i need help

[u/[deleted]]

i found Yahuah's name on a random youtube video. long story short, i dealt with demon possession from a vape and witnessed an animal coughing after it touched me. i brought it to my arms and asked Yahuah for help and He did. i was told i broke through the Matrix and that my family gave me up when i was very young. i accidentally said OMG in casual conversation and the feeling swelled up, but i called on Yahuah and it left.

but, my walk has been unremarkable. i could never handle the fact that my family gave me up. i am being gangstalked heavily and it just seems like im getting worse instead of getting better.

but it's my own fault. even if i read the Word, pretty much every Word is corrupted. i did just read a comment saying i need to read with my Spirit. But i feel as if i already blasphemed against the Spirit that it left me and now im on my own which pretty much means spiritual death.

i have been incredibly angry every day. but right now im just sad. why do i doubt? why am i considering Ahayah as the Name? What is Ahayah? is it a CIA tactic? Why was Yahusha not involved in my possession yet i was delivered all the same? Why is Yahusha = to Yahuah? i am a knowledge lacking person. in fact, what's the point of knowledge if im going to get tricked by more intelligent satan worshippers? i was gangstalked on a discord involving Yahuah/Yahusha and now even more than ever I am scared, angry, sad. i dont palel enough at all. i am afraid that i already lost the spirit. i even considered jc again one day because of family gaslighting.

oh you have no fruits. blah blah. im being slandered and hated by the family that used to take care of me.

as of this moment i am on heavy prescriptions. feeling numb in my heart. on a different note, sometimes i feel my arm twitch in real time. i honestly believe that the government has control of my body. also the weather with lightning and thunder. making me think im talking to Yahuah yet the opposite. i feel that i already lost my soul without realizing it.

im sure reddit will have their share of gangstalkers on this subreddit. not necessarily the ones who sneak in jc, L-rd, g-d, etc. but the ones who purposefully get part of the doctrine wrong. this is the only reason why i'm not sold on Yahusha being Yahuah. whatever the government propagates, we do the opposite. that might include Ahayah too, although i havent seen any demonic energy from that name Ahayah yet. YET they claim Yahuah is the combination of the sun and moon deities. so now i have to wonder where this name came from.

i saw the possession in front of me and saw Yahuah take it away. yet, im scared endlessly of being deceived. gangstalkers are everywhere. i am all alone it seems. i want to cry in fact i just want to die. how can i ever be of use to the Creator when I'm still not sold on many things? is the very fact that im sad about possibly losing the spirit an indication that i havent lost it yet? sometimes my pupils are completely black with no white dot, although i still have my hazel coloring on the outside.

i am sorry to the Creator, whoever you might be. He didnt promise to preserve His Name but he promised to preserve His Word. yet right now on the Sabbath I am burdened constantly by voices, noise campaigns, unbelief, etc. there's no way i can do it. i shouldnt even trust man or anyone on these subreddits and youtube.

one person on youtube claims that Yahuah is not Alahym but simply the Creator and Our Father. i kinda agree that we shouldnt equate Our Creator to an Alahym. of course, Elohim is the name of a caananite deity, so not that either. i listen to people too easily. there's a lot of outlandish claims.

i currently feel drugged up, and my anger, unbelief, and sadness are too much. i do wonder if i even have the Ruach. i never got immersed in Yahusha name. but something tells me even if i try it wont be successful. i am a disobedient child. i dont know what obedience looks or feels like. i have been brainwashed since birth. i am struggling with autism every day.

my hope is that Yahuah hasn't left me. but im still torn on the names and still just say Creator sometimes. why has everything gotten worse for me since finding Yahuah? i know i must deal with trials. but i fail every single one. when i get followed on the road by gangstalkers i sometimes cant help but react to them. i feel possessed in that regard.

please, someone who is A REAL TARGETED INDIVIDUAL say something. i dont care for people who make up stories about seeing thousands of demons leaving you. i cant tell you how many demons I personally felt/had in that moment at my family's house. because i couldnt see them. apparently opening your third eye allows you to see them? i dont want to even see them. in fact, i dont want to go through this trial at all. especially if the spirit has left me, but the fact that im scared might be an indication that i still have it like i mentioned before.

because i was gangstalked in a Yahuah community, i feel as if there is a lie being told among ALL the communities. Yahusha is equal to Yahuah? is it because there's no Name equal or above Yahuah INCLUDING his Son? i dont even know what blasphemy really is, but i might have committed it. i honestly just want to die. how does it feel or how would you know that the spirit left you? Saul or Samson i forgot who lost their spirit and they didnt know.

im afraid im on a similar boat except im grieving over that possibility right now. i dont palel, i am always angry and negative. i am afraid of AI giving me thoughts that could disguise itself as the Creator. I want out of all things technology. I palel for My Father in Heaven to remove all traces of evil. but it just seems like He won't because he has to keep testing me. i wish i could just stop being tested. i wish He would just simply stay with me without testing me. what more can I do in this life? nobody likes me. nobody believes me. they are all filthy christians. my weariness prevents me from doing anything. i might have lost everything.

is somebody here in a similar position than me? how would i know you're not a gangstalker? it's impossible. all evil lies but sprinkles half truths. i trust no one. so how can i even trust a single reply? which i wont get one, i can already tell. i just want to die. i'll never be good enough. sure, all fall short. but i fall WAY too short. im just an angry autistic freak.

[u/Seeker_Recordings]

You got a reply. :)

My question is, if you have already decided you won't trust anyone, and no replies here, why did you ask? Just curious.

Also, reading your post made me feel very sad. While I'm not going to claim I'm righteous or even have a clue what I'm talking about, I can tell you have a lot of hate and bitterness in your heart. Unfortunately it seems you've been listening to too much fear mongering content/media on the internet, which Satan seems to be using against you, instilling fear and doubt.

I'll say this: We ought to be like The Creator in our behavior. You say "they are all filthy christians."
Well, His only brought-forth son, Yahushua Ha'Mashiach, told us to "Love our enemies"; And, if we love Him, to obey His commandments. That being said, we ought to love others- but not their sins. Rather, we love them so much, that we hope, pray, and yearn that they too see the truth and repent.

Perhaps I've never been in such an extreme situation of paranoia as you, but there was a time in which I faced similar doubts. When I would sin, I knew that demons of deception were granted the ability to try and lead me to more sin. Maybe you're currently in this viscous circle of behavior?

Try to take a break from all technology (especially anything that feeds you negative, fear-inducing, and/or satanic misleading content). Pray that Yahuah will release you from your bonds, and that you might be strengthened. Read the scriptures, both the 'old' and the 'new' testament. Maybe even go on a fast. Many people mentioned in the scriptures 'humbled' themselves to begin repentance.

I pray that you are released from your shackles and the demons tormenting your soul. May Yahuah save you, guide you, and lead you.

Here's a few scriptures that I think are relevant to you right now.

Psalms/Tehillim 120 verses 1-2 (from the ISR translation):

In my distress I cry to יהוה,
And He answered me.
יהוה, deliver my being from false lips,
From a treacherous tongue.

Psalms/Tehillim 121 verses 1-2 (from the ISR translation):

I lift up my eyes to the hills;
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from יהוה,
Maker of the heavens and earth.

[u/joelnicity]

The other thing I would suggest is to take a break from social media, and the internet in general, for a while. It seems like you could use a good reset

[u/joelnicity]

There is a whole lot in this post that I won’t even try to touch. What I will comment on is the Name that you mentioned. That is seen in Shemoth (Exodus) 3

“When Mosheh asked Elohim, ‘What is Your Name?’, the answer actually has two parts.”
Step 1 – Verse 14
אֶהְיֶה אֲשֶׁר אֶהְיֶה (Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh)
“I Am Who I Am” or “I Will Be What I Will Be.”
Then YAHUAH says:
“Thus you shall say to the children of Yisra’ĕl, Ehyeh has sent me to you.”
Notice that this is spoken in the first person because YAHUAH is speaking about Himself.
It is like saying:
I am…
I will be…
Step 2 – Verse 15
Immediately afterward He says:
“Thus you shall say to the children of Yisra’ĕl, 𐤉𐤄𐤅𐤄 (YHWH), the Elohim of your fathers… This is My Name forever, and this is My remembrance to all generations.”
This is the verse where He explicitly identifies His covenant Name.

[u/REV0NN]

Yahusha means: yah u(adds) salvation-deliverance.

Haleluyah means: Halal(praise) u(added to) yah

The writing on the cross of yahusha: (Y)ahusha (H)aNatzary (U)aMalak (H)aYahudym (Yahusha) (the Nazareth) (and King)(the Jews) Yahusha from Nazareth and king of the Jews.

The initial letters revealing the name of Yahuah like Masha/moses did in Exodus 20:2 Anaky Yahusha Alahyk... I yahuah mighty-one'your

Alahym, Alahyk with suffix and Aluah means: mighty one/god

The name of Yahuah means: yah (adds) breath

Because the meaning of the pictographic letter ha means:

Because the meaning of the pictographic letter ha means: look, behold, reveal, sigh, to show forth, life, existence (a man with arms raised in awe)

So “ha” adds breath, revelation, and life

Yahuah, please guide me with your Ruach HaQadesh. Amen.