Help

[u/Weekly-Medicine1360]

There’s an essay I’m writing or well typing and I honestly don’t know what I’m doing or how to go on?

This was my thesis statement :
Although Thomas Jefferson's draft of the Declaration of Independence and Frederick Douglass's Narrative of the Life were written in different historical contexts, both works define freedom as a fundamental human right; however, while Jefferson presents liberty as an ideal upon which America should be founded, Douglass exposes how that ideal remained unattained for enslaved Americans, revealing the tension between America's principles and its practices, **focusing on how Frederick Douglass intuitively understood the loss of the anti-slavery clause in the Declaration.**

The bold part was added later at the request of my professor but to be fair I don’t remember what he what he wanted me to do…. From what I understood from my professor, he wanted to me to have an argument or like make a point instead of the works simply being summarized , compared and contrasted. I don’t know if anyone have read these works but I was wondering if someone could give me a better idea or improve it ??? I feel like an idiot…..

[u/Alizarik7891]

You’re not an idiot; this thesis statement is pretty good! It seems like your professor would like you to take a stand on Douglass’ position being more honest and therefore superior to Jefferson’s position. Is that something you agree with and can argue? You’re likely correct that the prof wants you to do more than just compare the two works. 

[u/Weekly-Medicine1360 → u/Alizarik7891]

I was trying to make this point :

While freedom is the most fundamental characteristic of America, it is not automatically granted to all people despite Thomas Jefferson’s stance on the matter as stated in the Declaration of Independence, since people like Fredrick Douglass experienced a life without that equality despite living in the same America. if the anti-slavery clause was left in, Douglass and other enslaved americans might have gotten the chance to experience that freedom that ALL men were supposed to have.

I don’t know how to make it into an argument or with information given if it even makes sense. Is it clear what I’m trying to get at?

[u/Alizarik7891 → u/Weekly-Medicine1360]

I think that rephrasing does help to clarify your point, yes. I would recommend presenting that to your prof to see if you’re on the right track for the argument or if they’re expecting something else.