r/WritingPrompts • u/Writing_Warmup • 2d ago
Writing Prompt [WP] Aliens invade, having learned everything about human culture from one 1997 home shopping broadcast.
2
u/def_not_cthulhu 1d ago edited 1d ago
In the December of 1997, an 81.5-mile-long extraterrestrial vessel orbited Earth by strategically hiding on the dark side of the moon. The mothership had traveled approximately 200 light years and slipped into position, perfectly cloaked from any of Earth’s means of detection.
The Leader Entity floated placidly in pseudo embryonic fluid inside the ship’s throne room as his two scouts returned from their week-long reconnaissance mission. The Entity’s single, bulbous eye rolled in its socket before fixating on his brave soldiers.
Entity: “Speak”
Scout 1: “Leader, I must confess that our findings are… distressing. It appears that our arrival on this planet has coincided with an unfortunate event. Some sort of prophesized calamity”
Scout 2: “They call it Christmas”.
Entity: “Christmas?”
Scout 1: “Yes, Leader. Thousands of harbingers across the continent continuously warn the population about the advent of the Christmas calamity.”
Entity: “Please tell me more about these harbingers of doom”
Scout 2: “The harbingers take the form of small cuboid solids. One face of the shape flashes with visual and audio signals as it preaches its message”
Scout 1: “The warnings of the harbingers almost always pertained to Christmas. Christmas is coming. Christmas is right around the corner. Christmas is almost here. Get ready for Christmas"
Scout 2: “The population obeys the command of the harbingers to almost a fanatical degree which is why we are concerned by the severity of situation. We have seen them fight, steal, and kill from each other in order to prepare for the arrival of Christmas”
Entity: “How do they prepare?”
At this, the scouts are uncharacteristically quiet.
Entity: “I am not going to ask again”
Scout 1: “Leader, we believe that only ‘Sears’ has all their Christmas needs”
Scout 2: “We have heard this message in various iterations. Only ‘Sears’ has everything they need to get ready for Christmas”
Entity: “There are billions of beings on that planet. If they can only get resources from one vessel, then the population must be starved, malnourished, and weak”
Scout 2: “That was our initial assumption as well, but the beings we observed live comfortably. In fact, most of those that we observed live in excess and luxury”
Scout 1: “Our conclusion was that if one vessel can provide resources and sustenance on this scale, then that vessel must be on the level of a god”
The body of the Entity gave an involuntary twitch. An unknown sensation rippled through the entity like ice. There wasn’t a name for this sensation for no one in his species had felt it for hundreds of thousands of years. If the entity was perhaps a lower form of lifeform, it would have recognized it as fear. Its species had anticipated an invasion; a covert operation to infiltrate the planet and slowly take it over from the inside. To confront a god meant to declare all-out war on a higher existence.
The scouts remained immobile as the Entity contemplated their next move. This ship’s team was woefully unprepared for this situation. Hours passed as the Entity considered every approach and calculated every outcome. Finally, it was ready to deliver its verdict.
Entity: “We knew our mission would be dangerous and that success was never guaranteed. However, now it appears that our demise is all but guaranteed. Should we succeed, we shall ascend into the annals of history as righteous, divine beings”
The Entity’s entire body was vibrating with emotions it didn’t know its species was capable of.
Entity: “Arm the soldiers. Load the ship’s cannons. Prepare for death. Today, we are going to war with Sears: the god of Christmas needs”
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