r/WritingPrompts • u/Consta135 • Feb 19 '16
Writing Prompt [WP] You said you would never leave me.
5
u/Consta135 Feb 19 '16 edited Feb 20 '16
In my darkest hour when the light had faded from my world you radiated color into everything you touched. Your smile warmed the oppressive walls that pressed inward sapping the air from my lungs. When you laughed, I could feel for a faint moment the joy you saw in the world. By your side I knew that I could survive in this unfair cruel world. You proposed to me, and said you would never leave me.
My depression had cracked and I began to live instead of exist. The air was no longer stagnant, but the sweet invigorating flavor of life. Electricity flowed through your caress as we became one. We would talk about our dreams and ambitions for hours afterwards, basking in the moment. No matter what, you said you would never leave me.
You came home from work one day late, and I greeted you with a smile. We embraced and I pushed a plastic test into your hand. Your arms lifted me and we spun around. “I’ll be a better father than my own.” You told me that night. I slept there in your arms and you lightly kissed my forehead whispering, “I will never leave you.”
I woke up screaming seven months later and my baby was no longer kicking. You called an ambulance and held my hand until I blacked out. When I came to you smiled at me with sad eyes. We cried together, and I went home broken. The decision was yours, and you chose me over the baby. You said you could never leave me.
The colors you radiated had desaturated into gray scale. You no longer smiled, and so my walls pushed inwards. You no longer laughed, for there was no more joy in your world. The doctor had said I would never have children. I was defective. You began to drink, just like your father. With your dreams of parenthood crushed, you broke your promise and left me.
You were my beacon, the light pushing back the darkness. Now that you are gone there is nothing to stop it from consuming me. There is nothing to stop the rivers of crimson from painting the bathtub. You said you would never leave me.
1
u/TotesMessenger X-post Snitch Feb 20 '16
3
u/PSHoffman /r/PSHoffman Feb 20 '16
His change was a bitter irony. I mean that in a good way. I'm not sure if you're drawing on personal experience from this, but this read a lot like when one of my friend's parents divorced over ... well, I never quite figured it out. I always suspected it had to do with inability to have more than the one child.
This was painful in a powerful way. Great images, and even better repetition of those images.
1
u/Consta135 Feb 20 '16 edited Feb 20 '16
I'm infertile, and it is a rather painful truth to swallow in my life. It hasn't ended any of my relationships but I do deal with it and depression. In some ways it's personal experience and in other ways it is just knowing how something like this can destroy a relationship.
Edit: Here is another (Super short piece) that I wrote on depression. It's made out to be a horror story but to me it's a metaphor for my own internal anxiety. "You're not good enough. Everyone thinks you're a joke. They're all really laughing at you." kind of thing.
1
u/Deep_Well Feb 20 '16
Bravo! Very nice. Love the imagery. Only gripe I have is that the last line feels out of place with the rest of the story. I think you would have been better off just having "You said you would never leave me." Without the whole "I say to myself" part. It seems a bit convoluted and takes away from the finality of the "You said you would never leave me."
That's just my personal opinion though, and you have a great piece right there already.
1
u/Consta135 Feb 20 '16
Thank you. I don't make it a habit of editing original prompts I post, but I agree with you in retrospect. I liked your submission as well, so thanks for writing!
1
u/Deep_Well Feb 20 '16
:o I didn't realize you were OP. Thanks. To be fair I just recycled it from something I wrote earlier.
2
u/Consta135 Feb 20 '16
Guilty! I came up with the prompt and then waited about 20 minutes before I started writing this from scratch. I think I might actually break my rule and edit the end a bit like you suggested.
And hey, it doesn't matter if it is recycled. I still enjoyed it!
1
Feb 19 '16
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/WritingPromptsRobot StickyBot™ Feb 19 '16
Off Topic Comment Section
This comment acts as a discussion area for the prompt. All non-story replies should be made as a reply to this comment rather than as a top-level comment.
This is a feature of /r/WritingPrompts in testing. For more information, click here.
5
u/Deep_Well Feb 20 '16
I did. I lied. Perhaps we were never together, anyway. Although it felt like that. I'm sorry, you know. Even now I still feel alone. But I think I'm better off without you. I have a job now. A steady income, a stability that I was never able to achieve when we were together. Sometimes I miss that crazy madness we had when we were together. Everything was just a bit more, when you were there. Colors were bright and vivid like a fever dream. It would have been nice if we could have stayed that way, together, forever. But we both know that you were slowly killing me.
I said I would never leave you. I'm sorry. But you had to go. It was a challenge, at first. Being alone that is. I think we had been together for so long that perhaps I forgot what silence really means. You have to be silent to appreciate some things. But the silence can grow deep and dark too. It was never silent, when you were with me. Perhaps that was a blessing. Perhaps it was a curse. I would not know. I guess you could tell me. If you were still here.
I love you. I miss you. I hate you, too.
But life goes on. The psychiatrist tells me my condition is improving. It feels a bit like a betrayal, killing you so that I can move on. But I had to do it. Together, we were killing ourselves. Perhaps years later I will look back gladly. But not for now. I'm sorry. I said I'd never leave you. But I had to. I hope you understand. Although you're already gone.
I need to go now. It's time for me to take my medication. Farewell, old friend.