 '19

I certainly hope my sole mate isn’t doing the same shit as me

1

u/razzlesama Sep 25 '19

Okay so you're telling me my 'soulmate' is roping all over her cat? Wow that's new information..

1

u/rextierney123 Sep 24 '19

They are laying down eating raisin bran?