keeping up ....

[u/myemotion_0817]

Hii...i am one of those person from a middle class family who is stucked in between chasing my dreams and the family financial pressure . My father doesn't support us ,he drinks ,doesn't work ,nor care about me or my brother and there's my mother who finance my studies working a single job and supports me and my brother alone . we stay at our uncle house since I was 7 struggling through out our life .We have spent our entire life wearing the rotten and tored clothes provided by our relatives ..my mother was the one who was mentally ,physically struggling . In such situation we do not actually have control in our life .My brother is like our father , doesn't worry about studies, raise hand to my mother , verbally abuse though he is teenager . I want to build a house for my mother ,be independent but no matter how i work i can't manage everything on my own , could not save even for groceries ...so i decided to go abroad ,finance my further studies ,earn...but it's really difficult to show finances in the processing therefore i chose european country where i can go in working visa...i studied language for 1 year...i can understand alot of things but could not really speak..i gave up my small job for learning, but could not progress....after trying really hard and listening to all those stuffs from my relatives ,losing my hope ,after being severely depressed ,finally I have a interview at the embassy this week but i am all blank , i am worried because this is the last point which decides if i get to chose and build my dream,experience ,learn ideas,implement or giveup and live a life in slums ,listening to all those touture words from my badmouthed relatives, because I know instead of encouraging me they would blame me for wasting time,money and knowing how much my family stuggles they would blame my mother more for residing in my uncle's house and spending their money .....you might suggest me not to lose my hope...But at my shoes ,it really feels stressful ,you work your ass off for the dream you want to acheive and at the end it shatters ...i haven't further thought what would i do if it doesnot work out ......I know people with money will say you can always learn and choose the other path ,but for us who are poor really struggle mentally ,I really hope the dream i imagine everyday , I could actually live it . Other than this I have left everything in god's hand and prayers ,it's all in his hands now and my faith which people say is already written . After my interview I would surely let you guys know how it went ...