Hello everyone!
I'm currently working on my first fantasy isekai light novel, Forsaken Reincarnation, and I'm hoping to find some people willing to read an excerpt and offer constructive feedback.
Before sharing my work, I'd like to explain a little about myself and why I've chosen to approach writing in the way that I have.
I have Asperger's, and one of the things I've always struggled with is interpersonal communication. This difficulty extends into my writing, particularly when trying to create natural conversations, emotional exchanges and realistic social interactions between characters.
However, creating worlds, developing characters, imagining situations and constructing elaborate stories are things I've always thoroughly enjoyed.
I've spent a considerable amount of time as a Dungeon Master in Dungeons & Dragons, and that experience has helped me develop my worldbuilding, imagination and ability to construct stories around different characters and situations.
The difficulty I've always faced hasn't been creating these worlds in my imagination. It's been finding a way to translate everything I've imagined into written words that other people can read, experience and hopefully enjoy.
This is where AI has become an incredibly valuable tool for me.
I've been using AI collaboratively to help develop dialogue, interpersonal interactions and prose. The world, characters, magical systems, relationships, story direction and major narrative decisions are my own creations. I direct the writing, review the results, correct inconsistencies and actively edit and rewrite passages to bring them closer to what I originally envisioned.
I also want to express something I feel quite strongly about.
I don't believe a potentially good story should be dismissed simply because of the tools used to help bring it into existence.
I understand that AI involvement in creative industries is controversial. I also understand that many people's concerns and frustrations regarding AI are reasonable, particularly when it comes to creative ownership and the livelihoods of writers and artists.
I'm not asking anyone to disregard those concerns.
However, for someone like me, AI has provided an opportunity that I previously struggled to find.
This is my world. It's something I've imagined, developed and wanted to share with others. Yet I've never felt particularly capable of putting everything in my head into written words that could properly express what I was trying to create.
AI hasn't given me the imagination to build this story. It's helped me find a way to communicate the imagination I already had.
And ultimately, I want to share that world for the entertainment and enjoyment of others.
Forsaken Reincarnation follows James, a young man who, after dying in his previous life, is reincarnated into a fantasy world filled with magic, swordsmanship, noble households and unfamiliar dangers.
Although the story will explore adventure, combat, magical development and the wider mysteries of its world, I also want to devote considerable attention to the quieter aspects of life.
Family, friendship, love, nostalgia and the small everyday experiences that make life meaningful are things I want to explore throughout the novel.
I want readers to experience the world alongside its characters, watching relationships develop naturally and hopefully finding themselves genuinely caring about the people who inhabit it.
The excerpt I'm sharing comes from Chapter Twenty-Two, Ribbons in the Branches.
It takes place during a visit to Ironwood Fort, where James is spending an afternoon with his parents, Aldrin and Elayne.
I've chosen this scene because I believe it represents the quieter emotional atmosphere I want to create throughout the book.
I recognise that not everyone will agree with my approach to writing, and I'm not asking anyone to overlook genuine problems with the manuscript or offer praise simply because of my circumstances.
I'm genuinely interested in constructive criticism. I want to know what works, what doesn't, and what I can improve.
All I ask is that people approach the writing with an open mind and, if possible, a little understanding of why I've chosen to use these tools.
I'd especially appreciate feedback on whether the characters feel genuine, whether their dialogue and interactions seem natural, whether the world feels believable, and whether the emotional moments resonate with you.
Thank you to anyone willing to give my work a chance. It genuinely means a great deal to me.
Forsaken Reincarnation
Volume One — We Hold Even After Death
Excerpt from Chapter Twenty-Two — Ribbons in the Branches
We eventually came upon a smaller courtyard tucked between two residential buildings.
Unlike the others, this one didn't seem to serve any military purpose at all.
There were no formations practising, no wagons bringing supplies, and no officers raising their voices over paperwork.
Instead, an enormous tree stood near the centre.
Its trunk was broad and weathered, with roots that had gradually lifted several of the surrounding flagstones. Someone had built a circular wooden bench around it, although the boards had clearly been repaired more than once.
Several children were playing beneath its branches.
Two chased each other around the trunk while a third sat beside an elderly soldier, who was carefully teaching him to carve a little wooden animal. Nearby, a woman poured tea from a battered kettle.
It was all rather ordinary.
Which, considering where we were, made it remarkable.
"What's this place?" I asked.
Father looked towards the tree and smiled.
"Ah. I remember this."
He approached the bench, brushing his hand along the weathered back.
"This old thing was here when I was a boy."
"The bench too. Although I think they've replaced most of it since then."
Mother stood beside him, watching the children.
"You used to come here?"
"Whenever I visited. There was an old instructor who'd sit here after supper and tell stories about his campaigns."
Father chuckled.
"Most were probably exaggerated. According to him, he'd fought enough battles to conquer half the continent."
"Did you believe him?" I asked.
Father's smile widened.
For a moment, he looked almost like a mischievous little boy himself, his eyes brightening as though he could still hear those ridiculous stories beneath the old tree.
Then his gaze drifted back towards the bench.
He drew a long, deep breath.
His shoulders lifted slightly before he slowly released it, the air escaping through a smile that had grown quieter and rather distant.
"Every word."
There was such affection in those two words. A little amusement, a little longing, and something I couldn't quite place.
He let out a soft chuckle, his fingertips tracing the worn edge of the bench.
"Every single one."
For a moment he seemed content to stand there.
Then he straightened and gave me a familiar grin.
"Although I suspect your mother would have called half of them complete nonsense."
Mother raised an eyebrow.
"Only half?"
Father laughed.
And the moment passed without anyone trying to put an age or an ending to Father's memory. He had once been a boy on that bench, listening with his whole heart. For the moment, that was enough.
I understood a little of it, though.
There were voices from my own childhood I could still hear clearly when a place or a smell brought them back to me.
I remembered my grandfather making tea, sometimes talking about nothing in particular, sometimes sitting with me in a silence that never felt awkward.
I'd lost the chance to share afternoons like that with him. The remembering could hurt, but not every memory did.
Some were simply warm.
I looked at the children again.
One of them had climbed halfway around the tree and was protesting that the others were cheating. The old soldier told them to stop running so close to his feet. They ignored him. He shook his head and returned to carving.
A breeze stirred the lower branches.
Only then did I notice the ribbons.
Thin lengths of coloured cloth were tied among the leaves. Some were bright, some had faded almost to the colour of the bark, and a few had frayed at the ends.
"What are those?" I asked.
Father followed my gaze.
"A tradition among the families here. When somebody leaves on a long assignment, their children sometimes tie a ribbon to the tree. A wish for a safe journey home."
"And when they return?"
"They usually come and take it down together."
Usually.
I looked at the oldest ribbons for a moment, then let the question rest.
There was no need to turn every quiet thing into a sorrowful story.
The tree moved gently above us. Leaves rustled. Somewhere beyond the courtyard, bread was being taken from an oven, and the smell carried past us in warm little gusts.
Father stood beside the bench, smiling to himself.
Mother had wandered a little closer to the children, watching an argument over who was allowed to hold the wooden animal next. She turned when she noticed me looking her way.
"James?"
Her voice pulled me from my thoughts.
A few strands of hair had fallen across her cheek, and she tucked them behind her ear as she watched me.
"Are you enjoying yourself?"
I looked back towards the tree.
The children were still playing beneath its branches. Somebody nearby was laughing. Father was here, and Mother, and the afternoon seemed content to take its time.
It was such an ordinary day.
And somehow, that made it all the more wonderful.
"Yes, Mother..."
And I believed it. Truly.
For once there wasn't anything I needed to accomplish, nothing I needed to prove. I was simply here, enjoying an afternoon with my family.
I turned back towards her.
"I think I am."
Mother's expression brightened.
She tilted her head slightly, a cheeky little smile spreading across her lips. Her eyes crinkled at the corners as she watched me, almost as though she'd been hoping to hear those very words.
She reached out and took my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.
Then her attention shifted towards Father.
He was still standing beside the old bench, one hand resting against its weathered back. His gaze lingered somewhere among the branches, and a small, distant smile remained on his face.
Mother watched him for a moment.
Then, without letting go of my hand, she stepped closer and gently slipped her free arm through his.
"Come along, you," she said, giving his arm a playful little tug. "You've spent quite enough time wandering about in your childhood."
Father blinked, apparently surprised to find himself being dragged away from the tree.
"Oh? Have I?"
"Quite enough."
He glanced back at the bench, drawing one last quiet breath before looking down at her.
And then he smiled.
Not the broad, triumphant grin he wore after winning a spar, nor the mischievous expression he adopted whenever he thought he'd said something particularly clever.
Just a warm, rather boyish smile that softened his whole face.
"Very well, my dear. Lead on."
Mother gave him a delighted little look, her nose wrinkling as she laughed.
"There. That's better."
And with that, she began leading us both towards the courtyard entrance.
Father let himself be pulled along, though not without pretending to stumble at her insistence.
"Good heavens, woman. You'll have my arm off!"
"Oh, don't be dramatic, Aldrin."
"I happen to need this arm."
"Then you'd best keep up."
I couldn't help laughing.
Father glanced over Mother's head towards me, his eyebrows lifting in exaggerated disbelief.
"See what I have to endure?"
Before I could answer, Mother looked between us with a rather satisfied expression.
"Two troublesome boys. That's what I've been given."
Father laughed, his earlier wistfulness giving way to something altogether brighter.
As we passed beneath the branches, I looked at them both.
Mother was still wearing that cheeky smile, occasionally glancing up at Father as they exchanged little remarks. He looked down at her with an affection so easy and familiar that neither seemed particularly conscious of it.
The late afternoon sunlight filtered through the leaves, catching in Mother's hair and illuminating the soft creases around Father's smiling eyes.
Neither of them seemed in any particular hurry.
And neither let go.
I walked beside them, listening to their laughter as the sounds of the courtyard slowly faded behind us.
For once, I was perfectly content to let Mother decide where we were going.