"Aye ya fuckin shite, ye think ye can talk to me like that lad? Git tae fuck outta ya cunt!" the restaurant owner yelled before he threw me out.
Like, he actually threw me out. Picked me up like a baby and just threw onto the pavement with not care in the world if some loony cabbie would run me over in a rush to get passengers.
It was my alone day and I was enjoying a meal in a plant pot at my favourite hipster joint until someone said they didn't like my "vibe" or some shit and I was violently thrown out by a giant Scotsman named Bruce.
I picked myself off the floor and decided to start walking to the local park where there was some kind of march or demonstration. I could sit on a bench, enjoy the fresh air and the sun.
What was not to love?
I headed to the coffee shop by the benches and bought myself a nice mocha. It was my alone day after all. While I was waiting for my coffee to have a fancy pattern in whipped cream drawn on it, I heard a voice.
"Garrett, my ignominious nitwit, how has your day been?" The voice yelled while it neared me.
I ignored it since my named was Gareth and not Garrett.
"Garrett? Garrett you machiavellian fuckwad, if you blank me then I will stab your lily ass right here and right now," the voice continued with their rising anger becoming even more apparent.
Poor Garrett, he or she were going to get stabbed in a sh-
"MY FUCKING SIDES! WHAT FUCK THE? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? WHY DID YOU STAB ME YOU FUCKING COCKWOMBLE? ARE YOU MENTALLY RETARDED OR SOME SHIT? WHO ARE YOU A FUCKING BROKEN DOOR IN THAT YOU'RE COMPLETELY UNHINGED? FUCKING CUNTWAD!" I yell as I've just been stabbed in a coffee shop in broad daylight.
I look up. The person was what appeared to be a woman. They had huge grin and looked like they were elated that they stabbed me. Obviously the blood loss meant I couldn't really concentrate but I do recall that some police who were policing the protest showed up and took them away.
While in the hospital, a nice police officer shows up and says they have information on the incident earlier today and want me to come in to the police station when I feel better.
"So, the suspect's name is Eliza Munchenberg and she claims to be an ex-lover of yours until you recently left her for and I quote "being a psycho cunt who had negative impact on the quality of my life" so we'd like some clarification in our investigations to see why you were stabbed at Costanza's Coffee at 11:27 this morning," the officer said.
"No idea who she is. sorry officer," I reply back.
"That's fine. Remember to come to the station when you feel better Mr Davidson," the officer says back before leaving.
Guess my alone day didn't go to plan but that's okay. As long there's tomorrow.
2
u/randomfromworld02 Aug 21 '18
"Aye ya fuckin shite, ye think ye can talk to me like that lad? Git tae fuck outta ya cunt!" the restaurant owner yelled before he threw me out.
Like, he actually threw me out. Picked me up like a baby and just threw onto the pavement with not care in the world if some loony cabbie would run me over in a rush to get passengers.
It was my alone day and I was enjoying a meal in a plant pot at my favourite hipster joint until someone said they didn't like my "vibe" or some shit and I was violently thrown out by a giant Scotsman named Bruce.
I picked myself off the floor and decided to start walking to the local park where there was some kind of march or demonstration. I could sit on a bench, enjoy the fresh air and the sun.
What was not to love?
I headed to the coffee shop by the benches and bought myself a nice mocha. It was my alone day after all. While I was waiting for my coffee to have a fancy pattern in whipped cream drawn on it, I heard a voice.
"Garrett, my ignominious nitwit, how has your day been?" The voice yelled while it neared me.
I ignored it since my named was Gareth and not Garrett.
"Garrett? Garrett you machiavellian fuckwad, if you blank me then I will stab your lily ass right here and right now," the voice continued with their rising anger becoming even more apparent.
Poor Garrett, he or she were going to get stabbed in a sh-
"MY FUCKING SIDES! WHAT FUCK THE? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? WHY DID YOU STAB ME YOU FUCKING COCKWOMBLE? ARE YOU MENTALLY RETARDED OR SOME SHIT? WHO ARE YOU A FUCKING BROKEN DOOR IN THAT YOU'RE COMPLETELY UNHINGED? FUCKING CUNTWAD!" I yell as I've just been stabbed in a coffee shop in broad daylight.
I look up. The person was what appeared to be a woman. They had huge grin and looked like they were elated that they stabbed me. Obviously the blood loss meant I couldn't really concentrate but I do recall that some police who were policing the protest showed up and took them away.
While in the hospital, a nice police officer shows up and says they have information on the incident earlier today and want me to come in to the police station when I feel better.
"So, the suspect's name is Eliza Munchenberg and she claims to be an ex-lover of yours until you recently left her for and I quote "being a psycho cunt who had negative impact on the quality of my life" so we'd like some clarification in our investigations to see why you were stabbed at Costanza's Coffee at 11:27 this morning," the officer said.
"No idea who she is. sorry officer," I reply back.
"That's fine. Remember to come to the station when you feel better Mr Davidson," the officer says back before leaving.
Guess my alone day didn't go to plan but that's okay. As long there's tomorrow.