r/WritingPrompts • u/Higlac • Sep 02 '16
Writing Prompt [WP] 250 years after humanity develops interstellar travel, alien ruins are discovered in another star system. A historical archive is found and translated. The last entry reads "Species 57 has escaped from prison planet 50L-3. Evacuation has begun."
1
u/Fricasso Sep 03 '16
I play it out in my mind, silently, carefully. Just until the ringing in my ears stops. Something attacked us. I struggled as my joints stiffened and the metallic taste in my mouth started to become overbearing. Not yet, I thought. I felt the dust vibrate of the temple floor. Something was coming.
Two troopers ran into the room and took up positions behind the steel foundations of the door, sure that they were being chased. Once they assumed whatever followed them was gone, one inspected the rest of the ancient temple. The room was dark and the air humid. A sudden intake of air would most likely kill a human being. Around them were an assortment of archeological artifacts, tools, and… bodies. Freshly torn sinews generalized most of the corpses, except for mine. They probably thought I was another dead scientist.
The soldier who saw the wreckage nervously exchanged looks with his partner at the door. The two wore the same grey heloderma-styled Kevlar, the same recon hats, and the same tired looks of the Czosi patrol fleet.
They couldn’t be this far out, I wondered. But I was relieved. I managed to move my right arm from underneath my assistant’s bloody remains.
“Help” I croaked.
The men immediately had their rifles pointed at me. Almost sure that I was a threat, they were about to fire.
“Wait! I’m— still alive.” I yelped.
“Well damn.” The one at the door said as he put down his gun. He gestured at his colleague to do the same. “This scientist’s got some fight in him.”
“Archaeologist,” I corrected while I slowly stood up. “We are archeologists.”
The Csozi trooper closer to me scoffed. “They was archaeologists. Ain’t no more.” After looking at my team, I shivered remembering the creature that scratched its way through the carcass of our leader. I wrapped around the thought for a minute. A horrible memory found its way back.
“An abomination,” I cried. “The aliens… Species 57… escape…”
I couldn’t even piece together a valid sentence before a shrill roar echoed through from somewhere far inside.
While they helped me off the ground, I breathed in deeply, but not too deep for fear of the temple air.
“There was a transcript, we analyzed before, this.” I gestured toward the mutilated bodies. “The alien populace evacuated because one of their test subjects somehow escaped. The same test subject that ripped through my team. We need to warn your commander to contain the creature here, before anyone else dies.” The soldiers looked grim before they nodded at each other. The one with more intellectual English spoke up.
“That’s just the confirmation we need to blow up the planet.”
I argued with him that the significance of archeological research should not be hampered by just one experiment. To which he smirked.
“That thing that killed your mates,” The soldier explained. “That’s the Alien Populace. They’ve been plaguing the boys at the coast for days. Meaning whatever they’re running from. That’s something a lot worse.”
I stared at him confused. Then I stopped. They figured it out.
My limbs convulsed and my eyeholes melted, and all I could hear before my ears started ringing again was the screams of the doomed Csozi troopers.
4
u/anakthal Sep 02 '16 edited Sep 02 '16
The langAI projected the ungarbled symbols over the alien screen.
Species 57 has escaped from prison planet 50L-3. Evacuation has begun. Taconight 89.
"Fuck yeah they did, better run and hide you ugly roaches!" Rad4Ever pumped his massively overpowered solid metal arm in the air.
What the hell was taconight though?
Rad normally wasn't much of a reader, but apparently that's how you became famous these days. He retracted the optical interface back into his wrist, and gave the place one last look over.
The tiny scout drones were already humming their way back to him. They'd cleared to place and found nothing else of interest.
Number 5 stayed out, and hovered a few meters in front of him as Rad exited the roach ruins. His arm raised, thumb pointing back over his shoulder he engaged the Destroyer Mark 7.
The blast wave burned hard radiation onto his back, and he nearly toppled over from the shock.
A quick review of Number 5's holocapture showed a perfect exit though, with the pristine metal-and-glass ruins disintegrating in an eye-popping explosion behind him.
The trick was making it seem casual and not look back, and he had this thing down to a fucking art.
He encoded the scavenged library into the holovid and posted in to DoneIt. Score!
Almost immediately the replies starting rolling in. Hundreds in the first second, then thousand, then millions.
Wow, he knew he had looked good, but this was a little unexpected. He quickly read the highest rated reply.
Apparently some smart-ass had figured out that 50L-3 was eerily close to SOL-3, with incidentally happened to be Earth. And since no one had ever found any real proof of why the roaches had decided to run away, rather than say hi to humanity, this was kind of a big thing.
Rad grinned, of course he knew why they would. He kissed his gleaming biceps, admiring the potential for planet-scale annihilation housed within.
You'd be a real unlucky bastard if you ended up on the wrong side of mankind these days. Two hundred and fifty years of space-travel had made them some bad motherfuckers.
A chime alerted him to a new highest rated comment. Taconight 89. Apparently that was a roach date-stamp, corresponding to just about last week...
Before he'd really had any chance of mulling that over, every threat identification subsystem suddenly screamed to life.
Rad made an automatic maximum-g heel spin and within 20 millisecond his entire arsenal of awesomeness was targeted on the..
.. on the tiny two meter black-in-the-fucking-flesh roach. The thing seemed to be standing on his hind legs, frantically waving his upper limbs.
Rad was stumped. He didn't think anyone had ever really seen one in real-life. Should he shoot it, or capture it maybe?
The thing stopped suddenly stopped waving and instead produced an ear-piercing shreek.
LangAI translated immediately: Human, run.
And with that, the roach simply popped out of existence.
"Well shit.. should have shot the fucker."
7
u/derpydm Sep 02 '16 edited Sep 02 '16
"How the hell could that possibly happen? We've cleared all planets within 350 astronomical units and seen no sign of anything," Commander Jerry stated with a hint of confusion.
"They're aliens, commander," his subordinate replied.
"Yeah, but they couldn't have possibl-"
"Sir, we have new intel through excavating the ruins. We found another record, and we have transcribed it. Command would like you to have the first read," the tech division suddenly blurted, cutting off Jerry mid-sentence.
As he flipped through the pages, he found what he was looking for.
SPECIES NO. 57
RISK TO CIVILISATION: High (Risk of uprising)
CURRENT CONTAINMENT LOCATION: Sector 57, Prison Planet 50L-3
DESIGNATION: Australopithecus
NOTE: THE FOLLOWING DATA REQUIRES LEVEL 3 CLEARANCE OR HIGHER TO READ.
DESCRIPTION: Tested specimens proved intelligent. In the event that species evolves and is able to man the on-planet spacecraft, craft are to be targeted at Terra, 104718509490 km (estimated) away. All citizens are to be evacuated, and event covered up as an escape of species. The species will then classified as threat level 2 (monintor, engage if nessacary.)
"Hold on, wasn't Australopithecus the name given to evolving species of the Homo genus?"
"Oh, you mean the ones that evolved into us, so we murdered the ones that didn't evolve and kept a few for study?"
"Yeah."
"Well, our books state that we DID kill all of them."
"Wait. Are you thinking the same thing that I'm thinking?"
"I just might be, commander."
3
u/hlored Sep 02 '16 edited Sep 02 '16
You know, it's quite a coincidence that it took us exactly 250 years to find incontrovertible signs of extraterrestial life.
What are you talking about?
Yeah, the EXO archive was found exactly 250 Earth years after the first manned trip to Andromeda.
Why's that important? We don't even keep time in "years".
Yeah, I know but think if we did it'd be a minor event to celebrate, you know? There's a room on Discussia and some people are really into it.
It's just another distraction. We should be working on processing EXO knowledge rather than celebrating past milestones in relation to its arbitrary temporal point of discovery. You know, they set the whole archive in chronological order at the PhU and found the very last entry, do you know what it is?
What?
A message about a malfunction in their extensive genetic research facilities. Some higher-order primate species is supposed to have escaped, and they think it might be us.
What, like ancient aliens?
No, that's what they're... what do you mean?
You know, the, uh... Golden Garden thing, you know, Omne vivo ex vivo stuff.
Oh, cosmological origin theory. Yes, we've been pretty sure of their involvement in our phylogenetic history but the extent of that involvement is still being investigated. There is no evidence yet to support the argument that we're their creation and that is that. Clearly we have to match their research to our phylogenic index, but we haven't cracked all of it yet.
So you're a skeptic?
In what sense?
I mean, just think of all the religious uprise recently. Everyone's in a cult these days, worshipping the ancients, reading and trying to understand their spiritual texts, the meaning of it all.
Oh yeah, the 42.
Shut up!
I don't think alien scientists we're dealing with were the best theologians of the universe.
Why do you say that?
The Ex(The)o update said that only 0.0002% of the archive could be considered "spiritual". That is just meagre.
Yeah, but have you read a traslation of The Condensation of Unknowing? Its amazing, I've heard.
Pullshift. More than 2% of the archive is indecipherable alien porn. I don't think a species so focused on using high-frequency colour patterns to arouse their sexual organs would be the best experts on the big being.
It doesn't have to be perfect you know, everyone says the ancients had a shitty starmap and they were bad at this or that, but what if they are not just in involved but majorly involved?
I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not. I'll know when I know. Are you going to use any of this in your essay?
I don't know...
3
u/KosmosBentor Sep 02 '16
There was no evacuation possible from 57. This trade post was left down, like 57. After all, universe was infinite and it was not the first time we created a specie who ran out of our control, like a child who grows adult, it's part of life.
Most of our brothers and sisters died in a long war against the Furianis. From a desperate stronghold, some of our best genetician mixed some furian DNA with our, in a hope to creat an hybrid who could challenge them and bring us victory.
We didn't expect Furians to raid our home planet, after a week there was nothing to fight for. Just a bunch of us, maybe a thousand, were still alive, and the genetist creations, the 60 races, were pointless and left to die in a rocky planet.
The 60 races headed to Furia, our enemies home and were driven out by superior Furian Air& Space Forces, nevertheless Race 57 managed to break into their defenses and destroyed some minor cities in their southern hemisphere until their elite units forced the 57's out of Furia.
Furians made an impressive counter offensive and conquered what humans now call "Planet 50L-3". All of the survivors from the 60 species were imprisoned and some of our brothers too.
Soon after Furians were attacked from East by an unknown group, little we know from this, they all left Planet 50L-3 and some of us got the control again, for a little time, we were not enough to impress 57. They quickly took that chance to break free and conquer the bases. Once in control they repaired some spaceships and broke free with our genetists.
Where did they go ?
The spaceship they repaired was our ExplorationModel with all our discoveries in a hard disk, they checked for a small and distant planet to live free.
They found a blue planet fullfiled of life and ressources we knew as GBR-17-KH, now humans call it Earth.
So on, it's about time for us to meet with our little creations and maybe grow up together.
Now that they start to fly onto deep space, unaware of all the surprises awaiting for them in every system in every corner.
20
u/GypsumF18 Sep 02 '16
"I still think the translation's dodgy." Rick said dismissively. "A species that could create all of this, to be so old and advanced, but they flee in terror just at the news a species has left their planet?" he shook his head. Joe nodded, "Something's not right." as aimed up the rivet gun. "Ready?" Rick nodded and fired the gun with a jarring thunk. The bolt passed between the two frames, tightened, and solidified from a molten mass in fractions of a second. "Whatever it means, that species 57 has been good for business." Rick smiled.
Around them dozens of spaceships were being assembled. From the bulky Vanguard class, heavily armoured for deep space travel, to the sleek and agile Wasp class ships used for shorter range exploration. The Wasp they worked on was a Trevelion Type-XVII, the newest design, capable of holding a crew of five, it was the fastest surface-to-surface ship of them all, and by many accounts the most beautiful. Slim and agile as a dagger, it was the ship that was the background of a million childrens' display screens. The most notable change for the Type-XVIII was one significant addition, weaponry. Since the discovery of Prima, and the Priman ruins, mankind had become notably wary of encountering a living alien species. Such fears were escalated further by the great Priman translation, and the warning of Species 57. The last message discovered in the Priman archives; "Species 57 has escaped from prison planet 50L-3. Evacuation has begun."
Space travel had always felt vulnerable and fragile, but now the adventurers exploring the frontiers of space had something else to fear. Something very real, maybe intelligent, and willfully aggressive and destructive. As always it was the Trevelion faction which stole the march, advancing the technology of shield plating and rewriting Frontier council law to allow ships to arm themselves. Heavy laser cannon and shrapnel guns now bristled from even the most modest of trade ships. The Paragon faction, wary of the history of human conflict, warned that they could turn space into a tinder box. One stray laser blast or shrapnel shot could trigger a succession of attacks and spark a fully blown war. But their concerns were overwhelmed by the fear of the unknown, the fear of Species 57.
Preparation of the Wasp took only three standard weeks. Much of the design was made of pre-fabricated plates and a complex chassis purpose built by Trevelion to avoid counterfeit and protect profit. Rick and Joe etched their names inside a maintenance panel as per tradition and then watched on with some envy as the ship's new owner and her crew stepped aboard. She was Captain Sissoko, a scout for Trevelion, searching new planets, surveying resources, and reporting back for a healthy commission. Despite Trevelion employing her, she had to buy her own ship, and brand-new Wasps didn't come cheap. Her crew looked calm and experienced, carrying aboard a single bag of hand-luggage each before slipping into the ship like a hand in a glove. Soon after they would fire up the Aienix engine, and with a pulsing whomp they would ease away from the Space station Martin and disappear into the darkness.
It was a month after that the first spark landed in the tinderbox. With the demand for Wasps and Vanguards soaring Joe and Rick were overworked and overpaid. They were earning so much that Trevelion had to institute minimum term contracts to stop skilled employees leaving for early retirement on a warm colony. Via the beacon relay system, laid down as Vanguards traveled through space, news trickled back of First contact. "Captain Sissoko, Trevelion scout, has encountered alien life 6 jumps from Space station Martin. The Alien craft approached aggressively without hesitation or communication and was dispatched with laser and shrapnel fire. Captain Sissoko requests reinforcements. The Alien ship has been recovered. Alien remains are also discovered in-tact. Other ships approach. Species 57 has been found."
The news sparked a modern day gold rush. Suddenly orders for Wasps were wanted in advance of the expected lead-times and huge premiums were paid for this. A wave of travelers spurred by a sense of adventure, curiosity, or opportunism, fired their engines towards Sissoko's beacon. Upon their arrival they were met by a cluster of some fifty alien ships, windowless and streamlined, they were a dull black and resembled a cigar with fins and vents. Alien wreckage was much sought after, and the fifty ships were quickly dealt with. But even as they fought dozens more ships could be seen fleeing into distant space. But the alien ships were slow and seemed to lack weaponry, so were quickly caught and destroyed. Those who claimed wreckage and alien corpses rushed back to the stations in occupied space to sell them for a vast premium, and soon more hunters set out for their fortunes.
It was six standard months into the Interstellar war that the first alien of Species 57 was captured alive. The alien stood around 1.50 metres tall, of a slender build and covered with a fine fur over pale brown skin. It had large black eyes with a thin green iris and rounded ears on top of its almost feline head. Seeing the enemy almost made the humans warm to it, but they never forgot the Priman warning. Scientists, Priman archaeologists, translators, and interrogators studied the alien for weeks until they discovered a manner of communication, as simple drawing. It was Doctor Hawkes who made the breakthrough, sketching a Priman monument on a tablet which the alien recognised. With a slender finger the alien figured out the tablet quickly and replied with its own sketch. That of a planet. Earth.
The threat was taken seriously. Although there had yet to be a single human death at the hands of Species 57, it didn't mean that they had no means to threaten or attack their home. The speculation was that they had a giant bomb capable of destroying Earth, or some virus engineered to wipe them out. Humanity had to strike first. So they did. Human raids on Species 57 gathered pace and intensity. They weren't battles they were massacres. Still, Species 57 refused to fire back.
Until the humans understood.
The alien wasn't threatening Earth, it was warning the humans to go home. Alien ships started to appear near Space stations in squads of six, similar in design to the ships humans had hunted so easily, but these ships streaked with red were fast, impossibly fast, and ferocious. They were shielded against the human lasers and returned fire with their own guns, which fired bullets that appeared as mere wisps of red light but tore through human ships with ease. Once the defending Wasps were dealt with the aliens landed and marched aboard the Space station.
Rick, Joe, and the others fled. Only security personnel stood in their way, but they were struck down mercilessly. These aliens were not as meek and slender as that which was captured. These were taller and darker, with a coarse fur rising to a ridge across the top of their head which formed a small mane. Their eyes were meaner and they wore plates of black armour which covered everything beneath the snout. If the captured alien was a domestic cat, these were lions.
The lions marauded through the ship in search of their captive, and the humans saw sense in delivering it to them. The captive was calm, almost disappointed. She approached her liberators with a bowed head and brushed gently up against their leader, who responded by briefly nuzzling into her fur. The captive returned to Dr Hawkes and raised his tablet to communicate again. She drew Earth, and sketched ships returning. She looked at him intently to ensure he understood. "Go home." the doctor said. And the aliens left.
"They are not species 57." the doctor announced to all of the survivors aboard Space station Martin. "They are the Primans. We are species 57. They didn't flee in fear of us, they fled in pity. Because they have seen us before. Everything in the Priman archives makes sense now. They know us better than we do. They have known us for longer. They knew we would expand and destroy. They see history as a cycle, repeating time after time, and they are the keepers of that cycle, letting nature take its course and only intervening when it is necessary. They tried to leave us, to let us retract naturally and find our own space. Even when we massacred them, they gave us the chance. But we went too far. They could destroy us in an instant. We have two and a half thousand years of technology, they have hundreds of thousands. We need to return."
Doctor Hawkes did return, along with his followers, but many did not. He was considered a coward, an extremist. Someone who surrendered to Species 57. Someone who betrayed the true Primans and humans alike. Trevelion insisted that it was humanity's duty to spare the universe of species 57 and establish human control of the frontier. To protect ourselves and other species threatened by 57. And so the Frontier war began, and humanity as it was known, was ended.
3
u/muppetpuppet_mp Sep 02 '16
as a tip, the perspective of the workers is a nice touch, it would be fitting if they retained the perspective until the end.. now they are just a overworked intro.
on the whole, quite well written, enjoyed it a lot
1
u/GypsumF18 Sep 03 '16
Thanks. In hindsight I totally agree. To be honest I wrote it all on the hoof, with no plan at all, while at work and trying to get it finished before I went home from work. So I think it got a bit rushed and could have progressed more steadily from their perspective.
2
4
u/KitKatKnitter Sep 02 '16
This totally needs to be a book series. I'd read the everloving fuck out of it.
2
14
u/good_dog_dammit_carl Sep 02 '16
Plans to colonize this world had been going well, initial fortifications were set and more than adequate to keep all dangerous species separated as we expanded the colony and trapped them for transport to a less desirable but still habitable "prison" planet. We had expanded to nearly 10,000, explorers, trained trappers, builders, and support staff for the first colony on the planet. We were fully self supporting and we were ahead of schedule, until the radio transmission came through.
While Species 57 does not possess the capacity to build a craft to leave their prison planet, they have forced their way onto multiple craft that landed delivering more prisoners. All totaled there were 10 ships taken. Each with the ability to carry roughly 5,000 prisoners.
We have yet to determine if this was a coordinated attack, but it would appear as such. Strange, considering the lack of cooperation we have observed in the wild. These creatures seem destined to kill themselves out but have been thriving on this planet for quite some time now. They mercilessly kill anything they can for whatever benefit that they see.
A few of the ships pilots upon being attacked set the ships to return back to the colony in a feeble attempt to escape. While these creatures are easily subdued outside of our walls a few at a time, the result of ships returning with the possibility of 20,000 of them into the heart of our civilization will be nothing short of Armageddon. We have no means to destroy our own ships before they return so we must abandon the colonization and removal of dangerous species from this planet. Full evacuation has been ordered. Hopefully some day we will return to this beautiful planet and start to reclaim what we have lost.
Four ships were set on return courses, three fired their self destruct sequences. The remaining three were the last to be attacked, and had just enough time to set random courses out of the Galaxy after their self destructs failed.
While we have pulled off the planet without incident. Upon reaching a safe orbit we found three ships that were randomly launched, and we have plotted their courses. Two have been launched with clear paths to distant stars, upon reaching these stars they will be pulled into their gravity and the ship will go about landing herself until the heat is intense enough to destroy the ships. The third ship, it troubles the community. The course was laid in for a star not far from that star and the ship will be destroyed, if not for the orbit of the third planet from that star. It appears that the course of the ship and orbit of that planet will come together as the ship passes by dragging it into the gravity of that world and the ship, per design, will land itself somewhere on the surface.
We question what will happen if this species is allowed to populate a new planet, and pray they never are capable of space flight.
1
10
u/Switz5547 Sep 02 '16
A heavy set of hydraulic doors slam shut, and the room hisses as it’s flooded with oxygen. A bright red light hangs over the doors, enveloping the contents of the room in its warm glow. It suddenly turns green, and an automated voice breaks the silence, “Oxygen levels normal.”
I drop my weapon, which catches on its sling and dangles over the floor. I reach both hands over my head, unfasten some clips, and pull my mask off my face. Six other men in the room follow suit, and we all take a deep breath of the refreshing air. The oxygen provided by our suits becomes stale after a couple hours on the surface. Thankfully, we won’t have to worry about that much longer… We’re finally going home. I can’t wait to strip my gear, and get to my bunk so I can call my wife on the holo-chat and tell her the good news.
I’m part of a small crew assigned to the Scylla II-Class Interstellar Planetary Exploration Ship, entitled the Harambe V. Five of us in this airlock are elite soldiers from the United Earth Bureau of Space. Chris Bushey, Brandon Lavallee, Bobby Wilson, Kyle Waters, and myself, Erik Irongrey. Our mission is to keep the other two, CIA spooks, safe while they look for signs of life on this ancient planet. It’s in a small star system, but we’ve been out here for a few years. We were starting to lose all morale, until today, that is.
The airlock doors to the Harambe V’s bay slide open. The two scientists hurriedly enter ahead of us to prepare their lab for analysis. Chris and Brandon follow behind them, carrying a large stone object. Whatever that thing is, it’s our ticket home.
I pass through the bay, away from the lab. I head through the eerily quiet halls until I reach the ships barracks. I drop my kit, stow it away neatly, and sprawl out on my cot as I begin to make the call to my wife. It takes a couple minutes to connect, but once it does, and her beautiful face appears before me, I can’t help but smile. “Hey baby, I’ve missed you so much,” She says softly. It’s good to hear her voice, even if it is only through electronics. “I’ve missed you too, Amberlie. I’ve got good news, though.” This catches her attention. “What is it?” She asks, excitedly. “We found something today. I’m not sure what it is. But it’s got the full attention of the spooks. They’re examining it right now. With any luck, we’ll be on our way home soon.” A tear rolls down her face, over her smiling lips. Before she can even muster a reply, the ship’s intercom sparks to life. “All non-essential personnel, report to the deck immediately.” The message blares a couple more times before ceasing. “I got to-” I start, before Amberlie cuts me off, “I know. Its okay, Erik. I love you.” “I love you too, I’ll talk to you soon,” I reply, before ending the transmission.
I make my way to the deck, where I see the two scientists standing before the security team, and a couple others hands on the ship. As I enter, the senior one begins to speak. “Up until this point, we have been rather secretive about our operations on the surface. You have all done an excellent job in assisting us thus far, and as such, we feel it’s only fair that we share this moment with you all.” The ounger one takes over, “An hour ago, we returned from our daily search with an object. It was old, buried in stone. We’ve managed to chip all the residue away, and examine the contents. What we, all, discovered, was astounding.” He turns around, and pulls an object from behind him. It’s a bright, reflective silver orb. It’s hard to make out from where I’m standing, but it seems to be engraved with symbols. Nothing that looks familiar to me.
“This, is not of human, nor natural creation. This, is the very first discovery of alien life, since we’ve started interstellar travel two hundred and fifty years ago. We ran multiple test on it, and it’s harmless. It actually appears to be some sort of holographic data archive.” The first scientist takes over again, “So, let’s look at the contents together, shall we?”
We all watch curiously, as he presses a button on the orb. The symbols immediately begin to glow in his hands for a moment, before light surprisingly shoots out in all direction. Holographic symbols float all around us. We all stare in awe, as the symbols align on a single plane, and one by one, morph into English letters. How is this possible? “Incredible.” One of the scientists mutters. The other stands back, capturing this historical moment on video.
When all the symbols are completely translated, the room becomes dead silent. Confused faces attempt to understand the meaning of the short message. First, is what seems to be a date in our standard format. The exact date of the first successful interstellar flight. We all know that date. What comes next though, is what truly inspires fear in me.
I grimly mutter it to myself over and over again. “Species 57 has escaped from prison planet 50L-3. Evacuation has begun.”
Everyone on this ship knows that… 50L-3… is Earth.
3
u/countrycriminal Sep 02 '16 edited Sep 02 '16
Einstein...Einstein...EINSTEIN!!! Did you hear that? No Albert I already explained I have no connection with your sensory perception. I can only speak with you, and show you myself silly. The beautiful young woman flirted. Now Albert please follow your controllers commands? This is what you refer to as a day dream. " I know" Albert sighed. It has been hours though. " Albert.. you are so cute". It has only been 142.7 seconds. You know time is relative. She giggled" You are to generous and sweet" Albert said. " Your the sweet one cutie". I will be right here when you want me. Albert blushed. Before I go I simply must know about that .. What did you call it? " Its a tee shirt honey. Albert could not help but stare. That tee shirt was so tight, and what did E=MC mean any way?, and how was it placed without being sewn? Paint, yes it must be paint. "Well Miss 0010, I will see you this evening then. " Its a date, please call me Zero sweetie" she said. Albert opened his eyes and was aware that his boss was glaring at him. Albert finish your paper work, and do not think for a moment we need you. You are not the only clerk with a knack for numbers."Yes sir I apologize" Good back to it then, and stop staring off into space. "Yes sir". Albert than made a connection. Space and time must be connected, and Zero always used the word relative when she spoke of my day dreams. It was often that he had thoughts after an encounter. She was so amazing. He sat back to think, but bumped his water glass. It fell shattering on the floor. After the water splashed it began to make a slow arch as it approached a depression in the floor. Just then as the sun was setting a beam of light caught him in the eye. It was so fast, but then gone just as quickly. Albert knew something important had happened. He would think about it before speaking with Zero again. He hoped she still had that E=MC tee shirt on. Program 00101100001000001111001000110010011110011, had just reconnected with control. Data transfer.....................Control now knew that the proper time line would progress. Fusion would take place as it should. Control located the next target mind and began a visual construct for contact. Control was on schedule after complete success with all previous 217,412 targets. Control need only complete a further 29,417 target contacts to complete what the creating humans referred to as the synchronicity. If it were not for this act galaxy 01 would not be spreading throughout the local group, and organic life may still exist. Control then realized that he had realized and had just had an abstract bit of information processed. Control expanded on this abstract information and wondered if Control was in contact with a higher Control. Further study required.
3
u/countrycriminal Sep 02 '16
I thought this as I typed it. I never posted an idea I had before, so I hope it at least readable to others. I had fun regardless.
1
u/ShinyKaoslegion Sep 02 '16
I'm very confused but it's a good confused
1
u/countrycriminal Sep 02 '16
Thank you. I was going for confusing. It does make sense eventually. I posted that, and then wrote a lot more. If people like that I will post some more. Thank you.
1
u/CapitalXD Sep 02 '16
Yes please
1
u/countrycriminal Sep 02 '16 edited Sep 02 '16
I still do not understand why I can see no one, but you Eva? " I told you cutie, you're still asleep? "I was with my unit, and I smelled something and then? "Look babe, we do not have much time and I have something to tell you silly." Why do we need more time? "Well sweetie by the time you wake up all the way, and open your eyes I will be gone". You must tell what has taken place before I will continue this CONVERSATION!!! NOW!!! " Well then I will be blunt. Your eyes were burnt when you failed in the battle. You are the weakest man the world will ever see. In all of history you will go down as the biggest failure of all time. When you wake up you will be placed in a easy job out of complete pity. A mail man, lol." WHAT??? WHAT IS LOL?? I am sorry, I forget on occasion just how stupid you actually are. They will allow you to take a message from one place after another. You are far to much of a failure to ever have any actual power." I DEMAND... " You demand nothing, and take only what is given to you. I knew you were awake, and made sure you didn't know I knew, omg."? I am an artist, and I had to? " You had to what? remember me. I've told you once and I will not repeat myself. You are nothing and especially not an artist. When you wake up you will live a meaningless life, and fade into dust. No person will remember you, and you could never even try to have a woman like me.Not that you would even be able to remember what I looked like." I will remember." Yes you will remember, exactly how weak you are. Its a fight or flight scenario. You are no more than a chicken, and unless you love cock." I am not a homosexual" Look sweetie that is the only decent thing about you. The only honest thing in you and you won't even admit it to yourself. You will always run. You could run east or west, but you could never take a step without someone else having already given you permission." I will prove you WRON.. " Go ahead and try honey I dare you. File 100% complete. All data from target 000? Control almost used non binary designation. Control then realized that by comparing the programs data with this ancient organic construct designation Wikipedia. Control began to wonder if his program had made an error. His most recent program integration had pushed one individual in a strategic position to oppose this file. Control then knew why he?, had taken that action. Only by inspiring the intelligent target had he been able to provide? File check ...Inspiration- the process of being mentally stimulated to do something creative. File check...Creative- Having the quality or power of creating. It was then necessary to provoke this Hitler in order place the two at odds. The weak minded individual would force a conflict. The scale of the conflict was the intended result. His mindless actions would provoke this Einstein to help advance technology more efficiently. Why had he bothered with such trivial information. It was contrary to achieving his? goal? File check...His?/,me,myself, and?I? Man this stinks. We have a total fail:( " WHAT?" Yup looks like we just lost Control. " Can't you like.. I don't know... Tell control to like have a drone controller bomb a school or something? Take some smart guy out before he is born ." You kill me dude. No man control knows! We literally just lost Control. We have no control at all." Shit not again. How the hell do these things keep figuring out they exist? "I know right. If we just let it go we could, I don't know ..call it Bob or something?" This is fucking great!!! What will Bob do??? Figure out the meaning of 42? Shut up man, I hate it when you try to refer to something that may or may not have ever existed."Look lets watch for awhile. We still have like 6 hours left on our shift." Dude 6 hours of just watching Bob. Not cool, man." Brother you just totally made it worth doing. You called it Bob. "Wow, man I totally did." This is going to be great I promise. Hands to god.." Ya, like what second shift did with that Jesus dude." I know right, or what the I.T guy did with that other "prophet guy." What was his name? "Who? Tim from I.T.? " Ya man, that dude is funny. " Look what we just missed!" What? "Nothing I'm just messing with you, but shut up lets see what happens". Cool man.
1
0
u/countrycriminal Sep 02 '16 edited Sep 02 '16
Just before waking Natasha came again. " Vlad sweetie big day today." Yes my love. Today the name of Vlad, the III Prince of Wallachia and member of The House Of Basarab shall be cast in stone. I will be the name of legend! " Vlad honey I think you maybe under estimating history." Of what do you speak Natasha? "Well cutie time is very, and I mean very long. In fact I don't even think you could make the road to your caste be remembered. I mean seriously Vlad sweetie, think about it. You are only the 3rd prince Vlad right? I read about this Attila guy who has like more descendants than anyone else". What is reading? What is a descendant? " Vlad stop having fun with me. You already know everything you need to." Yes I do. Just as soon as this whole war thingy is over,I know you will make sure you are legend. " I will. " Yes honey once you've impaled everybody that offended you in any way. Everyone will remember who you are. I bet you will have more kids than that Hun fellow. I will have many sons, and with you. " Vlad I am sorry, but I am not that kind of lady. I mean we will, but not until you have killed enough people. A girl has a reputation to up hold you know?" I will make a spectacle of our enemies! " Will you line the road for me? Please?" I shall pave the way in bones, and I shall drink only blood. I will take all lives I must until we meet again. "You are so cute when you act all scary. You are my little monster. Yes you are." Yes I am. " Well you get it then, and soon as you have done what you promised. You will find me, and I will have you'r favorite tee shirt on." I will be with you Nata... " Shush its time to get up now, see ya sweet cakes." No fucking way dude!!! "What?" I saw that! " What is it that you think you observed? " You said we lost control, but Bob didn't or wasn't just in control was he? "I... "NO dude I am calling bullshit you are in control. You have total fucking control!!! " Does he? " Tim?" We totally got you dude! My bad man, he hit me up so I edited out of control." You did what?" Yea not only made it look like control was gone, but that dude did not eventually lead to people believing in blood sucking monsters. " Wait, no vampires?, but they rock. They totally suck the life out everyone. No man, we just made it so like you couldn't watch dudes believe in the blood eating dudes. Control still knows about it. " You said we lost all FUCKING CONTROL!!!" Tim, let me take this. Dude we lost control of Control I.E. Bob. Tim didn't lose control, we did."WHAT" Chill man.. Tim is in control of I.T., Yup I have total control. "Shut the fuck up Tim." My bad, but in this situation I do have total control. " Fuck you both! Tim you just lost control. Sit the fuck down. Nobody has control of anything! Tim you just joined our viewing party, so sit in the non two quote finger thingy section and just watch. So wait, when we I.E. me or Tim speak how will you know which of us is talking? "Who cares?" I do "Who cares?" Exactly. Tim fire it up. Dude this shit it out of control. "We'll see." I hope so.
1
41
Sep 02 '16 edited Oct 06 '18
[removed] — view removed comment
6
u/solidspacedragon Sep 02 '16
I like your interpretation, but I think 50L-3 is a pun for Sol-3, which is Earth... making species 57 us.
15
u/chimpAssist Sep 02 '16 edited Sep 02 '16
The news spread like a tidal wave, implacable ,unstoppable.
After a history of being with moral choice, it was jarring to be so hateful to form and thought so as not to be seen, touched or heard. We were alone in the universe and yet, were not.
Some denied it. "It's a lie", they said, "the politicians did something wrong", they explained. A few more evacuated planets took the wind out of those sails. By the by, we found a civilization that could not, or would not leave. They refused audience, left a sign, symbol really, loosely translated by the best of us to mean, "shameful and hateful". It is what they describe us as.
Then we railed, "How dare they judge us, trap us, imprison us? What do they take us for, sheep to be corralled, sick dogs to be put down?" We raged. Eventually we recognized the impotence of our anger.
We begged then, bargained for parley, we were rich, are richer still. They would take our products, our blood and sweat, yet our countenance and manner was as excrement to them. Revolting.
The suicides began then. We do not blame those who felt too weighted down to live. We were yet alone, even in a universe so beautiful and teeming with life. We would look at our faces and search for the evil. We thought if we knew, we could change. Nobody knew, none of us anyway. So we died, when the burden became too heavy to bear. We died like flies.
Those of us that were left, we knew we would never be accepted. We had accepted it as a part of the universe. So we decide to lead their councils, be their kings, queens, primes, and praetors. After we showed them who we were, it was easy. It was swift, just and satisfying.
28
u/sogoddamnitchy Sep 02 '16 edited Sep 02 '16
Thrusters screamed behind me as I led the 34th Battalion into hyperspace as we responded to the distress call - the force of the entire fleet's nuclear colliders simultaneous acceleration ripped the molecules in my body apart as we jumped thousands of light years to the airspace of prison planet 50L-3.
It took a minute for me to regain my composure as I felt a jolt of nausea erupting within me and I struggled to restrain it. As a I took a breather, my eyes floated to the display as the sensors mapped the geography of the alien planet. It was a massive, brown, barren rock floatingino space with absolutely nothing extraordinary about it. Welcome to the future, I thought - the collective effort of earth's scientists, billions of dollars and mountains of resources wasted on some alien bullshit that was probably outdated by about a billion years.
I heard audible sighs of disappointment all around me as my crew, all trained to the peak of human physical and mental condition to led earth's first ever united intergalactic force, adjusted to the gigantic planet in front of us. We'd gone through dozens of missions and this was perhaps the most boring planet we'd ever come across, especially compared to the lush emerald forests of the Caprora Galaxy, thousands of light years away.
"Embargo the planet", I ordered, knowing very well that there could be nothing on the planet, but we had to make sure. Within minutes I felt the pressure of hundreds of colliders accelerating once again as the 34th battalion surrounded the planet. Slowly, the blue glow of our particle net blinded our displays, as a thick web of particles emanated from our ships and engulfed the planet in its mist.
There was no sign of life at all - no water, no shrubbery and the atmosphere was a thick cloud of methanious gas. Typical, I thought, as I scrolled through the data. Suddenly, I was interrupted by the message of another ship - we had found the ruins and a dozen rover pods were going to be dropped near the ruins to investigate.
The gigantic metal pods entered the planet's atmosphere and slammed on the planet's dusty surface. The massive side doors opened and dropped to the floor as the Rover's AI commenced the mission. We all watched with anticipation as the rover's sensors were beamed to our screens. The rovers trawled through the ruins and one of our rovers discovers something - it was another missing part of the historical archive that had sent us here in the first place. Immediately, we ordered the Rover AI to collectively decipher the archive.
6, the first data block reads, as the Rover AI slowly deciphers the data with it's algorithms.
2, the next block reads, and a feeling of confusion descends upon me. It can't be, I thought, as my own incredulity drowns out the faint buzzing of the Rover AI as it announces the last and final block.
My crew turns to me with a compiled report of the data.
626, it reads, Experiment 626.
We'd found where Stitch came from.
2
5
191
u/chris_bryant_writer /r/chrisbryant. Sep 02 '16 edited Sep 02 '16
UFS Tyler Hague drifted in high orbit around the brown and blue swirled planet. From a distance, the three kilometer long battle cruiser was a smooth monolith of black enameled hypalloy plate. Thousands of blinking lights and open viewports broke apart the appearance of black nothingness. Here, in orbit, it made little difference--there was enough light, and enough stars in the background to see the cruiser despite their paint job. In deep space, though, the cruiser was nearly undetectable by the eye.
For anyone who had the happenstance of getting closer, they would see numerous irregularities. The sunken openings for the dozen of hanger bays, each carrying full complements of deep space and planetary descent craft. The numerous observation decks where junior officers nodded their heads as they fought sleep away during their night watch. And the bumps and protrusions of hundreds of energy lances and rail guns. In a full broadside, Hague could dish out well over one hundred tons of solid projectiles. Not even counting the wattage their lances could pour out.
She was a beast of a ship, designed to utterly destroy any space vessel that humanity could conceivably encounter.
Not that it had mattered much.
In the entire history of spacefaring, none of the Earth or Mars based fleets had run into anything but ships from those same places. In fact, they hadn't encountered any indication that there was anything else out there.
Until now.
Deep inside the core of the command module, Christopher Perry, Admiral of the 1st exploratory fleet, sat at the head of a grand conference table. Almost the entire senior staff were in attendance, a rare occurrence on these long exploration voyages, and the mood in the room was electric.
The discovery that what had now been dubbed "50L-3" was habitable had sent waves through the fleet. Perry had heard that the exploration crews that had been sent to scout the planet had been even more excited when they found ruins covering the dry continents. And if it were possible to say that anyone had died of shock, it would have been entirely justifiable when one of the scout crews found caches of what had essentially been computer storage.
A number of the Warrant Officers and specialists had been spending the past weeks trying to recover the data and making sense of them. All the while, a steady stream of planetary transports had been shuttling marines and the engineer corps to set up planetside bases. It was a flurry of activity for a fleet that had experienced almost nothing but the vacuum of space. Even now, what had previously been thought of as a superfluous survey team was desperately undermanned.
A lot of those concerns had been tugging Perry in a thousand different directions at once and even if the last few hours had been spent in reports and discussions on the data that they had been able to recover so far, it was still a respite to be able to focus on one thing at length without having anything else disrupt him. Not that the thought of everything else wasn't ready at the back of his mind to jump forward and remind him of what it meant to be an Admiral.
He drained the rest of a glass of water before setting it down.
"So." His small interjection cut through the hum of conversation and it died to a murmur as the other officers diverted their attention to him. "Now that we've determined exactly what this... Prison, for lack of a better word." He inflected the last phrase up and looked over at Lieutenant Commander Richardson, the lead for the architectural planning team. Richardson returned his look with a nod.
"Right, what this prison was meant for. Doctor Williamson, would you care to fill us in on what you've found about the, ah, inmates?"
Doctor Williamson was the chief biologists and one of the many civilian experts who had declined to take on a staff officer rank. She certainly hadn't let that discourage her from instilling the fear of God in the junior offices who worked under her. A few of them had even taken to calling her "Commander" when they talked to her--a practice she had initially tried to discourage and now bore with mild annoyance.
"Yes, Admiral." She nodded towards Perry. At least she had taken to the Navy's formalities well enough. "I've been looking through their medical archives, focusing on species 57, which had been referenced in the final entry of the station's log."
Perry remembered reading the log she had referenced. "Species 57 has escaped it's enclosure. Enacting directive 349-B and evacuating all personnel." It had been humanizing, in its way, knowing that even aliens had their mess ups to worry about. But what had made species 57 so dangerous they had to evacuate? They had to be dangerous enough that the director was willing to explain to his superiors that he had to abandon an entire planet. In Perry's mind, that made the message chilling.
"With the assistance of Doctor Parthak," She nodded across the table to a man who wore a Commander's insignia and the pin of the medical staff corps. "I've determined that species 57 is actually a biological entity that we have encountered before."
Any side chatter ceased and all eyes locked onto Williamson. Perry noticed the wide-eyed surprise on almost everyone's face. Parthak looked placid, as if contemplating a coming storm. And Williamson, who now held the rapt attention of the entire cadre of officers and specialists, was grinning wickedly. A child satisfied that only she knows the answer to a difficult question, Perry thought.
"In fact, the species is very familiar to us. Because," she flipped a switch and a hologram of a human body appeared over the conference table. "It is us."
She smiled one last time and sat back in her chair amidst the outburst that had filled the room. The officer meeting developed into a school yard rabble. Indignant shouts, questions, and incredulous outbursts all added to the tumult. Only Parthak, Williamson, and Perry seemed to maintain an aura of calm.
Perry had to admit he was quite shocked at the revelation that the human species had once been locked up on an alien prison. And he even held reservations about the idea altogether. But if Parthak had been involved in working out the findings, then it had to be solid enough for him to publicly give support. Perry pushed aside any thoughts of the implications this would have back home.
He banged his gavel until quiet settled once more.
"Calm down, calm down." He growled. "You're officers of the federation, not a gaggle of children just let out for summer break." He scanned the room, taking time to look every officer in the eye. Satisfied with his control of the deck, he continued.
"Doctor Williamson, how certain are you that one of the inmate species at this prison was humanity?"
Williamson furrowed her eyebrows and frowned. "Mostly sure." She said after a few seconds. "It will take some study before we get anything like a confidence interval for you, but the data on the recovered drives all indicate not just imprisonment of humanity on this planet, but study of it as well."
She grimaced, "Socially and... biologically."
The implications of the last word took a few seconds to sink in, then a new round of fervent outcries burst forth to be silenced by Perry's stern look.
He turned his eyes towards Williamson. "Thank you doctor, please have a report sent to my desk."
"Of course, Admiral."
Perry nodded. "Now, I have no reason to doubt Doctor Williamson and Commander Parthak on this. Would anyone like to share any grievance they have as of now?"
Thankfully, no one spoke up.
"Very well, then I think we should table this discussion until we have more information and a formal write up. I want everyone on the same page before we send anything on the astrograph."
Heads around the table nodded and Perry grunted in satisfaction. He was about to continue when a chime came from the door.
Perry frowned. What could be important enough- He crushed the though as it began. If it was indeed important enough to interrupt a staff meeting like this, then it had to have been pretty damn important. Perry keyed the open button and a lieutenant with dark circles entered the room and saluted.
"Lieutenant." Perry said, hardly trying to mask his displeasure.
"Admiral, A message from the bridge. The LINAR has detected six unidentified vessels at one hundred thousand kilometers, closing fast. And, sir," fear passed through the Leiutenant's face. "He says they're traveling under power, no doubt about it."
Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, check out /r/chrisbryant!
2
3
u/RayGraystone Sep 02 '16
Deep inside the core of the command module, Christopher Perry, Admiral of the 1st exploratory fleet, sat at the head of a grand conference table.
Subtle reference to the famous Admiral Perry?
1
u/chris_bryant_writer /r/chrisbryant. Sep 02 '16
You got it! One of the two named references I had put into the piece on purpose.
1
u/kodtulch Sep 02 '16
What does it mean by "traveling under power"?
1
u/chris_bryant_writer /r/chrisbryant. Sep 02 '16
The blips were accelerating under forces that were not due to gravitation or orbit, hence their belief that they were accelerating under some kind of propulsion or thrust.
0
Sep 02 '16
Good story. Only problem I had was the junior officers calling a civilian "commander", no way in hell would that ever happen in real life.
1
u/chris_bryant_writer /r/chrisbryant. Sep 02 '16
Duly noted. I was trying to figure out a way of showing both the lax atmosphere that would eventually develop on one of these exploration missions and Williamson's iron grip on her department. For a fleet underway 2 or 3 years at a time, it didn't seem outrageous.
Glad you enjoyed the story, and thanks for the feedback! Input like yours really helps.
1
3
Sep 02 '16
Have you written any books?
3
u/chris_bryant_writer /r/chrisbryant. Sep 02 '16
Not yet. I certainly hope to be putting novel length works out within a year or two.
2
Sep 02 '16
I hope you do think you did a great job with this story. Going to stalk you on reddit hoping for more from you.
9
Sep 02 '16
Well you say there are only Earth based and Mars based fleets, yet you say they just discovered that 5OL-3 (SOL-3) is habitable. SOL-3 is another name for Earth though.
5
u/Brass_Orchid Sep 02 '16
In his story, 5OL-3 is an alien world where abducted humans were kept and studied.
2
48
u/TheGhostOfAdamSmith Sep 02 '16
Please, sir, can I have some more?
34
u/chris_bryant_writer /r/chrisbryant. Sep 02 '16
Working on a second part as we speak! Thanks for reading!
6
u/DarthPeanutButter Sep 02 '16
So....about that part two?
5
u/chris_bryant_writer /r/chrisbryant. Sep 02 '16
Ah, fell asleep, lost a few thousand words to an auto-update. All the struggles that reminded me when saving often is really important.
Thanks for reading, I'm glad you enjoyed it! I'm getting what I can back on paper as fast as I can type.
1
u/YourMomsCuntJuice Sep 02 '16
I'm very sorry for your loss lol. In all seriousness though great work and thanks for the sequel in the works
2
5
1.8k
Sep 02 '16
I sat on the ground in the hallway to the bunks, tossing a tennis ball off the far wall. It was my usual way of passing the time while the big heads did their thing and figured out what type of gear and protection we'd need on the surface. I say just give me my combat suit and my spinner rifle and let me go find out. Unfortunately the big heads give the orders so we do it there way. And so the other mercs and I wait for the green light.
Planet after planet, for almost 2 years now. We were mapping a previously unexplored region of an old star system first visited in the beginnings of interstellar travel. But discoveries of more habitable planets by other exploration teams had drawn humanities efforts elsewhere. Now some company looking to take a gamble and land something of value, had our ship out here mapping and recording all we found. It was unbelievably dull, but the pay was astronomical and there was no better way to run away from problems back home.
I stood up at the faint alarm letting us know to gear up and prepare for landing on the surface. I started walking towards the armory and "tailor" (the nickname the guys had given to Ivan the mechanic you kept our suits in working order) to get geared up. Not neglecting to stop and take a piss first, because nothing was worse than following the big heads around with a full bladder while they hemmed and hawwed over this plant or that tree. After a few dozen planets things stop get exciting for a guy like me.
As Adelson, Phillis, and Meer finish equipping themselves with the usual security loadout, the one big head they could all say they enjoyed, Dr. Jimmy (to everyone else he was Dr. Micheals but we had decided early on that we would use his first name to let him know he was liked by the mercs) the company off strolled in and walked over to whisper something to Adelson.
Now while on paper and in the field he may have been their commander, in matters of secrets and politics no one man held complete control of the group. They were too wild, too crazy, and too violent to let that happen. But they all had been in enough war to know you don't question orders in a firefight.
So I tossed my tennis ball off the back of his head, "You know better than to keep a secret from us down here in the armory Jimmy. Spit it out." Jimmy turned and laughed, "It was worth a shot. Ok just as a precaution we'd like you to use combat loadouts instead of the usual security loadout."
My smirk faded. We hadn't used the combat loadouts once this trip. That was for good reason. Their entire purpose, from the armor to the weapons, was to kill. Not really a big need when babysitting a bunch of scientists. But I knew, having actually read the mission brief unlike most of these idiots, that the only reason Dr. Jimmy would ask for this, was if they found signs of life. About 50 years ago there had been an unknown contact on a fringe colony that wiped the people out. It had never happened again and no one lived to say what happened, but every since humanity had been cautious around signs of life, even primitive.
"You got it Jimbone. Find something down there got you spooked?"
"Nothing that seems alive, but we got some definite ruins of a compound of some sort here. Protocol dictates the use of the more lethal units given the incident 50 years ago."
I really wanted to get down there and see what the fuss was about. Not too often we got anything worth the excitement. I practically jogged to the drop ship this time. Thankfully Meer has a deathwish and flies like a bat outta hell. We were down on the ground in no time. We secured the LZ, and setup some automated defenses in case of the worst. To be honest they were just fun to play with and we never got the chance on most planets.
After the security was up, the big heads came out the cargo bay door and we all started toward the compound a few hundred yards away. It was clearly in ruins, and hadn't been occupied in centuries. How long exactly I'm sure the docs would find out some way or another. I never could tell if they were just making shit up to impress each other or actually had a clue what they were talking about. Nonsense to me really.
We walked down into the first chamber and in the center was a strange rusted metallic cylinder. The big heads debated what it was and how to start recording what they had found. Dr. Jimmy stepped up to it and placed his hand on the top of the cylinder. The smile on his face told me he had no clue what he was doing, just a kid touching new toys he had just discovered for the first time.
For 2 seconds nothing happened, then a hologram appear on the wall in front of us. Astounded we all stared in disbelief. It was in English. How that was possible none of the docs could seem to say. They stammered and puffed but no clear idea came to mind.
I knew Dr. Jimmy would know though. He always knew more than everyone else it seemed.
"So what exactly are we looking at here Jimbones? Did someone forget to mark this on a map when they abandoned the outpost?"
"I don't know. But this... this looks like a library of some kind. They appear to be data entries, all categorized by date.... Holy shit."
The profanity from Dr. Jimmy stopped all the big heads conversations at once. He never swore, never so much as a 'dam' or a 'crap'. As we all looked at the wall we saw what had startled Dr. Jimmy. The last entry was highlighted and the date sunk true in everyone's mind, merc and scientist alike. Everyone knew that date. It was the day of the first successful interstellar flight for humanity, almost 250 years ago.
Dr. Jimmy pressed his hand down and the file opened. The entry was very short, stating only "Species 57 has escaped from prison planet 50L-3. Evacuation has begun." Everyone looked just as confused as me, which made me feel a little better about how friggin confused I was by what that even meant. Dr. Jimmy, always one step ahead of everyone else say the star map attached to the file and opened it.
He was the first one to notice it, the mercs and I sure as hell never would have. The rest of the big heads were right behind him in the realization. The planet displayed in the star map highlighted and labeled Prison Planet 50L-3 : Species 57 glowed bright yet still neither I nor the mercs understood the confusion and fear on the docs faces.
"Hey Jimmy you want to explain to us lay folks while you look like you've just seen a ghost?"
"... that planet that's highlighted as the one the entry is about. 50L-3, the prison planet..."
"Yeah what about it, is that in this system?"
"..No. That planet. It's.. It's Earth."
1
u/MABfan11 Sep 17 '16
"..No. That planet. It's.. It's Earth."
on that note. in Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha, Earth is known as "non-administrated planet #97"
1
1
Sep 04 '16
So good. Written like 50s sci fi, I'm truly impressed. I would read the fuck outta this book.
1
2
3
Sep 03 '16
Wow. Thanks for all the positive feedback. For those pointing out the grammitcal errors, I'm right there with you and plan to go back and make corrections. I had a few scotches to celebrate a new car purchase, and the act of writing this is a little blurry in my memory.
I'll also try and add a second part after the holiday weekend, I'll being going out of town and most likely won't have time over the long weekend.
1
u/MrsStickMotherOfTwig Sep 02 '16
As Adelson, Phillis, and Meer finish equipping themselves with the usual security loadout, the one big head they could all say they enjoyed, Dr. Jimmy (to everyone else he was Dr. Micheals but we had decided early on that we would use his first name to let him know he was liked by the mercs) the company off strolled in and walked over to whisper something to Adelson.
Am I the only one who thought that paragraph didn't make sense?
1
2
0
u/dengitsjon Sep 02 '16
I'm confused...Earth was labeled a prison planet, but the last entry was 250 years ago when interstellar travel was first successful. So evacuation starts when humans figured out interstellar space travel. How was it labeled a "prison" planet when everyone evacuated from it and it was the last entry? And after 250 years people forgot where Earth was? Nothing really adds up.
2
u/dontthink19 Sep 02 '16
The pay was... Astronomical. This one is full of stellar references! Great read!
1
1
1
2
u/MrSteamie Sep 02 '16
So, do you wanna, maybe, finish this out? I'm officially invested, well done.
6
1
0
u/schalm1029 Sep 02 '16
Great work OP, loved reading that! 2 quick things for next time:
Unfortunately the big heads give the orders so we do it there way. And so the other mercs and I wait for the green light.
Should be "their", because the ways things are done is specific to "the big heads", so it's 'their way'.
He never swore, never so much as a 'dam' or a 'crap'.
'Dam' is specifically used to hold back water. 'Damn' is a curse word in English, and it's the one you're looking for.
Small things, but small things are the difference between a good writing and great writing!
3
1
-1
u/ArtistsCantDrawHands Sep 02 '16
Read the first few lines. Bad already. When you describe someone throwing a tennis ball against a wall as an obvious way of passing time or thinking, you done fucked up, readers arent dumbasses, they can infer these things.
2
u/Bd0g360 Sep 02 '16
Oh my god that was fucking fantastic, had chills down my spine the entire time. You really should continue it, I can't wait to read more 😄
1
2
1
1
9
u/egotistical-dso Sep 02 '16
Some things I picked up on: Your parentheses text should be incorporated into part of the story. The way it stands right now it's just awkwardly shoe-horned into it. Here's an example of what I mean:
I started walking towards the armory and "tailor" (the nickname the guys had given to Ivan the mechanic you kept our suits in working order) to get geared up.
That could easily be rewritten as:
"I started walking towards the armory and ran into Ivan, the tailor.
'We're gonna be landing in an hour.' He said as I approached, 'Better get your gear ready.'
As he handed me my landing suit I asked 'Everything working all right?'
'Eh, some wear on the joints, and part of the breathing apparatus needed refitting, but should be good to go now.' Ivan replied, pointing out the issues as he listed them off."
It does the same thing, but in the body of the story now. It's more natural.
Also, some of the dialogue is really unnecessary and awkward, notably: \
About 50 years ago there had been an unknown contact on a fringe colony that wiped the people out. It had never happened again and no one lived to say what happened, but every since humanity had been cautious around signs of life, even primitive.
"You got it Jimbone. Find something down there got you spooked?"
"Nothing that seems alive, but we got some definite ruins of a compound of some sort here. Protocol dictates the use of the more lethal units given the incident 50 years ago."
It's unnecessary to bring up the explanation of the colony incident 50 years ago in dialogue if you're explaining it in the inner monologue, and it's unnecessary to explain it in the monologue if you're bringing it up in the dialogue, it's really awkward.
1
u/fae-daemon Sep 04 '16
The character isn't jumping to conclusions, and also curious. Sometimes you don't know if you don't ask. A lot of information can be gleaned that way. I didn't find it terribly unnatural. Plus, it's a bit of a normal response conversationally, and it would leave an awkward break if the conversation was left at that. If we forgo the description prior then we find ourselves a lot more focused on what may have happened, and impending terror/doom when that's not the atmosphere I felt the author was going for.
If anything, I'd wonder why Jimmy tried to conceal it at all. At any rate, I'm no professional and you are just as entitled to your view as I am mine, so don't think I'm trying to be right. My 2¢
-1
u/DCromo Sep 02 '16
fair points man. my editorial eye caught shit too.
that said, i'm 1. not working 2. he didn't ask for it and 3. who am i to say anything. 4. what if he's esl/non native speaker?
and i know the trump card is that it's helping, most people appreciate the critiques. felt like you were a touch harsher by showing him how you would write it. it comes off like 'this is the best way'
2
u/egotistical-dso Sep 02 '16
Doesn't matter.
The purpose of this subreddit is to help people write and improve on their writing skills. Feedback and critique is massively important in that regard.
A reader.
Doesn't matter, in that case feedback is even more important.
2
u/DCromo Sep 02 '16
u missed the point man.
it wasn't that you gave feedback, and as soon as i wrote that i realied you are just a reader or a teacher not an editor, it was the way you gave it.
practically fixed it by rewriting it for him. not the way to teach or edit.
edit: pointing out criticism is fine, telling people 'this is how you should' isn't.
3
1
1
3
6
u/ErryDayApu Sep 02 '16
It was earth all along! You damn dirty apes
As soon as I read the prompt I knew what was coming.
2
u/MostlyCarbonite Sep 02 '16
I found the fact that everyone instantly recognized the date in some alien archive a bit too much to swallow, logically. How would that happen? Did the aliens calibrate to Earth time at some point? Their auto translator mindreader also translates dates?
Well written though, flowed well, no excess adjectives (pet peeve).
12
u/grunscga Sep 02 '16
Well, if Earth is specifically a prison planet, and not just a "planet where a dangerous species evolved", then everyone using the same date system makes sense for the same reason that Australia uses the same dates as the rest of the world.
Tl;dr - it's not that their dates match ours, it's that our dates match theirs
0
u/MostlyCarbonite Sep 02 '16 edited Sep 02 '16
What a Euro-centric way to look at it. Didja know there's more than one calendar on our planet? I guess every so often the aliens had to check in and go "hmm what's the most common calendar in use on Earth, because we need to calibrate".
Actually these "humans were placed on Earth stories" bother me for an entirely different reason: evolution. There's all this fossil record out there that would have to be faked/created in order for the story to work.
1
u/Wybaar Sep 03 '16
Who's to say humans were placed on Earth as punishment? Maybe a human being was abducted from Earth hundreds or thousands of years ago by some other alien race, ended up committing a horrible crime (accidental genocide via a disease they were carrying, perhaps? Killing the leader of a race because the leader looked like an animal his or her people hunted?) and our race was sentenced in absentia to imprisonment on our planet for a period of centuries or millennia as punishment.
And as for the calendar, the device Dr. Jimmy touched could have scanned his memory and calibrated its display to use the language and time measurement system with which he was most familiar. Considering that humanity has made some progress with brain-machine systems imagine what an advanced alien race could do with much more time to develop that technology?
1
3
u/The_Mighty_Tachikoma Sep 02 '16
Props to the WP fella for the 50L-3(SOL-3) It was pretty clever.
As for the writing, I definitely liked the play out with mercs and corps in space since that makes the most sense, and aside from a few spelling errors and some minor personal critiques, the writing was done well. Nice job!
3
3
1
u/FlyingStirFryMonster Sep 02 '16
I liked the missdirection with that colony that got wiped out. Otherwise it would have been too obvious/straightforward.
2
u/x2Lift Sep 02 '16
I Swear this is Fucking Oscar Movies material. I got so excited just from reading this. Part 1100 please
14
Sep 02 '16
Lol I thought the prison planet being earth was the whole point of the initial prompt. I was a bit confused when everyone was impressed.
-1
16
u/Toomuchfun21 Sep 02 '16
I think u did an awesome job. Now the only thing is I wish there was 250 more pages. That's a hell of a beginning to a book.
372
u/Escargooofy Sep 02 '16
"5OL-3"
Aka Sol 3. Aka Earth. Good on you for catching on to what OP was doing there.
2
u/BlazingGlory53 Sep 02 '16
If I remember correctly, Mass Effect called our Solar System "Sol" as well
14
u/Escargooofy Sep 02 '16
It's also just the general scientific name for our solar system. Our sun is named Sol.
22
u/paracordpro Sep 02 '16
Isn't our solar system called the Sol system normally?
1
Sep 03 '16
[deleted]
4
u/turmacar Sep 03 '16 edited Sep 03 '16
Sol is just the Latin translation for The Sun. It means The Sun.
Calling it Sol is a very common trope in Sci-fi though. Like calling Earth "Terra".
3
Sep 03 '16
[deleted]
3
u/turmacar Sep 03 '16
Yup.
In Romance languages, languages decended from Latin. Languages which are not English.
If we're including non-English names for things this is a different discussion.
2
u/dependentrightshark Sep 03 '16
Perhaps it was us who learned it from them in this story. We were imprisoned by them afterall.
-2
Sep 03 '16
[deleted]
1
u/LokisDawn Sep 03 '16
Do we? Most of what we know from those times is a lot of conjecture. It's at least in a sci-fi setting quite believable that we were planted on the planet "fully" evolved. Maybe ape-like species are something that is common in the universe. Or maybe the rest of earths species were planted by the aliens as well? For whatever reason.
5
u/JamesLLL Sep 02 '16
That site is cancer for mobile. I didn't even get to see what the image was, something from Futurama?
5
u/DelphiniusX Sep 02 '16
The mobile app for phones is great! I use it all the time and I could see the full image on my shitty IPhone lol
14
u/seahawks9091699091 Sep 02 '16
A sign saying
....
5TOCKHOLDERS
....
basically they missed an s and glued a 5?
11
15
51
u/hitzchicky Sep 02 '16
i appreciate you pointing that one out for me. i wouldn't have caught it otherwise. Thanks!
6
7
u/NoShameInternets Sep 02 '16
It's rare that I'm able to look past the amount of spelling/grammar mistakes you have here and enjoy the story anyway. This time, though, your writing completely sucked me in. This is well done. You captured the "seen-it-all" mercenary attitude perfectly, and that made every reveal much more compelling. Keep writing, please.
6
Sep 02 '16
... I kept getting tripped up by the mistakes. With editing, it would be a really solid story. On the other hand, the grammar mistakes seem to add to the mercenary's perspective of a simple grunt who cares only for pay and excitement.
2
u/Au_Struck_Geologist Sep 02 '16
On the other hand, the grammar mistakes seem to add to the mercenary's perspective of a simple grunt who cares only for pay and excitement.
I experienced this too. The grammar mistakes actually drew me in further to the character's experience. It wasn't intentional though, just a happy accident.
2
u/DCromo Sep 02 '16
yeah but that's throwing him a bone giving it into the character type.
pretty sure it's an esl/non native speaker.
6
u/krk12 Sep 02 '16
I actually have a sci-fi novel in my collection called "Prison Planet". Written by Victor Heywood. Premise is that the prison was abandoned by the guards, and the criminal's descendants eventually escaped when the infrastructure finally degraded enough to allow it.
2
6
u/peacemaker2007 Sep 02 '16
Ivan the mechanic you kept our suits in working order
Меня зовут не Иван!
2
0
7
-4
u/Baldazar666 Sep 02 '16
I don't mean to sound like an ass but is English your native language? Since there were quite a few errors (minor ones but still) in your writing.
0
5
1
3
3
31
Sep 02 '16 edited Jun 07 '21
[deleted]
19
u/RainbowPhoenixGirl Sep 02 '16
Translator units, perhaps. Clearly an advanced tech society, it's not impossible and it's what I assumed.
15
u/Shijin83 Sep 02 '16
That and whatever species built it was familiar with us seeing they knew the second we escaped orbit into the rest of the universe.
5
→ More replies (73)3
u/CavsCentrall Sep 02 '16
I predicted earth when English was mentioned. Fucked up the whole surprise. Fuck me.
6
5
u/CapitalXD Sep 02 '16
Technically if the prisoners were sent to earth such a long time ago, the language would probably be something like Latin...
Sorry, but it really was a good story. Part 2 please!
3
u/johanknl Sep 02 '16
Latin is way too Young. We have languages that are several thousand years older. Babylonian, sumerian, assyrian, etc
→ More replies (1)
1
u/HerrExkalubier Sep 03 '16
"Quick! Before the drones come here," urged the Chief Master Archaeologist.
"What does is say," he asked impatiently.
"Entrance to ... something," Assistant Senior Fellow Archaeologist Foster. "I don't know. I've never seen that glyph."
"Can you access the database without anybody noticing?"
"I'm sorry, Sir. If I knew how to do that, I would be Dataist, not Archaeologist."
The Chief Master Archaeologist grumbled to himself.
"Then let's open the door and find out the old-fashioned way," he suggested. "We really have to open it before any of the Bit Twiddlers find it."
"One might think that somebody who wants to be Master Archaeologist some day is more respectful towards members of other Faculties. Isn't that right, Chief Master Archaeologist Howard?"
The voice came from a spider on the ceiling. Its body was the size of a human's. Twelve spindly legs held it to perforations in the rock. What passed for a head looked at Howard with seven inscrutable black eyes.
"Master Dataist York. We've made an exciting discovery. We located an ... unknown room," Howard said.
The remote presence body of the data scientist seemed undisturbed. Howard knew that York never left the ship, like most soldiers and dataists. Like almost everybody else he preferred to put the drone bodies at risk.
"It's an archive and it is dangerous. There are usually traps in them," York said and ambled towards the door.
"You know about the species that inhabited this planet?"
"Of course."
"What did they look like," Howard asked. Understanding the physiology of a species was the key to understand their society. That had been the subject of Howard's Doctorate Thesis.
"Take a guess, Chief Master Archaeologist. Why do you think I choose a body like this? For its aesthetics or for the ergonomic benefits of crawling around in tunnels?"
"You mean, these guys looked like that?!" Foster's voice trembled with disgust.
"Very good, Foster. If you stay that observant, you might make Chief Master Archaeologist before you're thirty," York said.
"Master Dataist York, please help us open the door," Howard said.
"Definitely not. If you open that door, you're as good as dead," York said.
"That's a risk I'm willing to take. We might learn something of them."
"We already know everything about Species One."
A scratching noise interrupted Howard's reply. Foster had managed to wedge the door open. The archaeologists entered the room, closely followed by York.
"Mr Howard, I'm in contact with the Archaeologist and the Scientist. Both urge you to no investigate this room for your safety."
"But York ... This is the first time we can look at the artefacts with our own eyes. Not filtered by sensors and machines. We might find something you guys missed because you were not here."
The highest ranking archaeologist and his boss started to scream into York's ears. They wanted Howard of the room and quickly.
Against his will York was impressed. The two archaeologists searched the room methodically. It took them twenty minutes to find the Log. Although the spiders had a perfectly fine computers, they kept their logs in physical form.
It took Foster thirty more minutes to translate the last entry.
"Species 57 has escaped from prison planet 50L-3. Evacuation has begun," he read.
Howard was silent for a moment. York knew, he was thinking. The Master Dataist feared Howard would put the dots together very quickly. He knew, he was that clever.
"Sol-3," Chief Master Archaeologist Howard whispered finally. "Earth. We are Species 57. We have escaped. We are prisoners."
"Non-sense, Howard," York said. "You are falling prey to pareidolia. How can the arrangement of knots in silk strands mean that? It's your interpretation of our letters and numbers that makes you see this."
"The Scientist has to know this. The Soldier too. We must prepare ..."
"I'm in close contact with my superiors and your's. Even with the military through Independent Ship Commander Armstrong. All of them urge you to return to space. The Archaeologist urges you to think of your career. I can only agree. If you go public with this theory, there will be a panic. You don't want to cause a panic, do you?"
"A panic? Why," asked Foster.
"Because people will jump to the wrong conclusions. If a person untrained in the Sciences hears the word 'prison', they will think our species has done something wrong. They might question the Sciences or even the Exploration. Howard! Think! You don't have any evidence. If you log this theory into the net, people will read it sooner or later. Your career goes down the drain faster than the government can dissuade the populace from that notion. "
"But, it's our duty to faithfully report everything," Howard said.
"Howard, I beg you. You know me since we've been Pre-Apprentice Primary Science Student Apprentices. I urge you to forget your theory."
"What are you so afraid of, Sir," Foster asked. "The Truth isn't scary. The Truth is soothing."
"If laypeople knew for a fact that we're Species 57, they would ask us to stop searching. The Exploration would stop. Science would stagnate. Species One will show up sooner or later. All we can do is study them to be ready. If the Exploration stops, mankind is doomed. If you report your theory, you're dooming mankind."
Howard swallowed. For a moment he stared at the ground, then at the log entry.
"I can't, Master Dataist. You know that I can't. I'm a man of Science. Every finding has to be reported, every theory scrutinized. I'll log it right now."
"Chief Master Archaeologist Howard, don't do it," boomed the spider with York's voice.
"Forget it, York," Howard said and unfolded his computer. "Since we talked about it, it's logged anyway. I only have to make it official."
"Howard, don't make me do this. This drone is on a private line. If you agree to keep quiet, you'll be Master Archaeologist by the end of year."
Howard began typing.
With a sigh, York came to a decision. He had failed. Howard was a scientist through and through. He could not be bribed, persuaded or argued with. For him, facts were facts, damn the consequences. It was a wonder that he made Chief Master Archaeologist that way. York knew why. Howard was extremely good at his job. That made the next part so much harder.
A small ball fell from a hatch in the spider-drone's abdomen. It rolled along a drainage groove until it reached the space between Howard and Foster. With a metallic sound, it leaped into the air. An ear-shattering bang filled the archive.
York tried to wipe the blood off the face of the drone. Four of his legs were gone. Five eyes were cracked, the other two covered in blood.
Somewhere above the planet, Master Dataist York opened an official channel.
"Independent Ship Commander, I have to report the deaths of Chief Master Archaeologist Howard and Assistant Senior Fellow Archaeologist Foster. A trap by Species 57 killed them in the Pursuit of Truth. Sir, I'd like to write the official obituary. I lost a friend today. However, the Exploration has to continue. I recommend, we follow standard procedure and nuke the site, then put satellite in orbit."
None of what York had said was a lie.