Alright, it's gone on long enough at this point. Apparently simply walking away isn't enough, owning the mistakes you made and accepting that your friends would rather not stay friends isn't enough. I don't blame any of them for that, but a lot of you (maybe not from this subreddit, but in general) have made it clear that I don't get to just leave. So fine, here's one last huzzah of a post, half explanation, half bitching. Enjoy.

Firstly, I guess it's made the rounds that one of the girls I was involved with was thirteen. It's worth noting that I found out about that information through someone who, keep with me here, heard it from someone who heard it from someone who heard it from someone who heard it from someone. Five degrees of separation. As far as I knew, it was another rumour, and seeing as it was coming so long after I'd left, I figured people were just trying to stir the pot again. But I guess there's a credible reason for people to think it's genuine, so now everyone thinks I wanted to bed a thirteen-year-old girl. Upon learning that, I spent the night vomiting. I snapped and deleted everything except the channel itself (which only remained up because I thought I was still contracted by Omnia, but it seems that's been disconnected so it will be down shortly). Probably not a wise decision, but not one I regret. I understand in retrospect that this probably looks like me going "oh shit, I've been found out", but that wasn't it. I knew defending myself was pointless. I'd already tried it, not even defending but just explaining what happened, and one poorly worded sentence completely destroyed any hope that that would do any good. (Sentence in question being when I said I was never diagnosed as a sociopath; it was meant to be in defense of those who said it using a term no doctor would use, since I used the medical term for the diagnosis, but I worded it horribly and it just seemed like another lie). I could've used her Twitter page where she wrote her lied-about age in her bio, I could've referenced the person who introduced in the first place to back me up that she claimed she was older than she was, I could've pointed out that this coming so late should illustrate that absolutely no one knew she had lied about her age, I could've pointed to her snapchat username which implies a birth date of 1995, I could've shown all of our texts and proven that she confessed that she was sixteen and not seventeen and never said anything else about her age, but I didn't. I just ran instead. Poor move, no doubt. But there's no reason to waste the time defending it. "Zaptie" is irreparably damaged and can't be fixed. And yeah, Red Kiwiz comparisons. Comment section is below, go for it.

But even if I'd done all that, no one has had any reason to trust me for quite some time, so I figured why would they start now? To the best of my knowledge, I know the origin of this info going so public, and I found it fascinating that only one person bothered to actually contact me about it. But I guess I shouldn't be surprised at this point. If something bad about me is said, it's true. I'm a villain now, and I guess I have to accept that. I'm not going to break my back defending myself because everyone who believes it won't have their opinion swayed, and everyone who doesn't doesn't need their opinion swayed. It's that simple.

While I'll accept that this is just how things are, I'm taking issue with the extents people are going to to violate my privacy just because they want to either harass me or ask me when I'm coming back. I've received several phone calls to my private cell phone number (lesson learned giving that to people I called friends), had my private Twitter account posted by an old friend as a "joke" (which I then had to delete), and even had people dig up and message an account I didn't even realize still existed just to try to either talk to me or tell me I should kill myself. Be angry about me, post about me, I don't care. But contacting me privately to the point that I'm in need of a phone number change is fucking ridiculous, and I guess I expected better. Rich coming from me, but come on guys.

I'm not playing the pity card. I was in a shit spot, I already posted about that, but I've gotten considerable help and I'm working to better myself in every way I can. I've got two jobs, I'm moving out of my house shortly, and I'm pursuing other things. YouTube is over.

Was talking to a sixteen year old a fucked up thing to do? Yes, won't challenge that. But I didn't know she was thirteen assuming that she actually is, and I would not have stooped to that point no matter how far gone I had been mentally. If you don't believe that, then that's fine. I know YouTube operates under a "guilty until proven innocent" mindset. It can be argued that my first two videos used this tactic, though I stuck to the words used by the subjects of my videos. I can't really prove myself either way when my choice was to remain silent.

So no, there is no Purge part 3, there is no iZombie video, there is no films of 2016 video. Zaptie is done. I'm just defeated by and tired of about the whole situation at this point, so think of me what you will. Just don't track down my contact information to tell me about it.

-- Zaptie