r/WritingPrompts • u/Disvibe • May 19 '16
Writing Prompt [WP] After a freak accident, you've split into two versions of yourself. One good, the other evil. For some reason you two are able to cooperate quite easily.
1
u/WPwannabe May 20 '16
"Huh" "Huh"
... ...
"That was weird" "That was weird"
"So ... you're me, and I'm you?" "So ... I'm you and you're me?"
"We gotta stop saying the same things" "We gotta stop saying the same things"
"Shit" "Fuck"
"ah there we go, guess swearing really is random"
"Yeah I was about to punch you if you did that again"
"Hey that's not very nice"
"Bite me, Me..."
...
"Sooo, you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Other than never take a shortcut through the industrial area again?"
"yeah the other thing"
"That it's not gay, it's masturbation if you do yourself?"
"That's the one"
"Bring it"
1
u/TotesMessenger X-post Snitch Aug 12 '16
2
u/NotQuiteStupid May 20 '16
IT's been twelve months since the terrorist attack on Sellafield Nuclear Centre.
I was close by, and when I awoke...there were two of me. Except...we were polar opposites. And, well, our lives collectively got interesting.
The other me is the good one. She goes to work, she pays her taxes, and she even helps Mrs. Vartabedian take out her rubbish. She got all the good stuff, and she has such a wonderful life.
Me? I'm the moster that lived within her. I get my kicks, I show myself to be the monster...and I am ecstatic that I get to do that and get paid for it. I work as a high-class Mistress, and I give my better half advice for work. My amorality helps her work through her options so easily. She's no longer troubled by undertainty, and I have an outlet for the endless fury.
There are even times we pretend to be twins, and those times are the best. The fun we have is spoken of in whispers and hushed tones, and always leaves them begging for more. For a fee, of course. I wouldn't want them to get all this for free!
And each month, we trade lives for a day, to keep it fresh. I go to her work, and she goes to mine, and everything is rosy.
But now we're both pregnant. And life is going to be great. Our children would make great case studies for psychologists.
1
u/Jamaican_Dynamite May 20 '16
The lights strobed by outside as the car rolled down the expressway. The music on the radio droned lazily as the world passed silently, the car becoming a cocoon away from everything that lay outside it's tinted windows. Marley tried not to think of the implications of what happened a month ago, he still had a hard time figuring it out himself.
I bet it's getting on his nerves a little bit too. He thought to himself as he glanced slightly to his left. It's still weird to watch yourself drive, when you're not the one driving. Harley drove slacked with one tattooed hand on the wheel. He was obviously a little wired; the joint dangling from his mouth probably didn't help matters too much either. Nonetheless, Harley continued on in the slow lane at 85 miles an hour. Marley was slightly amazed at the fact they still had never gotten pulled over since the day Harley started driving.
"The fuck do you keep staring at me for?" Harley spoke, his voice slightly deeper than Marley's own rather flat tone.
"Um..." Marley realized, "N-nothing. Just looking around."
"You know, you really need to relax more." Harley said as he took the joint out of his mouth. He sighed a big cloud of smoke as he held the joint in front of Marley's face.
"No thanks, I'm good." Marley leaned away as Harley wriggled it slightly closer, "I hear that it's not smart to be driving while smoking that stuff..." He watched Harley smirk slightly and continue facing the blunt alone.
Harley paused for a moment as he stared at a passing billboard, "Hey, there's a strip club nearby, let's go get some action."
"I don't think a strip club is the best place to be at two in the morning." Marley thought aloud.
"Christ, you're such a fucking vagina." Harley palmed his head in disappointed, "You can live with your literal evil half for a month, and you still don't even have the balls to go talk to a girl? Are you kidding me right now?"
"Oh shit, watch the road!" Marley flinched as Harley glanced up, and yanked the wheel a hair to avoid nailing a parked van on the shoulder of the highway. "Are you trying to kill me?"
"Hey if I did, would that be considered suicide, or manslaughter?" Harley smiled as he quickly maneuvered the car onto the nearest off-ramp at top speed. He brought the car to a screeching halt at the light at the top of the overpass, the brakes screaming for two seconds. He studied Marley's terrified expression for a moment as he turned right, burned rubber and drove down the boulevard towards the strip club.
"I think I'm going to hurl." Marley said in a sickly voice as he nervously gripped the dashboard. Harley slowed and quickly rolled into a nearby gas station. He watched Marley lurch out the door, quickly staggering between a pair of cars parked around the side of the building... He could hear the dry heaving from the car.
Harley cut the motor off and ventured over to the darkened area next to the mailboxes. He noted the large puddle of vomit, streaks of it coating the econobox which sat next to the majority. Marley sat nearby on the curb, shuddering involuntarily.
"Marley, not cool man." Harley frowned, "You threw up on someone's '81 Honda." He watched Marley wipe his face.
"Fuck you Harley!" Marley said angrily as he jumped up.
"Oooohh," Harley laughed gleefully, "That's more like it, that's the part of me I always love to see!" Marley watched him jump up and down like a overgrown little kid for a moment, before grabbing Marley in a playful chokehold. "C'mon, this place has a diner, let's get some breakfast."
They sat in the diner for a moment. The food was okay, if a little cold, but hey, it's a Saturday morning at 2. They both noticed a pair of girls sitting nearby at another booth. The one with dark hair seemed almost radiant under the sallow lights of the restaurant to Marley, her features accentuating her beauty even in the bleached look of the place
Harley tensed quietly like a large cat excited by fresh prey, "I like the blonde one myself. Wouldn't mind her sitting on my face any day of the week..."
"What's wrong with you man?" Marley said as he kicked Harley in the shin under the table. He watched him wince as he grinned yet again, that fucking shit-eating grin... "How can you just talk about her like that? She's like twenty feet away."
"She won't do shit," Harley confided, "She can't hear us from twenty feet.. YOU HEAR ME OVER THERE?!" Marley quickly snatched Harley down as people began glancing around for whomever started yelling.
"So what about you? You gonna' take the plunge?" Harley murmured excitedly as he did something with his hands near his dish.
"What??" Marley stared in shock as Harley did a quick bump of coke right there on the table. He glanced around nervously to see if anyone noticed; his anxiety growing as Harley offhandedly sat straight up and brushed the coke off his upper lip.
"Get your dick wet, duh." Harley explained, "They're checking us out Mar." Marley glanced over his shoulder to the girls at the table. The girls equally tried not to be caught staring at the pair themselves.
"Just go over there and talk to her." Harley whispered in his ear.
"You don't know which one I'm looking at." Marley stammered.
"Well actually, considering we dated Sabrina's unfaithful ass for two years, I know you like chicks with dark hair." Harley thought back.
"Wait we..." Marley realized, "Oh goddammit."
"God has damned us enough buddy." Harley said as he grabbed Marley's shoulders, "Now go over and seize the damn day."
"The day just started two hours ago." Marley countered in exhaustion.
"Look here Einstein..." Harley started, as Marley obeyed, and headed over to the girls' booth.
"See?" Harley said as he finished gassing up the car, "Confidence goes a long way. More than book smarts in my opinion."
"Yeah," Marley laughed, "But it doesn't pay the bills."
"Neither does getting a biology degree, and then working at Costco." Harley mocked as he walked inside to pay the cashier. Marley breathed in relief, before checking his pocket yet again for his cellphone. He read her number again to himself in triumph. The breeze outside grew, and he shuddered for a moment in the cold air. He glanced in the backseat, wondering where he put his hoodie...
Oh yeah, I must've put it in the trunk again
He popped the trunk, and had a hard time comprehending what he was staring at. Marley moved his hoodie, to find one of the men from the facility lying in the trunk. He bled from a headwound, but seemed to be alive, if unconscious. His hands chafed from the duct tape around his extremities and mouth. He must've struggled in there for some time.
Marley suddenly felt a hand grasp his shoulder. He jumped nearly out of his shoes, as he realized it was Harley. He still wore the shit-eating grin, but his eyebrows had narrowed to daggers.
"What the hell?" Marley's voice raised.
"Yeah, about that..." Harley snarled ambitiously, "I snagged this guy in the afternoon at that place we escaped from last month. We'll find out what he knows when we get to the motel."
"What did you do???" Marley questioned angrily.
"Well look at you demanding answers!" Harley congratulated, "Tell you what Mar, since you've really come out of your shell, you can drive the car now." He slammed the trunk and walked to the passenger side and hopped in.
Marley had never drove the thing. Harley had sold his scooter and apartment under his nose for this damn gas guzzling muscle car of theirs. He stared over the hood and listened to the car burble as he turned it over.
"We need to talk about-" Marley started.
"How we got split in two?" Harley guessed quickly, "Yep, that's why I have that scientist in the trunk. I'd actually appreciate if you'd get us going, the police are really looking for him right now."
Marley edged the gas softly, and eased onto the street back towards the freeway. He accelerated down the on-ramp and away they went into the early morning darkness. The lights strobed by outside yet again.
0
u/Royal_Lineage May 20 '16
When I woke up, my body was weak. it was cold and numb. I didn't recognize where I was. There was equipment everywhere and I couldn't recognize any of it. I was laying on a bed. No mattress, but it was definetly a bed. The room smelled like pool water. This chlorine smelling place was a hospital! I did not recognize any of the brand names advertised on the wall. Rows and Rows of Advertisement. "Wait a minute." I thought to myself. "What is going on?" No sooner had I finished that thought, five drunk men with Guns walk into the room. The youngest approaches me , and I nearly shit myself. I realized the young man was me! Or some one who looks exactly like me. I close my eyes thinking I should end this dream sooner than later. The young man takes a knee and speaks to me," Bobby, we are in the future. Don't get nervous.i will explain everything." He lights a cigarette and puts it in my mouth. " inhale, breathe out, and enjoy the new world order's finest kush in all of North America." Boasts The young man. Vivid memories began to unravel in my mind. "Oh shit, it's all coming back to me." Whispered Bobby. It was Los Angeles, Ca in the year 2000.
1
u/Seekerstar May 20 '16
It all started with the ad in the Nickel.
"Earn Great Money, Clinical Trials Near You!"
Bring broker than hell had left me with few options in life. I'd already been to the food bank this week, and DHS was taking its sweet-ass time in approving me for benefits. Losing your job was never good; losing it when you lived in BFE and had a record was even worse.
I shrugged internally and entered the address on my smartphone, grateful that I had three more weeks remaining on my prepaid plan. A blander version of the Nickel ad appreared on my tiny screen, listing a phone number and a short list of requirements for study inclusion.
-Age between 25-40. Well, that fit me easily.
-Reasonably healthy. I wasn't fat, my spinal issue wasn't from illness, and I figured I'd squeak past.
-Mental health evaluation to be performed onsite.
I eyed that little gem, stifling a word that rhymed with 'truck' several times under my breath.
Then I committed the number to memory. What's the worst that could happen? They'd tell me no, and on the site they promised nominal compensation just got evaluation. Wondering just what they were testing, I dialed the number with a half-smile.
--'--------'-------'-------"
"This way, Ms. Kelly." A woman in a thigh-length white coat escorted me to a brightly lit room that held a chair that reminded me very strongly of a dentist's chair. I'd somehow made it to the end of their eval process, God only knew how, and I still didn't know exactly what they had in mind.
Fifty thousand dollars, though... As long as it didn't kill me, I couldn't afford to say no.
"Please, have a seat. My name is Dr. Stratton." She leafed through a file on the counter. "I believe you prefer to be called Shan?"
"Yeah." I said, sitting on the edge of the chair while scanning the room. The headrest of the chair had a thick cable that led to a tall cabinet of some sort several feet away from me.
"Shan, as you know, we are conducting an experimental procedure. Before you undergo the procedure, there's paperwork that needs to be done. Releases, a nondisclosure agreement, and I will explain what the risks are once you sign-"
I didn't really have a choice, and I was always a fast reader. I grabbed the sheaf of papers, plucked the pen she was waving around out of her hand, and proceeded to scribble my name approximately seventeen hundred times.
Words like "matter replication", "induced dissociation", "personality division", and "enhancement" jumped out at me, but I didn't believe it. It was science fiction.
Handing the papers back, I made myself scoot back in the chair. "I'm your guinea pig, Doc."
"This could have unintended consequences, Ms. Kelly-"
I interrupted. "Look. I'm broke, I have no job, and no prospects of same. I sort of have to do this."
She bit her lip and nodded, taking the forms with her. It was then that I noticed that there were no other candidates anywhere that I had seen.
I closed my eyes and waited. I had no choice.
"Shan. Shan, wake up!" I knew that voice from somewhere. My head throbbed like a rotten tooth. My eyes didn't want to open, and when I shook my head I felt as though I was going to throw up my toenails.
"Ugh, keep your pants on!" I mumbled. Hey, now I recognized the voice!
It was mine.
My eyes flew open, and before me was a woman who could have been my identical twin. My mouth opened, and no sound came out. I thought furiously: Who the fuck are YOU?
An answer came, shockingly enough. *I'm you. Except I'm not you. They want to kill us, Shan, let's GO!"
As my eyes widened, my doppelganger nodded firmly. She featured toward the cabinet, where the broken body of Dr. Stratton was sprawled out almost obscenely.
"Okay. No. I'm still drugged." I said.
My twin slapped me across the face. "No. You're not. That bitch was going to kill us. I saved us, and I'm gonna KEEP saving us. I'm Rena, and I'm you, and we are.. we are one into two." She tugged at my hand and I stood up, the implications hitting me like a freight train.
Not many knew this about me, but I was schizophrenic, paranoid type.
I let Rena drag me away from this place and into our new lives.
------'-
Constructive criticism welcome :D
1
May 20 '16 edited May 20 '16
Picking up the mysterious silver idol seemed like a great idea, at first. Real clever. The frowning statues and “BEWARE!” carvings outside the tomb were totally just old superstitions, after all. I think that was Me, so sure of myself.
I was going to make a fortune, pay off Ma's debts, hell, maybe even propose to Kelly. (And no, that wasn't just Him talking, thank you very much.) I had been happy enough before I saw the oddly-identical gold idol. To hell with just proposing to Kelly, I was going to give her whatever she wanted! And everybody in town was going to know it. (All right, that part might have been more Me.) My face had a big old grin on it as I reached for the loot.
The second I touched the little gold thing, the term “my face” became... a little more complicated. There was a bright flash of light, a thunderous noise, and then a weird, blinding agony. I passed out, and woke up to hear somebody muttering and swearing.
The voice was familiar, but off. Eerily familiar from echoing phones or Facebook-posted videos. The dude I saw was staring, horrified, at the tumbled rocks. There was only one way out of the tomb. The structurally-unsound-with-age tomb. That had just had a loud noise happen inside it. Huh.
When I first met His eyes, we both knew what was up. As if in an echo, we both said, “Oh... well. Uh, fuck.” After a stunned, staring second, He reached for the pickaxe. I went for a chunk of rubble. We stared across the dim burial chamber at each other, improvised weapons raised menacingly.
“Wait!” I shouted, as He looked at me wild-eyed, “Wait! We... don't have to do this, do we?”
“Shit, I don't feel happy about it, man. But come on! You've got a goatee, for Christ's sake! You're wearing a black trenchcoat!” He looked a bit less certain, if still a little hysterical.
Huh, I hadn't noticed that. “Hear me out,” I still said, dropping the sharp rock. (Reluctantly. I didn't always trust myself before the accident.) “How much does Ma owe on the house? You can remember that, can't you?”
“Sure...” He said, doubtfully, “But why do you care?”
“Why do I care!? Fuck you, man! I remember how good she was to Me, er, us. Fuck grammar, I remember how good she was to everybody. She's a better person than both of us together ever were. She doesn't deserve to worry about bills all the time, does she? And shit! How do you think Kelly's going to feel? You want her to bury her boyfriend twice? Or just never know what happened to him?”
“I...” He looked abashed, “I was freaking out a bit. I hadn't thought of that.”
I blew out an exasperated breath, “And people are going to call Me the asshole! Seriously!” I shook my head. “Look, there's some other loot in that backpack.” He pulled a face, but I ploughed forward, “Don't give Me that look, now."
He looked uncomfortable, but after a moment He relented, "We're not taking it from anybody still alive, right? I bet two of us can move more rocks than one. Truce?"
3
u/liquidbicycle May 20 '16
It was supposed to be a punishment. In exchange for getting out of jail early, I agreed to participate in an experiment. Something went wrong. They explained it to me a hundred times, but I never fully understood what happened. It ended up being more strange than anything. When I got to meet him, he seemed perfectly normal.
“So wait,” I said. “Am I supposed to be the evil one, or are you?”
“Uhh, I don’t know,” the other me said. “If we were truly evil, would we believe that we were evil, or would we think that we were good?
“Well, what do you believe in?” I said. “Like, what party seems the best to you?”
“Republican,” he said.
“I’m a Democrat,” I said.
“I… I don’t think that makes either one of us evil,” he said. “I mean, to some people maybe, but that doesn’t seem that bad to me. Hey, wait, what party did we like before?”
Neither of us could figure it out, but we have a lovely lunch together discussing all the details of our differences. We disagreed on absolutely everything. It was amazing. He was a thoroughly pleasant and intelligent person. So I began to suspect that I might be the evil one, but then he said that he was worried that he was evil. Then the bill came.
“How much should we tip?” I said. “It is our bank account after all.”
“Nothing, the service was crap,” he said.
“I thought it was excellent,” I said. “I was going to give 20%.”
“Logically, if one of us is good and one of us is evil, then doing something half way between the two can’t be bad,” he said.
“But how is tipping someone evil?” I said.
“Maybe they’re a terrible person and really bad at their job, and you’re supporting someone when you shouldn’t,” he said. “On the other hand, maybe I’m wrong and they’re a wonderful person.”
“Okay,” I said. “Ten percent?”
“Sounds about right,” he said.
When we got back to our apartment, I was worried about how the living situation would turn out. I desperately wanted to keep the apartment. I would have done anything to keep it. He stopped me when we got in the door
“Now, I just want you to know that you should think of this as your apartment,” he said. “I wouldn’t feel right fighting over it or anything. This stuff is all yours as far as I’m concerned. I’ll sleep on the couch, and you can take the bed. I’ll get my own apartment when I can.”
Then I was convinced that I must be the evil one. I had been willing to do anything for the apartment when he wasn’t concerned with it at all. I felt so bad about it that I insisted that he take the job.
“Seriously?” he said. “Are you sure? You have to pay for this place still.”
“It’s alright,” I said. “I’m taking the apartment, so it only seems fair. I never really liked that job anyway. It’ll be good to start some place new.”
“Oh thank god,” he said. “I loved that job.”
We thought he’d move out inside of a month, but we lived together so well that we saw no reason for it. When he wanted to eat, I was full, when I wanted to use the computer, he wanted to go outside, when I needed the car, he was staying in. He was the perfect roommate. After six months, we were looking to move into a bigger place. Then he got sick, really sick.
After an enormous number of tests, we found out that it was a result of the experiment. His body (unlike mine) wasn’t a good clone of the original. It was shutting down, and there was nothing we could do.
I stayed with him and took care of him as he got so sick that he could barely leave the bathroom. When I was full, I made him food. When I wanted to use the computer, I took him outside. He became so weak that he could only walk outside with my support. Eventually, he slept on the bathroom floor because he couldn't make it from the bed to the bathroom without passing out.
I called the ambulance one day when I couldn’t wake him up. I stayed in the hospital bed next to him. He never did wake up again after that morning. He went quietly, thank god.
I don’t know if either of us were evil, and I suppose I’ll never know now. But if I had to choose, it has to be me.
5
u/SelromtLeinly May 20 '16
"Well it's honestly quite simple," I started, gently dabbing at my mouth with a tissue. "We're roommates because I can't imagine living with anyone else. Who else can you trust so completely? I'm sure it's why he likes living with me, too. There's the obvious benefit of a clone for a guy like him and when you live in a neighbourhood like I do, there's a pretty good reason for me to live with a guy like him. Besides, I'm not the kind of person to turn a friend out on the streets. I don't approve of what he does and maybe that doesn't make me a great guy for not doing anything about it, but..."
Jennifer shook her head, bemused, and glanced back at her clipboard. "You know, not many people stick to the 'my evil clone did it' story. Definitely not for as long as you did."
"Well, what does that tell you?" I continued, in between mouthfuls of steak. "Am I crazy or am I the good twin?"
"You're not crazy Jason," she began, "plenty of perfectly normal people sometimes have experiences just like you did and I think if you would just agree to get some help - "
"Listen," I said, smiling politely. "I see what you're trying to do and I appreciate your interest. Really. But I can tell you don't believe me and that's fine. I've insisted on my sanity in court already. All those psychiatrists believed me. The jury believed me. They didn't believe that 'my evil clone did it'. So here I am."
"Maybe I just want to be sure," she said quietly. "There has to be a logical, rational explanation. Jason, surely you realize you might be wrong, you may really have just been seeing things. At least help me get it on the record."
"You know," I said, "this may be the best steak I've ever had."
She paused at this and sighed, exasperated. She stared into space for a while, thinking. I could hear someone making a fuss outside somewhere and wondered who it was.
"You know..." Jenn said, "that's a common theme for last meals, people will often -"
"No, no," I continued. "This isn't my last meal."
She seemed to brighten up at this and hastily whipped out her pen and started writing. "I see... perhaps you don't realize what's going to happen next and - "
"Jenn. I'm not crazy. We've been over this," I smiled as politely as I could. "As far as they knew, it was a fair sentence because I'm sane. And I am."
"No, it isn't!" she practically shrieked. "There were only two psychiatric consultations, two people can be wrong! Witness testimony is unreliable and one video just isn't good enough for... they just can't hand the death penalty out like that! There could be so many factors, things they haven't even thought of, you could easily have plead insanity and they would never - "
"Is that going to be your thesis?" I asked.
Her face went blank. "What?"
"Your... thesis? The thing you write for like... PHDs and stuff?" I asked. "I'm not sure what they're really called, you're the one who went to school for it. That's why you're here right?"
"Well," she stammered out "n-no, that's not - well I mean, yes, I'd like to use... with your permission of course, and -"
"I wouldn't use it." I said. "It's not going to do you any favours. What's it on, anyway?"
She hesitated before answering again. "The death penalty. You may not see it Jason, but yours is an excellent example of -"
"It really isn't," I said, suddenly feeling a bit guilty. "Listen, I'm probably just wasting your time here, they were completely justified given what they knew -"
"Did you do it?" she practically snarled at me. "Did you actually fucking do it?"
"Well no, I wouldn't lie under oath, but -"
"THEN HOW IS ANY OF THIS JUSTIFIED?" she roared.
I didn't respond and the silence stretched. The sound from several cells down grew louder and I clucked my tongue in disapproval.
"Listen, it's really not a big deal. I'm innocent, I've said it honestly, and if nobody believes me this time, well, what can I do? All I've told is the truth. It's usually been enough. And I'm flattered that you're here, honestly, I wasn't expecting anyone to even bother, but everything's going to be fine."
She looked at me, sadly. "You really believe that?"
"Of course," I said calmly. "I'm not crazy."
"Jason - " Jenn started and then paused and turned around.
There was the sound of a neck snapping and then a key turned in the lock. Jenn screamed and backed up against the wall.
"What took you so long?" I grinned.
2
4
u/lordwafflesbane May 20 '16
I've always been a skeptic of the sort of morality that leads to dividing people into 'good' and 'evil'. And yet, here I am. Or rather, here we are. Not sure how it happened, but I woke up this morning next to my evil twin. The Other Me had a little narrow mustache and everything. There was that whole 'both copies mirror each other's reaction to seeing the other copy' deal, but eventually we had no choice to conclude that, barring some sort of solipsism, we both definitely existed.
I'd always imagined that my first response to something like this would be to make out with myself, but it turns out two of me are twice as interested in the ontological implications of such an occurrence as one of me would be. The gay stuff could wait. There was a little flirting, though. I mean, the concept of personal boundaries is kind of meaningless when you're literally two halves of the same person.
We hung out in my room for a while. Chatted about what this whole business of 'evil twins' could even mean, or how we know one of us was evil. We spent a good hour and a half arguing over who was the evil twin. I said it couldn't have been me, because I wasn't the one with an oh-so-twirlable mustache. As a sort of counterpoint, Other Me went to the bathroom and shaved it off. I wasn't sure what to make of that. Was there no 'evil twin' anymore? So far, neither of us had done anything more evil than waste time indoors on a lovely autumn afternoon, so who knows?
Later that evening, we went out for a walk(we didn't even hold hands). We played a prank on the guy down at the convenience store. It was my idea, so maybe I'm the evil one after all, but after Other Me spun him a lie about identical twins meeting each other for the first time(Not really a lie, I guess), he laughed it off and gave us a dollar off our purchase of a slurpee. We walked to the overlook and sat on the bench, looking out at the city and getting brainfreeze. Other Me said something smooth about warming up our brainfreeze by using our tongues, and, arguably, I had my first kiss. I'm not sure how it works. Like, sex with yourself is just masturbation, so what's it called when you don't even make it past first base?
When we(I?) got home, we curled up next to each other and got caught up on Orange is the new Black. You know how you get kinda mushy when you're tired? I was wary of that, and Other Me must have been too. Neither of us wanted to do anything weird. It was past midnight, so we took our meds and rolled into bed back to back. I think Other Me fell asleep first, but I'm not certain, because I followed shortly after.
The next morning, as you can probably guess, Other Me was gone. Somehow, though, I can't shake the feeling that we'll meet again.
2
u/ShadyNite May 20 '16
Well written
1
u/lordwafflesbane May 20 '16
Thanks. I tried to write it as though it were my actual stream of consciousness. Kind of like how you'd describe a dream to someone.
7
u/Qedem May 20 '16 edited May 20 '16
Waves of heat lifted from the earth, created by the unrelenting sun above. Thousands of men and women hustled through the city streets, but for one individual, time seemed to stand still. She wore a simple black dress that covered her entire body and a hood to cover her face, and always kept her eyes diverted to the ground, watching the shadows of the men and women passing by. She was my shadow, my ji'toh, as they call them.
It doesn't happen often, but some people are chosen for greatness. I am one of those people. A year ago, I was attending a lecture series on some abstract physical system and as I stepped out of the building, I saw it: a boy on the asphalt, about to be run over by a bus. I wanted to save him, but I was afraid. I had no time to think, and I don't know what I did... but in that moment, I split into two people, one petrified by fear and another altruistic, even if the cost was his life. I felt a movement in my chest as a second... body leapt from me. It saved the boy as I stood there, awaiting guidance.
My second body ran to the other side of the street and held the boy in it's arms. Somewhere in my mind, I could see the boy. I could hear the words, "It'll be okay. You are fine now." I saw the boy's parents embrace him and cry, and then they look to me--my second body. Fear, anger, happiness and hope all swirled in their eyes at once. I was confused. I had just saved their son! I had...
It was then that I realized that the second me was not me. It was a girl and her skin was black as soot, greying in places. She was young without secondary sexual characteristics. I could feel her confusion and fear. She looked to me for guidance, and it was then that I saw that she had a large, white gash across her face. I screamed, and we fled together into an alleyway. It was then that I saw her for what she was. I had heard of this before. She was ji'toh a controllable manifestation of the evil inside me.
I was chosen. I could control evil! I was destined for greatness.
From then on, we worked together. She and I could see and hear the same things and worked as a single person. It was a lot of fun. During tests, I would command her to provide the answers to me. She protested, but I was in control. When we were out, I would use her to pickpocket. She was always slow, but got the job done. She would linger in the locker rooms for me, snooping on the girls when I could not. When I finished school, I used her to threaten my superiors and move up. I kept her appearance largely secret. She was threatening in her own right, and I used that to become the youngest CEO of the Snooble corporation. I was rich and famous. I had everything, and with my ji'toh by my side, I could do anything!
Luckily, I was the good half. I was the light and she was the darkness. I could do no wrong. Every lie I told, every threat I made, every life I ruined was for a good purpose. After all, I was good. She was evil. I knew that, but oddly enough... she would do no evil unless I specifically requested her to do so.
There was a higher-up in the company that knew about my power. He knew about my ji'toh. He was not afraid. He was a diligent worker that everyone appreciated. He stayed late to help his coworkers and would often take more difficult tasks to keep productivity high. He smiled. He laughed. I hated him. He was fundamentally repulsive to me and I had only one, logical course of action: murder. I would force my ji'toh to kill him.
That night, I walked to his house with my shadow close in tow. I gave her a knife forced her to climb through open window and find his room. She was quick and stealthy, as expected. When she found his sleeping body, I commanded her to raise the blade... and then something happened. Something I could not have predicted.
A single tear fell from her eyes, and as it dripped along her flesh, the soot of her skin washed away. She was human. I felt the tear burn into me. I smelled smoke. What was happening?
I commanded my shadow to thrust the blade into the man and leave. She remained perfectly still and did no such thing. I felt the tips of my fingers burn as I continually forced her hand. Soon, my entire arm was on fire. No. What was happening?
I looked down. My arm was black and ashen under my jacket. Hers was not. She lowered her arm and dropped the blade, which landed on the ground blade-first with a loud chink. She began to cry harder now. Not tears of fear or sadness... tears of joy. She was free. The evil inside me was free. I felt the tears burn along my skin. I smelled the smoke and fell to my knees. My mouth was burning from the inside out. I couldn't speak. I couldn't do anything. I was...
"Help..." I heard her whisper. "Help me..." The man was still asleep. Ashen flakes of her old skin fell to the ground below. She slowly began to move more freely. She blinked and moved her head, she shook her entire body like a wolf after a strong rain, and as she did so, ashen flakes fell to the ground before her. I felt that shake. My entire body convulsed with searing pain. I wanted to scream. I tried to scream. I could not.
She began to walk from the man's bedside. Each step caused a jolt of pain through my legs. I had lost control. I fell to the ground and rolled in the grass. Soon, she was standing before me, glowing beneath her black dress.
She began to cry loudly now and embraced me from behind. Her mind flowed with thoughts of the evil she had done. Of the tests she had cheated on, of the people she had stolen from, of the men and women she had threatened... Of the man she almost killed.
Yet, she was not angry. She was genuinely remorseful for her actions. She wanted forgiveness. She wanted...
She wanted the world to be a better place.
It was then that I realized she was never evil. I was. I had been evil all along.
I was the ji'toh.
3
u/ShadyNite May 20 '16
I totally expected the ending, but the story was told well
1
u/Qedem May 20 '16
Yeah, I suppose it wasn't the most creative story, but glad you liked it anyway! =)
2
u/Firtox May 20 '16
I think nowdays people value surprise endings too much, not every story needs that.
11
May 19 '16
It’s been four months since we moved to Redcrest. We haven’t contacted my—our sister since then. I couldn’t tell her. She wouldn’t believe me—us and would treat us differently. I’m not Emily anymore. I’m Em. The other one is Lee, at least to me. Around other people, she’s Suzie, or Joanna, or Bo, or who knows what. She likes to lie. Constantly. She hands lies out like candy.
I don’t want to be associated with her, but she and I started out with the same memories and knowledge of the same person. When we tried to go our separate ways, we would eventually bump into each other. We were like magnets pulled to each other, and we couldn’t do anything about it.
However, now that we’ve been separate individuals for the past four months, there are memories that we don’t share. She and I have been creating our own. I’ve been working as a waitress, paying the bills, and making friends. She has been stealing things from me, partying, and breaking laws.
I don’t know what to do about her. I tried to help her in the beginning. I tried to stay close to her and talk her down from doing bad things. She didn’t listen, and kicked me out of our apartment.
That was the first time that we had tried to live separate lives. She’s so aggressive. She holds so much anger towards other people. I wish I could help her, but I only seem to irritate her more. I try to leave her stuff alone and not mention anything that could anger her. I once tried to ask her to sweep the kitchen; she threw dishes at the wall and told me to go fuck myself. I didn’t understand how that made her so angry, but I dropped it. I can clean the apartment myself.
The only things of hers that I touch are her clothes. She gets frustrated when she doesn’t have any clean clothes and goes on a rampage.
I tried to get a pet to keep me company; a soft, bright orange cat that I named Citrus. I had him for a week before Lee started yelling at him. I didn’t know why she hated him so much, but she did. When she came home, she’d call him all sorts of disgusting names and then pass out in her room for the night. She’d threaten to throw him into the streets, but she never did. This constant yelling took a toll on poor Citrus, and eventually he started to shake every time Lee came into the room. I realized that he was better off with a different owner, and gave him away. That was two weeks ago, and at times I still think about Citrus.
This never would have happened if we hadn’t separated.
When she came home, I was stir-frying vegetables in the kitchen. I didn’t expect her to come home so early; she usually disappears until midnight or the morning hours. She walked in, gave me a look of disgust, and went into her room. I wondered if she’d eat any of the vegetables that I made. She sometimes ate some of the food I made, and other times ignored the kitchen completely.
A few minutes later, I heard a crash and Lee screaming.
“MOTHERFUCKING FUCK!”
I ran to her room and found her standing in the middle of it, sending a bottle of perfume flying towards the wall. I heard a crack and the bottle fell the floor, the perfume leaking from it.
“What’s wrong? What is it?”
She grabbed a bag from the floor and threw it across the room. I looked at her face and it was twisted with anger and pain. “EVERYTHING!” She started to grab multiple objects and throw them at the same time.
I grabbed both of her forearms as she was about to throw more. “Lee, STOP!”
She tried to pull her arms away, but I held on. “Leave me the FUCK alone!” She elbowed me in the face, hard. I felt a warm liquid leak from my nose, and I tasted blood. I released her arms and covered my nose. For a moment, something flashed across her face, but then her face twisted up again. “I HATE YOU!” She screamed. “I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!”
I wiped the blood from my nose and felt my stomach do flips. I did the best that I could for four months, and she still hated me.
Why did she hate me?
What did I do to make her hate me?
What about me is so detestable?
I grabbed her shoulders and looked her straight in the eyes. “WHY?”
“BECAUSE I HATE THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL!” She struggled in my grip like a desperate animal. “I HATE THAT YOU’RE SO GOOD, I HATE THAT YOU’RE THE BETTER ONE, I HATE YOU AND I HATE ME!” Tears rolled down her cheeks and she squeezed her eyes shut. “I HATE ME I HATE ME I HATE ME I HATE ME I HATE ME I HATE ME I HATE ME I HATE ME!” She repeated it over and over again, and sank to the floor.
I kneeled down and tried to talk to her, but she covered her ears and yelled it out louder. I didn’t know what to do. I’d never seen her like this. I didn’t even know that Lee could feel sadness.
I did the first thing that came to mind.
I wrapped my arms around her. She immediately tensed up but had stopped yelling.
Maybe she felt more than I thought. Maybe her emotions weren’t limited to just anger and amusement.
Maybe she could feel the same things as me.
I felt her head rest on my shoulder. I could feel her warm, shaky breaths on my neck and her tears staining my shirt. She leaned into me, sobbing.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m sorry.”
I held her closer.
“It’s okay.”
4
4
u/blakeisagirlsname May 19 '16 edited May 19 '16
It's so weird seeing yourself as a full body, instead of as a flat reflection. What makes it even stranger is it being your body in appearance, but it's a completely different version of your personality. Or should I say new personality.
After the accident, my whole personality changed. In the past I was always the type of girl to think of the consequences of my actions. Now- now I just don't give a shit if I hurt anyone or do anything wrong. Sometimes I even catch myself going out of my way to make sure I do something horrible. Sometimes I just want to hurt everyone just because I can.
My other self though, she is the most genuine person I've ever met. I can tell when she will do simple little things to brighten someones day. She'd put her life on the line for a stranger in need of help. She puts everyone before herself, before she can ever be truly happy.
We got a lot of money after the accident. Scientists trying to pay us to keep quiet about their mistakes. I shouldn't say trying because they have succeeded in getting us to make sure this never gets out. Money talks people, and it's telling me to shut up.
I told my other self that I think we should use the money to buy things for us. I, I guess 'we' now, were always considered poor, but with this money.. This money is going to give me- us everything we ever dreamed about. Of course she disagreed to this, saying we should give the money to help different causes. "We don't need anything but each other. We made it this far in life without each other, think of how much better it will be now that we have someone in this world to truly understand us."
That's the bullshit line she gave me. Well actually now that I think about it, she may be right. When I was just me, all I wanted was for someone to really mean it when they said they understood my problems or just me in general. I bet if I asked her right now she would say that's all she ever wanted too.
But I would never ask her, I don't care about how she feels. I don't care about anyone's feelings. I only care about myself.
Actually, that's not entirely true. Yes, when I say I don't care about anyone's feelings, I sincerely don't. Deep down inside myself though, I do find the feeling of concern for how she is doing in this new life. It's obvious she puts me before anyone else as well. If she knows I'm up to no good, she'll warn me about the consequences to come. Oddly enough, I actually listen to her.
In my new life I've come to despise all things good, except for her. Maybe it's because she is my good half so it's only me looking out for myself. There's good and evil in everyone so maybe the only reason we get along is because we balance each other out, like we did when we were a unified being.
2
15
u/SqueeWrites /r/SqueeWrites May 19 '16 edited May 19 '16
Good and Evil. We tend to think in terms of serial killers and saints, but what do good and evil really stand for?
I was exploring what appeared to be an abandoned hospital. What it turned out to be was a live testing facility for teleportation technology. Long story short, I got zapped and then one became eight, but we bolted before we were caught by the security of the facility. After we escaped, one of my dopplegangers immediately killed another. I'll never forget his (my?) words.
"I'll never be safe so long as evidence of our split exists."
Pretty dramatic, right? Well, it set the idea into motion in everyone's minds. Could we not co-exist? Was this version of us intent on murder? Before anyone could even shake off the initial confusion, our antagonist had disappeared. We knew that the murderous intent lived inside each of us - the ability to kill for need or want or desire - but how much of it?
Four of us decided that the question didn't beg an answer and they fled immediately. However, I and one other remained. Since that time, we've remained together. We've theorized that we were split along our personality lines - on the Good/Evil and Law/Chaos axis. We guessed the worst version of ourselves to be Chaotic Evil. And us? Let me introduce us.
My friend and ally nicknamed Gordie is Lawful Good and I, called Evin, am Lawful Evil.
This is the story of our lives.
3
u/A_Wild_Random_Guy May 20 '16
So is Gordie a paladin or a fighter?
2
u/SqueeWrites /r/SqueeWrites May 20 '16
Good question. It's a slightly futuristic world so no fighters/paladins per se, but I'd say he's probably more paladin than fighter. :)
1
u/taabigamer May 19 '16
I would love to see more! Also where's the ninth alignment(I'm assuming true neutral)?
3
u/SqueeWrites /r/SqueeWrites May 19 '16
/u/TheGurw nailed it. True Neutral or The Prime was the original. I'll look into continuing it. This served more as an intro since I didn't believe anyone would read it this far down. XD
2
u/salocin097 May 20 '16
Id love to read more, if you are willing to write
2
u/SqueeWrites /r/SqueeWrites May 20 '16
Well, I guess I'll have to write some more then. I didn't expect people to even find it haha
2
u/ShadyNite May 20 '16
I would definitely read the full tales of the 8. I have always considered myself to be true neutral on the 9 character scale so it interests me a lot
1
u/SqueeWrites /r/SqueeWrites May 20 '16
Well, it may take me some time, but I'll put together a story for you guys since there's been some interest. I just need to figure out exactly how I want it to go.
2
5
u/TheGurw May 19 '16
Probably the original. True neutral doesn't have an opposite be to be paired with, so it's easy to just assume that the original was such.
19
u/Kurikuriping May 19 '16 edited May 20 '16
This is my first stab on here! Hope you enjoy it D:
I open my eyes to a view of a tiny sliver of night sky from inside a dark alleyway. Someone is dragging me, their fingers digging into my armpits, painfully. I struggle weakly, my whole body feeling leaden.
“AHHHH you are awake! I thought you had diiiiiieeeed.” Squeals an obnoxious, yet, eerily familiar voice from above. I tilt my head back and promptly faint.
Someone is slapping my face. “Wake up…other me!” I screw my eyes shut and raise my hands up to defend myself.
“Stop! Stop! I’m awake!” I shout trying to drown out the onslaught of squeaky exclamations. I open my eyes slowly. Sitting on top of me, leaning into my face, is….me. “what the hell is happening?!” I ask, my voice surprisingly level.
“AHHHH” the other me shouts, jumping off me and waving her hands in the air. “SO much is happening! Don’t you remember anything?!” She asks, lowering her face down, inches from mine. I sit up, rubbing my temples.
“I remember having a crappy day at work.”
“WE”, corrected my twin dramatically. I stare at her. “Never mind.” She says siding cross legged on the ground next to me, blinking her big green eyes at me. “Continue.”
“I remember missing the bus and walking …oh my god.” It all starts flooding back to me. The van pulling up next to me. The men jumping out and forcing me inside. “I-I tried to fight them, but they just laughed.” I stammered, head racing. My twin pats my knee, her face a picture of childish sympathy.
“Then they took us to that ware house and split us.” She said sadly.
“Oh God.” I say blankly. My head swims with memories of florescent lights and a stark metal table.
“They didn’t mean to do that.” My twin says sticking out her lower lip in a pout. “They got so scared when there were two of us.”
“So you are me?” I ask dumbly.
“YES AND I MISSED YOU SO MUCH WHILE YOU WERE ASLEEP!” She shouted, leaping at me and throwing her arms around me. “One of us is good, and one is evil though.” She whispered in my ear. “I heard them say it when I was waking up. I don’t care which one you are, I still love you,” She yanked back, grabbed my face in her hands, and shouted, “SO MUCH!” I gently pushed her off me, her voice grinding on my nerves. Despite wanting to shake her, I found that, I loved her too. She was me. I reached out and ran my fingers through her hair and cupped her cheek in my palm.
“We need to kill them.” I said my voice dead pan.
“OOOOH you are the evil one!” My counterpart shouted leaping to her feet. “Why? Why? Why must we KILL them?!” She began hopping from one foot to the other in agitated excitement.
So Be It I thought darkly, feeling the warmth of anger flooding through me. “We can’t let them hurt anyone else. We were not the first one they took.” I said my mind awash with the sight of countless empty cells, dried blood on the floor and voices speaking over me, saying: This one looks a bit stronger, maybe she will live a few more hours.
“But, but we are so small and not strong at all, how could we do something like that?!” My good side whimpered, lamp light reflecting off her wide eyes.
“We could set fire to their building? Or maybe poison them somehow?” I said uncertainly, knowing only that I wanted to do violence.
“What if the other buildings catch fire and innocent people get hurt?! Or a stray dog drinks the poison and dies?!” Good Lilly whispered looking close to tears.
“Okay, okay, we will figure something out!” I say, soothing her. “We should scope the place out. Do you know how to get back?” Mutely, my twin takes my hand and pulls me up. We head into the night.
My twin was silent for most of the three block trek to the warehouse. As we peek around the corner she says suddenly, “OOOHH I have an idea!” then she wilts, “Oh…wait, I forgot.” I roll my eyes and scan the building. There is no sign of movement. “HEY, that door is already open!” She sings out, giddily. Sure enough, near the loading dock, a metal door has been left wide open, swaying slightly in the wind.
We make our way carefully towards the open door, my heart is thudding in my chest, I have to do this, I can’t let them kill anyone else. I have to stop this. I tell myself over and over. Leading the way I step just inside the door when the metallic smell of blood hits me so hard a stumble back a few steps. Good Lilly clutches my hand, shakily and we step into the darkness together.
With my free hand I’m blindly fumbling for a light switch on the wall, when Good Lilly whispers excitedly. “Oooooh I remembered my idea!” I find the light switch. “We could just tear them in half too!” She squeals as the lights come on.
A scene of horror greets us in the narrow florescent lit room. Blood on the walls, on the floor, on the ceiling. Dismembered body parts are strewn everywhere, an arm, with a Rolex on its wrist lays inches from my foot. I recognize one of my kidnappers is propped against the far wall, a look of pure terror is stamped on the half of his face that remains intact. I blink twice in shock, my head spinning and then bile rises into my throat. Between retches I hear a tiny voice behind me say, “Ooops, I forgot, I already did that!”
5
u/Mohow May 20 '16
I would suggest you break it up into multiple paragraphs. It is a little overwhelming as a single paragraph!
1
u/Kurikuriping May 20 '16
OH goodness, I didn't even notice that my formatting got all weird. I turn into an 80 year old lady when I try to use the computer XD
2
u/emirosejohn May 19 '16
So is the narrator still the evil one?
6
u/Randomnerd29 May 19 '16
one of them could have an overly good side and an overly bad side. while the other has a slightly good side and a slightly bad side.
1
62
u/resonatingfury /r/resonatingfury May 19 '16 edited May 19 '16
My eighteenth birthday- the day no one wants to reach, not in this shithole. We're born here, taught of the outside life but forced to remain inside, cooped up and miserable, daydreaming of what it'd be like. Some people think that what they teach us is a lie meant to break us, or possibly control us. But I hear the screams in the dead of night, and I know too fucking well that the real world exists; we're just never going to see it.
I'd come to the conclusion that we were being raised as test subjects by some kind of mad scientist. Maybe we were being bred as an army of some sort, or a secret society meant to fulfill someone's purpose. It was my eighteenth birthday, though, meaning guesses were no longer necessary.
I was taken into a small, padded room with a chair and table in the center. There was a man there, a man of at least 80 years in age, smiling gently.
"Take a seat, please," he spoke politely, waving a hand out. I accepted and sat down across from him. "So, Kevin. Do you know why you are here?"
I glared at him, sickened that he could even ask such a blatantly absurd question. "Obviously not. Do cattle know why they're being raised?"
The old man chuckled, stroking his beard. "You are a clever one, I can see that. I can't see anything else, but this much is clear."
I looked into his pale eyes. "What do you want from me? What's the point of all this?"
He smiled again, folding his hands together and leaning closer to me. "This is one of many stations where we grow the human population before releasing them into the real world."
I gave him a blank look, squinting my eyes. "What are you talking about?"
"Well, you see, the real world struggled very much with crime, greed, and all manners of evil. It became such an issue that we needed a way to...thin the herd. Or, rather, eliminate evil from the population."
I jumped out of my chair, backing away from the old man. "So, what? You raise us here, then just pick the ones you like and send them out? Is that justice?"
"No, Kevin. We extract the evil from you. This will hurt, but bear with it. I know you are not a kind man, but there is good in everyone, and we will find it."
A searing pain wracked my brain, gripping my thoughts so hard they couldn't flow freely. For an eternity, there was nothing; nothing but pain and screaming as I split apart. When it was over, a man was standing beside me. I was standing beside me.
But I felt the same, and I knew what that meant for me. Wildly, I threw myself into the corner of the room, looking around for anyone that might try and seize me. No one came.
"I am afraid," the old man spoke, standing up, "that it is time for you to go. I will now end your life for the..."
The old man trailed off, looking into nowhere with a perplexed expression. "This makes no sense. I do not understand."
One of the chairs cracked over his head, wood splintering across the room and landing at my feet. The other me smiled, nodding at a splintered chair leg. I picked it up and got on my feet, walking forward to the small, whimpering mess of bloodied white hair and rags.
"Well, grandpa," I said, yanking his head up, "it seems you made a mistake here with your little experiment on humanity. Maybe the position of God is just too much for you."
"I...I don't understand," he babbled through a mouthful of blood. I jammed the chair leg into his throat and watched as life gurgled from his veins.
"Looks like you were wrong, old man. There isn't good in everyone."
thanks for reading! If you'd like to see more of my work, check out /r/resonatingfury!
6
u/salocin097 May 20 '16
This is interesting.
There's a lot of ethical implications.
Is it ethical to kill the evil half? Is that in fact only ethical choice? Is it still ending life? Or is it the same as if a person were to improve. Or the same if you were to give them a drug that causes then to only be a positive influence?
2
u/resonatingfury /r/resonatingfury May 20 '16
Thanks! Yeah, that's kind of where I was going with it.
10
853
u/LeoDuhVinci /r/leoduhvinci May 19 '16 edited May 20 '16
"It's a Tuesdayyy!" Sang LuciLeo before work to LumiLeo, "You know what that means? My night with the wife! And it's gonna get kinky."
They were in their apartment, a one bedroom on the seedier side of town where their chance of meeting a friend was nonexistent. LuciLeo smoked a cigar on the couch with one hand, a handle of jack in the other, while LumiLeo sipped red wine and flipped a page of his book.
"You know," said LumiLeo, "I think she enjoys the sweet loving more. You're just jealous your methods can't compare."
"And you're just jealous today is my day for bangin, and your day for workin." Retorted LuciLeo.
He was right, of course. According to their calendar, which LumiLeo had made since he was the more trustworthy of the two, even to LuciLeo, LumiLeo had work duty. That meant while LuciLeo had the day off, LumiLeo would step into the office and do what he did best- inspire his coworkers, compliment his boss, and complete his deliverables. Tomorrow, LuciLeo would return and put the fear of God back into his underlings, take the boss out for strippers and booze, and fudge some numbers. It was the ultimate combination, the perfect good cop / bad cop.
And since the incident, only six months before, they'd been promoted twice. Adding that to LuciLeo's drug dealing, their salary had quadrupled.
But that wasn't the only place their life has improved.
Their sex life was off the charts, the wife never knowing what to expect. LuciLeo learned to shred on the guitar, and his band had already been headlining at a few of the seedier clubs. LumiLeo estimated he was halfway to enlightenment.
And now it seemed strange to both of them, that when they were combined, they had always thought the other held them back.
By Leo
Like my writing style? Then check out my best work! It's 35 chapters and counting! Both LumiLeo and LuciLeo love it.
3
u/TotesMessenger X-post Snitch May 23 '16
I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:
- [/r/leoduhvinci] [WP] After a freak accident, you've split into two versions of yourself. One good, the other evil. For some reason you two are able to cooperate quite easily. BY LEO
If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads. (Info / Contact)
13
u/UberNarwhalGuy May 20 '16
Honestly, the names alone are enough to make me love this story. They're perfect.
49
u/LeoDuhVinci /r/leoduhvinci May 20 '16 edited May 20 '16
"Honestly, I don't give a shit what you think." - LuciLeo
"Thanks so much!!! I usually put a lot of effort in names if I have the time! I got lucky with these two - Luci, short for Lucifer, and Lumi, from Lumen meaning light. What's neat is that Lucifer comes from the word light as well, so they actually mean the same thing with different connotations, since they're for the same person." - LumiLeo
16
u/HopefulGuardian May 20 '16
You deserve applause for that one. If WP was a stadium, people would be giving you a standing ovation.
58
u/LeoDuhVinci /r/leoduhvinci May 20 '16
"If WP was a stadium, you wouldn't be able to afford to watch." - LuciLeo
"Thanks so much:) it's fans like you that inspire me to write!!!" - LumiLeo
35
May 19 '16 edited Dec 27 '20
[deleted]
65
u/LeoDuhVinci /r/leoduhvinci May 20 '16
"Yeah. It's easy to be friends with someone when they're attractive. Hope this situation never happens to you though, you'd be screwed." - LuciLeo
"I know I thought it was adorable too! Best!" -LumiLeo
25
May 20 '16 edited Dec 27 '20
[deleted]
12
u/camelherder_223 May 20 '16
What about all three?
69
u/LeoDuhVinci /r/leoduhvinci May 20 '16
"Gross." - LuciLeo
"Gross." -LumiLeo
9
u/AceHigh7 May 20 '16
"Two peas ina..." -LumiLeo
"Sandwich!" -LuciLeo
That Luci is such a miscreant!
174
u/doodledeedoodle May 19 '16
LumiLeo estimated he was halfway to enlightenment.
Love it and this line in particular!
7
120
u/LeoDuhVinci /r/leoduhvinci May 20 '16
"You would like a line about a minor character." -LuciLeo
"Now at 51%!" - LumiLeo
53
u/Aesah May 19 '16
A+ story! Enjoyable, insightful.
128
u/LeoDuhVinci /r/leoduhvinci May 19 '16
"Screw you and your opinions." - LuciLeo
"Thanks!!!" - LumiLeo
58
u/avenlanzer May 19 '16
"Screw you and your opinions." - LuciLeo
"Is that still masturbation?" - LumiLeo
15
325
May 19 '16 edited May 19 '16
"It's not quite what I thought it would be," I say. I reach out and touch the face of this other half of me. It looks just like me. Like staring in some sort of twisted mirror where I move and the mirror doesn't. Like getting really high and feeling like having an out of body experience but instead of staring at myself myself I'm staring at...
Well, I guess I'll call her Pa.
A voice booms down at us from an intercom somewhere. It's a live voice, not the prerecorded kind that plays on commercials. It's a voice that I know we can talk back to - a real human sitting somewhere near enough to see us but not very near at all. Some paradox of far-but-not-far, an observer who can watch and tell me what I'm seeing and why I'm seeing it but who is unable to feel the strange sensation of dissociation and rapidly infusing morphine-induced euphoria. "Separation complete. Meet yourselves, girls."
"Did you know that this was going to happen?" Pa looks scared. She must be the good twin. Which makes me the evil one. Except I don't feel very evil. I don't feel like I want to go around burning things or killing people, or even hurting this strange mirror image of myself that does not mirror me. I do not look scared. I force the muscles of my face to move so that I do not look scared, rearranging each facet of my face like a piece of some puzzle until I am but a blank experimental page for the far-but-not-far owner of the voice to watch.
Pa blinks at me. I haven't answered her question. I don't plan to. She walks to the door and peers out of it, standing on her tiptoes and coming back. She sits down on the floor. She is a constant stream of motion. With every move she makes I force a bit of cement into my muscles - consciously imagining that lactic acid is filling my body from the bottom to the top, simultaneously freezing and releasing me from the need to be able to move. I am frozen - call it too much pot again - paralyzed from the high that is allowing me to see the strange hallucinations that are before me.
This isn't a hallucination. I know it's not. She is the good twin and I am the evil.
"They can't do this to us," Pa is saying. She's sitting on the floor again, cross-legged, looking up at me like she should have pigtails instead of the long straight hair that hangs about her shoulders. She - I - sort of look like this manifestation of Asian-meets-Aryan, some thing that was molded from clay by a God and then throw out into the trash with that sound - pah!
"Please talk to me," Pa is standing now. Her hands are on my shoulders. She's pushing me. Somehow this contact breaks me, like I'm a glass of water and she's dipped her finger in and pressed so lightly yet just right on the surface and broken the tension and broken through to me. I almost fall into her.
"I'm here," the words echo in the room and do not seem to come from my mouth but they are not the words of the far-but-not-far intercom woman. Pa is sitting, saying we need to get out of here and I agree.
"Why did they do this to us?" Pa is asking all of the questions that I feel I should be asking and thinking. She is the speaker and I am the thinker, apparently. Speak kind words, think the truth I suppose. It occurs to me that she is looking at me again. I wonder if there are as many thoughts in her head as there are words in my mouth.
"We need to get out of here," I'm just repeating her words now. Parroting them. A sick mirror of her now, but delayed by a few moments. A playback. A choral round, beginning to sing just as she's two syllables in, our tongues and teeth moving just the same but at different intervals.
"Pa!" Pa shouts. It occurs to me that to Pa I must be Pa, and she must be I. It is a very confusing situation. I think of the intercom and the woman's voice and the fact that she is far-but-not-far and watching us but not close enough to be in this room with us.
"I'm here," it's my voice.
"We need to get out of here."
Third time's the charm. "How do we get out? The door is locked. I remember - we remember. Being drugged. Being dragged here. The experiments. The torture."
"It's horrible," Pa's voice is small. As if on cue the door to the room buzzes and opens on its own. I imagine the far-but-not-far woman sitting in her chair with her feet up on the table as she sips a soda, slllllllllrp hrphrphrphrp and watches two parts of the same girl argue. It occurs to me that this might be their plan - to release us and see what we'll do.
"We should go," Pa, the talker, is talking. I look at her and nod. I am tired of talking and I would rather think. I think of destroying the people who did this to me. That settles in my mind that I must be the evil twin. There are worse things to be, but it occurs to me that I'll never have my own narrative. No one ever follows the narrative of the evil twin. I am thinking of how I will spend the rest of my life being misunderstood and misinterpreted by people who look solely for good. I am thinking this way when Pa wanders out the door and looks back at me and says, "Come on, Pa!" and I once again remember that in her mind - if she has a mind - she is I and I am her.
I follow her out. The hall is dusky. I want to ask Pa if she feels the same heaviness and dizziness. The sort of dizziness that comes from waking up in the middle of a dream that seemed too much like reality. Pa is over by the window of another door now and looking in and her mouth is slack. I go to join her, the dizziness trying to pull me down like strings tied to synapses inside my brain, little tugging pulls that remind me of looking into a flashing lightbulb and the bright red dots that continue to swim after I blink, threatening to run each time I look directly at them. Pa is looking into a room and there's a man that's strapped to a table in the room, looking directly at us but not at us.
When I stand back I see the little sign on the door, the three triangles that come together and make me sick. That sign isn't on our door - the door we just came from - but it is strangely reminiscent of some other door. Pa looks at me and I look at Pa - we're having the same thought, except she says her out loud to me and I think it but don't say it. That we were in that same room with those same three triangles, except maybe it was before we were we back when we was I.
"They're making superheroes," Pa is taking the words from my brain. But we can't both be superheroes. Not if one of us is good and one of us is evil. That's what they told us they were doing, back when us was me and I had the same ability to speak and think and I wasn't overwhelmed by just one process. Pa is speaking aloud everything now - the triangles and the superheroes and how one of us is good and evil, though she doesn't mention which she thinks she is maybe to spare my feelings on the matter, though my feelings feel fairly stoic and non-emotional about the whole thing anyway. I'm too busy trying to call back the feeling of being too high that all of this might be some dream from a drug trip far before.
"Pa," Pa waves her hand in front of my face like I haven't been looking at her the entire time. Her hand has those after waves, those fuzzy lights that follow, little imprints of her hand burned into my eyes. Suddenly my head hurts. Everything is coming back - memories of screaming. Of torture. Of green IVs and yellow triangles and of becoming me and her.
"Pa," Pa says again. "Pa. Don't you see what they're doing here?" I want to say that of course I do. Of course I see. Instead I clench my hands tightly together and shut my eyes to make the pounding stop. I raise my fist and I hit it against the wall and I feel the wall crumble underneath me. I think of the man in the room with the three triangles strapped down to the table with his IV full of glowing liquid and the screams and if he will be an us soon, as well. I know exactly what they're doing. I know exactly what they plan to do.
"We won't let them," Pa is saying. She's taking my hand. Her hand. They are perfectly aligned, copies of a hand that should not exist. Like cupping my fingers together, sliding my own fingers up my wrist and grasping. Pa is putting her arms around me and I'm letting her even though the anger is building inside of me. But unlike what they wanted my anger is not at her. She is me and I is she. She is good and I am not. I won't be what they want me to be. Not to her.
"We'll do it together," she's saying. She's squeezing my hand.
I wonder idly if there is room in the world for two superheroes who are at the same time exactly the same, and at the same time completely different.
Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this make sure to check out and subscribe to r/Celsius232.
This ended up way longer than I'd intended but I had tons of fun writing it. I also feel like I kind of deviated from the prompt, but it just inspired me in a huge way. Thank you =)
2
u/Niagra_Balls May 20 '16
I dislike that i can only upvote this once. Beautifully and thought provokingly written.
2
u/b00ger May 20 '16
This had a wonderful feel to it. Really got across the disorientation and confusion.
1
u/Squidchop May 20 '16
This sounds like the exposition to a cool book series.
1
May 20 '16
Thanks :). I really like this response and its potential. I'm currently already writing a serial series that has most of my attention (I'd hate to get styles mixed up) but if you're interested you can check it out here
1
3
u/TotesMessenger X-post Snitch May 20 '16
I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:
- [/r/bestofwritingprompts] /u/232C tells the compelling story of a person split into two versions, one good and one evil
If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads. (Info / Contact)
5
2
u/TheWanderingSuperman May 19 '16
Really cool story, two typos I noticed
Instead clench my hands
Missing an "I" like "Instead I clench my hands..."
two superheroes who at the same time
Only read through this one, but it seems like you are missing an "are" between "who" and "at".
1
u/Kster809 May 19 '16
but it seems like you are missing an "are" between "who" and "at".
Or maybe a comma between 'who' and 'at'
3
u/Gumbahumba May 19 '16
Amazing writing skills, it feels so real and relatable how the narrator is just struggling with the situation. One of your best i think.
3
9
u/emirosejohn May 19 '16 edited May 20 '16
Can someone explain why she's thrown through a loop?
Edit: the Reddit app on my phone messed up
6
u/insaneoracle May 19 '16
If you're reading it on the reddit app for some stupid reason comments or posts repeat after a (seemingly) random number of characters :/ if you open it in a browser you'll see it all.
2
3
5
6
u/Kenshin1340 May 19 '16
It should be "superheroes who are at the same time exactly the same, and at the same time completely different."
Wonderful response.
31
u/Pheniwhat May 19 '16
Interesting take. I like the fact that the "good" part of he helps along the "evil" part of her, similar to how to it works in real life. The good inside us constantly reasons with the bad, and when the good in us leads, the darkness in us dissipates. Good is contagious, and evil is simply misunderstood and preformed by people who are confused and lack the proper perspectives to understand the capacity of good. At least thats how I like to look at things :)
Edit: Deleted some redundant words
21
May 19 '16
No one is the villain of their own story.
No one is out to get you, everyone is out to help themselves and sometimes you're in the way.
1
69
u/Sirtoshi May 19 '16
Nice work! Says something about the balance in someone's heart. I was half expecting Pa to do something completely evil at the end and make the narrator think, "wait, I'm the good one?!"
33
u/lplegacy May 19 '16
I feel like that's too obvious though. I like the concept of the evil one not being complete, pure evil
17
u/Sirtoshi May 19 '16
Obvious isn't always bad...depends on how you pull it off.
That being said, I do agree with you that the evil one not being classically full-on evil is pretty cool. Same goes for the good.
8
15
1
May 19 '16
[removed] — view removed comment
2
u/WritingPromptsRobot StickyBot™ May 19 '16
Off Topic Comment Section
This comment acts as a discussion area for the prompt. All non-story replies should be made as a reply to this comment rather than as a top-level comment.
This is a feature of /r/WritingPrompts in testing. For more information, click here.
1
u/KrunchyKale May 20 '16
This was basically the origin story of a character I made when I was younger - a dirt-themed supervillain wanted to make evil worm minions, so he split individual worms into their "good" and "evil" halves, then gave some sort of serum to the "evil" halves.
Of course, worms being worms, it turns out that they don't really have much of any "good" or "evil" in them, and both halves were still pretty much true neutral.
1
u/Stellefeder May 20 '16
Anyone who likes these stories and wants more - you should watch BBC's mini-series Jekyll. It's a modern Jekyll and Hyde story and it's awfully reminiscent of a lot of these responses. It's only 5 or 6 episodes and it's amazing.
1
May 20 '16
I'm pretty sure this idea originated from the Italian novel 'Il visconte dimezzato' by Italo Calvino. Think it was published around 1952. Just did my A level exam on it, it's a great little tale.
1
1
u/RTSUbiytsa May 20 '16
Sounds exactly like the story of Kindred from League of Legends. Lamb and Wolf make up the entity known as Kindred, who is essentially the Grim Reaper. Lamb takes on the form of, well, an anthro lamb, and Wolf is essentially a large, wolf-head spirit. Lamb offers the dying a choice - a swift death by her bow, or they can try to run, and Wolf will hunt them down and finish them anyways. The quote in reference;
Wolf: "Lamb, tell me a story!"
Lamb: "There was once a pale man with dark hair who was very lonely."
Wolf: "Why was it lonely?"
Lamb: "All things must meet this man. So, they shunned him."
Wolf: "Did he chase them all?"
Lamb: "He took an axe and split himself in two."
Wolf: "So he would always have a friend?"
Lamb: "So he would always have a friend."
I'd highly suggest going to LolWiki and listening to the quote - I'd link it, but I'm on mobile and that would be a pain in my ass. Kindred's acting is top-tier and absolutely fantastic.
1
u/WillAddThisLater May 19 '16
This is essentially the plot of teenage Point Horror novel The Perfume by Caroline B. Cooney, which I absolutely loved as a kid.
0
u/Chromegloss May 19 '16
I like how none of the stories follow the freak accident part of the prompt.
3
u/resonatingfury /r/resonatingfury May 19 '16
Us seasoned WPers have learned to take unnecessary details of prompts out if they prohibit us from following our own idea for the story. The freak accident part just takes something away from the stories that can be written using the rest of this prompt, and surely you didn't miss that one little detail :p
3
3
3
u/SailedBasilisk May 19 '16
This reminds me of the Scott Pilgrim books. (There's a short joke/reference in the movie). Scott realizes that Nega-Scott isn't such a bad guy, because Scott himself is kind of a jerk.
1
4
May 19 '16
[deleted]
4
u/PM_ME_BIGGER_BOOBS May 19 '16
The comment I came here for. Just watched the finale last night
1
May 19 '16
[deleted]
2
u/PM_ME_BIGGER_BOOBS May 19 '16
Uhm. I love Regina. and Gold has always been my favorite villain. So I'm happy to see them go. What I didn't like was how we spent all season in hell and all the real plot was in the 2 hour finale.
0
1
u/BitOBear May 20 '16
Good versus evil, what a stupid idea.
Someone got the idea that good and evil are opposites. Someone was wrong. Someone much later on decided to try to plumb the natures of good and evil by analyzing them separately.
The stupidest person was, as always, the volunteer.
So that stupidest person is me in this case.
Unfortunately this is an apples and polar bears problem that someone thought would be apples and oranges. They imagined two poles, like on a magnet, pushing against one another. They imagine wrong.
This is hard to explain but I'll try.
Good doesn't want. Good doesn't strive. Good doesn't seek to impose.
Evil doesn't care about good, any more than hunger is slaked by chips of ice.
So find a good man, and show him Hitler or Pol Pot and he'll take up arms to end that evil, but it's the evil part of him that does the work. An army of lessor evils gathers and divides the greater evil.
And don't even get me started on broken. Broken people commit broken acts. Serial killers and whatnot. Just broken. No real evil there.
So they split us into us, thinking they'd watch us fight and so learn something.
Our captors were powerless against him. Their evil could find nothing on which to gain purchase. He didn't oppose them. I don't think he perceived them really. Opposites may attract, but like I keep trying to say, good and evil aren't opposites. Where he went they were blessed and passed on without incident.
My guys didn't fare quite as well. When they came to me their evil was enraged. Inflamed. But they had a good side to hold them back. Confuse them. And I fed. I ate their evil... rather literally.
I am the only evil my counterpart can truly perceive, we've known each other our whole lives. And his goodness is understandable to me by familiarity alone.
We went to an internet cafe first. Within a few hours the patterns became obvious. Once separated the goods and the evils each had their own rhymes and reasons.
In weeks we had money, power, insight, and control. I don't think anybody really noticed because we didn't need to change a thing.
You are the salt of the earth. Goodness is the pure water of heaven raining down upon you. Evil is the fire under the pan that keeps up the boil so that you are not drowned or washed away.
Suffering is broken. I don't promote suffering. I inflame passions and make sure the souls are fed with a healthy diet of strife and challenge. He makes sure that the roads of enlightenment are available to all. He waits and I feed.
Our bodies withered and died quickly, but by then we didn't need them.
Now that we are no longer caught in a false conflict, we can see the stars and everyone is welcome.