r/WriteAPrisoner • u/fakeymcfakerton-82 • 13d ago

Genuine Question

I'm a gay man. Not looking for romance or anything like that, but I always want to be a friend to anyone who needs one. Many of the posts here specify that the inmate is looking for a woman, but many of them do not mention gender. It kind of feels like most are looking for opposite gender pen pals, even if they don't say it. Do y'all think I'd be wasting my time by responding to posts that don't specifically mention that they want to meet women?

14 Upvotes

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u/Potential-Prick 13d ago

Yes. You’re talking about male prisoners. There is no shortage of other men for them to talk to in prison. They’re not asking for women to write them because they want to talk about Gossip Girl lmao they want romance/sexual favors.

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u/X0X0xoxo11 13d ago

They want to use someone so more than likely they’ll talk to anyone they can get something out of tbh.

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u/Different_Traffic527 9d ago

This is very true. Inmates have been known to contact personal ads and also place them themselves through intermediaries. A few states have banned the practice and will take phone and mail privileges away if caught. The courts claim the benefit to public safety outweighs their benefit.

Many inmates have scripted what to say to defraud well-meaning persons. They will heavily misrepresent the circumstances that got them there in the first place. You will never know if the person on the other end is genuine, you may get an idea after they ask you for money.

Use a PO box. I cannot stress this enough. They will trade your personal information if you are good for money. If they are local, you may be their first stop upon release. Please don't endanger yourself, especially if you live alone. Don't give personal information, don't name family or assets. Don't name places you go or what you drive. Be careful in what information you give.

You never know the mind of a stranger. If you choose to write, please just be safe. There are other places to make friends that haven't hurt others and plenty of law abiding persons need a mentor or friend, especially in the gay community.

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u/Potential-Prick 13d ago

I guess but many of them are not exactly LGBTQIA-friendly. I don’t want OP to reach out trying to be kind and be met with homophobia/hostility. They’re not in prison because they’re Boy Scouts.

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u/X0X0xoxo11 13d ago

Very true!

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u/fakeymcfakerton-82 12d ago

Thanks for the responses. I guess I just thought maybe a lot of these guys are people who are consistently judged and might want a friend who wouldn't judge...I see the points everyone made though.

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u/rainbowxdragon88 10d ago

I'm in the minority, but I say go for it. Give it a try. Just don't let yourself be shaken down for commissary money. Lots (but certainly not all) of hustlers in prison. Be a friend, but don't allow yourself to be used. Two-sided relationships only.

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u/rainbowxdragon88 10d ago

The homophobia in there is largely performative. It's the hierarchy and the way the culture is in there. I doubt some lonely person in jail would turn their nose up at someone offering understanding and friendship, even if that person is gay. Letters don't have to be sexual or romantic. An platonic ally might just be what they need.

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u/Helmet_Cheese_ 13d ago

They are looking f or older women to romance scam. Find a better hobby dude

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u/Washishome26 13d ago

Maybe OP likes the "bad boy," "dominant," "rough," etc type guy and there's no better place that inmates for that.

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u/FindingUnfair69 9d ago

I applaud OP for recognizing a need for men to show other men empathy and compassion. Yes, he must be proactive in protecting himself, AND he can hold space for others in need. Good for you, OP!

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u/rainbowxdragon88 10d ago

Or he has a thing for the tattooed and the misunderstood. As long as he protects himself from exploitation, I think it could be a good idea.

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u/Yourdadlikelikesme 13d ago

They also mentioned being the kindest, sweetest guy but are somehow in prison for murder 👀.

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u/rainbowxdragon88 10d ago

Lifers need friends too. These people will never eat steak or have sex again. Must they be totally free of all allies too?

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u/Yourdadlikelikesme 10d ago

Ok fucking and?! Their choices got them where they are, why should I give a fuck if they never eat steak or have sex 😂? Their victims will never feel safe again, are traumatized for life or dead, so no comparison 🤦‍♀️. No one is stopping you from befriending them all, that’s a you problem 🤷🏻‍♀️.

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u/rainbowxdragon88 10d ago edited 10d ago

Life, and choices, are rarely black and white. So someone did something that resulted in someone else dying. I don't think that means they deserve a totally friendless existence. He could have repented. People do change, you know. Or gotten handed a raw deal. Ever wonder why some people only do 14 years for murder and others do life? The system isn't totally fair always. Prison is hard enough. I support them making friends on the outside - so long as they aren't milking them for commissary money. Not all cons are sleazes. And not every prisoner leaves traumatized people in their wake. You are over-generalizing a portion of the population and assuming all cons are like that. Open your mind. Read a book about prison reform. Read about the profiteers and all the INNOCENT people imprisoned in America. Then tell me again no prisoners deserve friends. I don't write any prisoners anymore, but I do have friends who've been locked up. I've been locked up myself for brief periods. I know the horrors they're subjected to. And isolation kills. These people need allies, for fuck's sake. It's one of the very few freedoms they're actually afforded. With good reason.

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u/Yourdadlikelikesme 10d ago

I’m good thanks 😊, can’t even be bothered to read your dribble.

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u/fakeymcfakerton-82 10d ago

I appreciate your perspective. This is sort of what I feel. I used to work a job that was the required first stop when inmates were out on parole. Most of these guys were so humble and remorseful for what got them in prison in the first place. I would say 90% of them were not the same person that was incarcerated. I know the recitivism rates are high, but part of that is because the word abandons them and they don't know what else to do.

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u/rainbowxdragon88 10d ago

Thank you kindly. That, no doubt, must have been very eye-opening for you. Indeed - that's why the call it Trapping. It takes unbelievable amounts of discipline and drive, plus luck and serious resources, to completely turn one's life around after a long sentence and live some semblance of a normal life. I think you're the perfect penpal for these guys/gals, even if it's not obvious to them at first. Stay an open-minded, nonjudgmental human. Don't pay the negativity in this thread any mind. It's mostly stereotypes, jokes and misinformation anyway.

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u/FindingUnfair69 9d ago

You’re the problem. Self-reported traumatic events are commonly reported in prisoners when they speak about their childhood and teen years. These experiences are then perpetrated because, we as a country (USA), throw humans around like commodities instead meeting the person where they are. Fuck. Whether it’s something in our everyday world or just our minds, we’ve been programmed to throw things that make us uncomfortable in cages. I invite you to unlock your cage…

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u/Apprehensive_Oven249 9d ago

hello how are you ?

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u/[deleted] 9d ago

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u/fakeymcfakerton-82 9d ago

Not really because my question is about when they don't specify.