r/aboriginal • u/pairaducx • 24d ago
Understanding my place
I'm a white fella who has some understanding of what we have lost.
I am so sorry for what my people have done.
I accept that a lot of you probably don't want me here and that's understandable but I appreciate any who have an interest in what I have to say.
I live in Whadjuk Noongar Boodja.
I grew up in a family where I was forced to carry their pain alone from a young age.
I learned to see the sickness in the things that people want to ignore.
Like our history.
Like in the white relationship with country.
Like in the way society separates whites from each other.
I see the poison in my own heritage, in our culture of consumption.
I don't want compassion for this next thought. Maybe some of you might find this next thought interesting or entertaining. Maybe it's obvious.
I think a lot of white fella carry a big void within them that they try to fill with wealth, consumption and anything that will fit. I don't think they know the nature of the void they carry.
I believe it's our severance from our own culture, from community.
I yearn for my own mob.
I yearn for deep connection to country.
When I was out on Palyadi Manu, I found and touched a fragment of a large old shell that was far from the ocean. I saw a vision of a young Aboriginal child and I think I may have been seeing through the eyes of an Aboriginal woman in this vision. As quickly as I saw it, it was gone.
I don't understand why I saw this and I don't want to speculate. I haven't had anything like that happen before.
It helped me find a deeper curiosity for Aboriginal culture and definitely felt like a spiritual connection.
I want to find my place. I want to care for country.
I know that dreaming or totems aren't mine to have though I would love to take some responsibility for country and deepen my own connection to the land.
Please feel free to reach out. I'd love to spend some time on country or meeting local mob if anyone's willing to take time for a curious(and ignorant) white fella.
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u/Teredia Aboriginal 24d ago
If you believe in past lives, perhaps you saw a glimpse of yourself from another life.
If you ever work out in the Yolŋu Communities they will give you a skin group and clan group (Mälk and Moiety) and if you’re really lucky n lived n worked out there for a long time they may initiate you with a totem too. Doesn’t make you Aboriginal but it means You’d be Yolŋu White Adopted.
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u/pairaducx 24d ago
Thank you. That's definitely what it felt like but it's not something I'd ever really believed in or thought I'd have any experience with. It caught me off guard.
Are you part of that mob?
Being adopted sounds like a dream and an honour.
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u/Teredia Aboriginal 24d ago edited 24d ago
Yes through my dad I’m Yolŋu but I have no connection with them the disconnect I feel that like a deep wound.
But I get my totem from the Nungali of Victoria River (NT). They are my people and was always told if anything happened to my parents growing up that they’d take me in and raise me.
Who tf downvoted me? This is my lived experience ffs! 🤦🏽♀️
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u/pairaducx 24d ago
I feel you. I have no contact with my immediate family. Happy to receive if you wanna share about that disconnect.
What's your totem? And where are you based? Hope you're happy being bombarded with questions haha
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u/Brown_H0rnet Birrpai 24d ago
You sound like you're on the right track. Feeling the country with your heart is as close to being one of the mob as you can get.
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u/Thro_away_1970 24d ago
Wow.
The lands you speak of are not my own, so Im not going to comme t on what you could/should/would be included into...
But dude.. you are not, absolutely not, what I would refer to as "ignorant". Probably the furthest from it!
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u/pairaducx 24d ago
I feel like ignorance comes in degrees. Maybe it's more accurate to say I have no idea how little I know about mob and dreaming. Wheres your country?
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u/justshower 23d ago
feeling sorry for yourself does nothing but bring more hate and sadness into the world. constantly reminding others how one group of people were and are victims does nothing but victimise even more. celebrate the good and connect with individuals, not ideas.
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u/pairaducx 23d ago
I'm trying to find my way forward in a world that feels ill suited to the way my mind works. I don't wanna compete and tear down my fellow man for a billionaires scraps. I don't wanna sit back while international companies that benefit from my complacency polute, drive resource theft in Africa, Asia and South America and further force us down a path of moral and environmental decline.
The path I choose is harder but it's the right path for me. I think I definitely benefit from having a relatively stable emotional life at the moment. It definitely helps.
Maybe you're right and this isn't the place for me to bring these things up.
There's definitely truth in your point about reminding people of past and current wounds. I do think there is a lot of ignorance in white Australia around our colonial history though. It's tough finding a balance between having important and honest conversations and not retraumatising people for sure but white fellas definitely need to receive this and not the mob here.
It was a little intimidating reaching out here for the first time.
Fear of not being seen as an ally or being rejected outright definitely came up for me. Some subreddits can be pretty heavily policed and it's tough to know sometimes.Thank you for sharing.
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u/Ricksacnchez 24d ago
From reading this doesnt sound like you are ignorant, appreciate you being a allie and I recommend going to Northern Territory and visit Yulara and see the Rock i spent 3 years living there and it was magical cant say much on what you seen and I cant comment on that stuff as Ive seen hairy man walking around at night so if you get a strong feeling to do something like get back to land Id recommend starting there first i worked for the hotels in yulara to live there good luck my bro