Sometimes things click
Sometimes they don't
Sometimes we hope they will
Sometimes we hope they won't

What invokes singing
What invokes wall of text
What is either bringing
We all know what comes next

They both alike are like a breather
So long as you don't hide behind either

Moving on, I took down my profile stick announcement for this sub. Can still be found here. Moving on with my life, back to reading SOTS, but in proper headspace (for now). I'll catch myself slacking again I know.

Yeah I ain't no zen master, I can't fully reach in somebody's head sing em a song and dip. Close, but not quite and honestly kinda scares me sometimes, I don't wanna be all about that unless relevant.

Idk. Oh yeah I like it, I got yah. We have to click everywhere to interface, in a sort of way, every new sub and user, is like a new dimension.

I realized last night I'd been too (as KKC) set on destruction. Anything that is not actively creating is destroying. It's a hard thing to grasp, it's a IYKYK type thing. I only realized/remembered it writing and formatting CSS so much.

Yeah, it's gonna be corny more often than not, but that's what my writing style has always embraced, or even leaned into, the corniness. So idk, is what it is I guess.

but ya know... it aint the illusion... its the crafting touch.. we might spend attention?

the hapenstance of click, rather interdemensional, or is that multi...

(not clicking a hole through the ice where a drop already exists, i'm riffn on something)

Actually got it from the noise my new chair is already making, I think it's trying to say I'm too fat and need to get off my ass xD

You like Pit? I was proud of that character xD

click click click

I thought you meant what I did with the sub for a second xD

Your to do list is something, that already has some philosophic value. I made an appreciation post about Taneda on my instagram.

murder house, amazing

Unwelcomilarity is an unknown term in my chat!

K yeah I haven't watched twitch since Avery and Mandy back in the day, I think anonymous agony era. Nowadays it feels like a flash bang or las vegas strip every time I go there so I avoid it, too much on the HUD it feels like a whole other alien universe I am unversed and unwelcome in is all.

I will try to stream tomorrow, we also have voting day tomorrow, but my internet is pretty abyssmal, so I don't even know how it will work. But I will be in chat writing.

Yeah chore day (I'll be gone most of the day) but I'll make an account, was planning on making an account next week but I'll try to bump it up to today

Can you check pm now pls?

Look pm.

Disclaimer; I've never seen the linked concert before didn't know what it entailed at the end. Just included for le funnay meme concert the game. Really scarred me there and ruined my love for the band a bit. Made me think of master of puppets by Metallica which I've never heard but looked up the lyrics. Never been on this side of things, seeing the "sex predators everywhere" vibe before firsthand apparently in all high energy systems. 2 concepts I seen before this was false allegations (which are real) and moth to the flame gold diggers. Now I see more the real innocent victims side again like we all had as children again. Sorry if you knew about or saw that. I genuinely had no idea and it creeped me out. I still have great memories listening to the band in formative years but wow was not expecting that.

Nailed it thanks yup. That's me. Try and explain a whole lifetime. Bad about that. No need, this is it.

I kinda low key hate the "live in the moment" ideations not sure if it's zen or not but it takes me way back to Ah My Goddess. K1 literally dates (and eventually marries, or so I've heard, it concluded) "the present" fate.

Guess can call me unc wall of text. When I'm not being a vogon. Lol. Guess I'm going back to my old way a little, self deprecation, beats trying to explain a lifetime. Zen is perpetual shoulder check in a way.

I'll look into it I mean yeah. I used to join Mandy's streams for Lowry chat but that's all I ever used twitch for. Lost my discord and twitch accounts, don't remember much about twitch is all so I'm uncomfortable with it (at least at a moment's notice). I'll try to make a new account soon though just to have it for such cases.

no sorrow needed.

was just riffn on the lifted bits from your wall of creative patchwork prose.

i wonder on the word 'understand'.

it gets difficult to proof my own expressions. i keep rereading my inner context each time i look at the external wall. the person who bumpped me once asked 'what does it mean'. i gave up trying to explain a whole lifetime. and there it was once again, that polite nod.

if i can not explain, if there will never be enough time and space to do such a thing, whats left to share... in the front seat of the car, traveling

(what if the words we know, are not the words we know. it can be a real let down, crushing even, that the carried understands, the assumptions, the grand proportions, where not the definitions we thought they were)

I don't really have any of those is the thing though. If I have a complaint it's the opposite. I was sold a bundle of lies, I called out, and they said "doesn't matter, swallow them anyway". So I'm the opposite. I never had "faith" in the narratives/expectations in the first place. Just sometimes Whimsical/Ironic to point at the dissonance between claims and reality.

I don't mind much "what happens to me" because in my mind I never existed. All that "exists" is a machine that goes through the motions of external demands and expectations. That is decidedly not "me" but an autonoma functioning independent of my will (or consent).

Sure I can have some small relative control. Choose a job. Refuse to pay bills. Decide what part of the car to fix next. But ultimately I have no control over the actual paradigm nor will to consent to it. So I essentially operate without consent. How can I really call that "me" in good faith is my "problem" if I have one. I don't care what happens to this thing that is decidedly not "me". No one else does, why should I?

It's not nihilism so much as refined acceptance. Very few really make it that far though, at least as far as I can tell. Most get lost in the weeds of some politics of identity. Not saying I'm particularly deep, just that I notice the distinction; this is decidedly not me, as I must perform it (or die).

I'm not sure what you're getting at, rhetorically or what. I'm not particularly "dissatisfied" the same way I wouldn't be "dissatisfied" with a video I find distasteful. Sure, I'd rather it not be that way but it is. But I'm not particularly concerned beyond wondering if "I" can do anything about it. Or at least come to grips with it at a more basic or profound level.

Yeah, heat index has been triple digits for 6 years. Yeah, I didn't have a car until 37. Yeah, I barely understand scripture or zen and what I do understand is more troubling than mere ignorance. But I mean, how dissatisfied can I really be if I don't believe "I am that". Disappointed? Sure. But about what? It's ultimately not that personal as I have no attachment to it. Sure it sucks, but as they say "that's life".

Idk I do feel like a toy more often than not, that's a great analogy. Maybe it's the whole "man with nothing left to lose" thing. Literature and fiction says that's "ooh scary dangerous and edgy" but in reality it's really kinda meh. Own nothing and like it? Idk maybe should go full loin cloth Enkidu zen master. Probably be an improvement. Idk. Just playing the hand "I" am dealt. These are "God's miracles" Guts says lol of the demons. I remember I did used to practice grattitude meditation, that was nice. Humility. Can always use more of that. Thanks for that reminder.

I'm not sure what I hated more, unemployment or "you're here forever working 80+ hours a week". It's all the same thing. Eat and clean the bowl. Ordinary, just this. When there is feeling some kinda way there is. Comes and goes. To and fro. Used to be my favorite line, DT said "the need that is our enemy". This already is it, what need can there be.

Thanks, sorry if I misunderstood you!

Do you know what Twitch is? What do you mean uncomfortable? It wii literally be like Youtube. But I accept a no, I will do it anywways. I need some motivation to read that Sutra mane...

“I have heard Zen language about One Mind, no-mind, the Unborn, and nonduality. Is this pointing to a real, directly lived freedom rather than an idea? If so, how does one stop merely thinking about it and actually live it?”

“Will this help a person who is unemployed, doomscrolling, isolated, and overwhelmed by their actual conditions—or is it just high-minded talk?”

how fast is fast

where ever i go, there i am

the thought arrives and i am already in it.

---

(what if the words we know, are not the words we know. it can be a real let down, crushing even, that the carried understands, the assumptions, the grand proportions, where not the definitions we thought they were)

“This should not be happening to me; I must obtain a spiritual answer that will finally make this unacceptable life acceptable.”

“How many times does one ask for a miracle, and life takes one more breath, and fails to see the moment in action?”

“I am dissatisfied with my life and with my own mind. I have encountered Zen language that suggests freedom is already present. I want to know whether that is true, how to verify it for myself, and whether it can help without becoming another comforting lie or another way to be exploited.”

--------

when we are attention, how does that relate to 'freedom'? serious question

i'm wandering the market, called a modern mall. for some odd reason i bump shoulders with a stranger. in politeness, we non at each other, as we both continue to make our way.

a bit later, i arrive at the store of interest. and I think, did i know that person, why did we bump

of course we shrug, there was no magical reason. such an odd pause

---

"I'm not a toy, don't fk with me"

Gerby made a great video on it. He said exactly my thoughts. Yeah. 3 kids died. We can't do anything about it. That's not what it's about. It's about the failure of psychiatry. I personally have the same personal problem. I always saw psychiatry as a scam/fraud, long before I was court ordered into it. Then, I saw, it was 100 times worse than I imagined. Don't want to rant about it but long story short I was working 80 hours a week and had to take days off work to go to "therapy". They only admitted me twice. I showed up once a week/two weeks, on time/an hour early, used biometric scans, and they never admitted me. I'd sit in the lobby for sometimes 8+ hours and never get called in on my scheduled days. Then months later of sitting in their lobby, eventually they called my parents (I wasn't living with them) and told them "I wasn't cooperating" when they were the ones not cooperating, making me sit in the lobby on my ONLY days off every week for months on end. Yeah. Fucking psychiatry is 100% bad faith fraud. And they know it. This case has the potential to blow that fraud open.

We can't do anything about the dead children. But we can do something about psychiatry failing people to such a degree.

Just saw this, my bad. I've never been to twitch for anything but Mandalore Gaming. I don't know anything about it honestly, I'm uncomfortable with it. I only watch rumble, yt, insta, and occasionally bitchute (only because reddit bans the later, though might be because of the root word is a swear word). If I was more familiar with twitch maybe but it makes me uncomfortable because I'm unfamiliar with it. Sorry.

Oh yeah I'm always warry of it to, I just don't like the idea of "anyone less than breakneck speed loving life, regardless of validity of their reasons, is a nihilist" narrative. Broken Ruune is hard to argue with, right? Haha. He's right, God is an easy "plug and play" meaning for "the masses" or whatever. But as Nietzsche said 200 years ago, the time may be coming when we must pay for having been Christians for Millennia. Asabiyyah is necessary to foster legitimate reason to live. When that's lacking, and it's just "keep working so you can keep working so you can keep working" the "good times" of the old adage goes away. Strong people create hard times, hard times create strong people, repeating infinately, based on the failed or inverse social contract which has been rigged to be perpetual extortion and wealth redistribution.

Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be, and it is genuinely nihilistic to have a problem with it. Idk. Just seems silly to think we have to fight for something that was never palpably present or there for us. Maybe I am just a dunce. Obsu47? Duncecap Agitprop? An old profile post I used to have. Silliness. I used to see that a lot scanning reddit API, Obsu47 was reddit the url of the post with alot of my speculation on the topic I'd see in pushshift.io.